General Chat Thread (PLEASE READ POST #1)

Faith

So, over the last few weeks, I've been having an increasingly strong urge to forget about my planned and studied for career path, and instead to open a wedding dress boutique . I'm actually fantasising about it, and it's not helped by people saying "You totally should!" when I tell them about it. I just love the idea of it so much! But I think I'm way too afraid to abandon the stable career I'm currently building, for something really risky and uncertain.

Addle

Thanks for the supportive responses.
I'll see the b2b at the weekend.
I'll say something then.

Faith, that'd be such a brave move.
I'd love to have the guts to do something like that.
Can you take a career break or job share for a while?

Faith

Addle wrote: »

Faith, that'd be such a brave move.
I'd love to have the guts to do something like that.
Can you take a career break or job share for a while?

Nothing like that right now, but maybe in a year or two down the line. I think I'm just fed up with my current career track (extreme competition limiting all opportunities of progression) so I'm starting to daydream about other lives

Neyite

Milly33 wrote: »

Oh I cant help but feel ye are being a bit harsh on the ladies.. I do get it. but sometimes it is a case of they can only fit a certain amount of people in the venue. And then if someone cancels they are like yes we can ask this person now.. I really would not look too much into it or overthink it. Been to weddings were family were told no kids and their are kids all over the place while others arranged babysitters, been to one where I was invited last min to keep someone company, our own due to messy around with family cough cough we had to re-invite someone from the afters to the entire thing... There is so much arsing around with weddings tis impossible to keep all happy

Invites are always a minefield, I accept that, and I'm happy to go alone to weddings if a good friend is strapped for invites. The difference in Addle's case is a) they've been together as long as the bride and groom so that should indicate to the bride that its not a plus-one for the sake of it, and secondly, the bride has said in this case that Addle is "used to being on her own" which is a sh!t thing to say. Then other friends get their partner on the invite but basically implied that she can get away with treating Addle less nicely than other friends. Not cool, Bride!

In Chew's case, I'd turn down a destination wedding if I didnt know many at it and wasnt given a plus one. Usually you'd go for a few days so its a lot of hanging out with relative strangers on your own, plus a lot of money to fork out and annual leave to take for the privilege of attending. But the risk you take when getting married abroad is that not all your guests can come.

Milly33

Everything is different when it comes to others weddings but as the saying goes let the bride and groom do what they want it is their day...

You should go for-it Faith...Get a book and start planning now... Sounds like a loverly idea!! Think there is a big missed market here with affordable second hand dresses and different dresses. I know there is a place opening up on the mallow road in cork soon but I am sure there is a market for more than just one...

Making a move soon and cant wait, new break and chance to do something different.. All we need is a job and a house... but changes are great.

StripedBoxers

Addle wrote: »

I think I've finally succumbed to unreasonable wedding behaviour, and I'm very disappointed in myself, but also surprisingly hurt.

I was single for a lot of weddings and went to a lot alone.
Finally have a fab guy in my life and am after being given an invite with no plus guest.
I've already a double room booked in the hotel!

I was hand given the invite, opened it straight away and expressed my surprise.
The bride to be, a good friend, explained that they were tight for numbers and thought I wouldn't mind going alone as 'I was used to it' and 'wouldn't kick up a fuss'.
I seem to be the only guest in a relationship who hasn't been given a plus one.
I can't not go, that'd be silly.
I think I'm really going to miss my guy on the day. ��

I would be so hurt if any of my friends did this to me.

I wouldn't do anything rash but it would leave a seriously sour taste in my mouth and I would be confident that after the wedding was over, our friendship would be scaled back a lot.

Excluding your partner because "you're used to going to weddings alone"??! Is she for real??!?! Talk about rude and insensitive. I would be seriously disappointed in any friend who behaved like this or said such a thing.

How she can't see how inappropriate, rude, offensive and insensitive she is being is shocking. I don't know how she can't see it.

I hope she comes around but I'd say the sour taste will long be there if she does come around and even after the wedding is over, and understandably so.

ChampagnePop

StripedBoxers wrote: »

I would be so hurt if any of my friends did this to me.

I wouldn't do anything rash but it would leave a seriously sour taste in my mouth and I would be confident that after the wedding was over, our friendship would be scaled back a lot.

Excluding your partner because "you're used to going to weddings alone"??! Is she for real??!?! Talk about rude and insensitive. I would be seriously disappointed in any friend who behaved like this or said such a thing.

How she can't see how inappropriate, rude, offensive and insensitive she is being is shocking. I don't know how she can't see it.

I hope she comes around but I'd say the sour taste will long be there if she does come around and even after the wedding is over, and understandably so.

The excluded partners not going to feel comfortable around the B&G for quite a while afterwards, the bride's putting a massive wedge in their friendship whether she realises it or not.

SarahMollie

Milly33 wrote: »

Everything is different when it comes to others weddings but as the saying goes let the bride and groom do what they want it is their day...

Yes and clearly you cant force anything, the B&G will make their own decisions ultimately.

The thing is, I've feel like sometimes the couple getting married lose all sense of perspective as to the importance of their wedding to other people, and sometimes behave badly as a result, and guest lists are just one example.

Their "special day" is special for them no doubt, but its of limited importance to everyone else.

Gatica

Milly33 wrote: »

Everything is different when it comes to others weddings but as the saying goes let the bride and groom do what they want it is their day...

I would say within reason. We tried to have the day special for us, but also to make it good for the guests with good food, wine, music, and I'm sure so do most couples. Sure, it may not have been to everyone's taste, but you do your best not to miff your friends and relatives.
Leaving out one person like this cos "I know you've been single for like ages and you should be well used to it by now" is just incredibly harsh and insensitive. It's not at all the same had they not given anyone +1's except maybe married or really long term couples. All that friend has done is rub in that she's been single a long time. Who does that?!

StripedBoxers

ChampagnePop wrote: »

The excluded partners not going to feel comfortable around the B&G for quite a while afterwards, the bride's putting a massive wedge in their friendship whether she realises it or not.

I completely agree.

I do wonder, if the situation was reversed and the OP behaved like that towards her friend, what would her friend say/do. I highly doubt she'd be best pleased.

Given her bluntness about this, I can only imagine how blunt she would be if the situation were reversed.:eek:

I could never imagine treating anyone like that at all, I would be so ashamed of myself foe behaving like that and excluding someone.

Rude doesn't begin to cover it.

solerina

To be honest if you are a good enough friend to be asked to do a reading then you are a good enough friend to bring your OH, I actually on principle wouldn't go to the wedding unless your OH is asked to the full event...not a the afters. There will be partners there that the bride won't know from Adam...your OH is special to you and so should be invited, esp as you are finally in a position to not go alone !

Neyite

Milly33 wrote: »

let the bride and groom do what they want it is their day...

Being a bride and groom is no excuse for bitchy comments like:"I know you've been single for like ages and you should be well used to it by now"

By all means, have the day that you want, be firm and stand your ground if someone is being pushy about some details of your day. But deciding your guest list based on how serious in your opinion someone else's relationship is, will rock a friendship.

Addle sounds to me like someone who if a good friend explained that their numbers were so tight she would fully understand and happily go along alone. (and I suspect she was targeted to trim the +1 because she was the least likely to get the hump about it.) No need to imply she's the group spinster when she's been with her OH as long as the bride has been with her bloke. The comment was uncalled for and mean.

Toots

Yeah if they'd only been together a couple of months then fair enough, but she's been with her OH longer than the bride has.

TBH I'd be less upset at the fact that the partner isn't invited but more annoyed at her reasoning behind it.

Addle

What she said had made me feel like sh!t.
I feel like there's a lack of respect there.
Will see her over the weekend and will bring it up.
I'm not a drama queen but I feel that it will really fester if I don't say something.

ChampagnePop

Addle wrote: »

What she said had made me feel like sh!t.
I feel like there's a lack of respect there.
Will see her over the weekend and will bring it up.
I'm not a drama queen but I feel that it will really fester if I don't say something.

My fingers are crossed that she was just winding you up and she was always going to invite your new partner. Either way good luck!!!

SarahMollie

ChampagnePop wrote: »

My fingers are crossed that she was just winding you up and she was always going to invite your new partner. Either way good luck!!!

Me too!

Maybe she's just so caught up on her own importance right now that she's lost all perspective - I hope that when you point this out to her, she'll instantly realize the error of her ways and make things right. If she's any sort of a friend to you, then this is a no brainer.

If you just explain yourself calmly and clearly, articulate how her stance has made you feel, and give her the opportunity to make a better decision.

Stand up for yourself OP!

Guybrush Threepwood

Hope you were able to say something to her this weekend Addle!

Happy to say that as of this week we've the venue and church booked! Bring on March 2018!!

LynnGrace

http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2630932-Post-wedding-message-please-help-me-what-the-hell-do-I-say

Came across this on mumsnet. Quick summary; the OP received an email (after attending the wedding, and giving a gift), telling her that the happy couple had expected more than what she had given. :pac:

Faith

I really hope that's made up

neris

LynnGrace wrote: »

http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2630932-Post-wedding-message-please-help-me-what-the-hell-do-I-say

Came across this on mumsnet. Quick summary; the OP received an email (after attending the wedding, and giving a gift), telling her that the happy couple had expected more than what she had given. :pac:

your contribution

what the fcuk does this mean in the context of a wedding??

if you wanted to send any adjustment it would be thankfully received"

:eek:

baby and crumble

Jaysis. Neck like a jockeys b*llocks.

ChampagnePop

That can't be true, that's so ugly

Loughc

Just joined a new gym. I've got 2 stone to lose and 13 months to the wedding. Seems easy but I really love my food haha.

Toots

You can do it!! I've been battling with my weight for years. I'm absolutely certain I'd be a size 10 if carbs weren't so delicious and comforting!

psycho-hope

Im another one using the wedding as a jumping on the fitness wagon, we got a friend of mine to take some pics for us the other day and dear lord some of them made me look huge.:eek:

emmagination

I have just over 4 months to go until the wedding, and am still hoping I'll manage to shift some weight! Funnily enough I lost a fair bit of weight before we got engaged. Once the engagement happened I fell off the healthy eating bandwagon!

Toots

I got myself a FitBit and have had great success with it so far, it's great for getting motivated. My SIL has one too, and you can do competitions against your friends etc. Walked over 60km last week :pac:

psycho-hope

Toots wrote: »

I got myself a FitBit and have had great success with it so far, it's great for getting motivated. My SIL has one too, and you can do competitions against your friends etc. Walked over 60km last week :pac:

I bought one a few weeks ago just have to remember to wear the blooming things, wont do me much good sitting on top of the fridge

Loughc

psycho-hope wrote: »

I bought one a few weeks ago just have to remember to wear the blooming things, wont do me much good sitting on top of the fridge

You or the Fitbit? :pac:

Toots

We could form a boardsie group on it if anyone wants

psycho-hope

Loughc wrote: »

You or the Fitbit? :pac:

Both lol:pac:

Toots

I'd sit on my fridge, but it's built in! :pac::pac:

Princess Peach

Oh we're using fitbits too in the run up, 3 months to go!

I'd be super fine if it weren't for all the feeders in work..... Or my lack of willpower

Loughc

Clocked up a 5k walk in the sun today. Saw four planes fly over during my walk. Using the honeymoon as motivation to shift this weight as that will be the next time I'll be on a plane haha.

ChewChew

I need a LOT of Motivation between holidays, weddings, big birthdays and weekends away, I'm feeling hopeless! I've lost 12 lbs since January but need to shed a lot more! I'd be happy with two stone as I don't want to be unrealistic! Must check out a Fitbit actually!

ChampagnePop

I've two stone to lose myself over the next year, finding it very difficult. Any tips from other BTB?

Gatica

Exercise is great of course, but diet is critical. The stuff you see athletes eating basically - lean proteins and lots of veg. Too much fruit can also have quite a bit of sugars in them, best to also eat fruit whole rather than smoothies or juices... my 2c, though I'm no nutritionist.
Weight resistance training is great. If you've gym membership it usually includes a free fitness assessment and a work-out plan. It should help give you a complete routine you can work off, including cardio, weights, etc...

Loughc

ChampagnePop wrote: »

I've two stone to lose myself over the next year, finding it very difficult. Any tips from other BTB?

Hopefully GTB are allowed to post aswell.

I've joined a new gym that's opening in my area. My diet isnt the worse on the exception of the odd spurge on the weekends, so I'm hoping some intense exercise will cancel that out and then some.

Losing weight historically hasn't been an issue for me, keeping it off however.... at least I have a goal/purpose this time to keep me in check.

ChampagnePop

Loughc wrote: »

Hopefully GTB are allowed to post aswell.

I've joined a new gym that's opening in my area. My diet isnt the worse on the exception of the odd spurge on the weekends, so I'm hoping some intense exercise will cancel that out and then some.

Losing weight historically hasn't been an issue for me, keeping it off however.... at least I have a goal/purpose this time to keep me in check.

Of course! How rude of me!!

I think step 1 for me will be quit weekend drinking, hangovers are ruining my activity!

A good routine should help too!

Toots

Honestly what's worked best for me has been cutting right back on carbs. I don't mean atkins or anything but my diet previously would have been very carb heavy. I'm skint at the moment so rice and pasta etc were cheap ways of bulking out a dinner, but I use more veg now and it's working well.

SarahMollie

Toots wrote: »

Honestly what's worked best for me has been cutting right back on carbs. I don't mean atkins or anything but my diet previously would have been very carb heavy. I'm skint at the moment so rice and pasta etc were cheap ways of bulking out a dinner, but I use more veg now and it's working well.

This. I need to do this. But bread is so yummy....

I'm only trying to slim down to fit into dresses to be a guest to some (5) weddings this summer, but I can't seem to get my act in gear.

I'm also one of 4 bridesmaids in a wedding next year and am currently facing the propsect of being the fat bridesmaid Not that I'm a total heffalump, but the other 3 are all tiny, so I'm jsut bigger all around, height etc.

First wedding is in less than 3 weeks and I need to lose about 1.5inches off my waist to wear the dress that I want. I can't even bring myself to try it on to get an accurate assessment of how much I need to lose.

Whelp! :eek:

Addle

I seriously need to lose weight too.
Just have no discipline whatsoever.

Well I talked to my friend about not inviting my OH to get wedding.
There is more to it than just numbers, which I had kinda suspected.
She doesn't she us going the distance so doesn't want to see him in any pictures!
It's left things very awkward.

SarahMollie

Addle wrote: »

I seriously need to lose weight too.
Just have no discipline whatsoever.

Well I talked to my friend about not inviting my OH to get wedding.
There is more to it than just numbers, which I had kinda suspected.
She doesn't she us going the distance so doesn't want to see him in any pictures!
It's left things very awkward.

Wow, how inappropriate. What qualifies her to judge your relationship.

What justification did she have for coming to this conclusion!? The mind boggles.

She doesn't sound like a friend in my book.

Sapphire

Addle wrote: »

Well I talked to my friend about not inviting my OH to get wedding.
There is more to it than just numbers, which I had kinda suspected.
She doesn't she us going the distance so doesn't want to see him in any pictures!
It's left things very awkward.

Why would he be in the photos? Usually you have just family photos - with and without spouses, and some group shots of all the guests combined.

Unless you two have a stormy or volatile relationship where you are running to her frequently because you fought with him I cant see why she would see fit to judge you like that. I'm not surprised it left things awkward. Are you going to go to the wedding?

Gatica

Addle wrote: »

I seriously need to lose weight too.
Just have no discipline whatsoever.

Well I talked to my friend about not inviting my OH to get wedding.
There is more to it than just numbers, which I had kinda suspected.
She doesn't she us going the distance so doesn't want to see him in any pictures!
It's left things very awkward.

She doesn't sound like a very good friend. It's not of her business if you do or do not "go the distance". She shouldn't be judging.
I hope you've made it clear to her how upsetting something like that can be. Personally not sure how I'd feel about still going to her wedding after getting treated like that...

Addle

She just doesn't like him. He's not up to her 'standards'.
The only photos he'd be in are casual ones from the dinner table or dance floor.
She's a snob.

SarahMollie

Addle wrote: »

She just doesn't like him. He's not up to her 'standards'.
The only photos he'd be in are casual ones from the dinner table or dance floor.
She's a snob.

Theres no way to sugar coat this. She just sounds like a horrible person.

How dare she judge your relationship. There are very few valid reasons for not approving of someone elses partner, ie, if he's violent, a drug user/dealer, otherwise some sort of criminal etc.

If none of the above applies, then its none of her concern.

Some vague notion of "her standards" is a pathetic excuse.

Are you sure you want to go to this wedding/continue this friendship?

Addle

I'm going to go to the ceremony.
I don't know what's going to happen after that.

ChampagnePop

Addle wrote: »

I'm going to go to the ceremony.
I don't know what's going to happen after that.

That's just horrible, what a selfish cow. I wouldn't go myself I don't think in this situation, if she cared about you she'd invite him either way, that's what friends do.

stargazer 68

Addle wrote: »

I'm going to go to the ceremony.
I don't know what's going to happen after that.

She doesn't see you going the distance but you have been together longer than her and her OH (if I remember rightly)??? I think I would be cutting her out OP.