General Chat Thread (PLEASE READ POST #1)

Addle

Thanks. I don't think she realises the effect of what she's said.
'He probably wouldn't be comfortable because he'd be the only non professional there'!!! Neither myself or the bride are professionals, and I'm sure plenty others won't be either.
I'll never be comfortable in her company again, so what's the point of trying.

Addle

The mass booklets are printed with my name as a reader...

SarahMollie

Addle wrote: »

Thanks. I don't think she realises the effect of what she's said.
'He probably wouldn't be comfortable because he'd be the only non professional there'!!! Neither myself or the bride are professionals, and I'm sure plenty others won't be either.
I'll never be comfortable in her company again, so what's the point of trying.

Not only a snob then but also a hypocrite - what a winner.

To put it kindly, shes totally lost the run of herself.

I wouldnt give two hoots about her mass booklet, I just wouldn't go. I couldn't bring myself to enable such pathetic behavior.

Addle

I can't see her changing the booklets.
We share a lot of acquaintances.
They'll all see my name.
I'll come out of it badly.
I think I'll just go to the ceremony and be done with it.

stargazer 68

Addle wrote: »

I can't see her changing the booklets.
We share a lot of acquaintances.
They'll all see my name.
I'll come out of it badly.
I think I'll just go to the ceremony and be done with it.

You are right. The way it will go - oh Addle didnt come because I didnt invite her boyfriend! You will come out of it the worst despite all the background info that others don't know. Unfortunately OP you are stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Toots

Wow what a bitch! The irony is you'll be in the photos and your friendship probably won't last the distance because of her.

Sapphire

Addle wrote: »

I can't see her changing the booklets.
We share a lot of acquaintances.
They'll all see my name.
I'll come out of it badly.
I think I'll just go to the ceremony and be done with it.

I think you might be right. Years ago, a friend fell out with me over me dating my now OH. I think her sister had a crush on him, but neither of us ever knew that. It was baffling, we were friends and regularly went out on lunch dates and nights out and then all of a sudden she blanked me when she heard we were dating. I think she thought I wasn't good enough for him or that he could do better with her sister.

A couple of months later, we got a very last minute invite to her wedding, A couple had dropped out and she didn't want empty chairs. I thought long and hard about not going but in the end we went, gave a lovely gift, and enjoyed the day.

I literally have not seen her in person since. But I'm proud that my actions were dignified at the time and I can look back and happily see that I wasn't petty in retaliation. So I think you are right to go to the ceremony. It wont give her any grounds to say that you cast a shadow on her big day. To other friends her reasoning will sound off too I'm sure.

Plankton1

In general, what are the 'rules' with inviting OHs? My fiance has a huge family and will have to cut people out to get the numbers down, so if we have to cut out people we would actually like to be there, then I don't want to invite OH's that I've never even met.
(We do know most of our current guestlist's partners, it's just the case for a few people)

Toots

Plankton1 wrote: »

In general, what are the 'rules' with inviting OHs? My fiance has a huge family and will have to cut people out to get the numbers down, so if we have to cut out people we would actually like to be there, then I don't want to invite OH's that I've never even met.
(We do know most of our current guestlist's partners, it's just the case for a few people)

I think it depends a lot on individual circumstances, obviously if numbers are genuinely an issue then hopefully people would understand. In Addle's case though she was the only one who didn't get a +1 which is lousy, so if there are people who don't get a +1 make sure they'll know plenty of others there and sit them with people they know.

StripedBoxers

I have to say if any of my friends were to treat me or judge my relationship like that they friendship would be ended there and then and no way in hell would I go within 50 feet of that wedding, reading or not.

As for what other friends/acquaintances would say/think, I wouldn't have any issue in telling them exactly why I didn't go, I sure as hell wouldn't hide it anyway.

Personally I wouldn't want someone like that as a friend and I sure as hell wouldn't want to play a part in their wedding, regardless of what might be said.

The bride is fully to blame, she is the one who has royally fcuked things up by behaving the way she has.

I can't over her audacity and downright nastiness.

tea_and_cake

Wow Addle that's just nasty! I'd agree with others and go to the ceremony and maybe not the meal.

I'm getting married in November and inviting all +1s even ones who don't exist. My fiancé wasn't invited to a very good friends wedding (we were together 3months at that stage) due to tight numbers in the venue. Initially was a bit annoyed but realised I wasn't alone and when I saw the venue I totally understood so there was no issue.

For my wedding, costs per person are low and there are about 4 guests who don't have +1s that I don't know as they are single so have given them all a +1. But that's my opinion and budget. I was at a wedding last yeat where all cousins were invited but not +1s. Didn't bother me!

baby and crumble

Our decision re: +1's are that if we know they are in a relationship they'll get a joint named invite. Otherwise, they'll get a personal invite. Tbh I don't want people I have never met at my wedding. There will be no-one there who doesn't know at least 4 or 5 other people though so I don't think it's a problem.

Gatica

We checked before sending invites with anyone we'd not seen in a while if there was anyone in their life they'd like to bring to the wedding. There are some that are no longer together and that we'd not met before our wedding, but it turned out that they were part of their life for a good few events and weddings after, so we were glad we invited them. Whether their relationship works out wasn't any of our business. It could just as equally have been their soulmate that they'd only been seeing 2 weeks, and then we'd regret not having them there. Not my place to judge. However, since everyone invited had been part of a rather large group of friends, we didn't give random +1's. We also didn't invite cousins we were not close to, as the family is huge.

We didn't have huge numbers anyway, so it wasn't an issue. I'd understand if it was a really small wedding and only close people were invited, in that case I guess even partner +1's would be optional. However, a rule kind of needs to be applied broadly to be fair to the guests, e.g. only married couples and those in long term relationships, not choosing and picking a few from that and isolating one person like Addle.

SarahMollie

So my OH and I were talking about this last night. We're in the middle of going to a lot of weddings at the moment, all quite different, and I suppose you can't help but think what you'd do yourselves. Also, we're kinda secretly plotting to get married next year but we've decided that we don't want to do anything until after the summer at the earliest because we want to fly under the radar and just enjoy all the other weddings, and then have a short engagement.

We've agreed that while the prospect of someone we don't know at our wedding wouldn't be the ideal scenario, that we'd be happy if all our guests are happy. All of his friends are coupled up so theres no real issue there, but two of my friends are single so if they happen to meet someone, I'd like to give them to option to bring them if they feel its what they want.

Also, I only have one close cousin and he hasn't seen cousins in years, so it will be just my cousin who I actually know thats invited. It would actually be weirder for me to have 14 cousins in attendance that I havent seen much of since childhood, and goodness knows how many on his side that are also virtual strangers, than allowing my close friends to bring someone if it will increase their enjoyment of the day.

We've obviously not planned much, just agreed that we want a lowish numbers wedding (60-80) and minimum fuss. And a huge honeymoon

kitten_k

Crazy!! (Sorry to the people hoping for an update on Lau & Cake Guy)

http://www.her.ie/life/wedding-guest-shocked-to-receive-note-from-newlyweds-asking-for-more-money/292212

Gatica

Came up in General Chat recently: http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=99632919
linking http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/2630932-Post-wedding-message-please-help-me-what-the-hell-do-I-say

Feel sorry for that OP, from that thread she didn't want it going viral or have her "name" plastered/associated with a news story.

messrs

kitten_k wrote: »

Crazy!! (Sorry to the people hoping for an update on Lau & Cake Guy)

http://www.her.ie/life/wedding-guest-shocked-to-receive-note-from-newlyweds-asking-for-more-money/292212

Damn you!!! :P when I saw this was updated, I (prob like other people aswell) assumed it was Lau coming in to announce her engagement!!!

kitten_k

messrs wrote: »

Damn you!!! :P when I saw this was updated, I (prob like other people aswell) assumed it was Lau coming in to announce her engagement!!!

Sorry :o:o:o

Lau2976

messrs wrote: »

Damn you!!! :P when I saw this was updated, I (prob like other people aswell) assumed it was Lau coming in to announce her engagement!!!

Definitely won't happen anytime soon!

messrs

Lau2976 wrote: »

Definitely won't happen anytime soon!

ah you never know

Lau2976

messrs wrote: »

ah you never know

I suppose so!

LynnGrace

Gatica wrote: »

Came up in General Chat recently: http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=99632919
linking http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/2630932-Post-wedding-message-please-help-me-what-the-hell-do-I-say

Feel sorry for that OP, from that thread she didn't want it going viral or have her "name" plastered/associated with a news story.

She has posted since then that she doesn't care.

Apparently mumsnet threads are regularly picked up by newspapers and some tv programmes.

LynnGrace

Toots wrote: »

We could form a boardsie group on it if anyone wants

I would be interested in a boardsies Fitbit group.

Sapphire

Gatica wrote: »

Came up in General Chat recently: http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=99632919
linking http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/2630932-Post-wedding-message-please-help-me-what-the-hell-do-I-say

Feel sorry for that OP, from that thread she didn't want it going viral or have her "name" plastered/associated with a news story.

Did you see the work fridge thread? To avoid journo's lifting the story nearly all the posters made a point of saying the word c*unt in their posts so they couldn't be properly quoted. :pac:

ChampagnePop

LynnGrace wrote: »

I would be interested in a boardsies Fitbit group.

Can other fitness tracker enthusiasts join I'm an UP user myself

Plankton1

Yeah it's a tricky one with OHs and I'm the first from my friends to get married so I can't even see what other people do. Most of mine and my fiance's friends are in relationships and the few that aren't, we will see closer to the wedding if they're in a new relationship and there may be room to fit that person in. With cousins, we will send an invite to the family and none of their girlfriends or boyfriends are invited. They can all come as a family group (none are married).

If I was in a new relationship I wouldn't want to go to my boyfriend's cousins wedding where I knew nobody anyway!

messrs

messrs wrote: »

Damn you!!! :P when I saw this was updated, I (prob like other people aswell) assumed it was Lau coming in to announce her engagement!!!

Or even the patter of little cupcakes.

Toots

LynnGrace wrote: »

She has posted since then that she doesn't care.

Apparently mumsnet threads are regularly picked up by newspapers and some tv programmes.

It's the same with some Boards threads. Her.ie and Joe.ie in particular seem to regularly look through this site for material for their 'articles'.

Toots

LynnGrace wrote: »

I would be interested in a boardsies Fitbit group.

Might be a laugh alright! I think we'd have to PM each other our email addresses and add each other as friends, then we could set up one of those challenges and all join in.

ChampagnePop wrote: »

Can other fitness tracker enthusiasts join I'm an UP user myself

No!! Filthy heathens!! :pac: Of course you can, I don't think the UP and fitbit apps link up, but we could set up a FB group or something, or perhaps invade the fitness forum and see would they let us start up a new thread where we post our daily step/activity count?

messrs

Toots wrote: »

It's the same with some Boards threads. Her.ie and Joe.ie in particular seem to regularly look through this site for material for their 'articles'.

am so behind the times!! didn't realise they did (or could) do this!

Toots

It's happened with a few things. Most recent one on this forum was bridesmaidgate, which is why the original thread got shut down, in case it outed the OP.

Valentina

Toots wrote: »

Might be a laugh alright! I think we'd have to PM each other our email addresses and add each other as friends, then we could set up one of those challenges and all join in.



No!! Filthy heathens!! :pac: Of course you can, I don't think the UP and fitbit apps link up, but we could set up a FB group or something, or perhaps invade the fitness forum and see would they let us start up a new thread where we post our daily step/activity count?

I'm an UP user too. Not getting married but would like to lose about a stone for all the weddings I'll be attending later in the summer

So if there's a group set up, I'd love to join

Faith

Mod Note: I have merged a bunch of posts into this thread, as the first post wasn't related to the thread it was posted in. The flow of the previous conversation might be a little interrupted, so sorry about that!

Toots

Valentina wrote: »

I'm an UP user too. Not getting married but would like to lose about a stone for all the weddings I'll be attending later in the summer

So if there's a group set up, I'd love to join

Right so, would users prefer something on the Fitness forum (I'd have to clear it with the mods first) or a FB group?

Faith

If you are in a position to, I highly recommend cycling to work, especially over the summer. It's such a great way to travel, and it forces you to exercise twice a day because you have to get home again! It's also free and environmentally friendly, plus a great workout.

I hate exercise when I don't see the point of it, so cycling to work has a clear purpose and it motivates me to do it

Toots

I work in the home :pac: Although my 4 year old's bike is here so maybe I could cycle that around the apartment... think it has a 70kg weight limit though, which would be problematic

LynnGrace

Toots wrote: »

Right so, would users prefer something on the Fitness forum (I'd have to clear it with the mods first) or a FB group?

I would prefer the fitness forum, if that is possible. Thanks.

ChampagnePop

LynnGrace wrote: »

I would prefer the fitness forum, if that is possible. Thanks.

It's probably the most appropriate place, and a great place if you like weights

Toots

Grand so, I'll drop the mods a PM and just check if that's ok.

Valentina

Faith wrote: »

If you are in a position to, I highly recommend cycling to work, especially over the summer. It's such a great way to travel, and it forces you to exercise twice a day because you have to get home again! It's also free and environmentally friendly, plus a great workout.

I hate exercise when I don't see the point of it, so cycling to work has a clear purpose and it motivates me to do it

Great idea

I'm off work at the moment recovering from spinal surgery so my exercise is currently limited to physiotherapy and walking but when I go back to work cycling is something I want to look in to.

StripedBoxers

Doin' the rounds :pac:

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=99687441&postcount=1937

I would love to know what the newly weds think of it. I hope they are mortified.

Faith

StripedBoxers wrote: »

Doin' the rounds :pac:

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=99687441&postcount=1937

I would love to know what the newly weds think of it. I hope they are mortified.

It certainly is doing the rounds; it's the third time the story has been mentioned in this forum!

LynnGrace

It is being picked up all over the place now. Lots of Facebook sites mentioning it too.

psycho-hope

just wondering if anyone is doing their intent to marry registration by post, just wondering how much running around you had to do, especially if one of you had been divorced in another country

Toots

StripedBoxers wrote: »

Doin' the rounds :pac:

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=99687441&postcount=1937

I would love to know what the newly weds think of it. I hope they are mortified.

Feck sake, they could at least give the link credit to Mumsnet instead of just implying that they mysteriously came upon this information.

stargazer 68

psycho-hope wrote: »

just wondering if anyone is doing their intent to marry registration by post, just wondering how much running around you had to do, especially if one of you had been divorced in another country

Didnt know you could do it by post. Thought you had to go in person.

Gatica

psycho-hope wrote: »

just wondering if anyone is doing their intent to marry registration by post, just wondering how much running around you had to do, especially if one of you had been divorced in another country

If you're both resident in Ireland you both have to attend the meeting with at the registrar's office together. There have to be some pretty extenuating circumstances for them to accept this by post, e.g. unable to leave hospital or I guess living somewhere abroad where it's hard to make it to Ireland.

Gatica

Faith wrote: »

Mod Note: I have merged a bunch of posts into this thread, as the first post wasn't related to the thread it was posted in. The flow of the previous conversation might be a little interrupted, so sorry about that!

phew... I was starting to worry I was going crazy thinking I posted in the epic "We want a Food processor gift" thread instead of this one and saw the same message here...

cactusgal

Disclaimer: I know that weddings are expensive and that brides and grooms can ask (or not ask) anyone they want for their day. But. I just got an invite to a family wedding with no plus one. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years and we live together. Granted, the bridal couple barely know him, so I get it, but boo I know that it's an invite and not a summons, but I feel kind of obligated to go bc one of my siblings is coming from abroad to attend, they haven't been given a plus one either, and wouldn't like to go on their own. But I wish my boyfriend could come, too!!
Rant over.

Addle

I've recently lost a friendship over the same thing.
That seems so dramatic, but feelings were very hurt and that is the end result.
I was going to go to the church alone and not go to the reception, but bride told me not to bother with church when I let her know.
So I understand your disappointment!