Let's talk about porn

roro1990

I am sure a few of you will have seen the Tedx talk where Gary Wilson describes porn as something that evolution has not prepared our brains for.

Link for anyone who hasn't seen it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSF82AwSDiU

So i'm curious as to the thoughts of people on this. I think it's an important discussion. He pretty much says that porn can cause erectile dysfunction, social anxiety and feelings of worthlessness. Do you agree/disagree? Some of you may say moderation is key. But what is moderation? Once a day/week/month?

Personally I've come to realize how addictive it can be over the last 2 years. Gary Wilson says in the video that as an experiment guys should try stop watching for 90 days. I've only ever managed 60. It's embarrassing to admit but I think it's good to be open about it. I've said it to my mates and they all say "I dunno how you can even go a week without it". Is porn a bad thing?

Mike747

Definitely has a negative effect on young men. I mean why bother with real women when you can just sit in your room and jerk off?

Why are so many men suddenly gay or bisexual? Because they're being exposed to all kinds of depraved stuff on line.

Penny Tration

Mike747 wrote: »

Why are so many men suddenly gay or bisexual? Because they're being exposed to all kinds of depraved stuff on line.

Seriously?

Men (and women) have been homosexual and bisexual as long as the human race has existed. It has absolutely nothing to do with porn.


I think, like everything, too much is a bad thing. Teenagers watching it (both male and female), need to be taught that it's fantasy and not necessarily showing what happens in a normal, loving relationship.

Too much porn can of course lead to ED, delayed ejaculation, and numerous other issues.

When not being used to excess, or as a replacement for human interaction, it's grand.

listermint

Mike747 wrote: »

Definitely has a negative effect on young men. I mean why bother with real women when you can just sit in your room and jerk off?

Why are so many men suddenly gay or bisexual? Because they're being exposed to all kinds of depraved stuff on line.

Ehh....


Wha?

Columbia

Mike747 wrote: »

Definitely has a negative effect on young men. I mean why bother with real women when you can just sit in your room and jerk off?

Why are so many men suddenly gay or bisexual? Because they're being exposed to all kinds of depraved stuff on line.

I dunno, give me a moment, I'll ask the ancient Greeks why they definitely weren't gay.

Galwayguy35

Porn can be addictive, never before has it been so available to everyone and with so many free sites out there lookig for it costs nothing where as before it involved going out and spending money to get the video/dvd.

Blacktie.

Galwayguy35 wrote:

Porn can be addictive, never before has it been so available to everyone and with so many free sites out there lookig for it costs nothing where as before it involved going out and spending money to get the video/dvd.

Just because something is freely available doesn't make it addictive. You could apply this comment to everything on the Internet.

Galwayguy35

Blacktie. wrote: »

Just because something is freely available doesn't make it addictive. You could apply this comment to everything on the Internet.

Which would be why I said it can be addictive, depends on the person.

I know I used to watch a lot of it every day and used it to get off so I found it addictive.

frozenfrozen

i had my porn turned on and my life hasnt been the same since

Poor Uncle Tom

Just wasted 16 minutes that I will never get back......

He should pull the other one.......

roro1990

Poor Uncle Tom wrote: »

Just wasted 16 minutes that I will never get back......

He should pull the other one.......

Well he's not pulling his own anyway..

expatinator

Would the refractory period have an affect on it's addictive qualities? As in, I think it would be more difficult to get addicted to porn if you lose physical arousal after you ejaculate?

Holsten

From everything I've read I'd agree with the video.

Men should severely limit the amount that is watched.

KomradeBishop

The idea of porn addiction doesn't seem to have any real evidence in support of it - in fact, after a brief reading up, it seems to have evidence against the idea:
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/science/porn-addiction-isnt-real-research-suggests-9126530.html
http://www.salon.com/2014/02/16/porn_addictive_theres_no_proof/

Fap away :pac:

I think that there is still a lot of religious moralizing around this topic, and there is still strong religious support of anti-pornography movements in the US (which puts out 'research' against porn, which affects US culture and then bleeds into other cultures) - it's still a fairly taboo topic for some reason - and I think that this, combined with the fact that the porn industry seems to put out a lot of utter garbage as its 'mainstream' output (which makes up most of what you can find online), leads to people being easily led into thinking there is something 'wrong' or 'immoral' or (in this case) 'unhealthy' about porn.

There's also a lot of money to be made by fooling people into thinking that they have some kind of 'diagnosable disorder', that needs to be fixed (there is no reputable medical standards authority, that has any diagnostic criteria for porn addiction, as far as I can see).

Even within what would usually be considered the "reputable" parts of the medical industry there's too much money to be made for them to be held up as reliable, impartial evidence. The new DSM being a good example.

ancapailldorcha

KomradeBishop wrote: »

The idea of porn addiction doesn't seem to have any real evidence in support of it - in fact, after a brief reading up, it seems to have evidence against the idea:
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/science/porn-addiction-isnt-real-research-suggests-9126530.html
http://www.salon.com/2014/02/16/porn_addictive_theres_no_proof/

Fap away :pac:

I think that there is still a lot of religious moralizing around this topic, and there is still strong religious support of anti-pornography movements in the US (which puts out 'research' against porn, which affects US culture and then bleeds into other cultures) - it's still a fairly taboo topic for some reason - and I think that this, combined with the fact that the porn industry seems to put out a lot of utter garbage as its 'mainstream' output (which makes up most of what you can find online), leads to people being easily led into thinking there is something 'wrong' or 'immoral' or (in this case) 'unhealthy' about porn.

There's also a lot of money to be made by fooling people into thinking that they have some kind of 'diagnosable disorder', that needs to be fixed (there is no reputable medical standards authority, that has any diagnostic criteria for porn addiction, as far as I can see).

I don't think I'd go so far to say that "porn addiction is not a thing". Chances are, a lot of guys who get addicted to it are likely to have some sort of mental health issue to begin with. The media love to hate porn so it makes sense to portray it as some sort of boogeyman. As you've said, there's big money to be made by convincing people they have a disorder and then "treating" them for it.

KomradeBishop

Ya I don't think there's enough evidence to say either that it is a thing, or is not a thing, at the moment - to me, it certainly doesn't seem likely to be real though (or if it was, it seems like it'd only affect a tiny tiny minority), as I'd think there would have been some high-quality research confirming it by now otherwise.

It seem reasonably safe to say, that it's not something people in general should be concerned about at all.

ancapailldorcha

KomradeBishop wrote: »

Ya I don't think there's enough evidence to say either that it is a thing, or is not a thing, at the moment - to me, it certainly doesn't seem likely to be real though (or if it was, it seems like it'd only affect a tiny tiny minority), as I'd think there would have been some high-quality research confirming it by now otherwise.

It seem reasonably safe to say, that it's not something people in general should be concerned about at all.

Fair enough.

A friend once told me that he was spending a lot of time watching it. He'd just moved abroad and knew noone. He actually ended up jacking in a permanent job with good prospects to go to Dublin to work as a temp.

Wibbs

Personally I'd reckon porn addiction is a real thing. People can be come addicts of all sorts of things. Porn causing erectile disfunction etc? That I'd be much less prone to believe myself. Sure if you're tapping 5 times a day or some such your reserves are going to be in trouble and if you become overstimulated by ever more extreme porn I could see that having an effect alright, but I'd reckon a temporary one for the average man.

ancapailldorcha

Wibbs wrote: »

Personally I'd reckon porn addiction is a real thing. People can be come addicts of all sorts of things. Porn causing erectile disfunction etc? That I'd be much less prone to believe myself. Sure if you're tapping 5 times a day or some such your reserves are going to be in trouble and if you become overstimulated by ever more extreme porn I could see that having an effect alright, but I'd reckon a temporary one for the average man.

They do say that it alters perceptions and expectations of real sex. "They" being the media who've tried to blame porn for all sorts of things so a mountain of salt mightn't be a bad idea.

There probably is a thing such as porn addiction but there'll be a rush to label such things from some quarters to suit their own ends. People who think they're addicted to porn have probably had other "addictions" before.

ancapailldorcha

ancapailldorcha wrote: »

They do say that it alters perceptions and expectations of real sex. "They" being the media who've tried to blame porn for all sorts of things so a mountain of salt mightn't be a bad idea.

The same media that publishes sex tips, promotes hairless bodies, points out any cellulite on women, publishes lurid stories about Z-lister's sex stories/"romps" and so on.
Porn gives people ideas they may not have thought of on their own. So does the Kama Sutra and talking to friends.

Saipanne

I don't see the harm in it, so long as you realise that it is fantasy, and real sex is very different.

fits

I posted on another thread but my main issue is that its just not very sexy (any that I have seen). If the woman is faking pleasure and the man is obviously doing something unpleasurable I just can't help going eugh. The orgasms are fake and lol@female "ejaculation." Sorry I don't want to watch anyone peeing themselves,
I also have a major problem with the money shots. Major. Its gross.

I haven't seen any in a long time, maybe there is better stuff out there but I am not particularly inclined to go looking for it.

lazybones32

roro1990 wrote: »

So i'm curious as to the thoughts of people on this. I think it's an important discussion. He pretty much says that porn can cause erectile dysfunction, social anxiety and feelings of worthlessness. Do you agree/disagree? Some of you may say moderation is key. But what is moderation? Once a day/week/month?

Personally I've come to realize how addictive it can be over the last 2 years. Gary Wilson says in the video that as an experiment guys should try stop watching for 90 days. I've only ever managed 60. It's embarrassing to admit but I think it's good to be open about it. I've said it to my mates and they all say "I dunno how you can even go a week without it". Is porn a bad thing?

To say "you cannot get addicted to (X)" is incorrect: gambling, shopping, stealing, sex, masturbation, power, drugs, adrenaline, etc are proof enough that anything that can promote a reaction in the human brain (releasing hormones) can become addictive.

I think the younger one is when first exposed to porn, the more potential damage it can do but a lot of this boils down to the individual and how it affects them personally. Two friends can watch a porno and two totally different effects can happen.

The negative effects of addiction seem to be fairly similar with a few differences but if one starts to view half the World's population as sex-objects solely, then the addiction and warped view has more damaging consequences.

I don't like watching porn. I don't get turned on by watching another man bone a Woman I want to bone and I've yet to make a woman have convulsive orgasms by simply taking off my socks (OTT 'acting'). I find it more frustrating to watch a fine-looking woman...and sometimes an achingly beautiful woman ... do things with someone who is not me. And she never makes a sandwich and a drink after...real-life is far better.

Penny Tration

ancapailldorcha wrote: »

They do say that it alters perceptions and expectations of real sex. "They" being the media who've tried to blame porn for all sorts of things so a mountain of salt mightn't be a bad idea.

I don't believe that, personally.

As a woman, I've been told lots of times by friends or family, when I was younger and innocent, that porn isn't real life and if a guy tried to act it out, he's just being a dick.

Except... I like the stuff that's in porn. I like objectification, I like being physically hurt, I like being dominated. I like all of the things that I'm told I shouldn't like.

And all men, bar my current boyfriend, watched huge amounts of porn, but never expected (or even wanted!) to try the more 'hardcore' stuff that they'd watch, in real life.

For me, porn gives IDEAS, not an idealistic view.

NachoBusiness

These TED talks on porn always wind me up as more often that not they discuss the issue of porn addiction as if men were the only ones that watched it, yet more and more studies show us that a large percentage of women also watch porn and are just as susceptible to becoming addicted to it. Studies also show us that both girls and boys are being introduced it at around the same young age and same numbers also and so I'm not sure why the focus always needs to be on boys / men.

Personally, I have noticed that women today (and over the last ten years) are into sex acts which I had only previously only associated with pornography. One act in particular is choking. I remember when a girl first asked me to gently choke her during sex and I was shocked. That was over ten years ago now and since then I've met quite a few women who are also into that, along also with being slapped, verbally abused etc. Again, these are things which I really would only have associated with porn and so as they are seemingly becoming more and more commonplace, I can only suspect that this is down to how much women are increasingly watching pornography these days.

As an aside, I notice that despite the fact that women watch more porn and the taboo of them doing so should be lessened, women still seem quite reserved about being open and honest about how much they enjoy pornography. Case in point was when at a dinner party for couples last summer the subject of pornography lightheartedly came up and the girl who I was with, who had a large appetite for porn flicks, said it wasn't something she was interested in and kicked me under the table when I laughed. Two mates who's girlfriend's also said similar later said to pay no attention to what they said that they watched it more than they did. Which makes you wonder if the studies regarding how much women watch porn are accurate, considering it's not something which all women feel comfortable talking about or so it would appear at least.

So yeah, not sure why the focus tends to be always centered around males whenever this discussion comes up.

theguardian.com/culture/2011/apr/07/women-addicted-internet-pornography

fits

NachoBusiness wrote: »

These TED talks on porn always wind me up as more often that not they discuss the issue of porn addiction as if men were the only ones that watched it, yet more and more studies show us that a large percentage of women also watch porn and are just as susceptible to becoming addicted to it. Studies also show us that both girls and boys are being introduced it at around the same young age and same numbers also and so I'm not sure why the focus always needs to be on boys / men.

Which studies are these then?

NachoBusiness

fits wrote: »

Which studies are these then?

liebertpub.com/global/pressrelease/what-drives-cybersex-addiction-among-female-internet-pornography-users/1491/
ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/25080011

Article on the latter:

thehealthsite.com/news/study-shows-women-addicted-to-porn-could-turn-out-to-be-hypersexuals/

expatinator

'Again, these are things which I really would only have associated with porn and so as they are seemingly becoming more and more commonplace, I can only suspect that this is down to how much women are increasingly watching pornography these days.'

No offense, but I doubt it. That sort of stuffs been in books before porn ever hit the internet.

NachoBusiness

expatinator wrote: »

No offense, but I doubt it. That sort of stuffs been in books before porn ever hit the internet.

So what.

What I am referring to is how female attitudes towards certain sexual acts has changed over the last two decades. The 'stuff' you're referring did exist in certain 'books', yes, but that's the point, examples were a rarity whereas nowadays the sex acts with which I spoke of are much more mainstream and commonplace.

Sure, there are other platforms where women have been introduced to such things, as it has been for men (TV shows, magazines etc) but in my opinion pornography has been just as much a source of sexual awakening for females as it has been for males, which is the reason why I'm sick to the back teeth of reading and hearing these pontificators framing these discussions / lectures regarding pornography addiction in such a way as to imply that it something which only afflicts men.

fits

I am in the middle on this one. Of course it can be addictive. Anything that can activate the reward centers of your brain can be addictive. Anything that can fill a hole in your life can be addictive. Anything that can do both - even more so.

But I do etymology and the like - and I have yet to read a single study that suggests Porn is any more addictive than anything else that can do those things. And a lot less than things like alcohol. It is not something to specifically worry about.

Alas our media focuses on "this is addictive" rather than focusing on addiction itself. Its a sea or red herrings in this. A real science writer in a decent media outlet would write an article about addiction itself instead of focusing on pretend research papers showing something is addictive or it is not.

A public aware of the dynamics of addiction would be a well informed public - rather than a public media fed a few addiction red herring articles to make them think "addiction" is some dark horse that comes from a handful of things like porn or beer rather than being a condition in and of itself that can come from any quarter and has a fixed dynamic in terms of symptoms and narratives.

fits wrote: »

I haven't seen any in a long time, maybe there is better stuff out there but I am not particularly inclined to go looking for it.

Abby Winters. My current girlfriends love Abby Winters. It was a website of porn made by women of women for a long time - and recently they have gotten into porn with males involved where it was only females before. But the couples involved are purported to be only ACTUAL real life couples. Not actors just placed together.

But in terms of porn that is made without all the stereotype of porn - it is about as pure as it gets. On the border between amateur and professional with some of the better aspects of both.

DoYouEvenLift

It can definitely skew young guys expectations of girls and what sex is like for sure. I think that'd be part of an explanation for some cases of ED that people put down to porn because if you're so used to looking at and fapping to basically 10/10 perfect women everyday then how could an actually normal woman excite you nearly as much?

I'm not all for no fap/no porn, but I think limiting both can have benefits. Still, it's probably better to fap to your imagination or memories than porn for what I said above.

The instant gratification is probably also damaging to some guys, at least for their motivation, to the point where if they fap enough they could get in the mindset of "why bother trying to socialise and get girls when I could just fap and get on with other things".

Ive never bought into the "skewing expectations" argument I have to admit.

As a point of comparison I just watched Taken 2 and 3 this week. Watching fights where guys on both sides were taking all kinds of blows to the body and head and they didnt go down - but kept fighting until that "killer" blow happened.

But I have seen and even once been in fights in real life. And I have seen that people go down with the first real smack they get. Partly from the strike - but mostly from the shock of actually being hit

Somehow I got through life watching spy movies and on screen combat and I have no illusions about combat in real life. I can tell the difference. And I know if someone gives me a dig in the head - I am going down and I am not going to fight on like some manly warrior.

I think porn is the same. I have been sold this idea that it skews peoples expectations of real sex - but I have never bought it. I think it underestimates the grasp most people have on reality. A grasp on reality we grant them in most other contexts - but suddenly act like they are precluded it when it comes to on screen sex.

KomradeBishop

Deleted User wrote: »

Abby Winters. My current girlfriends love Abby Winters. It was a website of porn made by women of women for a long time - and recently they have gotten into porn with males involved where it was only females before. But the couples involved are purported to be only ACTUAL real life couples. Not actors just placed together.

But in terms of porn that is made without all the stereotype of porn - it is about as pure as it gets. On the border between amateur and professional with some of the better aspects of both.

Additionally, there is another I mentioned elsewhere, 'I Feel Myself' - which is even better again; the stuff both of those sites produce, makes a lot of mainstream porn seem like depressing crap.

Damn autocorrect - the word etymology above should have read epidemiology.

Jellyrally

Jellyrally wrote: »

I've definitely been addicted to it in the past, it really can ruin your life as it takes away the motivation for life and the joy of life when you are addicted.

Indeed. And anything can do that. Porn has no special place in this. Drink - gambling - computer games - Television soaps - eating - even posting on forums like this one - you name it - when one has a whole in ones life anything can fall into that hole and the user of it can become dependent. I feel that most addictions are a symptom of a problem - not the actual problem itself.

As with all things I see nothing - and have read nothing - to think there is anything wrong with it in moderation. We incorporate it into our sex life - watching it - reading it - and on small occasions even making it.

strobe

I'd imagine there is a massive cross over between people who have these issues with porn that get talked about, addiction, lack of motivation, unrealistic expectations, skewed views of men/women/sex/relationships and people that don't have active sex lives - and very very little cross over between people with active sex lives and those problems with porn.

If for someone porn is their only sexual outlet, then yeah I can see some of them potentially having some of the issues like above, if someone has an active sex life then I'd be very surprised to find there are many at all that have experienced any of those issues.

I'd also be very sceptical of the suggestion that porn use leads to or contributes to someone not having an active sex life, I'd say that's back to front, much more likely that the pre-existing lack of a sex life leads to them using a lot of porn.

Basically I'd say as long as someone is getting it on with actual other people as well, with a reasonable degree of frequency and quality, in order words has a 'real sex life' along with a 'porn sex life' then porn's not going to be causing them any problems any time soon.

The most helpful advise to the people with 'porn problems', should be to go out and get laid more often, not to stop using porn.

The 'unrealistic expectations' /porn sex is not real sex, thing I think is a bit off kilter too. There's a lot of different porn ranging from some average couple having fairly vanilla sex in their studio apartment bed, to the pro pornstar/prostitute face slapping, anal pile driving, culminating in a deep throat /facial finale stuff. I think the people that can't distinguish which is the more realistic for most people are few and far between and probably limited to a tiny subset of the aforementioned 'no real sex life, just porn' people.
(plus, tbh, some people are very much into the latter type of stuff to one degree or another when it comes to their actual sex life - so it's just not accurate to say it's 'not real sex'. For some people it definitely is.)

K-9

ancapailldorcha wrote: »

I don't think I'd go so far to say that "porn addiction is not a thing". Chances are, a lot of guys who get addicted to it are likely to have some sort of mental health issue to begin with. The media love to hate porn so it makes sense to portray it as some sort of boogeyman. As you've said, there's big money to be made by convincing people they have a disorder and then "treating" them for it.

It probably is linked to sex addiction, something that isn't really treated that seriously, or gets much coverage, seems to be dismissed as a real addiction!

I suppose there's always the danger it gets over diagnosed, but there's also a danger society underestimates any damage it does, bit like drink here, sure 6 units a day is just a lunch time target!

Really though, unless it's something you can't go without during the day, or a few days without withdrawal type symptoms I can't imagine it doing much damage.

People who would be effected by it are probably prone to it anyway, though the easy availability makes it more accessible and "normal", leading to self denial and delusion. Then, that's what addiction does!

bb1234567

Mike747 wrote: »

Definitely has a negative effect on young men. I mean why bother with real women when you can just sit in your room and jerk off?

Why are so many men suddenly gay or bisexual? Because they're being exposed to all kinds of depraved stuff on line.

Nobodys 'becoming' gay
People are born gay
It just seems nowadays like people are 'becoming' or that gay people are increasing in numbers due to reduced social stigma. People feel more comfortable coming out.

LegacyUser

I started watching porn on what I guess was probably a daily basis when I got broadband when I was 15; first tried to have sex when I was 19 and I've been dealing with ED & PE problems for nearly 15 years since.

I think porn addiction is real and can cause these problems. This may be wishful thinking on my part but there doesn't seem to be anything physically wrong with me; on my own I have no perfomance problems; it's only when there's someone else around that the issues really appear.

It's pretty debilitating. I first started reading about this stuff about 2 years ago and I've been in a state of perpetual 'reboot' ever since - constantly trying to stay away, always doubting whether the science/psychology has any merit, never able to stay away for long enough to find out. I live a sort of a half-life, always living for a couple of months down the road, putting off seeking a girlfriend, even though I know I need to find someone that I can open up to and be myself with to heal. Lots of days I feel helpless and that I'll never, ever enjoy sex or have a meaningful relationship. I feel like a eunuch lately. I wouldn't say porn is entirely responsible but it's certainly contributed to me building some pretty heavy barriers inside myself.

It definitely exacerbated and enabled my introversion for much of my twenties, and in my experience it does alter my expectations (or moreso my desires). I've gone a couple months without it a few times now and I do find the way I think about women starts to alter. I like the way I feel when I'm away from it (and masturbation) for a while. I love porn but I really, really wish I'd never started watching it.

Saipanne

anon02022015 wrote: »

I started watching porn on what I guess was probably a daily basis when I got broadband when I was 15; first tried to have sex when I was 19 and I've been dealing with ED & PE problems for nearly 15 years since.

I think porn addiction is real and can cause these problems. This may be wishful thinking on my part but there doesn't seem to be anything physically wrong with me; on my own I have no perfomance problems; it's only when there's someone else around that the issues really appear.

It's pretty debilitating. I first started reading about this stuff about 2 years ago and I've been in a state of perpetual 'reboot' ever since - constantly trying to stay away, always doubting whether the science/psychology has any merit, never able to stay away for long enough to find out. I live a sort of a half-life, always living for a couple of months down the road, putting off seeking a girlfriend, even though I know I need to find someone that I can open up to and be myself with to heal. Lots of days I feel helpless and that I'll never, ever enjoy sex or have a meaningful relationship. I feel like a eunuch lately. I wouldn't say porn is entirely responsible but it's certainly contributed to me building some pretty heavy barriers inside myself.

It definitely exacerbated and enabled my introversion for much of my twenties, and in my experience it does alter my expectations (or moreso my desires). I've gone a couple months without it a few times now and I do find the way I think about women starts to alter. I like the way I feel when I'm away from it (and masturbation) for a while. I love porn but I really, really wish I'd never started watching it.

I'd highly recommend you seek counseling. It will help.

H3llR4iser

NachoBusiness wrote: »

...Personally, I have noticed that women today (and over the last ten years) are into sex acts which I had only previously only associated with pornography. One act in particular is choking. I remember when a girl first asked me to gently choke her during sex and I was shocked...

I would say there can be a relation, but it's not as deep as this. The way I see it is an awakening - the girl that enjoys choking, probably always did; it simply took the porn to show her that she's not the only one around, and not a freak. Think about the now infamous "Fifty shades of Grey", the most recent case of "social validation" of certain specific preferences.

As for the skewed expectations, porn does it for men as much as the Disney princesses "they lived happily ever after" does for young women about relationships, looking at it from a very cynical standpoint

py2006

What do guys think about the attitude of some that 'porn is for men' and does nothing but objectify women? This subject came up in work one day and when I tried to suggest that women watch it too and that if a naked one is being objectified then so is the naked man she is with.

K-9

anon02022015 wrote: »

It's pretty debilitating. I first started reading about this stuff about 2 years ago and I've been in a state of perpetual 'reboot' ever since - constantly trying to stay away, always doubting whether the science/psychology has any merit, never able to stay away for long enough to find out. I live a sort of a half-life, always living for a couple of months down the road, putting off seeking a girlfriend, even though I know I need to find someone that I can open up to and be myself with to heal. Lots of days I feel helpless and that I'll never, ever enjoy sex or have a meaningful relationship. I feel like a eunuch lately. I wouldn't say porn is entirely responsible but it's certainly contributed to me building some pretty heavy barriers inside myself.

I do think with a lot of these things, an addiction or what I'd often class as an over reliance on something, the psychology stuff is trial by error, discounting the stuff that doesn't work for you and using what does. Everybody is different and individual thank God, which has its positives and negatives, the root causes will be different for everybody.

Just one thing, you mentioned "needing" to find a partner. I find putting yourself under pressure, where a partner is a must have target or a box to tick, puts even more pressure on somebody to get it.

H3llR4iser

py2006 wrote: »

What do guys think about the attitude of some that 'porn is for men' and does nothing but objectify women? This subject came up in work one day and when I tried to suggest that women watch it too and that if a naked one is being objectified then so is the naked man she is with.

Base problem is, most people are simply ignorant and have no idea about what they are talking about. I found out that more often than not, the people (mostly women) making such statements are fully convinced the women appearing in adult productions are prostitutes, forced to do what they do. They have no idea they are highly-paid stars who probably drove to the studios in their Porsche. Or just amateurs who enjoy what they do.

They start from the assumption that the product is only targeted to men - therefore, the woman starring in it simply serves as a means to a purpose.

While it is true in some cases, if one takes this kind of approach it can be objected that any woman appearing in any movie is objectified - even in the so called "chick flicks". Especially in them, actually: the girl in Twilight is more or less the most useless lady in existence, her only purpose in life being to show off how much of the macho men sparkling guy/abs guy are by being repeatedly saved/protected by them; The women in Sex and the City act fierce and independent, but in the end all they want is to drop themselves in the arms of some provider guy; even most of the Disney princesses are there mostly for the enjoyment of the resident though-guy-with-a-good-heart (the one time they feature a female character with half a personality and no love interest, in Frozen, they get criticized because her dress has a "split up to the thigh").

fits

I like browsing this Alain de boton website. Here he writes about what good porn might actually look like.

http://www.thebookoflife.org/on-making-better-porn/

By the way I checked out some of those websites. They seem to be very much dominated by girls. I am very much straight so, not for me. (no I didn't spend very long looking) I don't think porn as we know it is for me anyway.

strobe

fits wrote: »

I like browsing this Alain de boton website. Here he writes about what good porn might actually look like.

http://www.thebookoflife.org/on-making-better-porn/

Alain De Boton wrote:

...serious, thoughtful and honourable...

Yep. That's the porn for me. :pac:

Sorry but I think the piece is ridiculous. They're writing about the porn they want (and mabye other people want to). It can't be applied to people in general like they try to do. It's silly. Porn that isn't popular won't be watched and eventually won't be made. What exists, exists, and in the quantities it does, as a result of demand. Good is a subjective term. His good clearly isn't the majority of peoples good, when it comes to porn. I hope he get's the porn he wants where the time of day is a prevalent arousing quality and the wisdom of the people ****ing each others brains out is presented to the fore of things.
But for most people porn isn't art, it's a masturbatory aid. They don't care about the soft blue grey shadows cast by the moonlight that hint at the underlying sense of melancholy and loss that is experienced at the moment of climax. They just want to see smoking hot people bang the fvck out of each other while they masturbate, as is reflected by what the majority of porn is.

I challenge his use of the term 'good porn' when presented as some kind of an objective reality, basically.

mariaalice

strobe wrote: »

Yep. That's the porn for me. :pac:

Sorry but I think the piece is ridiculous. They're writing about the porn they want (and mabye other people want to). It can't be applied to people in general like they try to do. It's silly. Porn that isn't popular won't be watched and eventually won't be made. What exists, exists, and in the quantities it does, as a result of demand. Good is a subjective term. His good clearly isn't the majority of peoples good, when it comes to porn. I hope he get's the porn he wants where the time of day is a prevalent arousing quality and the wisdom of the people ****ing each others brains out is presented to the fore of things.
But for most people porn isn't art, it's a masturbatory aid. They don't care about the soft blue grey shadows cast by the moonlight that hint at the underlying sense of melancholy and loss that is experienced at the moment of climax. They just want to see smoking hot people bang the fvck out of each other while they masturbate, as is reflected by what the majority of porn is.

I challenge his use of the term 'good porn' when presented as some kind of an objective reality, basically.

That a very good point human sexual desire is often not very political correct that's why taboos have such power.

Galwayguy35

I think the reason amateur porn is becoming more popular is because the people in it look like someone a person might be attracted to in real life, the actors in porn from the big studios for the most part look nothing like ordinary people with the fake boobs and six packs etc.

Dravokivich

I don't think porn has any more potential to damage someone in any way, than any other forms of media available to us. If there is a concern with people being carried away and misled by it, the issue to be addressed is one of perspective.

There's a lot to be said about reform needed in the industry. Very few producers appear to be concerned with the welfare of their Porn Actors/Actresses and those that are, tend to have been Porn Actors/Actresses themselves.

A lot of the stuff published about porn critically, tends to do so from a strongly anti-porn stance. Nothing I've ever seen critical of porn ever did so trying to present the right way for the industry to work, with those involved actually doing it. It's always from the seediest, dingiest sets. With people managing them who'd be complete pricks to work for no matter what business they were in.