Visitors want us to remove the cat and dog while they are staying with us

Karen91

My BIL and his girlfriend are down from Dublin for the weekend and they were in Germany two weeks ago and while they were there they visited my SIL. He thinks theres somehing up with my SIL and the husband, when they visited there was tension between my SIL and her husband, they left after an hour because they felt uncomfortable. I only heard about it this morning. Hes going saying it to his parents anyway to see if they can get some information out of her.

InTheTrees

Karen91 wrote: »

My BIL and his girlfriend are down from Dublin for the weekend and they were in Germany two weeks ago and while they were there they visited my SIL. He thinks theres somehing up with my SIL and the husband, when they visited there was tension between my SIL and her husband, they left after an hour because they felt uncomfortable. I only heard about it this morning. Hes going saying it to his parents anyway to see if they can get some information out of her.

Good to have confirmation that your suspicions were correct and that its not your prob and there's larger issues.

EllieMay1969

I couldn't read all the posts as there are so many.

What I have to say has been said, but I will repeat it. Your house, your rules, your pets go to kennells when you say for your convenience (ie going on holidays) not for anybody else. We wouldn't be fostering our children out to suit somebody else so why will we do it to our pets.

Your SIL needs to be realistic and cop on to herself. If she was to stay with you she only needs to keep a close eye on her baby, this is something mothers and fathers do all the time anyway.

I have 2 daughters with asthma, one sever and one mild. Being around animals would trigger their asthma, but they had inhalers to deal with it and while they were young we didn't have animals of our own but we never stopped them going to places with animals. They even stayed with my brother and he always had dogs. But he made decisions to limit the girls with the dogs for the gilrs sake, not because I told him to. I didn't even ask him to make changes, afterall he was doing me a favour minding my girls when I needed him.

Your SIL should realise that you are doing her a favour letting her stay in your home.

Ken.

Seen this and thought it might be welcome here. Compared to this a dog and cat are hypoallergenic.

http://www.breakingnews.ie/world/13-horrible-things-that-happen-to-your-body-while-flying-on-a-plane-661154.html

13 horrible things that happen to your body while flying on a plane

While rising above the clouds to your favourite destinations might seem the best thing that could happen to you, for your body it’s not so much fun.
And here are a few rather scary reasons why.

NewCorkLad

OP at this stage its becoming obvious that there is a bigger issue underling your SIL actions. Stick to your guns on this, but try not take what she is saying to heart, because she is clearly being irrational. I would not bother trying to contact her again about this but do not cut her completely out of your lives yet and hopefully she will come around.

pinkbear

I'll probably get bashed for this but I think this post is a bit sad, to be honest.

In difficult situations I always ask myself "Do I want to be right, or do I want to be happy?" and thankfully the answer is usually "Happy". Being "right" isn't always all it's cracked up to be.

The OP was "right" and stood her ground, but look at the situation now. A big family fall out, a baby who may grow up not knowing his relations, and very upset grandparents. As you said, the SILs marriage may be in difficulty, yet now, at a time when she needs family and support, this has happened.

I think that it would have been better to choose the outcome that would make people (i.e. the 2 legged type) happy, even if it meant not being "right".

Also with questions like this, it may be better to post in a different discussion area. People on the pets and animals forum are animal lovers, often extremely so, and are more likely to back up an animal lover above a non-animal lover. SIL obviously isn't so (and this doesn't make her a bad person, she just has different taste to most other posters on this forum). It might be been good to get perspective from a regular, less biased cross section of society.

Anyway, hope it all gets patched up some day.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Can't throw a tantrum and expect others to pander to it, tbh. Where does it stop? would the op really be "happy" being dictated to in her own home? Your home is your castle. You go there to escape the madness elsewhere

tk123

pinkbear wrote: »

I'll probably get bashed for this but I think this post is a bit sad, to be honest.

In difficult situations I always ask myself "Do I want to be right, or do I want to be happy?" and thankfully the answer is usually "Happy". Being "right" isn't always all it's cracked up to be.

The OP was "right" and stood her ground, but look at the situation now. A big family fall out, a baby who may grow up not knowing his relations, and very upset grandparents. As you said, the SILs marriage may be in difficulty, yet now, at a time when she needs family and support, this has happened.

I think that it would have been better to choose the outcome that would make people (i.e. the 2 legged type) happy, even if it meant not being "right".

Also with questions like this, it may be better to post in a different discussion area. People on the pets and animals forum are animal lovers, often extremely so, and are more likely to back up an animal lover above a non-animal lover. SIL obviously isn't so (and this doesn't make her a bad person, she just has different taste to most other posters on this forum). It might be been good to get perspective from a regular, less biased cross section of society.

Anyway, hope it all gets patched up some day.

So let everyone walk all over you and put your happiness aside is what you're telling the OP.

SillyBeans

It's not about being right and neither is it about pets. It's about not being bullied in your own home. If someone attempted to dictate to me in this manner I wouldn't be letting them away with it just for an easy time. There's compromise and there's being taken for a mug. The OP was offering her home for her family to stay in. This doesn't mean she has to change things for them. If her lifestyle is something they don't like or agree with, the options are perfectly clear. Stay elsewhere or stay with the OP but follow her rules. If nothing else, why should she be out of pocket for putting her pets in kennels just to save the visitors some money? If someone wanted to stay with you but didn't agree with using leather, would you happily replace your couch for them? If someone wanted to stay with you but didn't like the colour of the paint in the spare room and demanded you repaint it, would you? If people could stop seeing it as 'she's putting pets above a baby", I think opinions would be a little different. The SIL is the one completely in the wrong here. Granted she may have some other issues going on in her personal life but don't we all? The SIL is the one who is risking her son not knowing some of his family, not the OP.

Karen91

pinkbear wrote: »

I'll probably get bashed for this but I think this post is a bit sad, to be honest.

In difficult situations I always ask myself "Do I want to be right, or do I want to be happy?" and thankfully the answer is usually "Happy". Being "right" isn't always all it's cracked up to be.

The OP was "right" and stood her ground, but look at the situation now. A big family fall out, a baby who may grow up not knowing his relations, and very upset grandparents. As you said, the SILs marriage may be in difficulty, yet now, at a time when she needs family and support, this has happened.

I think that it would have been better to choose the outcome that would make people (i.e. the 2 legged type) happy, even if it meant not being "right".

Also with questions like this, it may be better to post in a different discussion area. People on the pets and animals forum are animal lovers, often extremely so, and are more likely to back up an animal lover above a non-animal lover. SIL obviously isn't so (and this doesn't make her a bad person, she just has different taste to most other posters on this forum). It might be been good to get perspective from a regular, less biased cross section of society.

Anyway, hope it all gets patched up some day.

I posted this on the pet forum because I wanted the opinion of other pet owners, I am well aware of the response I would get from non pet lovers.

If her marriage is in difficulty I really do sympathise with her but I only heard about that today. No she is not an animal lover and nobody here said it makes her a bad person, but she cannot tell people what to do in their own home. But I am starting to agree with other posters when they suggested she picked the argument to avoid coming over here, maybe she is trying to hide this problem with her husband from the rest of us.

As the childs mother she is the one who has put her son at risk of not knowing members of his family, not me and not my OH.


My FIL is contacting her this evening to see if he can get to the bottom of whats going on.

Outkast_IRE

Its quite simple to me, for any responsible person when you take on any animal, it becomes part of the family.

For someone to come into my home and ask me to remove a member of my family......... that would take some brass neck and would be crossing the line severely. Its not even necessary to make a big deal out of it, your house your rules. Plenty of hotels and B&Bs in every part of the country they can stay in.

Taltos

OP - if there's tension there or not stay out of it, after everything else this would just be the icing on the cake if she thought you were stirring things for her.

As to your call regarding your pets - spot on.
I would have made the exact same call.
My two dogs are part of my family, this is their home. People are welcome to visit but they have no right to dictate to me that members of my family must leave or stay elsewhere. I will take steps if someone is scared (they usually are) but it is short term keeping them separated but nothing beyond that and only for an hour or two...

chopper6

As child i was hospitalised with asthma because i stayed in a house with a cat for a few days.

To this day i cant be anywhere near them or my breathing goes to pot and my throat swells up..the same is true to a lesser extent with dogs.

No house where somebody keeps cats is ever going to be completely free of cat hair and often the smell from a litter tray alone is enough to cause asthma in people who are prone to it.

Personally i think cats are disgusting selfish,smelly creatures and the owners are immune to the smell and the fluff so it tends not to bother them.

Fine and dandy.,,i hate cats.

BUT..i would never ask or demand somebody gets rid of a cat so i can stay in the house in comfort.

Nor would i aske somebody to board a dog elsewhere just to suit me..i simply would stay somewhere else and do everybody a favour.

Cats and dogs *are* filthy animals but it takes a special sort of prig to say that to somebody who's letting you stay in thier house.


Mod edit: You don't get to come into the Animals and Pets forum and refer in that way to ANY pet animals.
Thanks,
DBB

ihatewinter

chopper6 wrote: »

As child i was hospitalised with asthma because i stayed in a house with a cat for a few days.

To this day i cant be anywhere near them or my breathing goes to pot and my throat swells up..the same is true to a lesser extent with dogs.

No house where somebody keeps cats is ever going to be completely free of cat hair and often the smell from a litter tray alone is enough to cause asthma in people who are prone to it.

Personally i think cats are disgusting selfish,smelly creatures and the owners are immune to the smell and the fluff so it tends not to bother them.

Fine and dandy.,,i hate cats.

BUT..i would never ask or demand somebody gets rid of a cat so i can stay in the house in comfort.

Nor would i aske somebody to board a dog elsewhere just to suit me..i simply would stay somewhere else and do everybody a favour.

Cats and dogs *are* filthy animals but it takes a special sort of prig to say that to somebody who's letting you stay in thier house.

Majority of cats and dogs that I know do not smell. Your asthma attacks have basically ****ed your nose. I have 2 working sheepdogs inside, out in mud and **** everyday and believe they do not smell as I wash them and their beds weekly.

chopper6

ihatewinter wrote: »

Majority of cats and dogs that I know do not smell. Your asthma attacks have basically ****ed your nose. I have 2 working sheepdogs inside, out in mud and **** everyday and believe they do not smell as I wash them and their beds weekly.

You see you're the one with the "****ed nose".


If you live with a background smell for long enough you fail to notice it..a visitor to your house might think differently.

Karen91

chopper6 wrote: »

As child i was hospitalised with asthma because i stayed in a house with a cat for a few days.

To this day i cant be anywhere near them or my breathing goes to pot and my throat swells up..the same is true to a lesser extent with dogs.

No house where somebody keeps cats is ever going to be completely free of cat hair and often the smell from a litter tray alone is enough to cause asthma in people who are prone to it.

Personally i think cats are disgusting selfish,smelly creatures and the owners are immune to the smell and the fluff so it tends not to bother them.

Fine and dandy.,,i hate cats.

BUT..i would never ask or demand somebody gets rid of a cat so i can stay in the house in comfort.

Nor would i aske somebody to board a dog elsewhere just to suit me..i simply would stay somewhere else and do everybody a favour.

Cats and dogs *are* filthy animals but it takes a special sort of prig to say that to somebody who's letting you stay in thier house.

Cats are very clean animals I have no idea what you are talking about, as long as the litter tray is cleaned out regularly it does not smell. Yes cats shed but as long as you hoover frequently its not a problem.

Any of the dogs I know do not smell. My own dog DOES NOT SMELL the amount of time and work that is put into maintaining her coat is huge. I brush her 40 minutes every evening she is groomed professionally every 6 to 8 weeks and I was her in between also. Her teeth are brushed regularly shes fed dry food so there is no smell from her breath. Its very insulting as a responsible pet owner who invests a lot of time and money in their pets to be told by someone that they are filthy. Generally that someone has no idea what they are talking about.

Saying that cats and dogs are filthy and smelly and so on is the far from the truth pets that are groomed and cared for properly are not filthy and smelly.

chopper6

Karen91 wrote: »

Cats are very clean animals I have no idea what you are talking about, as long as the litter tray is cleaned out regularly it does not smell. Yes cats shed but as long as you hoover frequently its not a problem.

Any of the dogs I know do not smell. My own dog DOES NOT SMELL the amount of time and work that is put into maintaining her coat is huge. I brush her 40 minutes every evening she is groomed professionally every 6 to 8 weeks and I was her in between also. Her teeth are brushed regularly shes fed dry food so there is no smell from her breath. Its very insulting as a responsible pet owner who invests a lot of time and money in their pets to be told by someone that they are filthy. Generally that someone has no idea what they are talking about.

Saying that cats and dogs are filthy and smelly and so on is the far from the truth pets that are groomed and cared for properly are not filthy and smelly.

Where does the dog excrete?

Pretzill

Op you made the right call, it's your home, your rules. My two dogs live indoors and although they love the garden, they won't stay out there without us (always have to be in on the action typical border collies!)

Also there is nothing as bad as an unwanted guest sharing your home - I'm not saying your SIL would be unwanted but this demand isn't the best of starts - you could end up completely falling out if other demands were made!

Karen91

chopper6 wrote: »

Where does the dog excrete?

Outside!!! Why where do you think dogs excrete?

People house train their dogs you know, she lets me know when she wants to go out to go to the toilet.

I have an awful SIL (what is it about them!) And she too is allergic to cats. I have 3! She never visits, and the days of her dropping her kids off unannounced for us to mind are over, happy days!
I just wish I had got my precious cats sooner

lulu1

chopper6 wrote: »

Where does the dog excrete?

Are you for real you know nothing about dogs if you have too ask something like this. Dogs are not filthy animals as you put it and that is why he is tucked up in bed beside us every night

MrWalsh

chopper6 wrote: »

Cats and dogs *are* filthy animals but it takes a special sort of prig to say that to somebody who's letting you stay in thier house.

Most animals I know are far cleaner than most humans I know.

It's pretty ignorant to say that cats and dogs are filthy animals. However, we are all entitled to our opinion, no matter how delusional such an opinion may be.

Pretzill

chopper6 wrote: »

Where does the dog excrete?

Mine are trained to use the downstairs bathroom. It's great, though a nightmare in the morning when there's a queue, especially as one of them likes to bring in his own reading material and can be in there for quite a time! I think his current tome is 'How to train humans...the dummies' :rolleyes:

borderlinemeath

chopper6 wrote: »

You see you're the one with the "****ed nose".


If you live with a background smell for long enough you fail to notice it..a visitor to your house might think differently.

This is true to a degree.

But it works both ways. Visitors to your home could be offended by how it smells, be it cooking smells, maybe a pair of smelly runners, an air freshener or a chemical smell from cleaning products. Every home has a "smell" it's subjective to the individual visitor whether they find it offensive or not. For example when I'm invited to a certain friend of my husbands home, I always politely decline as his wife is a heavy smoker and I gag at the smell in the house.

Right now my house smells of spearmint. From the disinfectant I use to clean up after the dogs. Sometimes I use the baby powder scent, or eucalyptus, but I do not have "filthy" animals, and while you're entitled to your opinion, it's rather offensive to come onto the pets forum and describe dogs and cats as "filthy".

chopper6

Karen91 wrote: »

Outside!!! Why where do you think dogs excrete?

People house train their dogs you know, she lets me know when she wants to go out to go to the toilet.

So the dog craps in the street and on other peoples property?

I have regularly walked other people's dog filth into my house,it is also well known that dog and cat excreta can harbour harm full pathogens.

I'm not trying to offend anybody but to my mind dogs are pretty far from being clean.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Who lets their dog **** on other peoples door steps??
You scoop it up

shruikan2553

chopper6 wrote: »

I have regularly walked other people's dog filth into my house,it is also well known that dog and cat excreta can harbour harm full pathogens.

Dont you wipe your feet before going inside?

Karen91

chopper6 wrote: »

So the dog craps in the street and on other peoples property?

I have regularly walked other people's dog filth into my house,it is also well known that dog and cat excreta can harbour harm full pathogens.

I'm not trying to offend anybody but to my mind dogs are pretty far from being clean.

Are you for real?? I am really embarrassed for you!! We have a private garden behind our house and we clean it up straight away! If she poops out on a walk I have poop bags to clean it up and put it in the bin!

I cannot believe peole have such a backward image of dogs!

MrWalsh

chopper6 wrote: »

So the dog craps in the street and on other peoples property?

I have regularly walked other people's dog filth into my house,it is also well known that dog and cat excreta can harbour harm full pathogens.

I'm not trying to offend anybody but to my mind dogs are pretty far from being clean.

You poo too you know!

chopper6

MrWalsh wrote: »

You poo too you know!

Yes..into a toilet that feeds into a sewage system designed for the removal of waste.

I don't defecate in gardens or urinate up against walls and lamposts.