Visitors want us to remove the cat and dog while they are staying with us

Ken.

Karen91 wrote: »

Its not an option for my girls to sleep outside, they have been indoors from day one they have their own room in the house their beds are there they enjoy the company of the tv so they have a small tv in there too along with toys the cat has a tower in there. The dog is a toy breed shes a pomeranian people think that she does not get cold because shes so fluffy but they over estimate the thickness of her coat but she does get cold she is not an outdoor dog.

I'd rather have 100 people mad at me than 1 cat. I was 10 minutes late feeding my cat last week and she's still off with me. Now dogs I can take or leave but I wouldn't expect(or demand) anyone I know that has one to put it outside. I know where I'd be told to go by my fog owning friends and family.

mosi

OP, your sister in law is being completely unreasonable - and downright rude and insulting to go with it.
If I was in your situation, there is no way that I would put my dogs outside or send them to kennels. Like your pets, they are members of the family who live inside. They wouldn't cope well being outside while I don't see why they should go through the stress of boarding just to accommodate someone who thinks they can dictate what happens in my own home.
A couple of people here have suggested that you putting your foot down could cause unnecessary ill feeling. TBH, I think the opposite would be more likely to cause ill feeling. If you were to keep the pets outside, you may end up seething at seeing them miserable while herself lords it around the place. If something happened to your cat as a result, I could see things getting extremely strained. Likewise, if they were sent away, you would probably spend the whole time missing them and worrying about them which could likely lead to further tension.
She has no right to insult you or your pets, and certainly has no right to dictate how you run your own home.

doubleglaze

I would contact her myself - not through your husband - and keep it short, courteous and simple:

Hi Ann, I understand your concerns, but unfortunately sending the dog and the cat elsewhere is not an option/ is proving impractical.

I won't be offended if, in the circumstances, you choose to stay in a local B&B or hotel. I'd be sorry if you do, but understand if you are not comfortable having your baby around our animals.

Love, Karen.

sandra06

tell them to pxxs off ,your pets live in your home they dont ,,,the cheek of them let them go somewhere else what are you meant to do with your pets put them in a kennel for there stay who be paying for that not the freeloaders that want to stay in your home i no what i do ,,what will you do if they dont like the bed you let them sleep in change it cheeky feckers

sandra06

Karen91 wrote: »

They have stayed with us before but that was before they had a child and there was no problem but now she claims he could contract something from our filthy animals as she put it!

I am really considering telling them find a hotel but my OH is trying to avoid insulting them.

she told you your animals were filithy its ok for them to say this to you but your OH is afraid of insulting them o i know you tell them your get rid if your pets on the condition there baby doesnt have ****ty nappys in your nice clean house

The Masculinist

Karen91 wrote: »

Its not an option for my girls to sleep outside, they have been indoors from day one they have their own room in the house their beds are there they enjoy the company of the tv so they have a small tv in there too along with toys the cat has a tower in there. The dog is a toy breed shes a pomeranian people think that she does not get cold because shes so fluffy but they over estimate the thickness of her coat but she does get cold she is not an outdoor dog.

Ok, I can see you treat your pets like they are children. I didn't realise this. I have "outdoor" dogs and cats who sleep in warm areas in my shed. We'll have to agree to disagree on this one. All the best with it.

ken wrote: »

I'd rather have 100 people mad at me than 1 cat. I was 10 minutes late feeding my cat last week and she's still off with me. Now dogs I can take or leave but I wouldn't expect(or demand) anyone I know that has one to put it outside. I know where I'd be told to go by my fog owning friends and family.

In fairness, I think your post is a bit OTT. A cat is an animal, the owner shouldn't be held to ransom to feed it at the exact same time every day!

I was just trying to offer advice which would keep the peace with your in laws. As I said previously, the OH's sister is completely in the wrong and down right insulting. Nevertheless, as a new mother I can understand why she may be over protective of her little darlings. A bit of a compromise is required from both sides to keep the peace IMO.

Best of luck with everything and take care.

Dubl07

The Masculinist wrote: »

Ok, I can see you treat your pets like they are children. I didn't realise this. I have "outdoor" dogs and cats who sleep in warm areas in my shed. We'll have to agree to disagree on this one. All the best with it.



In fairness, I think your post is a bit OTT. A cat is an animal, the owner shouldn't be held to ransom to feed it at the exact same time every day!

I was just trying to offer advice which would keep the peace with your in laws. As I said previously, the OH's sister is completely in the wrong and down right insulting. Nevertheless, as a new mother I can understand why she may be over protective of her little darlings. A bit of a compromise is required from both sides to keep the peace IMO.

Best of luck with everything and take care.

SIL's LO will be a burgeoning heap of snot, ****, bacteria and noisy squalling. The cat and dog who are resident inside the home and intrinsic members of family really shouldn't have to be subjected to any of the tot's hazards or behaviour. I'd put up a tent outside for the OH's sister and kiddo. Nice and bracing for them. If they want to press their noses to the door and ask nicely to get in, fair enough. Is there a father to SIL's LO involved in this visit? Are his hormones less out of whack?

The Masculinist

Dubl07 wrote: »

SIL's LO will be a burgeoning heap of snot, ****, bacteria and noisy squalling. The cat and dog who are resident inside the home and intrinsic members of family really shouldn't have to be subjected to any of the tot's hazards or behaviour. I'd put up a tent outside for the OH's sister and kiddo. Nice and bracing for them. If they want to press their noses to the door and ask nicely to get in, fair enough. Is there a father to SIL's LO involved in this visit? Are his hormones less out of whack?

My sarcasm meter is about to explode, but in case you are being serious....

A child is human. An animal is an animal. A human would receive preference in my household.

Dubl07

The Masculinist wrote: »

My sarcasm meter is about to explode, but in case you are being serious....

A child is human. An animal is an animal. A human would receive preference in my household.

I am hospitable and courteous to guests but I expect courtesy in return. A resident of my household will never be evicted to suit the whim of someone I am hosting.

The Masculinist

Dubl07 wrote: »

I am hospitable and courteous to guests but I expect courtesy in return. A resident of my household will never be evicted to suit the whim of someone I am hosting.

My sister-in-law overreacts when her children play with my mother's dogs getting worried that the digs may bite. My mother's dogs are harmless and extremely friendly. While my mother gets a bit insulted by this, she realises that mothers can be overprotective. I also think it is OTT, if the children don't learn to be around animals now, they will be afraid of them in later life.

I suggest that the mother in this case is also a bit overprotective of her child. Nevertheless, in a world full of hostility, surely a bit of compromise would go a long way. Perhaps you should learn that compromise is the key to a peaceful life.

My suggestion is to house the animals in warm housing outdoors. Other posters have suggested a nice message to the OH's sister politely asking her to stay elsewhere. Whatever the OP goes with, she should be more civil than the tone some of the posters are taking here.

Riverireland

They are being a Bit cheeky by asking you to remove your animals for the week but new parents do become overprotective. I had the misfortune of sitting near one on a flight recently!!! If it were me I would tell them I couldn't remove the animals but would make efforts to keep them in their room as much as possible while they are in the house. I think you have to draw a line there as they are taking liberties as it is, all be it they most likely don't see it this way. Be aware you may not be overly welcome in their house going forward, certainly won't be able to bring your dog!

Dubl07

The Masculinist wrote: »

My sister-in-law overreacts when her children play with my mother's dogs getting worried that the digs may bite. My mother's dogs are harmless and extremely friendly. While my mother gets a bit insulted by this, she realises that mothers can be overprotective. I also think it is OTT, if the children don't learn to be around animals now, they will be afraid of them in later life.

I suggest that the mother in this case is also a bit overprotective of her child. Nevertheless, in a world full of hostility, surely a bit of compromise would go a long way. Perhaps you should learn that compromise is the key to a peaceful life.

My suggestion is to house the animals in warm housing outdoors. Other posters have suggested a nice message to the OH's sister politely asking her to stay elsewhere. Whatever the OP goes with, she should be more civil than the tone some of the posters are taking here.

When a family member is being irrational, it's not hostile to laugh at them and proceed along with your everyday life while attempting to accommodate them and educate them before they make a total eejit of themselves in the wider community. Their child is the world to them, of course, but it's not made of glass and pandering will only lead to further demands down the line.

Yes, the tent idea was sarcasm. The refusal to put an inside pet outside was not. To warmly and safely house a cat and a dog outside for a short period of time would be financially daft; a hotel would be far more sensible.

The Masculinist

Dubl07 wrote: »

When a family member is being irrational, it's not hostile to laugh at them and proceed along with your everyday life while attempting to accommodate them and educate them before they make a total eejit of themselves in the wider community.

Why do you have to laugh at anyone? She is just being a caring mother, a bit OTT, but what mother isn't? There is no need to laugh at anyone. Laughing at people creates hostility which I think we are trying to avoid here.

Dubl07

The Masculinist wrote: »

Why do you have to laugh at anyone? She is just being a caring mother, a bit OTT, but what mother isn't? There is no need to laugh at anyone. Laughing at people creates hostility which I think we are trying to avoid here.

Laughing openly would be better than seething silently given the circumstances. The mum is being daft and rude. The rudeness is the factor which could be the main cause of hostility if it is not treated with a degree of loving incredulity and laughter.

The Masculinist

Dubl07 wrote: »

Laughing openly would be better than seething silently given the circumstances. The mum is being daft and rude. The rudeness is the factor which could be the main cause of hostility if it is not treated with a degree of loving incredulity and laughter.

Poppycock. Noone is talking about laughing or seething. I think the OP would like rational solutions instead of hysterics.

Dubl07

The Masculinist wrote: »

Poppycock. Noone is talking about laughing or seething. I think the OP would like rational solutions instead of hysterics.

Hotel for SIL, expense depending on location and standard.

Free accommodation for SIL in lovely cosy house with ambulant lap-warmers.

Free accommodation for SIL in chilly tent without ambulant lap-warmers.

Toulouse

There is no way I would put that woman up in my home.

You can be sure that even if you did find alternative accomodation for the pets for the week, she'd be going around the place picking pet hair off things and making faces.

Stinjy

This annoys me so much! I absolutely hate when people come over and tell me to put the dog out! I will hold him, introduce him slowly and carefully and make sure he is happy with new people, also around kids I will always watch him and make sure he is being his usual well behaved self even though in the last 20 odd years of having dogs we've never had an incident with anyone.

I've an aunt who is really afraid of dogs, with good reason, but even she accepts that when she comes over she will give him a small pat on the head and then he buggers off to the couch for a sleep and she has no right to ask for him to be put out! Though I have put previous dogs up into a room with toys etc if there are a number of people over and food is involved .. mainly because all of my doggies have been great beggers and people generally feed them and it's not fair on dogs or people to have to deal with that.

Also any child that has ever come into the house the last two dogs in-particular have always been so good to. The youngest niece took the current dogs favourite toy and the dog followed and never once jumped to get it or even tried to get it until she put it down, note: he was 5 months old and not had training. It's the nature of a lot of dogs. If they are generally friendly they will usually be grand and somehow they actually realise that kids are kids and they can't retaliate. Also the kid will probably really enjoy having animals around... Though I wouldn't mind them keeping an eye and not leaving animals/kids in the same room unsupervised because there are accidents and unpredictabilities in animals and kids and you never know, better safe than sorry and all that lark!

Can't comment on the cat because ours was an outdoor cat and the first sign of visitors espeically children he was out like a shot or up to a room to hide.. Hated visitors :P

In short, I would tell the inlaws to like it or lump it, the animals are part of your family and will be perfectly fine around the child, if they don't believe you or aren't willing to try it they can stay elsewhere!

Edit: if your animals are "filthy" it's not the child she should be worried about it's herself too!! (granted I'm pretty sure your pets aren't filthy - cats = clean animals, and indoor dogs are usually very clean, at least not disease dirty! )

Milly33

Oh I would actually go and get more animals just for them. Someone mentioned booking them into a hotel I would be up for that option

Neyite

The Masculinist wrote: »

Why do you have to laugh at anyone? She is just being a caring mother, a bit OTT, but what mother isn't? There is no need to laugh at anyone. Laughing at people creates hostility which I think we are trying to avoid here.

I'll preface this by saying I'm not particularly fond of cats or dogs - don't like em, will never live in a house with them- that's just me. I'm also an over-protective mum of our Precious First Born.

But the sister in law is wrong here. As a mum, you cant demand that the whole world change to suit your parenting preferences and whims. There will be situations you feel is not suitable for your child (such as visiting a house with pets, for instance) but you suck it up and plan a more child-centered trip instead. You stay in more suitable accommodation which is child friendly and what you deem to be safer.

I can see that sometimes you accommodate a child - when I visit either granny, I move their breakables above reach of my child or block the stairs so he cant climb, but asking for the removal of indoor pets for a week is downright cheeky and terrible manners, and despite my lack of love for cats and dogs, I do have enough social cop-on to understand and respect that for some, their furries ARE their babies, and they could no more comprehend locking their babies in a shed than I would mine.

I think you should phrase it like Doubleglaze said, but I do think that it should come from your OH and not you - its his family after all, these situations are better handled by the family member, not the partner - if MIL/FIL wades in (its their grandchild after all) you'll be the bad guy forever whereas they would be more forgiving of their son falling out with their daughter.And dont feel you have to give excuses or reasons or get into a debate with anyone about it - simply say that boarding is not an option and you wont be doing it.

Hi Sis, I'm afraid boarding the animals is not possible, so we understand that you wont want to stay here as initially planned - here are some local hotels/B&B links that might be more suitable. See ya soon, Brother.

Getting into debates over cleanliness and animals is pointless, as is comparing babies to animals. Ditto giving out about her being all precious about her kid - that NEVER goes down well no matter how nicely phrased or well intentioned.

Dog of Tears

Can't believe you're choosing animals over your own flesh and blood.

Your SIL will be royally pissed off and I can see why.
Treating animals like children is downright weird. Animals aren't meant to be indoors all the time, if they can't survive a week outside there's something funny somewhere.

borderlinemeath

Dog of Tears wrote: »

Can't believe you're choosing animals over your own flesh and blood.

Your SIL will be royally pissed off and I can see why.
Treating animals like children is downright weird. Animals aren't meant to be indoors all the time, if they can't survive a week outside there's something funny somewhere.

This isn't about treating animals like children, and if that is what some people do, who are you to insult them by telling them it's wierd? Live and let live.

But don't dare come into my home and tell me to remove my pets who live there for your convenience. It's my home, it's their home, it's not your home. An invitation to stay does not come with carte blanche to insult and upset members of the household, as the pets will be stressed and upset having never boarded before, and the humans will be stressed worrying about the pets.

And yep, I could just see the SIL walking around picking hairs and dropping passive aggressive little hints that the house isn't clean enough for her little precious. Some people just expect too much.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Dog of Tears wrote: »

Can't believe you're choosing animals over your own flesh and blood.

Your SIL will be royally pissed off and I can see why.
Treating animals like children is downright weird. Animals aren't meant to be indoors all the time, if they can't survive a week outside there's something funny somewhere.

Someone making little of my house, and making demands before even arriving wouldn't be welcome in my home regardless of my pet situation

sillysmiles

Personally I would decide with your partner what is and isn't acceptable and then stay out of it and let him deal with his sister.

I would not rehouse the animals, but I would consider making up stairs animal free for the week or something.

But ultimately I would not contact her yourself. Let your OH deal with his sister. So long as he doesn't make it out that it is all your fault.

Karen91

Dog of Tears wrote: »

Can't believe you're choosing animals over your own flesh and blood.

Your SIL will be royally pissed off and I can see why.
Treating animals like children is downright weird. Animals aren't meant to be indoors all the time, if they can't survive a week outside there's something funny somewhere.

I do not treat them like children, I spoil them yes. They have their own room as a retreat they can escape to theres nothing weird about that, but I know the difference between my pets and a child.

The cat has been indoors from day one she would not survive outside you cannot release an indoor cat just like that, I would have to lock her in a dark shed for a week or fork out money to board her. The dog is a toy breed, toy breeds were bred as companion animals they were not intended for the outdoors. Her colouring makes her a target for thieves maybe you have not realised but theres dogs being stolen up and down the country everyday.

So please explain to me why I should put my pets at risk to accomodate somebody else.

Karen91

sillysmiles wrote: »

Personally I would decide with your partner what is and isn't acceptable and then stay out of it and let him deal with his sister.

I would not rehouse the animals, but I would consider making up stairs animal free for the week or something.

But ultimately I would not contact her yourself. Let your OH deal with his sister. So long as he doesn't make it out that it is all your fault.

He is going calling her later on his lunch break telling her that if she has a problem with them feel free to go to a hotel. I am staying out of it, he can remain calmer than me anyway.

LynnGrace

No pets or 'childer' here, but I agree re your OH telling them politely, it's not happening. I don't think it's a reasonable request, and would be very understanding when they decide to stay elsewhere.

Remember this might be the first of many proposed visits, and it's better to have this sorted now.

Drexel

Can people not see that this is not about choosing animals over relatives?? This is about a visitor making completely unreasonable demands and being extremely rude to someone who is offering them their home to stay in for a week

TrishSimon

Karen91 wrote: »

The sister of my OH is visiting us from abroad in 2 months with her husband and baby they will be staying for a week with us. My OH told me that she has requested that we remove the animals while they stay with us for the safety of her baby.

The cat and dog are both house pets the cat is never allowed out unless on a lead because we live near a busy road and the dog only goes out to relieve herself and comes straight back in. So basically we would have to board them for the week while they are here, my parents might be able to take the dog but the cat would have to be boarded for sure as mother is not a fan of cats.

I am rather insulted about it and I am tempted to tell her find alternative accomodation, would it be unreasonable of me to do so?

Some opinions on the matter would be greatly appreciated!

Simple tell them to stay in a hotel, they are your pets if they dont like them being there then stay elsewhere.

Miaireland

I am not an animal person but I would never ever expect someone to remove animals from their house when I come to visit. I would tell your sister in law that you are unable to remove the animals from their home and or limited their movements within their home so you are emailing her a list of local hotel and bed and breakfasts.