Daughter potentially in shock after seeing car accident

MamaBee92

Hi everyone,

This morning I was walking my 5 year old daughter to school as usual. As we were walking we saw a girl that looked around 19/20 run out in to the road and get hit by a car, knocking her over the hood and on to the ground about 10 feet in front of us.

I grabbed my daughter and turned her away so she couldn't see, not knowing what to expect, whether the girl was dead, or if there was a gruesome scene that I didn't want my daughter to witness. Luckily, the girl stood up straight away. She was clearly in shocknas there was no way she got hit at that impact without sustaining some injuries. Nonetheless, she was alive. The driver took her to the hospital.

My daughter unfortunately witnessed the accident and was obviously terrified. She was screaming and then her legs turned to jelly and I had to carry her. At this point the car had gone with the girl in it, and everything seemed to just go back to normal. Not knowing what to do, I continued walking to school. My daughter insisted that she was ok and wanted to go to school. After a few minutes she was ok and walking again. She was back to her bubbly self, but full of questions. I answered her questions and acknowledged that it was a very scary thing that happened and that I had got a fright too.

She seemed ok, which surprised me as I was shaking like a leaf. She was fine the rest of the walk, although got a bit jumpy at cars driving by us and any big noises. As I got to the school in was unsure about whether to let her go in or not, but I saw her play with her friends and she seemed alright. I explained what happened to her teacher and asked her to keep an eye.

I'm concerned that I've done the wrong thing. Some may think I'm over reacting, but I can't accept that she is fine, knowing how I am feeling after seeing it. I'm still shaking and can't get it out of my head. I did some nursing training, but I'm no expert. In college i learnt that children can go in to shock after witnessing things like that and im concerned that that's what is happening here.

If that is the case, what should I expect? How do I comfort her? Should I be bringing her to the doctor? As a child I was in the car with my mum and we crashed in to another car. No one was hurt it was only a small bump but u got a huge fright and it effected me for years, I even started bedwetting etc. It still effects me know as I'm very nervous in cars and near roads. I don't want this to happen to her, but I know that kids big imaginations betray them sometimes.

Any advice?

PS sorry about the length of this post

nikpmup

I would suggest keeping a close eye on her and allowing her to discuss what happened as and when she wants to, without pushing her into it or coaching. Don't forget that while what happened to you had a profound effect, it doesn't necessarily follow that she will be the same. Your issues with cars/accidents are yours, not hers. You did the right thing IMO bringing her to school and letting the teacher know - the accident was fairly minor, no one was hurt badly. It would also be a good opportunity to teach her about road safety. Try not to worry too much, I hope you and she are okay

MamaBee92

nikpmup wrote: »

I would suggest keeping a close eye on her and allowing her to discuss what happened as and when she wants to, without pushing her into it or coaching. Don't forget that while what happened to you had a profound effect, it doesn't necessarily follow that she will be the same. Your issues with cars/accidents are yours, not hers. You did the right thing IMO bringing her to school and letting the teacher know - the accident was fairly minor, no one was hurt badly. It would also be a good opportunity to teach her about road safety. Try not to worry too much, I hope you and she are okay

Thanks for your reply

When I collected her from school she was still asking lots of questions, which I'm glad of as I wouldn't want her to bottle it up. She is still talking about it and has drawn 3 pictures of the incident. While I understand that it's normal for her to talk about it and ask questions, at what point is it too much? I don't want her obsessing over it either. We have to walk the same route by where it happened twice a day so its going to keep coming up.

sadie06

If she has drawn pictures relating to the actual incident, perhaps a little bit of coaching wouldn't go amiss. If she starts drawing it again, I think I would encourage her to draw a picture of the girl 'happy because she is all better now, and able to run and jump'. It might bring the episode to a conclusion in her mind.

bp

Kids feel/ experience accidents/ death differently to adults, but I completely understand why you are feeling the way you are. Are you ok by the way?

I think encouraging her to draw 'happy pictures' is a good idea of the lady after the accident and maybe in the coming days as you near the spot have a distracting topic of conversation ready - e.g. One Direction (if she likes them-not a clue what 5 year olds like) that will absorb her attention somewhat

MamaBee92

Thanks everyone for your advice! She seems much better today, still talking about it but I think she's sussed it out in her mind so she's comfortable with it all

nikpmup

MamaBee92 wrote: »

Thanks everyone for your advice! She seems much better today, still talking about it but I think she's sussed it out in her mind so she's comfortable with it all

Good to hear

LadyMayBelle

Handy story books about worries, or seeing something scary might be useful.

In my experience, she might appear to have a reaction in weeks or months time, and you just gently talk to her about it- what kids don't know, they make up, and it might be scarier in her head than what actually happened. But so far so good it sounds..

Being so self aware yourself about your experience as a kid is worth a lot- you will be able to tell if she is getting upset about it, and who knows, maybe she will, maybe she wont.

ElleEm

Having studied play therapy, I would have to go against what others are saying about drawing "happy pictures". Your daughter is drawing to process her thoughts and emotions on what happened, not how the victim is. Your daughter may draw pictures every day for a week/ month/ year, and if you keep them, you may see a difference in the focus, colours or tone of the picture. Allow her to process this in her own time, she is very likely to move through it appropriately if given the time to deal with it at her own pace.

skallywag

That does indeed sound like a frightening experience OP.

In my experience young children tend to be a lot more resilient when it comes to such incidents than we ourselves are, and in particular if there is a perceived 'happy ending', e.g. the girl getting up and appearing fine again (in your daughter's eyes at least). I think you handled the situation well and did the right thing. You can also take the positive from this unfortunate incident that your daughter will very likely take more care herself in the future when it comes to running out onto a road, etc.