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Baby Showers?

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    #62
    Neyite
    Administrators, Politics Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,947 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Neyite


    MissFlitworth wrote: »
    I think the name 'baby shower' has been co-opted from American traditions and tv and used to name a much nicer type of event here, as in a gathering of the friends and family of a soon to be new Mother. An event to hang out with and celebrate with someone who is going to have a baby sounds wonderful to me, especially as a lot of pregnant women (especially first time pregnant women, none of my friends have multiples yet) I've known found the last couple of months hard and seriously appreciated anything that was done to celebrate with them and sometimes make them feel less bored/alone/worried/trapped at home/delete as applicable. The event, ie hanging out with your pregnant buddy and giving them a space where they can totally talk about babies and be excited about what's to come without worrying about boring people, is lovely. The name makes it seem like an event for grubbing presents off people, it's a pity.

    a good auld send-off is what it's called this side of the pond- well, in my neck of the woods anyway. I don't like the word 'shower' either - suggest being showered with gifts which to me, is a bit grabby. Ditto for bridal shower.


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    #63
    qo2cj1dsne8y4k
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,646 ✭✭✭✭qo2cj1dsne8y4k


    Surely if you're friends with someone, you'll still hang out with them. My three closest friends have all been pregnant, and we still went for lunch, went shopping, went to the cinema ect. I don't see the need to host a party towards the end of pregnancy, where people are obliged to bring gifts (I know I certainly wouldn't attend a party without a gift no matter what the invitation said) when you'll be buying something when the child is born and for its christening. It's just very crass. A baby shower is called a shower because it's assumed the expectant mother is showered with gifts. It's very crass to be honest.


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    #64
    MissFlitworth
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,057 ✭✭✭MissFlitworth


    Yeah - shower is an awful word when it comes to parties and it *definitely* implies 'bring loads of presents' and, in my experience so far, hasn't been what the mam-to-be or the person who organised the shower has been after.


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    #65
    Big Bag of Chips
    Administrators Posts: 14,035 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    Ms2011, just on your strict no present rule.. You admit that many of your friends will bring something, probably homemade, so that "they feel like they are bringing something".. So do you reasonably expect that others will bring things too? If some people feel the need to bring something, is it not reasonable to assume everybody will feel the need to bring something? I would not risk turning up to something classed as a "baby shower" with my arms swinging.

    I know you have said no presents, but by acknowledging that some people will bring things, you probably should accept that most/everyone will bring something. I wouldn't bring a present to "lunch with friends" but I would feel under pressure to bring a present to a "baby shower lunch with friends"!


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    #66
    Ms2011
    Registered Users Posts: 3,129 ✭✭✭Ms2011


    Well I know OH sisters will bring some kind of cake/cupcake/ dessert, they are a family of bakers so they will always bring something like that wherever they go, like if I invited one of them to dinner they would always bring a dessert regardless.
    Everyone else knows my feelings on the present thing so I can only hope they respect my wishes on the day.

    ETA: My sister will bring the balloon for the table


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    #67
    Big Bag of Chips
    Administrators Posts: 14,035 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    I understand what you are saying, but if I was meeting my friends for lunch in a hotel I wouldn't bring my own dessert!! I would think the hotel wouldn't be too pleased!


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    #68
    December2012
    Registered Users Posts: 4,695 ✭✭✭December2012


    Those who think these things are crass / bad form - do you think all parties are crass / bad form?


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    #69
    Ms2011
    Registered Users Posts: 3,129 ✭✭✭Ms2011


    Big Bag of Chips wrote: »
    I understand what you are saying, but if I was meeting my friends for lunch in a hotel I wouldn't bring my own dessert!! I would think the hotel wouldn't be too pleased!

    My sister has already checked that it's ok as she was going to buy a cake to bring.


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    #70
    qo2cj1dsne8y4k
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,646 ✭✭✭✭qo2cj1dsne8y4k


    December2012 wrote: »
    Those who think these things are crass / bad form - do you think all parties are crass / bad form?

    Depends on what the party is for to be honest.
    Is a super sweet 16th party tacky? Yes.
    Is a party to celebrate your cat having kittens tacky? Yes.
    Is a divorce party tacky? Yes.
    Is a pre wedding party tacky? Yes.

    Is a christening tacky? No.
    Is a child's birthday or a landmark birthday tacky? No.
    Is an anniversary tacky? No.


    What exactly is a baby shower celebrating? Being fertile?

    Getting together with friends is exactly that. A catch up.
    A baby shower is to be "showered with gifts". Then gifts when the baby is born is expected.


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    #71
    Sligo1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,948 ✭✭✭Sligo1


    LexieOnRale wrote: »
    Then gifts when the baby is born is expected.

    No they're not....


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    #72
    qo2cj1dsne8y4k
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,646 ✭✭✭✭qo2cj1dsne8y4k


    Sligo1 wrote: »
    No they're not....

    Eh, didn't the previous poster state that she didn't want presents at the baby shower as they'd be purchasing gifts when the baby was born?


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    #73
    Sligo1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,948 ✭✭✭Sligo1


    LexieOnRale wrote: »
    Eh, didn't the previous poster state that she didn't want presents at the baby shower as they'd be purchasing gifts when the baby was born?

    Which poster? I took the above quote as your opinion i.e. The Holy Grail, on all events. I was simply stating that people don't "expect" gifts when they have a baby. You obviously do, as that whole post came across as "your" opinion...


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    #74
    Ms2011
    Registered Users Posts: 3,129 ✭✭✭Ms2011


    LexieOnRale wrote: »
    Eh, didn't the previous poster state that she didn't want presents at the baby shower as they'd be purchasing gifts when the baby was born?

    There's a difference in what happened previously & what's expected in the future.
    The last time people bought for the shower, birth & Christening. This time I wanted to make sure that didn't happen again so had to say something in case this is what people thought or had planned to do agin, it doesn't mean I expected a present each time.


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    #75
    Sligo1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,948 ✭✭✭Sligo1


    Christ this is turning out like the weddings forum....


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    #76
    eviltwin
    Registered Users Posts: 17,495 ✭✭✭✭eviltwin


    I always got gifts when my kids were born but small gifts, a few clothes, nothing expensive. I wouldn't expect anyone to give me a gift prior to the birth and then again after the birth, its just too much. People have their own things to fund. As nice as presents are the best gifts I got when I had just had babies were food, housework and lots of people to take baby off my hands for a few hours. That is priceless!!


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    #77
    baby_pebble
    Registered Users Posts: 169 ✭✭baby_pebble


    I am being tortured with a baby shower soon and I hate the thought of it!! I am the first in my group of friends and I just don't want it but I may aswell be talking to a wall, I hate being center of attention and I don't see the point of it but it is his family who are behind it. Praying i'll go into labour before the "shower" :/ I feel like if it does happen I want just my closest friends there but they're saying you need to ask this person and that person and I'm like no! Also one friend said before in front of me since we are all chipping in for one big gift do I have to buy something when baby is born, I was mortified as I don't want anything of them to begin with and I didn't ask for anything!


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    #78
    Big Bag of Chips
    Administrators Posts: 14,035 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    Ms2011 wrote: »
    My sister has already checked that it's ok as she was going to buy a cake to bring.

    Hotels usually have no problem with people bringing cakes etc to their party. Which is what you're having. A small party, but a party none the less. You're not just meeting your friends for lunch.

    People very rarely turn up to a party empty-handed. And even if the host/recipient has specified no present, and you respect that wish, you can feel very awkward/small/uncomfortable when others show up with presents.

    It's irrational, because as you rightly say, you don't want presents, you'd prefer not to get them, but for the person/people who show up without one it feels really awkward!

    I think you need to prepare yourself for presents and fuss on the day!


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    #79
    qo2cj1dsne8y4k
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,646 ✭✭✭✭qo2cj1dsne8y4k


    Sligo1 wrote: »
    Which poster? I took the above quote as your opinion i.e. The Holy Grail, on all events. I was simply stating that people don't "expect" gifts when they have a baby. You obviously do, as that whole post came across as "your" opinion...


    No I don't expect other people to fund my lifestyle choices.


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    #80
    Sligo1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,948 ✭✭✭Sligo1


    LexieOnRale wrote: »
    No I don't expect other people to fund my lifestyle choices.

    That's good. Your post seemed to say otherwise. It's funny how things can be twisted or misinterpreted on the Internet.


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    #81
    Ms2011
    Registered Users Posts: 3,129 ✭✭✭Ms2011


    Big Bag of Chips wrote: »
    Hotels usually have no problem with people bringing cakes etc to their party. Which is what you're having. A small party, but a party none the less. You're not just meeting your friends for lunch.

    People very rarely turn up to a party empty-handed. And even if the host/recipient has specified no present, and you respect that wish, you can feel very awkward/small/uncomfortable when others show up with presents.

    It's irrational, because as you rightly say, you don't want presents, you'd prefer not to get them, but for the person/people who show up without one it feels really awkward!

    I think you need to prepare yourself for presents and fuss on the day!

    I don't know what your obssession is with labelling what kind of event I'm having (lunch, party, shower) but I think we'll just have to agree to disagee about it.
    All of the above may be true in your circle of friends but not in mine, they know the type of person I am, they were only at my wedding last year which was small & intimate, they know I don't like a fuss.


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    #82
    qo2cj1dsne8y4k
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,646 ✭✭✭✭qo2cj1dsne8y4k


    Ms2011 wrote: »
    I don't know what your obssession is with labelling what kind of event I'm having (lunch, party, shower) but I think we'll just have to agree to disagee about it.
    All of the above may be true in your circle of friends but not in mine, they know the type of person I am, they were only at my wedding last year which was small & intimate, they know I don't like a fuss.


    Why did they make a fuss with shower number one if they know you don't like a fuss? :confused:


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    #83
    Neyite
    Administrators, Politics Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,947 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Neyite


    LexieOnRale wrote: »
    No I don't expect other people to fund my lifestyle choices.

    Getting unexpected gifts when you have a baby isn't expecting others to fund your lifestyle though. I never expected anything and so many people were so thoughtful and generous. But I'd everything I needed already for the baby.

    Nobody on this thread has said they expect gifts in a shower. They might know their friends well enough to know they are unlikely to turn up empty handed, but that's very different from expecting presents.


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    #84
    qo2cj1dsne8y4k
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,646 ✭✭✭✭qo2cj1dsne8y4k


    Neyite wrote: »
    Getting unexpected gifts when you have a baby isn't expecting others to fund your lifestyle though. I never expected anything and so many people were so thoughtful and generous. But I'd everything I needed already for the baby.

    Nobody on this thread has said they expect gifts in a shower. They might know their friends well enough to know they are unlikely to turn up empty handed, but that's very different from expecting presents.


    I understand what you're saying but I don't understand holding a baby shower (by definition meaning to shower the new arrival with gifts) and then saying it's not for the presents. I doubt many people would turn up to a "baby shower" empty handed, it's just not the done thing. If it's just meeting friends for a lunch while you still have the free time, why not just say that, when people would show up and not feel bad about not bringing a gift.

    A close friend of mine recently didn't have a baby shower but was very put out that certain people didn't buy a gift for her child when he was born, (August) and decided to have the christening in February because people would have more money than if she had the christening before Christmas.

    When someone close to me has a baby, I'll always get it a gift. I wouldn't dream of showing up without one. The same goes for a baby shower, Id bring something. Id still buy a gift when the child was born even if I gave one at a shower, although I would still think it was crass to hold the shower, and Id put cash in a card for a christening. They're events and if I'm invited, obviously I wouldn't go with one arm longer than the other. As would most people I assume


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    #85
    Ms2011
    Registered Users Posts: 3,129 ✭✭✭Ms2011


    LexieOnRale wrote: »
    Why did they make a fuss with shower number one if they know you don't like a fuss? :confused:

    They were invited to my house by my sister who organised the shower with a SIL, we had curry & finger food, it was a great night mainly because there was no fuss.


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    #86
    Big Bag of Chips
    Administrators Posts: 14,035 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    Ms2011, you were the one who said at the start that you said you didn't want a baby shower... So you didn't want it labelled. You said your sister sold it to you as just lunch with your friends.

    There's no obsession with what you're having. I'm just pointing out that "lunch with your friends" for me wouldn't include 20 people, a balloon, people bringing desserts and handmade craft items!! We obviously have very very different opinions on what "low key" is!!

    I genuinely hope you have a lovely day. I genuinely wish you well with the next few weeks and the birth of your baby.

    Edit: I don't think I have 20 friends ;)


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    #87
    Neyite
    Administrators, Politics Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,947 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Neyite


    But the mother to be is traditionally not the one to organise a shower. Its usually a friend or a sister and its considered bad manners to throw one for yourself.

    Bridal showers are basically hen parties under a different name, slightly different format but essentially the point is to have a girly celebration before the big event, usually organised by a sister or friend of the bride to be. And hens are the norm these days. Its probably cheaper to attend a bridal shower with a gift than attend a hen these days though!


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    #88
    Ms2011
    Registered Users Posts: 3,129 ✭✭✭Ms2011


    Big Bag of Chips wrote: »
    Ms2011, you were the one who said at the start that you said you didn't want a baby shower... So you didn't want it labelled. You said your sister sold it to you as just lunch with your friends.

    There's no obsession with what you're having. I'm just pointing out that "lunch with your friends" for me wouldn't include 20 people, a balloon, people bringing desserts and handmade craft items!! We obviously have very very different opinions on what "low key" is!!

    I genuinely hope you have a lovely day. I genuinely wish you well with the next few weeks and the birth of your baby.

    Edit: I don't think I have 20 friends ;)

    OH is from a large family, his sisters alone make up half the guests :)

    And thank you for the well wishes.


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    #89
    desbrook
    Registered Users Posts: 1,847 ✭✭✭desbrook


    It seems a shame that the Dublin slang term "shower" is falling out of usage in the capital. (For those who don't know it is defined as a group of singularly unworthy individuals). It's demise will leave us no protection from this " Baby Shower " expression :(


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    #90
    Sligo1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,948 ✭✭✭Sligo1


    LexieOnRale wrote: »
    A close friend of mine recently didn't have a baby shower but was very put out that certain people didn't buy a gift for her child when he was born, (August) and decided to have the christening in February because people would have more money than if she had the christening before Christmas.

    Omg! Who has friends like that? And close friends??? Seriously! I would be re evaluating that friendship. It actually reminds me of a current thread going on on the wedding forum at the moment. With friends like that it's no wonder you are a bit jaded about the whole "shower" scenario. But fortunately I "think" most people would not have those "expectations". Well thank god none of my close friends do anyway.

    FWIW, I'm indifferent to baby showers.
    I never had one on either of mine. If someone threw me one great. If I went to someone's, all good... Free rein to talk about all things baby which I can so rarely do outside of the boards forums (which is why I'm on here so much). Free rein to shower my mate with attention and cake (if that's what she wants) whist she is prob feeling fat, hormonal and rotten (well that's how I felt anyway). Also, no way would I be giving another present when baby is born if I had already bought something to the shower. That's a bit ridiculous and imo nobody would expect that. Apart from maybe that friend listed above in the previous post which hopefully there aren't many of in the world.

    Ms2011, enjoy your lunch/shower/party/whatever it is. I think its a very caring idea from your sister. You can explain yourself away here on boards but people will still always have something negative to say about how someone chooses to celebrate an event.


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    #91
    tinkerbell
    Registered Users Posts: 6,423 ✭✭✭tinkerbell


    http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baby_shower
    Traditionally, baby showers were given only for the family's first child, and only women were invited.[2]

    According to etiquette authority Miss Manners, because the party centers on gift-giving,[3] the baby shower is typically arranged and hosted by a close friend rather than a member of the family, since it is considered rude for families to beg for gifts on behalf of their members.[4] However, this custom varies by culture or region and in some it is expected and customary for a close female family member to host the baby shower, often the baby's grandmother.[5]

    A baby shower, by definition, is where you celebrate baby's upcoming arrival by showering with gifts. I don't understand this nonsense by saying it's a baby shower when you don't want gifts. It's either one or the other. If you give an invite to people saying its a shower, they'll most likely feel obliged to bring a gift. If you don't want people bringing gifts, then tell them it's just lunch because it is not a shower then. I agree with BBoC. It's like saying you're having a wedding without getting married.

    IMO, baby showers are gift grabbing. I have no problem going out for lunch as normal with friends etc. I was asked if I wanted a baby shower - I said no. I was happy though to go out for lunch etc before baby arrived just as an excuse to go out to lunch with my friends as we would normally do. But I did not want a baby shower because then people would feel obliged to bring gifts and I don't like putting people under unnecessary additional expense.


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