Granny dying

Redpunto

So my nan, kids great granny not looking to well past few days - she is 100 in nursing home - looks like she is going downhill , I have told kids shes not well but should I preparing them a bit more if its time for her to go. I don't feel its appropriate for them to see her at the min, shes very confused and restless. Should I be preparing them a bit more, we just don't know if this is "it". Thanks would appreciate others experiences/opinions

Thanks:o

Oryx

What you tell them is dependent on what age they are and their maturity level. But don't hide the fact that great gran is dying. Tell them the facts simply and let them ask what they want to know. The kids will set the level of knowledge they want. Use plain, accurate words: death and dying, not things like 'passing'.

If they want to see her, let them, but prepare them. My kids visited their gran before she died and while they didnt want to stay long (she was in a similar condition to your gran) it seemed to help them understand what was going on.

Kids deal with death remarkably well if they are allowed to understand what is going on. I think learning to accept death as part of life is a really important thing, and to be honest my children have taught me something about how to deal with death by how they handled it.

meeeeh

Ours saw great granny a week or two before she died and we told them she died just before wake. They didn't have huge relationship with her and I think the older one (5) was more concerned about funeral so they came to the mass and the grave. They didn't see the open casket but after the funeral when we went home (my partner went for tea and sandwiches and I took the kids) I was asked by the oldest when the funeral will be finished and I told him that is it. He was a bit disappointed, he built it up as a lot bigger issue in his head. The two years old didn't care.

At least the oldest now knows what the funeral is like and if and when someone he is closer to dies at least there is only the emotional aspect he needs to deal with. It might seem cold but I think that funerals of very old people are handy introduction because they are a lot less taxing and there is less distress than when someone younger dies.

pwurple

So sorry to hear that. Mine have lost three greatgrandparents in the last while.

It's hard to know how to handle it. We didn't say they were sick beforehand because we didn't want them to be scared of being sick, or of other people being sick.

When it happened we told them they had died, using those words. Not "passed on" or "gone to heaven" or "gone to sleep". Just kept it very clear.

The eldest was sad and cried a bit, and she still talks about them, which we encourage. They came to the funeral. We visit the grave also and talk about it if they want to. Look at photos etc. They might have a lot of questions.

ted1

We buried my granny last week. The questions that my 5 year daughter old came out with where priceless.
Why is granny lil in a box ?
Do dead people have soft skin?
Are their eyes open?
Why isn't it a glass coffin like snow whites?
Why did she die? Because she was really old. Why was she so old?

Then at the grave yard. I had to explain what the tombstones are.
Wow is everybody buried here? Or do Italians get buried in Italy?

My advice is to answer ever question it's part of their development

greengirl31

Redpunto, ... I'm so sorry for what you're going through - it's a tough time for you and your children

My mum passed away recently and her and my daughter who is 7 were very close. Mum had been sick for a while but had been up an about until a couple of weeks before she died. When we knew the inevitable was happening, I tried to bring death up in conversation with her … Not easy with a 7 yr old. But I would say how Nana was very sick and she was tired of being sick and when people get really tired of being sick they die. We did talk about Nana going to heaven but that might not a road everyone goes down. The hospice was involved with my mums death so they were very helpful. As the other posters said, use definite language like dead, dying to try to convey the finality of it and try to keep stressing that once someone dies that they don’t come back again. My poor nephew told Santa that he didn’t want any presents this year if he could just let Nana come back for Christmas day – just heartbreaking !!

Again, I’m sorry for what you’re going through