Hesitant to rejoin nights out

BacanBan

Hi,

I thought I'd reach out for some support to try and get me back on track.

All my life, I've been a non drinker. I just didn't like the taste of alcohol and wasn't that bothered. However I've never let it stop me going out and having a nice time. The odd time people can be a bit forceful trying to get me to drink, or something bad can happen at the end of a night out that spoils the enjoyment a little but I usually just shrug it off.

However in the last few months, I'm finding it a little harder. I've been out in social situations where people have poured their drinks into mine, bought me drinks even though I said no, got messy drunk and started to harass other people and have even turned a bit violent towards myself and others. And I noticed I'm finding it a little harder to shrug these things off. It's making me want to go out less, and I can honestly can I've only been out twice since before Christmas.

My boyfriend is a drinker and he's started to question why I'm not joining them out as much as usual. And I've tried to explain to him that I'm finding it difficult lately but I'm not sure I even understand it well enough to explain it to others. It's just this panic and fear that something bad will happen or an uncomfortable feeling I get after a few hours out. I'm now in my mid twenties (25) and I just can't be bothered any more after the last few months. Have the rest of you ever experienced this? How do you manage to get over it and go back to enjoying nights out as before? Or is this just part of the territory with getting older that can affect both drinkers and non drinkers alike?

Ethel

BacanBan wrote: »

Hi,

I thought I'd reach out for some support to try and get me back on track.

All my life, I've been a non drinker. I just didn't like the taste of alcohol and wasn't that bothered. However I've never let it stop me going out and having a nice time. The odd time people can be a bit forceful trying to get me to drink, or something bad can happen at the end of a night out that spoils the enjoyment a little but I usually just shrug it off.

However in the last few months, I'm finding it a little harder. I've been out in social situations where people have poured their drinks into mine, bought me drinks even though I said no, got messy drunk and started to harass other people and have even turned a bit violent towards myself and others. And I noticed I'm finding it a little harder to shrug these things off. It's making me want to go out less, and I can honestly can I've only been out twice since before Christmas.

My boyfriend is a drinker and he's started to question why I'm not joining them out as much as usual. And I've tried to explain to him that I'm finding it difficult lately but I'm not sure I even understand it well enough to explain it to others. It's just this panic and fear that something bad will happen or an uncomfortable feeling I get after a few hours out. I'm now in my mid twenties (25) and I just can't be bothered any more after the last few months. Have the rest of you ever experienced this? How do you manage to get over it and go back to enjoying nights out as before? Or is this just part of the territory with getting older that can affect both drinkers and non drinkers alike?

Those people are not friends, and avoid them at all costs. Just tell your boyfriend drinking is just not for you. And while you've joined on nights out regardless, you're being put under pressure to drink and you don't like it. If he understands this better he may be more supportive to you. I think your enjoyment on nights out will return when you have your boyfriend understanding, and batting for you when you're being pressurised.

superelliptic

" I've been out in social situations where people have poured their drinks into mine, bought me drinks even though I said no, got messy drunk and started to harass other people and have even turned a bit violent towards myself and others."

Yep, this happens more frequently when folks are in their early / mid twenties and are getting wasted a lot. No excuse for it at all. I'm a social drinker myself but I think It shows serious immaturity if people let their buzz get killed because there's one sober person in the group who "remembers everything".

Generally though, I'd like to think that people who cross the line the way you describe, particularly those who would get threatening or intimidating are in the minority. That said though I'd spend more time with your own friends rather than your BF's just to get a break from them. Explain what's been going on to your BF and tell him how it makes you feel, just see how he takes it. If its something he's never considered before then he might think your over reacting at first but it should open his eyes a bit. Ultimately you need to hang out with people you are comfortable with, so if these people you are hanging out with at the moment are becoming unpredictable then I'd gradually start dropping them tbh. Life's too short.