Facebook annoucement

LegacyUser

A very close family member died last week - we knew the person was slipping away and was elderly but still was a very big shock. An in-law posted an announcement an hour after the death (with photo of said person) of the death. It goes without saying that only the immediate family had been notified at that stage. The deceased was also a very private person. Would you be offended? I was in shock and did not realise till days after that this was posted. If I had known I would have asked for it be to be taken down. Its still upsetting me and I would like to know am I being too sensitive?

banie01

1st off condolences on your loss.
Facebook seems to be replacing local radio and newspapers for this type of announcement.
particularly for folks under 40.
Lots of people no longer listen to the death notices on the radio nor buy/read the local paper for death notices/arrangements.

Before you get upset regarding news of the death being posted to Facebook, ask yourself this...
Did the undertaker place an announcement in the paper?
Were the loss and details of the removal/funeral added to your local radio stations obituaries/death notices?
Were the details announced on RIP.ie?
If they were, then I would try and avoid becoming too upset at the fact someone shared the loss on FB.
Yes it was insensitive of them and premature too.
At the very least they should have waited until their was an announcement via one of the channels I mentioned or a close family member, but Facebook is how many people share family or local news and gossip now.
No longer is it listen to the radio at 12.15 or whatever time the notices are broadcast...
it's now check FB.

I totally agree that the person who posted the information on Facebook was premature and at the very least insensitive.
But, if any of the above are near the mark, don't get too angry over their mistake and instead focus on getting you and yours through the tough times to come.
Again my sympathies on your loss.

LynnGrace

banie01 wrote: »

1st off condolences on your loss.

I totally agree that the person who posted the information on Facebook was premature and at the very least insensitive.
But, if any of the above are near the mark, don't get too angry over their mistake and instead focus on getting you and yours through the tough times to come.
Again my sympathies on your loss.

+1.

My condolences on your loss OP. I think it's very understandable that it is upsetting you. Take care of yourself, and try not to dwell on this.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies - there has been a few issues with the same person acting insensitively with issues regarding the persons death and its an accumulation of things - I agree I have to concentrate on what's important. Thinking about it I think this person is in constant need of reassurance and wallows in the FB condolences that she is receiving so if that makes her feel better - let it be. Im practicing the breathing in technique and breathing out and "let it go" approach. Thanks again.

cuilteanna

I posted my mam's death on Facebook about 4 hours after the hospital rang. By that time I had told my father, brothers, and mam's brothers and sisters. I honestly couldn't face talking to the rest - random cousins I hadn't seen nor heard from in years - so it was the easy way out for me. A few people she spoke to regularly got emails, and her distant friends who are not on social media got letters afterward.

I am sorry for your upset, but for me the love and support from my friends on Facebook was very badly needed at the worst time of my life.

Big Bag of Chips

I think it was insensitive of your in-law to post. I think if something like that is to be shared on Facebook, then it is up to the immediate family to do it, as in the case of the previous poster. Dealing with the death of a parent or someone close to you is so personal. It can feel like an invasion of privacy if it is "broadcast" without your consent.

By any chance is this in-law very active on Facebook? I know some people who live every second and their posts are usually looking for 'likes', or praise, or sympathy etc. One 'friend' of mine posted a picture of her 4 year old daughter, on a nebuliser in A&E, with the caption "Scary dash to hospital", and then continued thanking everyone who replied with concern for the child. I couldn't understand why she had to update Facebook instead of comfort her little girl!

I am so sorry for your loss, and you are not wrong to feel upset by your in-law's actions.

Elliejo

I wouldn't have a problem with a death being posted on Facebook, as long as a few hours had passed and all relevant people had already been informed. My nephew posted about his grandfather's passing (my dad) a little too quick. We had only 10 minutes previously managed to contact my daughter who was abroad. She hadn't had time to digest the information before it popped up on her newsfeed. She was very upset.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the replies - the past few days have given me some perspective and to "let it go" and focus on whats important. I am just aghast that it was posted 50 mins after the death. This person is not a child either and should have known better but is the type of person who would languish in all the facebook sympathies. We have had other issues with said person just not being sympathetic to other feelings during this time, especially the next of kin - this issue was just one of many! Its let me see a different side to this person which is a shame as I don't think they are a bad person but it hurt so much that I know ill never forget.

danslevent

I think posting on Facebook is beyond tacky and insensitive. Just my opinion,it would bother me a great deal.

I am 22 so not all people under forty think this is acceptable. If I found out a family member died the last thing going throug my mind would be to inform people on Facebook.

Moocifer

I posted my Dads funeral details on facebook the day after he died but all the family knew at that point. I was in so much shock and so upset I couldn't answer another call or text looking for the details.

For me it was easier than dealing with actual human interaction. I had just lost my Dad so I didn't care what anybody thought.

Stojkovic

Big no no for me about facebook.

My sister suggested it and I objected.

I phoned one person and the grapevine did the rest. Within 20 mins I received 8 txts and 3 calls plus loads approached me in the pub.

Emsloe

I never thought I would do it but I posted about my Father's death on facebook. I've spent a great deal of my life living abroad and many friends who are overseas (who I stay in touch with through Facebook) would have visited through the years and spent time with him. Many more were aware of the various illnesses he had overcome in the last few years. His passing was sudden and unexpected, and to be honest I couldn't face writing email after email, or even typing the words that he had died. Even now I'm tearing up about it.

Grief is a personal thing, and you're entitled to be shocked, horrified etc. that other people do things that you don't, or don't do things the way you do. You don't need anyone's permission to feel that way. However you also shouldn't sit in judgement of how other people are trying to handle their grief. The tone of some posts on this thread criticising the insensitivity of other people is just as insensitive, if no more so.