Now Ye're Talking - To a Transgender Woman

Lisha

Hi Deirdre. Thank yiu for doing this ama. I really learned a lot.
Best of luck with your journey ahead and I hope you enjoy life to the fullest .

Redser87

Thank you for all of your responses Deirdre and good luck in the future.

Annasopra

Hi Deirdre

Do you think 3 or 4 year olds are able to determine their own gender identity?

What do you think about children being raised by their parents in a gender neutral way?

December2012

Hi Deirdre - thanks for answering my question before.

In your experience do most transgender people end up in a relationship (if that's what they want), or is it hard for others to accept the transgender persons past?

For example, I would like to think that if my husband came out as a transgender woman I would be supportive and still love him and be with him (if he wanted me that is).

But I imagine that it's different to being in the dating stage?

By the way, you look like a beautiful woman.

Zebrano

Well done you did a great job and thanks for the wonderful insight i have learnt a lot and good luck in the future
Thanks
Zebrano

deirdre_dub

Joeytheparrot wrote: »

Do you think 3 or 4 year olds are able to determine their own gender identity?

Yes.

The average age at which a transgender person becomes aware of their gender identity is 7.

What do you think about children being raised by their parents in a gender neutral way?

There is something very wrong IMO about imposing artificial standards of behaviour on children because of their gender. How many female engineers, and how many male homemakers, has the world lost because of those standards?

deirdre_dub

December2012 wrote: »

In your experience do most transgender people end up in a relationship (if that's what they want), or is it hard for others to accept the transgender persons past?

I honestly don't know. I haven't been in relationship myself (ever!) so I have no personal experiences to draw on. I know a lot of my trans friends are in relationships, but I don't know if they had to suffer the kind of rejection you mention before getting there.

Your question, though, boils down to "does transphobia impact on the ability of people to maintain a budding relationship with a transgender person?". I imagine it happens, but I couldn't comment on how frequently.

By the way, you look like a beautiful woman.

Thanks. My body doesn't do my face justice, unfortunately, but at least I have that

syklops

Do you get wet?

Feel free not to answer if it's too personal, just something I was curious about.

Zebrano

Do u think many gay/lesbian peopleare actually transgender and dont realise

deirdre_dub

syklops wrote: »

Do you get wet?

Feel free not to answer if it's too personal, just something I was curious about.

I'm not going to answer that for me, but I'll answer it in the general sense.

There is an option for every trans woman who is getting gender confirmation surgery - we need to choose between "dry" and "constantly wet".

As I said, I'm not going to go into which I chose and why.

deirdre_dub

Zebrano wrote: »

Do u think many gay/lesbian peopleare actually transgender and dont realise

Yes, though with greater awareness of trans issues I'd say that's getting rarer.

It's all about awareness and educating - which are two of the motivations I have for this AMA

deirdre_dub

Two videos of me doing activism work (in case you are also wondering what I sound like :P )

The first is motion 19 - the motion I proposed at the Labour Party conference of 2012. I hasten to add that I've since resigned from the party.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MUA97GIdPCU

The second is outside RTE in relation to the transphobic show "The Centre"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LNI4u3tZBvM

orthsquel

Fair play to you Deirdre, it takes a lot to stand up and speak about a matter that is really important to you, especially when it feels like its personal with reference to that particular show.

Would you generally see yourself as an activist for transgender rights? Or could you see yourself in that role in the future, working with TENI or even working with TGEU? I wasn't aware of TGEU - although it is possible you mentioned it - but has such an umbrella organisation proved to be a voice heard within the EU Parliament itself? Does it give that bit of extra strength or credibility to groups like TENI and even yourself on particular matters when dealing with a particular issue?

deirdre_dub

orthsquel wrote: »

Would you generally see yourself as an activist for transgender rights?

I have a passion - an itch that needs to be scratched. I'd love to scratch it by being a trans activist.

Or could you see yourself in that role in the future, working with TENI or even working with TGEU?

Definitely not TENI - and that's a story in itself. I was talking to my lawyers yesterday about TENI and I, and I expect to be sending them a solicitors letter shortly. 'nuff said.

I'd be reluctant to be involved with TGEU, for the simple reason that I've found through bitter experience that activist organisations can be dreadfully political, and are often full of backstabbers and career politicians. It is that same sort of bitter experience with TENI that brought me to my lawyers office yesterday

I wasn't aware of TGEU - although it is possible you mentioned it - but has such an umbrella organisation proved to be a voice heard within the EU Parliament itself? Does it give that bit of extra strength or credibility to groups like TENI and even yourself on particular matters when dealing with a particular issue?

Probably. But as far as I can see the toxicity often contained in the organisations themselves is such that I don't see how I can be involved with them, and that is something that breaks my heart and angers me to my core, as I'd love to be using my talents to help bring about that kind of change. And I don't know how to "vet" the good organisations from the bad.

I'm currently looking at ways in which I can use my talents in other ways to help bring about change. As was said in the intro, I'm currently studying TV presenting and production - it would be an absolute dream for me to get a job as a TV or radio presenter, and the feedback I'm getting suggests it's possible. And I hope by simply living my life openly, and well, and without apology, in front of a TV camera or radio microphone, it might just send out the kinds of messages about transgender people (as well as messages to transgender people in the closet) that might help bring about change.

I've been at the labour party conference, I've spoken outside RTE, I've done a year of LGBT radio, but the most powerful activism-related thing that ever happened to and for me is when I was in the kitchen of a rented cottage just outside Sligo. A trans woman had reached her "breaking point", came into the kitchen, and announced to me and a fellow activist that she was, from that point forwards, never again going to present as male, and she was going to take whatever social consequences that entailed. She gave a most moving speech (which reduced my activist friend and I to tears) about her right to be herself. That moment was worth any amount of trips to Leinster House or RTE.

syklops

deirdre_dub wrote: »

I'm not going to answer that for me, but I'll answer it in the general sense.

There is an option for every trans woman who is getting gender confirmation surgery - we need to choose between "dry" and "constantly wet".

As I said, I'm not going to go into which I chose and why.

Thanks for answering what Im sure is quite an intimate question so well.

Just thinking out loud, Id imagine 'always wet' would bring with it quite a few potential pitfalls.

CramCycle

deirdre_dub wrote: »

I'd be reluctant to be involved with TGEU, for the simple reason that I've found through bitter experience that activist organisations can be dreadfully political, and are often full of backstabbers and career politicians. It is that same sort of bitter experience with TENI that brought me to my lawyers office yesterday

A horrible generalisation but it seems to be something present in a large volume of Irish organisations, regardless of the aim or point of the organisation, not just activist ones, I do wonder is it a genetic trait of some Irish people when I look back over my life and recall the actions of some in organisations that I have been a member of.

I hope its not something that causes you to much grief whatever the issue, and if it already has that it is resolved swiftly.

deirdre_dub

syklops wrote: »

Just thinking out loud, Id imagine 'always wet' would bring with it quite a few potential pitfalls.

It depends on how wet, but yes. And I've now reached my limit of comfort talking about this!

deirdre_dub

CramCycle wrote: »

A horrible generalisation

Yes - but my problem is I don't know how to figure out if an organisation is going to be "good" or "bad". I've recently discovered that another organisation I thought was "good" isn't.

I hope its not something that causes you to much grief whatever the issue, and if it already has that it is resolved swiftly.

It has caused, and continues to cause, a tremendous amount of grief. I've been suicidal trying to deal with the consequences of what happened And I suspect it's going to drag on for quite some time, as everyone (even organisations other than TENI) has put up a wall of silence that I need to break down in order to undo the damage.

What I would say to everyone is - if TENI, or any other organisation, offers you something, by all means take it. Use them. But be careful about trusting them. I've yet to come across a voluntary organisation that is about what it says it's about. All voluntary organisations are, in fact, about fulfilling the personal needs of those involved in them - if they weren't fulfilling those personal needs, then those people wouldn't be involved! And sometimes you'll find an organisation where those personal needs are a need to feel good about giving you something.

deirdre_dub

OK - this AMA was threatening to get off-topic there, so let's revert to the question at hand.

It's important to note that my experience of gender is one of many within the wider trans community. There is no one way to be trans. In particular, I think it's important to note that most trans people don't transition, and they don't transition simply because they don't need to!

A non-transitioning male-to-female trans person is often called a transvestite. I know many transvestites. Some of them are almost-but-not-quite transgender, but most are simply people who have a strong need to express themselves in a feminine way. And it's a deep-seated non-sexual need (as opposed to a desire, though of course the need creates a desire).

Whereas there are some legal protections for transitioning transgender people, there are none for those who don't need to transition. The activist part of me finds that unacceptable. Indeed the transgender part of me is also suspicious of it - it is as if I'm being rewarded for upholding the gender binary by going from one box to the other, which is in stark contrast to my transvestite and other non-transitioning trans friends - friends who are amongst a wider set of trans people who occupy both boxes.

To paraphrase Dr. Who - trans is like a big ball of wibbly-wobbly gender-wender stuff

Gloomtastic!

^ Can you give examples of what legal protections you'd like transvestites to have please.

Also, and apologies if it sounds a bit blunt, did your Mum drink heavily while pregnant with you? I believe Fetal Alcohol Syndrome can result in offspring questioning their gender.

deirdre_dub

Gloomtastic! wrote: »

^ Can you give examples of what legal protections you'd like transvestites to have please.

Protection from discrimination due to gender expression is basically it, I think.

Also, and apologies if it sounds a bit blunt, did your Mum drink heavily while pregnant with you? I believe Fetal Alcohol Syndrome can result in offspring questioning their gender.

Nope. My mother has always been a very moderate drinker. A heavy smoker, but a moderate drinker.

The best scientific theory about being transgender states that my mother's body was supposed to generate a surge of testosterone for me during a particular stage of the development of my brain, and didn't. All babies grow up to be female until testosterone intervenes. So my brain was developing along female lines, and didn't get that shot of testosterone, and so I was left with a brain telling me I'm female in a body which was telling me I'm male.

yellowlabrador

A new documentary from Journeyman pictures on transgender teens

Sonics2k

I've no question for you deirdre, but I just wanted to thank you for this fantastic thread. Obviously I grew up in the LGBT community and have known a good few trans people in my time, but it's good to see you answering these questions so openly and upfront.

deirdre_dub

Sonics2k wrote: »

I've no question for you deirdre, but I just wanted to thank you for this fantastic thread. Obviously I grew up in the LGBT community and have known a good few trans people in my time, but it's good to see you answering these questions so openly and upfront.

Thanks There are some questions which I'm not prepared to answer, as they are too personal, and I'm glad to see that being understood. I normally don't even talk about whether I'm pre-op, post-op or non-op, but I decided to address that issue in at least the general sense on this thread, especially since it wasn't in the first few questions I got (which it normally is! :rolleyes: ).

As I said it's been my pleasure. I've received PMs from two people - you know who you are - thank you! Thank you for your support, and for your trust in me.

And as I've said above, I'm passionate, and I have an itch that needs to be scratched. Part of that itch is the simple dream that, as Dr. King said, people should be judged by nothing more than the content of their character. I see too many people judged by stuff which really isn't important, and suffer greatly because of it.

So I hope to see you all on 22 May voting yes.

MrWalsh

deirdre_dub wrote: »

So I hope to see you all on 22 May voting yes.

Of course!!

I was at the March for Marriage last year and I made a huge sign to carry - afterwards there were various pics posted on twitter and in news media and I kept seeing my huge sign waving about in pics - so funny - couldnt see me at all of course!

Dav

Lets wrap it up there, seems as good a spot as any.

Deirdre, thank you so much for answering so many questions so well and to the rest of you for engaging and making this thread a great read.

I'll have a new AMA up later today.