Is it actually possible to make new friends in this city?

Dellnum

Quote:
I’ve got off on the wrong foot with you. Im not accusing you of anything. I just heavily suspect putting a letter out is not a good idea and I’d bet I’m not the only one who thinks that."

I understand how you might think that you would be inviting weirdos to reply to an ad you might have in the paper, but really that is just one way of looking at it. The other way is that you might just get a few decent replies, like I did, and why would you not be willing to take the chance, you have nothing to lose except the cost of the ad if it doesn't work out, but hey look what you have to gain if it does work out. If you are that desperate then why not try it. If you have tried everything else and nothing else works for you why not try this.

Also, I don't think that a year is long enough to expect to make a friend. It can take 3/4 years to develop a particular friendship with someone you might randomly meet up with. Friendships often develop with someone you might least expect it to happen with.
Give yourself more time.

If you are really fed up and not willing to try any of these suggestions, or have tried them and have given up, then your last resort is to change jobs and make sure that there are people in your age bracket working there before you take the job.

Anyone who has ever made a friend has done it with one of the suggestions made here, so start working at it, and don't expect all encounters to turn into a friend, and don't forget that to make a friend you have to be a friend.

Dyr

Have you looked for like minded friends under any of dublins many bridges?

lonelyuphere

Bambi wrote: »

Have you looked for like minded friends under any of dublins many bridges?

Can find plenty of trolls here

January

Bambi wrote: »

Have you looked for like minded friends under any of dublins many bridges?

If you suspect a troll report it, do not post on thread about it.

January

lonelyuphere wrote: »

Can find plenty of trolls here

And don't rise to it!

OP, I'm not sure how much further this thread can go. You've had countless suggestions and you have shot down each one. It takes time to make friends, you're not going to make a friend in one day or in one meeting.

lonelyuphere

January wrote: »

And don't rise to it!

OP, I'm not sure how much further this thread can go. You've had countless suggestions and you have shot down each one. It takes time to make friends, you're not going to make a friend in one day or in one meeting.

If Im breaking some kind of forum rules then fair enough I'll stop replying but I'm still interested in the replies I'm getting and the problem is that I've been through much more than one day and one meeting.

Also I havent shot down everything.

Ken Shamrock

Mate, you've been asked 2 or 3 times now what you enjoy doing and have failed to answer any of them, nobody here knows why you can't make friends although I'm sure some people could hazard a guess, nobody here can tell YOU some magical way to make friends because nobody knows YOU.

If the plan was to come in here and try and make a friend or two that's not going to happen If you refuse to tell anyone what you are all about. I feel for you and everyone else on the planet who struggle to make friends and I was looking for something you had an interest in that I too had an interest in so I could reach out to you but you have not given any indication as to anything you like apart from "sports team".

Maybe If you do as someone else suggested and start posting in a thread that interests you. If there is nothing on the entirety of boards that you have an interest in then I question the integrity of the OP.

lonelyuphere

Bob.Carcass wrote: »

Mate, you've been asked 2 or 3 times now what you enjoy doing and have failed to answer any of them, nobody here knows why you can't make friends although I'm sure some people could hazard a guess, nobody here can tell YOU some magical way to make friends because nobody knows YOU.

If the plan was to come in here and try and make a friend or two that's not going to happen If you refuse to tell anyone what you are all about. I feel for you and everyone else on the planet who struggle to make friends and I was looking for something you had an interest in that I too had an interest in so I could reach out to you but you have not given any indication as to anything you like apart from "sports team".

Maybe If you do as someone else suggested and start posting in a thread that interests you. If there is nothing on the entirety of boards that you have an interest in then I question the integrity of the OP.

If anyone wants to know about me then PM me.

Ken Shamrock

lonelyuphere wrote: »

If anyone actually wants to know about me then PM me.

With that attitude no one will...

lonelyuphere

Bob.Carcass wrote: »

With that attitude no one will...

I didnt mean it in any negative way. I just cant take the risk of posting anything that could identify me, it would be astonishingly embarrassing.

Ken Shamrock

lonelyuphere wrote: »

I didnt mean it in any negative way. I just cant take the risk of posting anything that could identify me, it would be astonishingly embarrassing.

You shouldn't be embarrassed about having a tough time making new friends in a completely new county to you. It's understandable and I'm sure very relatable to a lot of people. I've never been in the situation as I've lived in Dublin my entire life.

Outside of School College work and Clubs it is quite difficult not to make friends but to make friends with people you can relate to and enjoy spending time with.

They do exist you just have to look in the right places or maybe stop looking full stop. Looking too hard might even be the problem.

Poster2014

Have you tried getting involved in the community even the likes of jogging in a nearby park? I live close to a park and there are loads of different groups who jog together. You could even try organizing a group like this if you really wanted. Typically Irish you could always try the local pub. I have to agree it is hard to make friends. I'm in a similar position having moved to Dublin from the country I've friends at home and despite being in college in Dublin I still struggled to make genuine friends that'd I'd spend time with outside college. With the work scene I wouldn't be so fast to write off the oldies sure some of them only want to talk about their kids but plenty are just up for a laugh like the rest of us. Hopefully things change for you it's not a nice position to be in.

syklops

I am in a sports team. I just had a look at myhobby.ie and I don’t see anything I’m interested in. Where do you find these clubs? Most Ive seen from the internet have been in things I dont have any interest in like martial arts or hiking.

Some possible hobbies off the top of my head:

Model plane/boat/car building
Remote control model plane/boat/car building/flying/driving
lock picking
brewing
Programming
Fishing
Shooting
Painting
Photography
Chess
Poker
Dungeons and Dragons or other board games
LARPing
Paintball

Anything pique your curiosity?

Danjamin1

Have you tried just going to a bar & talking to people? Don't know whether you drink or not, but regardless of that a bar can be a good place to meet people. I recently lived abroad and there was a bar in the village I worked in, I went there a couple times a week and chatted to the bar staff, before long got to know some of the regulars who were around my own age as well. Didn't turn in to a raging alcoholic but did go for a couple drinks one or two nights during the week while I lived there. I made friends through it, we would go to football matches & hang out on occasion. Maybe I was just lucky but it worked!

BetterThanThou

I second a bar, Fibber Magees would be one I'd recommend if you don't mind metal, I can go to that place with the intentions of making new friends and end up making a new friend within 2 minutes of walking in the door, it's an extremely chilled out and non-judgemental place. I'd also recommend giving some of the people you know your age a shot. 3 of my best friends I met in a sports club, one of them I disliked, the other two I didn't think very highly of either. I ran into one of them in a bar one night, we hit it off, and now we're really good friends, he invited me out one night with the other two, I hit it off with both of them, and I'm quite good friends with them now too. I'd honestly just invite some of them out for a few pints or something and keep an open mind, people will often have a different attitude at a sports club or at work than they will somewhere else, or even you might just need to break the ice, I act differently around people I consider friends to people I consider acquaintances. Worst case scenario, you don't hit if off with anyone, you waste a bit of cash and time, I think it's worth a shot.

Dellnum

You could set up your own group on meetup.com. It doesn't cost any more than about 20 euro and you will get plenty of replies from people your own age, if you stipulate the age group you want for the group. You won't be without a friend if you do that.

barry181091

Thinking about heading in myself alone tonight from Maynooth. Whats the worst that can happen, no one talks to me? :P Would you all recommend Fibbers so? As long as im near-ish to a Nitelink im ok.

syklops

barry181091 wrote: »

Thinking about heading in myself alone tonight from Maynooth. Whats the worst that can happen, no one talks to me? :P Would you all recommend Fibbers so? As long as im near-ish to a Nitelink im ok.

Bring a cigarette lighter.

Dellnum

Try Twenty Somethins Dublin on meetup.com, all your age group.

lonelyuphere

I wasnt expecting there to be any more replies. Thanks very much.

Bob.Carcass wrote: »

You shouldn't be embarrassed about having a tough time making new friends in a completely new county to you.

Thanks, don’t notice many other people saying the same thing though.

Poster2014 wrote: »

Have you tried getting involved in the community even the likes of jogging in a nearby park?.

syklops wrote: »

Some possible hobbies off the top of my head:

Model plane/boat/car building
Remote control model plane/boat/car building/flying/driving
lock picking
brewing
Programming
Fishing
Shooting
Painting
Photography
Chess
Poker
Dungeons and Dragons or other board games
LARPing
Paintball

Anything pique your curiosity?

Honestly no, could be me just being a stick in the mud but I already tried some of them and I would never do any of the other things if I had friends already. I suppose I could go anyway.

Danjamin1 wrote: »

Have you tried just going to a bar & talking to people?

BetterThanThou wrote: »

I second a bar, Fibber Magees would be one I'd recommend if you don't mind metal, I can go to that place with the intentions of making new friends and end up making a new friend within 2 minutes of walking in the door

This could be a reflection of my own problems but I’ve never talked to a stranger in a bar and a stranger has never spoken to me. People go to bars with their friends in my observation. I’m not even sure how I’d get talking to someone in that situation, especially without coming across creepy. Am I being overly negative on this?

BetterThanThou wrote: »

I'd honestly just invite some of them out for a few pints or something and keep an open mind, people will often have a different attitude at a sports club or at work than they will somewhere else, or even you might just need to break the ice, I act differently around people I consider friends to people I consider acquaintances. Worst case scenario, you don't hit if off with anyone, you waste a bit of cash and time, I think it's worth a shot.

That’s good advice but I just cant even imagine asking any of those people to go out for the night, it might be a bit different if I met them when I was already out but I cant go out because I don’t have any friends to go out with.

Dellnum wrote: »

You could set up your own group on meetup.com. It doesn't cost any more than about 20 euro and you will get plenty of replies from people your own age, if you stipulate the age group you want for the group. You won't be without a friend if you do that.

Dellnum wrote: »

Try Twenty Somethins Dublin on meetup.com, all your age group.

Thanks Dellnum but I’m just a bit put off by the crowd I’d attract. I guess the error I’d be making in your view is being too picky. Sorry for being awkward.

I know I keep saying it but is there anyone out there who was in this situation and got out of it?

Dellnum

I was in your situation years ago, and I got out of it, but you are not interested in how. You are putting up too many obstacles and with your attitude you will never make a friend. However, I feel you are just disillusioned right now but if you keep on trying some of the suggestions here you will meet people. You have to be prepared to put in the work though, and stop dismissing every suggestion. There is no other remedy for it. Get out there and start making an effort. Hope you are successful. There are 2,000 members in Twenty Somethins Dublin on meetup.com. They can't all be unsuitable. There are new people joining every single day, be one of them.

syklops

Honestly no, could be me just being a stick in the mud but I already tried some of them and I would never do any of the other things if I had friends already. I suppose I could go anyway.

But you dont have friends already.

My girlfriend is one of the most socially reserved people I know. I met her initially through work but we socialised a bit by playing chess with some co-workers in the pub. Without that I never would have started going out with her.

The only thing she does socially is role playing games. She found some people on meetup.com and now she goes once a fortnight and role plays with them. Sometimes they go for coffee or drinks after. If she can make friends anyone can because she is really really reserved, and very shy.

skimpydoo

Dellnum wrote: »

You could set up your own group on meetup.com. It doesn't cost any more than about 20 euro and you will get plenty of replies from people your own age, if you stipulate the age group you want for the group. You won't be without a friend if you do that.

Actually it can cost around 140 euro a year to run a group on meetup.com, I should know as a friend and I run the Are You Ready To Rock In Dublin Meetup Group. The cheapest option is 36 euro a year but it limits how many members you can have.

Dellnum

skimpydoo wrote: »

Actually it can cost around 140 euro a year to run a group on meetup.com, I should know as a friend and I run the Are You Ready To Rock In Dublin Meetup Group. The cheapest option is 36 euro a year but it limits how many members you can have.

You are right, but I was just talking about setting up a group for about 3 months, which I did, and it only cost me 15 euro, no kidding. Also, in case someone says it takes longer than 3 months to make a friend, here's one for you. I went to one meet.up group one day, got chatting to a person on the first day, neither of us went back but we exchanged phone nos and we are still friends. How's that for ye ???

BetterThanThou

Your post is quite large so I won't quote it, but usually making friends in a bar depends on the bar, and of course, the clientele in that bar. Many bars you'll go to and everyone wants to keep to themselves and their friends, which of course is totally fine, in some other bars, people are totally happy to make new friends and socialize with any random person they run into. That's the reason I suggested Fibbers, it's somewhat of a dump, if I'm honest, but it's full of people who are happy to socialize with anyone, they're not stuck-up at all, otherwise they wouldn't be in a dump like Fibbers(a very enjoyable dump though), I'd make a lot of friends there, though, usually it's after a very large dose of "dutch-courage", maybe that's not what you're looking for, but it's definitely something I'd recommend trying at least once if you're looking for friends. Don't worry, walking up to someone and talking to them in a bar wouldn't be seen as creepy, all you need to do is leave them if you don't think they want to talk.

Did someone mention Dublin City Boards Beers?

Tar.Aldarion

I understand about work, you can never be too close friends with most work colleagues as they are older and have families. I started using meetup.com a year and a half ago, I've made plenty of friends on it (I'm 28). I now am an organiser of a group with 900 members, mostly in their twenties, yes lots are international too.

I go to meetups twice a week and meet up with some of them outside it. These things are what you make of them, I met people playing boardgames on there and the next night we went out for new years - was the best new years ever. I agree it is hard to make good friends, it takes ages and a lot of trying which is annoying, but there is nothing to be done for it try again and again, social events, I find them very hit and miss but you can't hit without being there. When you make friends I find I make friends with their friends too, so while it starts off slow it can speed up eventually.

SMJSF

I can *kind of* understand where your coming from, but I also think your narrow minded TBH!
Like I'm 21, and have no friends anywhere near my age, or where I live! I don't fit in with people my age because I also don't have much in common (I'm a care leaver, live on my own, no siblings, I don't drink, not into fashion, etc).
but I always end up good friends with older people, which there is nothing wrong at all! I'm in college with everyone who are between 30-60 years old, and I get on with most, because I freely talk to them about relevant stuff about the course, news, ask questions, and the one I talk to most is in her 40s. nothing wrong with that.

if your left with such small talk: maybe try ask them if they've been watching a new TV series, seen the latest movie, if they might be attending a local event, take a fe*king interest and make an effort!!
And if you get talking to at least one, after a few weeks, maybe text them during the weekend and ask to meet for a coffee or a drink, why don't YOU suggest something instead of expecting it!!!

Sundew

Sorry........but I smell a lot of cow manure in this thread!

I left the country because of people like you.......people who want designer friends, people who measure friendship by good looks, the qualifications they have, the car they drive, the B.S they speak, how many generations you go back in the local village....you don't get that in Dublin!

If you can't find at least one person on the same wave length as yourself in Dublin......then there is something wrong!!!

Why don't you get involved in a community garden?

Lucena

Sundew wrote: »

Sorry........but I smell a lot of cow manure in this thread!

I left the country because of people like you.......people who want designer friends, people who measure friendship by good looks, the qualifications they have, the car they drive, the B.S they speak, how many generations you go back in the local village....you don't get that in Dublin!

If you can't find at least one person on the same wave length as yourself in Dublin......then there is something wrong!!!

Why don't you get involved in a community garden?

So how's California workin' out for you then?