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Best advice youve had

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  • Registered Users Posts: 44,080 ✭✭✭✭Micky Dolenz


    If your gut feeling has been right in the past, trust it in the future.


  • Registered Users Posts: 7,953 ✭✭✭_Whimsical_


    A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,576 ✭✭✭monkeysnapper


    bloody hell....... this thread is disgusting !!!!!!!

    my advice to parenting

    get down to their level when talking to a child or miget , explain to them the decisions you are making so they understand, if that doesnt work give them a dam good shaking and a shlap


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,797 ✭✭✭Kevin McCloud


    There is no hitch on a herse.


  • Registered Users Posts: 206 ✭✭BrowmThomas


    Be good to yourself cause nobody else has the power to make you happy!


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  • Registered Users Posts: 7,953 ✭✭✭_Whimsical_


    Never put a lighbulb in your back pocket and never run while carrying scissors. The important of these can not be overestimated.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,740 ✭✭✭the evasion_kid


    $$$~Disregard females,acquire currency~$$$


  • Registered Users Posts: 44 glassdaisies


    The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else ;)


  • Registered Users Posts: 42 IWillFindYou


    More water


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,117 ✭✭✭Melisandre121


    Every morning, write down 3 things you're grateful for and watch your life change.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,969 ✭✭✭Mesrine65




  • Registered Users Posts: 3,043 ✭✭✭Wabbit Ears


    Ive a few, mainly based around personal responsibility

    If you ask someone to do something and they get it wrong, its usually because you didn't explain it properly.

    The common denominator in all your life's decisions is you. Don't blame anyone else for what went wrong and take credit for what goes right.

    In any given situation ask a few people their perspective, the truth is usually somewhere in the middle.

    If in doubt, Ask.

    If more than one unconnected person tells you something about yourself, its not them, its you.

    You have the ability to manage how people perceive you, If you don't like how you are perceived, you can change that.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,299 ✭✭✭moc moc a moc


    hollster2 wrote: »
    Go hard or go Home :eek::p

    That's what yore ma said to me last night


  • Registered Users Posts: 13,460 ✭✭✭✭kowloon


    hollster2 wrote: »
    Cover your stump before you hump

    Cover your mickey if you want to get sticky.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 9,607 ✭✭✭toastedpickles


    Can't believe no one has thrown this in yet

    "This is a piece of advice my father gave to me, and it refers not only to lagging but all forms of insulation, he said "don't ever" no wait it was "always" no wait it was "never, never" oh wait i've forgotten"

    Best piece of real advice i got,told was only dead fish swim with the stream, in otherwords its good to be different


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,925 ✭✭✭pudzey101


    1) Cover your stump before you hump
    2) Before you attack her, wrap your whacker
    3) Don't be silly, protect your Willie
    4) When in doubt shroud you spout
    5) Don't be a loner, cover your boner
    6) You can't go wrong, if you shield your dong
    7) If your not going to sack it, go home and whack it
    8) If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey
    9) It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter
    10) If you slip between her thighs, condomize
    11) She won't get sick if you wrap your dick
    12) If you go into heat, package your meat
    13) While your undressing Venus, dress up your penis
    14) When you take off her pants and blouse, suit up your mouse
    15) Especially in December, gift wrap your member
    16) Never ever deck her, with an unwrapped pecker
    17) Don't be a fool, vulcanize your tool
    18) The right selection, is to protect your erection
    19) Wrap it in foil, before you check her oil
    20) A crank with armor, will never harm her
    21) If you really love her, wear a cover
    22) Don't make a mistake, cover your snake
    23) Sex is cleaner with a packaged wiener
    24) If you can't shield your rocket, leave it in your pocket
    25) No glove, no love
    26) If you think she'll sigh, cover old one eye
    27) Even If she's eager, protect her beaver
    28) No one likes a horses ass, protect yourself at climax
    29) Shield her from the hunt until you shoot her in the ****
    30) Avoid a frown, contain your clown
    31) Harness the pygmy man before entering the bearded clam
    32) Constrain the little head before you stick it in the shed
    33) Put a condom on your dink before you dart it in her sink
    34) The weasel you must surround before you please her on the ground
    35) Cloak the joker before you poke her
    36) Encase that torch before you paint her porch
    37) Cape your throbber before you bob her
    38) After detection sheath your erection
    39) Before you penetrate hide your magistrate
    40) Don't surprise her plug your Geyser
    41) Cover that lumber before you pump her
    42) Protect her wrinkle before you sprinkle
    43) She won't bristle if you wrap your whistle
    44) House your noodle then release your strudel
    45) Put your dog in the pound and make her yelp like a hound
    46) Shelter your jerky then nab that turkey
    47) Cage that snake then shake and bake
    48) Cover your peter it will be much neater
    49) Coat that Labrador then allow him to explore
    50) It's always funky to cage your monkey
    51) It won't be funny with a coatless dummy
    52) It won't be fun with an unwrapped thumb
    53) It's not much money to catch your honey
    54) Don't be a fool cover your tool
    55) Hood that match then scratch that thatch
    56) Stitch that switch then itch her niche
    57) Wrap that tool to catch the drool
    58) It ain't no jibe to protect her hive
    59) Contain that sputum before you use him
    60) Restrain your log then plow her bog
    61) Glove your pecker before you check her
    62) Coat that slimer before you prime her
    63) Condomize then womanize
    64) Cover old pete then grind her meat
    65) Guard your peter before you meet her
    66) Check your list before you tryst
    67) Wrap your bate before you mate
    68) Can your worm before you squirm
    69) Cover your pipe you dumb ass wipe
    70) Contain your lizard then tickle her gizzard
    71) Bag the mole then do her hole
    72) Cuff your carrot before you share it
    73) Jail your number then call the plumber
    74) Cover your vein then drive her insane
    75) Wrap that pickle then slip her a tickle
    76) Protect your dink then fluff her mink
    77) Restrain your lantern then stick it in her cavern
    78) Hide ole harry then take her cherry
    79) Wrap that spout then bore her out
    80) Conceal your train don't cause her pain
    81) Guard your bridge then do her ridge
    82) Shroud your trout then make her shout
    83) To make her squat like a turkey, cover your Jerky
    84) Box your blister then poke her in the whiskers
    85) Wrap your spout to catch the trout
    86) Plug your funnel then enter the tunnel
    87) Cover your steamer before you ream her
    88) Protect that fish then dip it in the dish
    89) Contain that bass for a swim in her glass
    90) Be sure to wear it to feed her ferret
    91) Clothe the boner before you hone her
    92) Got no protection? Can't use your erection!
    93) Cork your pump or you don't hump
    94) No unwrapped stags get between my legs
    95) Dress that erection to make a deflection
    96) Contain that shanker before you spank her
    97) Cap that seeder before you breed her
    98) Stop the stream before you cream
    99) Secure that ladder then drain your bladder
    100) Protect your screw to catch that glue
    101) Package your meat for a real neat treat
    102) Holster your gun then shootings more fun
    103) Canvas that trailer before you nail her
    104) Garage the tractor then attack her
    105) Net that grass hopper before you pop her
    106) Sock that wanger before you bang her
    107) Pen that rooster, she'll be much looser
    108) Trim your hardwood then do her real good
    109) Garnish your oak then give her a poke
    110) Pouch your associate then go fornicate
    111) Smother your affiliate before you ejaculate
    112) Confine your fascinate before it regurgitates
    113) Catch that goat before it bloats
    114) Ensnare that barbarian then do her abdomen
    115) Restrain your hammer then wam bam her
    116) Prune that stalk then make her squawk
    117) Wrap that rod then please her bod
    118) Sheath that knife she ain't your wife
    119) House that bottle then mash her throttle
    120) Sash that hash then thrash that gash
    121) Cover your diddle then fiddle her middle
    122) Can your knob then throb her swab
    123) Contain old Doug then clean her rug
    124) Cover your limb before you swim
    125) Retain your bailer then impail her
    126) Rope your dope then make some soap
    127) Net your salamander then make salad in her
    128) Cap your flapper then sniff her snapper
    129) Wrap that Steed then trample her weeds
    130) Hat that chef then scramble her cleft
    131) Cover your stone before you bone
    132) House your hose then curl her toes
    133) Saddle your penis then straddle her mean ass
    134) Blanket your twitch then hump that bitch
    135) Shield your rocks then pond her box
    136) Cover old sly then do her dry
    137) Wrap your rail then fill her pail
    138) Glove your chimney before you come in me
    139) If your nude tube your dude
    140) Cloak your hitter then go split her
    141) Wrap your nipper before you dip her
    142) Can your spam then bam that mam
    143) Corral your ram then slice her ham
    144) Sheath your sliver then jab her liver
    145) Twist your wick then stick that prick
    146) Cover old Bart then dart her tart
    147) Shed old spot then do her slot
    148) Drawer your pip then split her lips
    149) Contain that leach then mash her peach
    150) Bag your elm then take the helm
    151) Constrain your gem to catch the flem
    152) Catch that head cheese or I won't spread these
    153) Constrain that agate you ain't no ******
    154) Survey your land then plant her stand
    155) Before you drive her protect that diver
    156) Sack that slimy smelt then tan her beaver pelt
    157) Wrap that stiffer then let him sniff her
    158) Cover you post then slice her roast
    159) Blanket old juicy then plug old loosey
    160) Balloon your baboon the moon tune her poon
    161) Contain that viper before you pipe her


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,357 ✭✭✭Littlekittylou


    Don't say 'I love you without meaning it'.

    Don't hurt people if you can avoid it.


    Be honest.

    No one is perfect, that's human. Don't be cruel that is inhuman.

    Hypersensitivity is a two way thing it's not a fault but it is your inborn temperament. It gives you a rich complex inner life.

    Don't put yourself down, there are already plenty of people who will do that for you.

    "Assumption is the mother of all ****-ups"

    "don't get bitter and twisted" ..


    If you don't ask, the answer is always 'no'.


  • Registered Users Posts: 353 ✭✭JamieK


    If it has tits or wheels it gives trouble!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,563 ✭✭✭Adamantium


    Don't be a pussy, she has one and she doesn't need another.


  • Registered Users Posts: 164 ✭✭Daryl Strawberry


    Be the Hero in your own movie.

    Live your life as if youre starring in a biopic, and this is the part in the 2nd act where you turn it around


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,563 ✭✭✭Adamantium


    hollster2 wrote: »
    Go hard or go Home :eek::p

    Why did they go soft on you at home? :pac:

































    I'm so so sorry


  • Registered Users Posts: 9,605 ✭✭✭gctest50


    Second place is first loser


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,199 ✭✭✭hollster2


    That's what yore ma said to me last night

    That's a very intelligent answer never heard that before!


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,163 ✭✭✭Shrap


    "'Tis easy climb a fallen tree" - said to me when I was mentioning that the rather attractive fella in the pub was too tall and I'd look like a mouse standing next to him....


  • Registered Users Posts: 7,008 ✭✭✭not yet


    pudzey101 wrote: »
    1) Cover your stump before you hump
    2) Before you attack her, wrap your whacker
    3) Don't be silly, protect your Willie
    4) When in doubt shroud you spout
    5) Don't be a loner, cover your boner
    6) You can't go wrong, if you shield your dong
    7) If your not going to sack it, go home and whack it
    8) If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey
    9) It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter
    10) If you slip between her thighs, condomize
    11) She won't get sick if you wrap your dick
    12) If you go into heat, package your meat
    13) While your undressing Venus, dress up your penis
    14) When you take off her pants and blouse, suit up your mouse
    15) Especially in December, gift wrap your member
    16) Never ever deck her, with an unwrapped pecker
    17) Don't be a fool, vulcanize your tool
    18) The right selection, is to protect your erection
    19) Wrap it in foil, before you check her oil
    20) A crank with armor, will never harm her
    21) If you really love her, wear a cover
    22) Don't make a mistake, cover your snake
    23) Sex is cleaner with a packaged wiener
    24) If you can't shield your rocket, leave it in your pocket
    25) No glove, no love
    26) If you think she'll sigh, cover old one eye
    27) Even If she's eager, protect her beaver
    28) No one likes a horses ass, protect yourself at climax
    29) Shield her from the hunt until you shoot her in the ****
    30) Avoid a frown, contain your clown
    31) Harness the pygmy man before entering the bearded clam
    32) Constrain the little head before you stick it in the shed
    33) Put a condom on your dink before you dart it in her sink
    34) The weasel you must surround before you please her on the ground
    35) Cloak the joker before you poke her
    36) Encase that torch before you paint her porch
    37) Cape your throbber before you bob her
    38) After detection sheath your erection
    39) Before you penetrate hide your magistrate
    40) Don't surprise her plug your Geyser
    41) Cover that lumber before you pump her
    42) Protect her wrinkle before you sprinkle
    43) She won't bristle if you wrap your whistle
    44) House your noodle then release your strudel
    45) Put your dog in the pound and make her yelp like a hound
    46) Shelter your jerky then nab that turkey
    47) Cage that snake then shake and bake
    48) Cover your peter it will be much neater
    49) Coat that Labrador then allow him to explore
    50) It's always funky to cage your monkey
    51) It won't be funny with a coatless dummy
    52) It won't be fun with an unwrapped thumb
    53) It's not much money to catch your honey
    54) Don't be a fool cover your tool
    55) Hood that match then scratch that thatch
    56) Stitch that switch then itch her niche
    57) Wrap that tool to catch the drool
    58) It ain't no jibe to protect her hive
    59) Contain that sputum before you use him
    60) Restrain your log then plow her bog
    61) Glove your pecker before you check her
    62) Coat that slimer before you prime her
    63) Condomize then womanize
    64) Cover old pete then grind her meat
    65) Guard your peter before you meet her
    66) Check your list before you tryst
    67) Wrap your bate before you mate
    68) Can your worm before you squirm
    69) Cover your pipe you dumb ass wipe
    70) Contain your lizard then tickle her gizzard
    71) Bag the mole then do her hole
    72) Cuff your carrot before you share it
    73) Jail your number then call the plumber
    74) Cover your vein then drive her insane
    75) Wrap that pickle then slip her a tickle
    76) Protect your dink then fluff her mink
    77) Restrain your lantern then stick it in her cavern
    78) Hide ole harry then take her cherry
    79) Wrap that spout then bore her out
    80) Conceal your train don't cause her pain
    81) Guard your bridge then do her ridge
    82) Shroud your trout then make her shout
    83) To make her squat like a turkey, cover your Jerky
    84) Box your blister then poke her in the whiskers
    85) Wrap your spout to catch the trout
    86) Plug your funnel then enter the tunnel
    87) Cover your steamer before you ream her
    88) Protect that fish then dip it in the dish
    89) Contain that bass for a swim in her glass
    90) Be sure to wear it to feed her ferret
    91) Clothe the boner before you hone her
    92) Got no protection? Can't use your erection!
    93) Cork your pump or you don't hump
    94) No unwrapped stags get between my legs
    95) Dress that erection to make a deflection
    96) Contain that shanker before you spank her
    97) Cap that seeder before you breed her
    98) Stop the stream before you cream
    99) Secure that ladder then drain your bladder
    100) Protect your screw to catch that glue
    101) Package your meat for a real neat treat
    102) Holster your gun then shootings more fun
    103) Canvas that trailer before you nail her
    104) Garage the tractor then attack her
    105) Net that grass hopper before you pop her
    106) Sock that wanger before you bang her
    107) Pen that rooster, she'll be much looser
    108) Trim your hardwood then do her real good
    109) Garnish your oak then give her a poke
    110) Pouch your associate then go fornicate
    111) Smother your affiliate before you ejaculate
    112) Confine your fascinate before it regurgitates
    113) Catch that goat before it bloats
    114) Ensnare that barbarian then do her abdomen
    115) Restrain your hammer then wam bam her
    116) Prune that stalk then make her squawk
    117) Wrap that rod then please her bod
    118) Sheath that knife she ain't your wife
    119) House that bottle then mash her throttle
    120) Sash that hash then thrash that gash
    121) Cover your diddle then fiddle her middle
    122) Can your knob then throb her swab
    123) Contain old Doug then clean her rug
    124) Cover your limb before you swim
    125) Retain your bailer then impail her
    126) Rope your dope then make some soap
    127) Net your salamander then make salad in her
    128) Cap your flapper then sniff her snapper
    129) Wrap that Steed then trample her weeds
    130) Hat that chef then scramble her cleft
    131) Cover your stone before you bone
    132) House your hose then curl her toes
    133) Saddle your penis then straddle her mean ass
    134) Blanket your twitch then hump that bitch
    135) Shield your rocks then pond her box
    136) Cover old sly then do her dry
    137) Wrap your rail then fill her pail
    138) Glove your chimney before you come in me
    139) If your nude tube your dude
    140) Cloak your hitter then go split her
    141) Wrap your nipper before you dip her
    142) Can your spam then bam that mam
    143) Corral your ram then slice her ham
    144) Sheath your sliver then jab her liver
    145) Twist your wick then stick that prick
    146) Cover old Bart then dart her tart
    147) Shed old spot then do her slot
    148) Drawer your pip then split her lips
    149) Contain that leach then mash her peach
    150) Bag your elm then take the helm
    151) Constrain your gem to catch the flem
    152) Catch that head cheese or I won't spread these
    153) Constrain that agate you ain't no ******
    154) Survey your land then plant her stand
    155) Before you drive her protect that diver
    156) Sack that slimy smelt then tan her beaver pelt
    157) Wrap that stiffer then let him sniff her
    158) Cover you post then slice her roast
    159) Blanket old juicy then plug old loosey
    160) Balloon your baboon the moon tune her poon
    161) Contain that viper before you pipe her


    Time on your hands...?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,199 ✭✭✭hollster2


    not yet wrote: »
    Time on your hands...?

    Copy and paste is a great idea isn't it? :D


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,744 ✭✭✭diomed


    Money advice
    be fearful when others are greedy and greedy when others are fearful


  • Registered Users Posts: 89 ✭✭Not that one


    Shrap wrote: »
    Me too. "I wouldn't piss on him if he was on fire" is my favourite.

    Description of some one very stingy.

    He wouldn't give you last years calandar.


  • Registered Users Posts: 41 Pie and Mash


    Description of some one very stingy.

    He wouldn't give you last years calandar.

    He wouldn't give you the steam off his piss....

    and As mean as cat ****e ......


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  • Registered Users Posts: 232 ✭✭TheOtherBloke


    Description of some one very stingy.

    He wouldn't give you last years calandar.

    :pac:


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