Giving up seat for Pregnant women

Candy_Girl

I wouldn't think twice about giving up my seat for a pregnant lady, old people or anyone who I think needs it. It's nice to be nice

anncoates

Greenmachine wrote: »

You know for a fact that, that is not what I said. Please stop trying to be difficult.

What, in your considered opinion, would be the odds of everybody in the carriage having this hidden disabilities?

It's sounds like quite a frightening epidemic.

volchitsa

darkpagandeath wrote: »

But it can be they could have osteoporosis or any number of conditions due to age.

There are any number of conditions due to pregnancy too you know. Back pain being one of the very common, almost standard ones.

What a lot of nasty reactions here to women going through the quite unpleasant consequences of pregnancy, especially in a country where even serious illnesses caused by pregnancy are not considered valid reasons for terminations.

To be frank, when I read stuff like this I'm glad I left the place. :mad:

Lollipops23

I'm really saddened by a lot of the responses on this thread.

I'm a young able-bodied person who would always give up a seat for an obviously pregnant lady or an elderly person.

I always remember my poor stepmam who fainted on the dart while 5 months pregnant (it was her second, so very obvious bump). She still didn't get a seat, even after collapsing on the bloody train.




People suck.

Yeah_Right

On the Luas one day, listening to my music, my head down in a book. I noticed a few women standing. I couldn't tell if the nearest was fat or pregnant but I got up and offered her my seat.
She got all fired up at me loudly asking if I thought she was pregnant causing a bit of a scene.
I simply responded that my father had raised me to always hold doors and offer my seat to ladies and if she didn't want it, that was fine. I turned to the next woman and offered her the seat which she accepted.
Chunky spent the rest of the journey shooting me filthies

volchitsa

Yeah_Right wrote: »

On the Luas one day, listening to my music, my head down in a book. I noticed a few women standing. I couldn't tell if the nearest was fat or pregnant but I got up and offered her my seat.
She got all fired up at me loudly asking if I thought she was pregnant causing a bit of a scene.
I simply responded that my father had raised me to always hold doors and offer my seat to ladies and if she didn't want it, that was fine. I turned to the next woman and offered her the seat which she accepted.
Chunky spent the rest of the journey shooting me filthies

I'm calling BS on this. A fat woman who calls attention to the fact that someone accidentally mistook her obesity for pregnancy? I don't believe it. Most women I know, fat or not, would either laugh at it, or (more usually) want the ground to swallow them up. They certainly wouldnt try to attract the attention of everyone around them.

Yeah_Right

volchitsa wrote: »

I'm calling BS on this. A fat woman who calls attention to the fact that someone accidentally mistook her obesity for pregnancy? I don't believe it. Most women I know, fat or not, would either laugh at it, or (more usually) want the ground to swallow them up. They certainly wouldnt try to attract the attention of everyone around them.
.

Call what you want. Happened about 3 years ago on the green line.

Potatoeman

volchitsa wrote: »

I'm calling BS on this. A fat woman who calls attention to the fact that someone accidentally mistook her obesity for pregnancy? I don't believe it. Most women I know, fat or not, would either laugh at it, or (more usually) want the ground to swallow them up. They certainly wouldnt try to attract the attention of everyone around them.

Anothe saddo who wants an excuse for his pathetic lack of manners by making up an anecdote about how nasty women are when you try to be nice to them!

I made the mistake of asking a colleague when she was due and she was pretty icey after and it got back to me from another source. In my defence she had a potbelly which did make her look pregnant.

Ill never offer my seat unless Im asked. The cringe factor is unbeaeable if you are wrong. If you want a seat ask nicley as its not an entitlement.

volchitsa

Potatoeman wrote: »

I made the mistake of asking a colleague when she was due and she was pretty icey after and it got back to me from another source.

Yeah, it really is (happened me once too - and I'm a woman, and have had several babies myself!) but I bet she didn't start screaming at you in public all the same. Which is what I'm saying - I don't believe the other poster's story because even if you were embarrassed, I bet she was a thousand times more so!

Mesrine65

Common courtesy dictates that a man give up his seat for the elderly, infirmed or pregnant.

volchitsa

Potatoeman wrote: »

Ill never offer my seat unless Im asked. The cringe factor is unbeaeable if you are wrong. If you want a seat ask nicley as its not an entitlement.

Just thinking about this - I've had men offer me a seat without me being pregnant, and I either take it or not depending - no-one ever suggested I might be pregnant. It never occurred to me that they even thought I was.

So I'm puzzled about this "cringe factor" - it's one thing to ask someone when they're due (or congratulate them, which is what I did once, when in fact it was the remaining fat from the last baby I was seeing ) but just standing up and leaving your place to someone??? How could that cause offence? If the woman doesn't want to sit down she just says no thanks. Or am I missing something?

dub_skav

Seems to me this whole fear of offending a fat person has been built up to give people an excuse to not have to bother. Similar to the threads where men say they wouldn't help a lost child, for fear of what people might think they were doing. (Edit: By that I mean the building up of an unlikely situation to make it seem commonplace, rather than the situations themselves)

I generally stand unless a bus /LUAS is empty as I mostly travel short distances and would not consider myself in more need of a seat than pretty much anybody. However, if I am sitting and an elderly person, pregnant or infirm person got on I would just stand up and point to my seat, no rigmarole, possibility of awkwardness or being refused - I just vacate my seat and if they don't want it, then somebody else can have it.

Riskymove

Yeah_Right wrote: »

Call what you want. Happened about 3 years ago on the green line.

I have mentioned before about an incident that I had when I offered my seat to a pregnant lady who loudly told me and everyone else that she "was pregnant, not disabled" and "didn't need charity"

It was a very awkward moment!

In general I do offer my seat to people who I felt needed a seat.


Also one point in relation to seats for the disabled. Mostly these seats are now called "Priority seats" and the symbols indicate you should give up the seat for disabled, pregnant women or older people.

Riskymove

Mesrine65 wrote: »

Common courtesy dictates that a man give up his seat for the elderly, infirmed or pregnant.

but a woman shouldn't?

volchitsa

Riskymove wrote: »

I have mentioned before about an incident that I had when I offered my seat to a pregnant lady who loudly told me and everyone else that she "was pregnant, not disabled" and "didn't need charity"

It was a very awkward moment!

In general I do offer my seat to people who I felt needed a seat.


Also one point in relation to seats for the disabled. Mostly these seats are now called "Priority seats" and the symbols indicate you should give up the seat for disabled, pregnant women or older people.

Awkward for whom? Why should you be embarrassed? She was pregnant, wasn't she, not fat as others have said? The pictures on the disabled seats, as you point out, are for pregnant women as well as for the disabled - would you be embarrassed of a disabled person refused your offer?

The more I read these stories the more I am convinced that as the poster above said, it's all an excuse so people can justify to themselves not offering in the first place.

omega man

Lollipops23 wrote: »

I'm really saddened by a lot of the responses on this thread.

I'm a young able-bodied person who would always give up a seat for an obviously pregnant lady or an elderly person.

I always remember my poor stepmam who fainted on the dart while 5 months pregnant (it was her second, so very obvious bump). She still didn't get a seat, even after collapsing on the bloody train.




People suck.

Indeed. A number of years ago my heavily pregnant wife asked a bus driver if he could stop as she needed to vomit (she had bad morning sickness). He kindly let her off but proceeded to drive off leaving her on the side of a dual carriage way (Bus Eireann bus). Her bag and coat (it was winter) were still onboard. Bus Eireann did sweet fcuk all following our complaint. I never got an opportunity to introduce myself to the driver regretfully.

daveyeh

Swan2012 wrote: »

this time i have only been offered a seat twice, both times by gentlemen over 40, i told both of them how kind they are, mainly so others nearby would hear

This passive aggressive behaviour will annoy some people and be counter productive in the long run.

biko

Swan2012 wrote: »

wall of text

Yes, I give up my seat for pregnant women.

Yeah_Right

volchitsa wrote: »

Just thinking about this - I've had men offer me a seat without me being pregnant, and I either take it or not depending - no-one ever suggested I might be pregnant. It never occurred to me that they even thought I was.

So I'm puzzled about this "cringe factor" - it's one thing to ask someone when they're due (or congratulate them, which is what I did once, when in fact it was the remaining fat from the last baby I was seeing ) but just standing up and leaving your place to someone??? How could that cause offence? If the woman doesn't want to sit down she just says no thanks. Or am I missing something?

I always offer my seat to women (doesn't matter if they are pregnant, elderly, disabled etc.).
The story I mentioned before, it actually had nothing to do with me thinking she was pregnant. She was just the nearest woman to me. Her re-action surprised me. She said something like "do I look dis-abled or pregnant or something? I'm perfectly capable of standing here." Maybe she was a fem-nazi or in a crappy mood. I don't know.

volchitsa

daveyeh wrote: »

This passive aggressive behaviour will annoy some people and be counter productive in the long run.

Is this a joke? Thanking someone effusively is going to put other people off offering? How does that work? Maybe she shouldn't have accepted at all - wasn't it rather passive-aggressive of her?

eviltwin

Yeah_Right wrote: »

I always offer my seat to women (doesn't matter if they are pregnant, elderly, disabled etc.).
The story I mentioned before, it actually had nothing to do with me thinking she was pregnant. She was just the nearest woman to me. Her re-action surprised me. She said something like "do I look dis-abled or pregnant or something? I'm perfectly capable of standing here." Maybe she was a fem-nazi or in a crappy mood. I don't know.

I wouldn't take a seat from a man just because I'm female. I'm well able to stand. But I would decline politely, no need for rudeness. I'm surprised you automatically offer seats to women. Keep your seat. You are entitled to it.

Mesrine65

Riskymove wrote: »

but a woman shouldn't?

Did I say that?

I was speaking about my own moral compass, being a man & all :rolleyes:

The onus is on the individual as far as I'm concerned.

Eugene Norman

Whatever about pregnant, age is a minefield unless you are dealing with octogenarians, don't bother. They won't thank you if they are a rough looking 45 year old.

daveyeh

volchitsa wrote: »

Is this a joke?

Yes.

volchitsa

Yeah_Right wrote: »

I always offer my seat to women (doesn't matter if they are pregnant, elderly, disabled etc.).
The story I mentioned before, it actually had nothing to do with me thinking she was pregnant. She was just the nearest woman to me. Her re-action surprised me. She said something like "do I look dis-abled or pregnant or something? I'm perfectly capable of standing here." Maybe she was a fem-nazi or in a crappy mood. I don't know.

Oooh, little bit of furious backpedalling going on now, isn't there?

Initially it was because she was either "fat or pregnant" - now it's just because you're in the habit of always offering your seat to women!
So this unfortunate reaction only happens once to you - and yet if you give up your seat every time there's a woman beside you, I'd say that unless you live in Iraq you must end up standing every time you take public transport!

I think the "feminazi" reference tells us all we need to know about the reliability of this anecdote.

Still, I'm glad my BS-detector is working so well.

Eugene Norman

Yeah_Right wrote: »

I always offer my seat to women (doesn't matter if they are pregnant, elderly, disabled etc.).
The story I mentioned before, it actually had nothing to do with me thinking she was pregnant. She was just the nearest woman to me. Her re-action surprised me. She said something like "do I look dis-abled or pregnant or something? I'm perfectly capable of standing here." Maybe she was a fem-nazi or in a crappy mood. I don't know.

I can see her point to a certain extent, being female is not a disability. They can stand.

volchitsa

daveyeh wrote: »

Yes.

Oh good. I'm so glad (honest!)
Clearly whatever about my BS-detector, my irony-meter needs recalibrating! o:

Yeah_Right

volchitsa wrote: »

Oooh, little bit of furious backpedalling going on now, isn't there?

Initially it was because she was either "fat or pregnant" - now it's just because you're in the habit of always offering your seat to women!
So this unfortunate reaction only happens once to you - and yet if you give up your seat every time there's a woman beside you, I'd say that unless you live in Iraq you must end up standing every time you take public transport!

I think the "feminazi" reference tells us all we need to know about the reliability of this anecdote.

Still, I'm glad my BS-detector is working so well.

Haha. Re-read it. She was the nearest. No back-peddling, just a bit more detail. Would you like some more? It was at Stephens Green on a weekend afternoon and I was heading to Ranelagh. And yes its the only time I have ever had a nasty re-action from it.
And yes I would end up standing most of the time on public transport. At a guess, at least 75% of the time.

darkdubh

Arne_Saknussem wrote: »

With an absolute shot in the dark i'm guessing she's in Dublin.

Should have posted in the Dublin City forum then.

strobe

I'd offer my seat to anyone that seemed like they were having difficulty standing, be they young, old, male, female, whatever, and have done many times. But no I don't automatically offer my seat to someone pregnant or older or whatever just because they are pregnant or old or whatever.

FunLover18

I usually just stand, even if there's loads of seats available, so as to avoid the awkwardness of having to offer my seat. You have a better view when you're standing anyway.

PandaPoo

volchitsa wrote: »

Oooh, little bit of furious backpedalling going on now, isn't there?

Initially it was because she was either "fat or pregnant" - now it's just because you're in the habit of always offering your seat to women!
So this unfortunate reaction only happens once to you - and yet if you give up your seat every time there's a woman beside you, I'd say that unless you live in Iraq you must end up standing every time you take public transport!

I think the "feminazi" reference tells us all we need to know about the reliability of this anecdote.

Still, I'm glad my BS-detector is working so well.

Honestly, I'd say you're the only one right now. You've made your point.

PandaPoo

As I said earlier in the thread, Im pregnant and on crutches thanks to a split pelvis. I was standing on the luas for 30 minutes and nobody offered me a seat, I didnt feel entitled to it but I definitely would have appreciated one. It was the closest I have ever come to asking for a seat, but I couldn't bring myself to do it, I'd be mortified if they said no! Plus, everyone avoided my gaze the few times I was building up the courage to do it.

keithclancy

We were on a bus into town (In NL), there was an old guy on the bus.

My Wife asked the old guy to sit in her seat, he kept refusing politely.

Being Irish she wouldn't take no for an answer.

I think the guy missed his bus stop ......

The hierarchy of public transportation seating is difficult sometimes.

SurferRosa

jaymcg91 wrote: »

No if you're unable to take public transport as is, get a car / a lift. Not my problem at all, sorry.

It's attitudes like these that make the world that little bit worse to live in. This general lack of concern or compassion for anyone else but yourself.
Of course it's not your problem, yes the woman chose to reproduce. Not your fault.

That's NOT the point. The point is that despite the fact none of this is of your personal concern, you could show some compassion and see that the heavily pregnant woman would find it a lot more uncomfortable than you to stand up.
All this well "Why doesn't she walk/get a taxi" , "Why get knocked up " talk just lacks any feeling towards other humans. The fact is she's on the bus she's huge and likely in a level of discomfort greater than the majority of young non-pregnant people.

If I give up my seat (which I have done many a time) - it's not based on merit e.g. a person with a disability deserves seat more than pregnant woman who brought it on herself - it's based on the fact that I as a young fit person without hidden underlying conditions will probably find it easier to stand up than the heavily pregnant/ disabled person.
Anything else is irrelevant in my opinion.

5unflower

I guess with this thread being in AH some snarky comments along the way are to be expected, but it's an interesting read none the less because it confirms my own observations on public transport at the moment - I'm currently 6 months pregnant and in the same situation as the OP with more or less the same experience on rush hour commuter trains in the morning.

With regard to the argument that some people are not sure if a woman is maybe just fat or indeed pregnant, this is why I got myself a "Baby on Board" badge. They give them out for free to pregnant women on public transport in London, and I think they are great. But surprisingly for the first 6 months of wearing this badge never ever did anyone offer me a seat on my commute, even though I am certain that people did see it.
Only now that I'm sporting an obvious bump in addition to wearing the badge have I been offered a seat maybe 3-4 times in the last 2 weeks.

In my opinion this has nothing at all to do with a sense of entitlement, I certainly do not feel I'm entitled to a seat just because i'm pregnant. It is however a matter of simple courtesy and being mindful of what's going on around you. In any situation where there is a large number of people crammed into a small space it would only be natural to me to be alert and aware of what is happening around me and to look out for other people who for whatever reason could do with a seat, or help in any other way instead of burying my head in my book, the newspaper, the smartphone or the make-up bag... . To me this is just human.

TwoShedsJackson

omega man wrote: »

Indeed. A number of years ago my heavily pregnant wife asked a bus driver if he could stop as she needed to vomit (she had bad morning sickness). He kindly let her off but proceeded to drive off leaving her on the side of a dual carriage way (Bus Eireann bus). Her bag and coat (it was winter) were still onboard. Bus Eireann did sweet fcuk all following our complaint. I never got an opportunity to introduce myself to the driver regretfully.

Outrageous. You probably did this but I would have kept at them, gone to the papers etc. until I got an apology, at least.

keithclancy

I have seen on the ICE from Amsterdam -> Dusseldorf once a pregnant woman asking a man for his seat.

He said no as he'd paid for a seat reservation (she hadn't) she made a big deal out of it saying he was insensitive and so on.

IMO in that case he was in the right, she should have paid for a seat reservation if she wanted to be guaranteed a seat.

daveyeh

keithclancy wrote: »

I have seen on the ICE from Amsterdam -> Dusseldorf once a pregnant woman asking a man for his seat.

He said no as he'd paid for a seat reservation (she hadn't) she made a big deal out of it saying he was insensitive and so on.

IMO in that case he was in the right, she should have paid for a seat reservation if she wanted to be guaranteed a seat.

Hard to argue with this.

SurferRosa

keithclancy wrote: »

I have seen on the ICE from Amsterdam -> Dusseldorf once a pregnant woman asking a man for his seat.

He said no as he'd paid for a seat reservation (she hadn't) she made a big deal out of it saying he was insensitive and so on.

IMO in that case he was in the right, she should have paid for a seat reservation if she wanted to be guaranteed a seat.

Yeah, in that case she was rather cheeky I think. At least she could've offered to pay for the seat!

Greenmachine

anncoates wrote: »

What, in your considered opinion, would be the odds of everybody in the carriage having this hidden disabilities?

It's sounds like quite a frightening epidemic.

Just another facetious argument. I was speaking on my own part. I can't comment on other passengers. I guarantee for a fact, that the expectation is more likely to fall on a man to give up his than to another woman. I have never in my life seen a woman give up her seat for someone else.

anncoates

Greenmachine wrote: »

Just another facetious argument. I was speaking on my own part. I can't comment on other passengers. I guarantee for a fact, that the expectation is more likely to fall on a man to give up his than to another woman. I have never in my life seen a woman give up her seat for someone else.

Unless gender qualifies as a 'hidden disability' , that wasn't what anything to do with what we were discussing.

Agree though courtesy shouldn't be the responsibility of one gender.

keithclancy

Greenmachine wrote: »

Just another facetious argument. I was speaking on my own part. I can't comment on other passengers. I guarantee for a fact, that the expectation is more likely to fall on a man to give up his than to another woman. I have never in my life seen a woman give up her seat for someone else.

I have .. loads of times.

Lollipops23

It's funny, the worst months for morning sickness/exhaustion are normally in the first few months when you're not "obviously" pregnant. In London they have a "baby on board" badge women can wear to alert people. Not sure how I'd feel about wearing one of those, as I'd probably feel like I was guilt tripping people into giving me their seat, despite not necessarily needing it.

Ask me again when I'm pregnant and I may not care as much.

Darkglasses

I have no problem giving up a seat for somebody old, pregnant, or just really wanted a seat - I'm well able to stand on my hind legs for any length of an Irish bus or train journey. However, if it's that big a deal to the person, I'd appreciate if they would just ask me. Some people get offended if you offer them with the best of intentions.

One eyed Jack

Lollipops23 wrote: »

It's funny, the worst months for morning sickness/exhaustion are normally in the first few months when you're not "obviously" pregnant. In London they have a "baby on board" badge women can wear to alert people. Not sure how I'd feel about wearing one of those, as I'd probably feel like I was guilt tripping people into giving me their seat, despite not necessarily needing it.

Ask me again when I'm pregnant and I may not care as much.

Yeah another poster mentioned the "baby on board" badges too and tbh while that'd irritate me if I saw a woman wearing one (I'm sure the intention behind them is a noble one, despite being a bit unnecessary IMO), it still wouldn't discourage me from offering her my seat, be a bit petty otherwise. Like in all fairness, so what if that one time you mistake an overweight woman for being pregnant, that's hardly sufficient justification to ignore the hundreds of pregnant women you will meet in your lifetime?

Oh, and Greenmachine, while not quite the same scenario, I've had women offer to help me with my grocery shopping and so on when they'd see the crutches. It's unnecessary as I can support myself walking with the trolley, but nice to be asked all the same, courtesy and all that

volchitsa

Greenmachine wrote: »

I have never in my life seen a woman give up her seat for someone else.

Seriously? My experience for my three pregnancies was exactly the opposite. It was usually older women (who had presumably been pregnant themselves!) who gave me their place. Next came older men, and almost never younger people of either sex, though very occasionally young women. I don't think a single young man ever actually stood up and gave me his place - the most I ever got was that they stood back and let me go first if they weren't already sitting. Maybe I should be grateful they didn't elbow me out of the way!

jaja321

Greenmachine wrote: »

Just another facetious argument. I was speaking on my own part. I can't comment on other passengers. I guarantee for a fact, that the expectation is more likely to fall on a man to give up his than to another woman. I have never in my life seen a woman give up her seat for someone else.

Have often done it..for elderly people, pregnant women, parents with children hanging out of them. Its common decency. What the hell is wrong with people that they have to moan about this kind of thing.

dub_skav

volchitsa wrote: »

Seriously? My experience for my three pregnancies was exactly the opposite. It was usually older women (who had presumably been pregnant themselves!) who gave me their place. Next came older men, and almost never younger people of either sex, though very occasionally young women. I don't think a single young man ever actually stood up and gave me his place - the most I ever got was that they stood back and let me go first if they weren't already sitting. Maybe I should be grateful they didn't elbow me out of the way!

I know I'm getting older, no need to rub it in

DellyBelly

My parents have always told me to give up my seat to an elderly person or a pregnant woman. I'm 16 now and would do this without thinking. My only stipulation with a n old person would be they would have to be aged 40+ otherwise I think they are ok to stand.