Issues with my psychoanalyst

LegacyUser

Hi I didn't see you mention that you have been to your GP.

Yes, I've been sent to all my previous counsellors via my doctor.

I'm not sure how is this going to pan out. I think I have still some resentment for her from the first sessions when I felt she was picking on me - but as has been pointed out now shw was just doing her job.

I just wonder if I should cut my losses and find a new counsellor.

As an aside to this. Every weekend I leave the city where I work and travel home. It is pure habit borne out of me having noone to interact with or nothing to do here in the city where I work. It is now expected - to the point where I've now just received a text asking where I am. This would be okay, but I'm almost 40yo and still getting questions about when I'll be home.

My parents think there is no where like where they live and don't seem to fathom that I might want to be elsewhere. I was talked out of leaving by my mum a number of years ago. I might not have been able not hack living alone, but it might have been the making of me.

I'm getting fed up of being treated like a child even though I'm closer to the grave than to childhood.

How can I get them to leave me alone to try and live some sort of life for myself?

I feel swamped by everything to the point that I don't know what to do first. I churn things through in my head and imagine scenarios which blow things out of all proportions and gets me totally worked up and angry.

,mnb

My advice is move on till you find a therapist you are comfortable with, who you feel understands you and you make progress with.
I went through a good few before I found someone who works for me.

Macavity.

Analyst, therapist, psychologist... all much of a muchness IME. A lot of them really aren't worth the money, and will rip you off.

Big Bag of Chips

slate123 wrote: »

As an aside to this. Every weekend I leave the city where I work and travel home. It is pure habit borne out of me having noone to interact with or nothing to do here in the city where I work. It is now expected - to the point where I've now just received a text asking where I am. This would be okay, but I'm almost 40yo and still getting questions about when I'll be home.

Had you told them you weren't going home this weekend? To be honest, if you always go home then they would just be expecting you. Not because they treat you like a child, but because it's what you always do. If you don't want to go home the odd weekend ring or text them and tell them. I don't think that's necessarily a sign that they treat you like a child. It's a routine you all have now. Same as if they had a neighbour who called in at the same time every Tuesday evening for years. They would the be expecting him every Tuesday evening! If you want to break the routine just do it. But tell them! Not because you are their "child", but because it is polite. If you visited a friend every weekend for the past number of years and one weekend decided not to, would you ring the friend to let the know you wouldn't be visiting that weekend? I don't see why going back to your parents house should be any different.

If you are really not happy with your counsellor move on. You need to be getting some benefit from your sessions. If you're clamming up it's just costing you money for a standoff. But maybe the next counsellor go in with an open mind, and expect it to be a difficult process for you as you work through all your problems.

zeffabelli

slate123 wrote: »

<Snip> Please don't unnecessarily quote entire post.

You seem to have this over sensorious police state in your head.

The point of pscyhoanalysis, is that no one is going to call the police if you say the wrong thing.

There is no such thing as saying the wrong thing. What you are doing is exploring the possibilities of a different kind of life.

You really have to start taking the pilots seat here, and and discuss these things with HER.

Of course your parents expect you home, YOU have set up that pattern of expectation.

It's YOU who wont let YOU grow up here.

Blue Iris

I would change therapists at this stage OP. Psychoanalysis isn't for everyone. It suits personalities that are deeply reflective and interested in the unconscious and discovering the root causes of their neuroses. If this isn't you then you will just find it frustrating.

I would choose a psychotherapist but agree with the posters who said you might have to try a few to get a good one. A lot of research shows that therapy works based on the quality of the relationship between the client and the therapist (the therapeutic alliance.) Good luck.

LynnGrace

Just in relation to feeling overwhelmed, not knowing where to start, I suggest start with one small thing, even a change in daily routine, and keep going from there.
Another thing which might help is to write things out, to clear the head. Jot things down on a big sheet of paper, just headings, then thrash a few of them out, the ones that are within your own control. Start small, as I said.

When you find your mind racing with scenarios, try and step back from your thoughts. It takes practice, but it can be done.
If you can discuss how you feel with the person you are attending, that is good. If not, maybe it is time to try someone else, only you can really decide that.

Some things are beyond our own control, and that can be frustrating, but some things we can change, so, for example, the travelling home at the weekends, from habit, maybe start doing that every second weekend, and doing something you enjoy with the 'free' weekend.

All the best.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the replies

Had you told them you weren't going home this weekend?

No I hadn't. I know I should but I just am frustrated with myself for letting this situation arise. I see your point and I tihnk I'll do something like this in the next few weeks just to break the ice.

In regards to the advice on the therapist. It is strange. It makes me think about things more that I have done with other therapists (and types of treatment) in the past where there was no friction. This probably is a good thing. However, I never make any progress. I never step out of my shell. We had a conversation/debate/argment and I blurted out "I'm scared of commitment". It was out of my mouth before I realised it. She picked up on it immediately. Pretty soon after this I went into my shell and didn't speak for the remainder of the session. I don't know where things are going here.

Life feels like a race that is nearly over and I'm still in the starting blocks - sometime soon I need to decide whether to start running or go back to the locker room.

gsi300024v

How many counselors have you seen over the years?
IT just seems you blame others for your issues and don't want to change, so it's the counselor's fault not yours it's not going well, it's your parents fault you are treated like a child not yours.
It's easier to change you instead of everyone around you.
You just need to buy into something and go for it, like your current counsellor, it seems like they might never be the right one for you. Some people might never open up and make the changes they want to make.
It seems strange that you pay a professional money to talk about you and you don't talk there, then you come here and take advice from us non professionals, or at least come here and look for people to agree with you so it's ok to do the thinks you want to do.
Sorry if that is harsh, I'd say give counselling ago with current person for 6 months, stop wondering will I won't I stop. People always go on about the cost, it's easier than saying, I find it hard and I don't want to go.

Call Me Jimmy

You must know deep down that she's not picking on you, what would her motive be? That she's a bully and gets off on hurting other people by listening to them and sometimes asking them to reflect on things they say?

I opened the thread with 'pshychotherapy is quackery' in my head, but from reading it all through, I've almost changed my mind! If you have been through a lot of other types of therapy and dealt with psychologists and psychiatrists to no avail, this sounds like it's worthy of continuing to me.