Things you should know before getting married...

Georgie.Girl

Poor saps are getting married before their one month dating anniversary...

Doubt they know what they are in for...

Any advice for my friend?

eviltwin

You need three months notice. You might want to tell them that.

JaseBelleVie

"What's yours is mine and what's mine is my own"

Sheep Lover

Has she any near dead wealthy relatives

fussyonion

...your other half.

mawk

Know what you're missing?

Fr_Dougal

If their relationship isn't working out, tell them to have a baby. Babies solve everything.

Kevin McCloud

Fr_Dougal wrote: »

If their relationship isn't working out, tell them to have a baby. Babies solve everything.

Helps with extra rock and roll and a free council house for sure.

Slicemeister

Record the snoring, the farts will show up themselves.

BBJBIG

How to do d Roidin

Miall108

Does she swallow

Birneybau

What night which bin goes out.

Irish_rat

Check for crabs

How much debt they have, and whether it falls under the 'everything is ours now' banner.

Ruu

Get the book on 'One upping the neighbours for beginners'. Good read.

Nodin

Georgie.Girl wrote: »

Poor saps are getting married before their one month dating anniversary...

Doubt they know what they are in for...

Any advice for my friend?

Take a long hard look at her mother, and observe her personality very closely. If he asks why, just clatter him and tell him again.

One eyed Jack

Congratulations?

c_man

Genetic test to confirm she's not a reptilian shafeshifter illuminati figure.

PandaPoo

Everyone thought I was mad, engaged after 6 months and married 4 months later. Only moved in together after the honeymoon.

Destined for doom apparently!

Dramatik

Make sure you have an ample sized garden shed. You will be spending a lot of your spare time in there, scratching your head wondering where it all went wrong. Also it is a good idea to stash a sleeping bag in there, for those cold winter nights.

MarkAnthony

Miall108 wrote: »

Does she swallow

Not for much longer!

anncoates

Even when they do get married, they'll still never know as much about it as single 20-somethings on the internet.

Hyzepher

Organise somewhere to put the mistress - she'll be needed

seamus

Nodin wrote: »

Take a long hard look at her mother, and observe her personality very closely. If he asks why, just clatter him and tell him again.

That's only part of it.

For either gender, find out where they see themselves living and settling down, and not in the "if you had a million euro" kind of way, but in the more realistic way if you were able to make reasonable money anywhere.

If the answer is, "as close to my parents as possible", "next door to my parents", or "I'm going to build a house on my parents' land", then run, run very fast.

Dravokivich

Georgie.Girl wrote: »

Poor saps are getting married before their one month dating anniversary...

Doubt they know what they are in for...

Any advice for my friend?

You do know what the anni is for in anniversary right?

Birneybau

Ruu wrote: »

Get the book on 'One upping the neighbours for beginners'. Good read.

I've a better one...

emeldc

PandaPoo wrote: »

Everyone thought I was mad, engaged after 6 months and married 4 months later. Only moved in together after the honeymoon.

Destined for doom apparently!

So how long are you back from honeymoon?

libelula

Spaghetticode wrote: »

Chances are your wife doesn't actually find you sexual attractive, you are a good little boy who will do what he's told. Meanwhile there is a significant chance your wife will ride men on the side that she does find attractive.

What in the?

Buona Fortuna

A man is out playing golf and insists one of his buddies come back for dinner.

When they arrive the place is a mess. The kids are running riot. Toys are spread all over the carpet. The breakfast things are unwashed on the breakfast table.

The man's wife is spread out on the couch watching TV, smoking a cigarette and drinking a glass of wine.

As the two men enter the man says "This is Tom, he's staying for dinner."
The wife says "Why did you bring someone back here, you lowlife piece of $hit?"

The man answers

"Because, he's thinking of getting married."

Grandeeod

In more innocent times, a very very naieve young man was about to get married and he asked his father for some advice. The father decided to be funny. Son, be very careful of that girl. I've heard the women in her family have a very unusual problem with their vaginas. What is it said the son? Well they contain teeth.

A few weeks later the Bride arrived home from honeymoon and visited her mother. The poor girl was devastated. Mum, he never touched me on our honeymoon. I'm still a virgin. The mother asked why and her daughter told her that her new husband was convinced she had teeth in her vagina. That's stupid carry on altogether the mother said. When he comes home from work tonight, make sure there's a big steak on the table for him and then after that bring him to bed and show him the time of his life. I can't the daughter says. I'm having my period. Don't be silly says the mother. Just tell him you got your teeth out.

PARlance

PandaPoo wrote: »

Everyone thought I was mad, engaged after 6 months and married 4 months later. Only moved in together after the honeymoon.

Destined for doom apparently!

Destined for doom! Confused.
Did they think you were going to split up or stay together?

jbtarmac121

You'll get done in court if it goes balls up.

JuliusCaesar

Actually, an interesting topic.

So does anyone know what the small print is in the marriage contract? What are you actually signing up for?






.

Grandeeod

JuliusCaesar wrote: »

Actually, an interesting topic.

So does anyone know what the small print is in the marriage contract? What are you actually signing up for?






.

A friend once told me that Marriage should be a 5 year contract that simply ends after the term or you renew if you are both happy with it. A lot of sense in that, but I guess it would put a lot of legal eagles out of pocket.

Letree

Tell him that if he gets married and has children and she gets sick of the marriage and kicks him out. He will be paying for the mortgage, the children and her if she decides not to work for a very long time. The courts will view him as having very little value other than to pay for things.

Nucular Arms

Grandeeod wrote: »

A friend once told me that Marriage should be a 5 year contract that simply ends after the term or you renew if you are both happy with it. A lot of sense in that, but I guess it would put a lot of legal eagles out of pocket.

I suppose god would be pissed too..

But then again, he's jerk who gives cancer to children so screw him anyway!

PARlance

Grandeeod wrote: »

A friend once told me that Marriage should be a 5 year contract that simply ends after the term or you renew if you are both happy with it. A lot of sense in that, but I guess it would put a lot of legal eagles out of pocket.

A lot of sense....
And maybe the kids would start "upping their game" around contract renewals... Better start behaving or Mammy & Daddy might part ways.

But it would be hard on the legal eagles.

mad m

Make sure to put toilet seat down and always always change jacks roll! Life will be so much easier.

Birneybau

PARlance wrote: »

Destined for doom! Confused.
Did they think you were going to split up or stay together?

Because it all happened so quickly...And they had never lived together before legally entangling their lives.

PARlance

Birneybau wrote: »

Because it all happened so quickly...And they had never lived together before legally entangling their lives.

I should have inserted a or

But on a serious note, I don't think it's the marriage per se that causes all the legal hassles. Isn't it all the other things that go with it... But not exclusive to it. Kids & Debt basically.
I bought a house with the missus before getting married. That was a far greater commitment in my eyes.

Joe prim

Grandeeod wrote: »

In more innocent times, a very very naieve young man was about to get married and he asked his father for some advice. The father decided to be funny. Son, be very careful of that girl. I've heard the women in her family have a very unusual problem with their vaginas. What is it said the son? Well they contain teeth.

A few weeks later the Bride arrived home from honeymoon and visited her mother. The poor girl was devastated. Mum, he never touched me on our honeymoon. I'm still a virgin. The mother asked why and her daughter told her that her new husband was convinced she had teeth in her vagina. That's stupid carry on altogether the mother said. When he comes home from work tonight, make sure there's a big steak on the table for him and then after that bring him to bed and show him the time of his life. I can't the daughter says. I'm having my period. Don't be silly says the mother. Just tell him you got your teeth out.

Ehhh...I don't get it....was the steak a virgin, or. oh yeah...he could'nt eat the steak cos he had no teeth? or was her mother a virgin with no teeth?....no.....I still don't get it.

Nucular Arms

The steak has nothing to do with it.

The implication being that her "front bottom" during her period would resemble a mouth with all of it's teeth pulled out, thus ensuring the husband it wouldn't be an issue anymore.

Generic Dreadhead

It's still pretty f**king grim tbh, as jokes go

Grandeeod

Joe prim wrote: »

Ehhh...I don't get it....was the steak a virgin, or. oh yeah...he could'nt eat the steak cos he had no teeth? or was her mother a virgin with no teeth?....no.....I still don't get it.

I'll draw you a diagram later.

MarkAnthony

A man on his honeymoon, having never slept with his now wife before grabs her a bit too roughly and makes his advances a bit too strongly. Ejected on to the balcony wearing nothing but his jocks he's surprised to see another man in a similar predicament.

"I bet you put your foot in it" He jokes.

"No but a bloody could have!" comes the reply.

PandaPoo

emeldc wrote: »

So how long are you back from honeymoon?

One year, and we're disgustingly happy

Our friends who were married last year after being together ten years are getting a divorce already, sad. It's not about the time together, it's about how compatible you are.

wandatowell

Fr_Dougal wrote: »

If their relationship isn't working out, tell them to have a baby. Babies solve everything.

Failing that, get a dog.

PARlance

PandaPoo wrote: »

One year, and we're disgustingly happy

Our friends who were married last year after being together ten years are getting a divorce already, sad. It's not about the time together, it's about how compatible you are.

Not to put (too much of) a downer on things but there's a good chance that they were disgustingly happy after a year or two of their relationship!?

It's not really about being compatible in my eyes. It helps if you are but life throws things at you that compatibility alone won't solve.

PandaPoo

PARlance wrote: »

Not to put (too much of) a downer on things but there's a good chance that they were disgustingly happy after a year or two of their relationship!?

It's not really about being compatible in my eyes. It helps if you are but life throws things at you that compatibility alone won't solve.

I'm under no illusions, but we have as good a chance as anyone else

For Forks Sake

Spaghetticode wrote: »

Between 30-50 percent of women and 50-80 percent of men cheat on their spouse according to swedes researchers.

Spaghetticode wrote: »

Chances are your wife doesn't actually find you sexual attractive, you are a good little boy who will do what he's told. Meanwhile there is a significant chance your wife will ride men on the side that she does find attractive.

I'm no detective, but I'm detecting a trend in these posts....

Aha..caught with your pants down were we? Or maybe caught someone else with their pants down in the vicinity of your wife?

Spaghetticode wrote: »

My wife and I usually sleep in different bedrooms.

jester77

Should probably give them a link to the Relationship Issues