Things you should know before getting married...

MarkAnthony

Spaghetticode wrote: »

Between 30-50 percent of women and 50-80 percent of men cheat on their spouse according to swedes researchers.

I'd put more stock in that if their primary field wasn't root vegetables.

Joe prim

Nucular Arms wrote: »

The steak has nothing to do with it.

The implication being that her "front bottom" during her period would resemble a mouth with all of it's teeth pulled out, thus ensuring the husband it wouldn't be an issue anymore.

But what about the steak? I still don't get it...is it about vampires, and the steak is spelled wrong or something? And are there really teeth in a lady's "front bottom"? I'm confused.And unamused.

Capt'n Midnight

The bride asked the groom to add 15 and six. When he replied 17, she called off the marriage.

Grandeeod

Joe prim wrote: »

But what about the steak? I still don't get it...is it about vampires, and the steak is spelled wrong or something? And are there really teeth in a lady's "front bottom"? I'm confused.And unamused.

I think you are trying to hard at something....but I can't quite get what.

Joe prim

Grandeeod wrote: »

I think you are trying to hard at something....but I can't quite get what.

I very beg your pardon?

Joe prim

MarkAnthony wrote: »

A man on his honeymoon, having never slept with his now wife before grabs her a bit too roughly and makes his advances a bit too strongly. Ejected on to the balcony wearing nothing but his jocks he's surprised to see another man in a similar predicament.

"I bet you put your foot in it" He jokes.

"No but a bloody could have!" comes the reply.

Again, I'm somewhat confused; was the (second ) man on the balcony of this couple's hotel room an intruder, a stalker or a peeping tom? What was he doing on their balcony, and what did his mysterious remark "a could have" mean? Are we to take it that he had been there for some time, having already made advances to the lady in the hotel room, and, if so, WTF, as this was a honeymoon couple, who were presumably inseparable.In any event, I don't get this one either.

Son Of A Vidic

Georgie.Girl wrote: »

Any advice for my friend?

Tell them don't do it, but if they foolishly must. Tell them not to waste thousands of euros on pathetic showboating. Better to spend it on themselves, their honeymoon and their needs after the wedding day ect.

stateofflux

“Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.”
― Groucho Marx

jas376

A work colleague of mine says that before she got married she wishes that she had been advised to have her children early. She is now approaching sixty years of age and financially she is unable to retire because both of her children are still in secondary school. So there you have it: have your children early if you want to retire early.

Kevin McCloud

jas376 wrote: »

A work colleague of mine says that before she got married she wishes that she had been advised to have her children early. She is now approaching sixty years of age and financially she is unable to retire because both of her children are still in secondary school. So there you have it: have your children early if you want to retire early.

Did she not plan it out at all, she knew she would be in this financial predicament. She made her own bed.

Lenny Lushlips

Marriage offers two fundamentally crucial things for both parties (who will no longer be partying)

1/ Someone to listen to your nonsense

2/ Someone to answer the door when you're not in the mood.


If either of these two actions cease, you're married in name only.

Otherwise it's a winner.

PARlance

Kevin McCloud wrote: »

Did she not plan it out at all, she knew she would be in this financial predicament. She made her own bed.

You can plan it all out and then look back on same plan with regret.
She's not a fortune teller... I'm sure she can do simple math and realised that she would be X when he kinds were Y years old.... But she could have been planning to have been in a better financial position at this stage of her life.
Many people lost their retirement nest eggs in the past decade.

endacl

The Corinthian

JuliusCaesar wrote: »

So does anyone know what the small print is in the marriage contract? What are you actually signing up for?

Don't bother yourself with that. Marriage is about love and it'll last forever. Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain...

Streetwalker

Kevin McCloud wrote: »

Helps with extra rock and roll and a free council house for sure.

There is no free council houses. Nice narrative though

razorblunt

Will she occasionally laugh at your farts? Either the noise or the smell.
If yes, stick a ring on it.

whiskeyman

razorblunt wrote: »

Will she occasionally laugh at your farts? Either the noise or the smell.
If yes, stick a ring on it.

However, if she sees this as a challenge, and wishes to out-do your feeble noises / smells, approach with caution...

UCDVet

jas376 wrote: »

A work colleague of mine says that before she got married she wishes that she had been advised to have her children early. She is now approaching sixty years of age and financially she is unable to retire because both of her children are still in secondary school. So there you have it: have your children early if you want to retire early.

I'm not sure that makes sense, financially.

The children would cost the same, regardless of if they were born 5 years earlier or 5 years later. Any time away from work would, presumably, be the same.

The total cost of raising the children would be the same.
The total earned from working would be the same.

She'd have earned and spent the same amount of money.

If she's meant to save for retirement, having money earlier, and children later is beneficial because the money has more time to increase in value. Invested conservatively, it's not unreasonable to expect some moderate increase over time. In that case, it's better to have it sooner.

Macavity.

Never get married.

Fat Christy

Macavity. wrote: »

Never get married.

You say that now but give it another 10/15 years and you might be changing your tune.

Never say never. Right now, I can't see myself married but at the same time I'm not going to rule it out completely. If the right person comes along that makes me happy and wants to get married, then I'd probably get married. Not for another while though.

corner of hells

Don't marry too quick or young , I was married 17 years to a woman I still don't know.Oh we still talk and are civil but its like a conversation you'd have with till operator or taxi driver.

Make sure you truly have interests in common and separate friends.

Now we're separated , both of us have never been as happy...... funny old world.

I do believe any couple can be happy forever , however I'd guess its very few and far between.

italodisco

Serious lack of sex. Fact lol

UCDVet

italodisco wrote: »

Serious lack of sex. Fact lol

I think this is interesting....

(from some Durex study)

Couples living together report having sex 146 times per year
Married couples make love 98 times per year
Single folks are having sex the least at 49 times a year.

Married people are a lot better off than single folk; but the living together and not married, they're doing it the most.

The Corinthian

UCDVet wrote: »

Married people are a lot better off than single folk; but the living together and not married, they're doing it the most.

That is probably because the relationships of those cohabiting was on average shorter than those married in the survey and frequency of sex generally decreases over time in relationships.

After all, how much fun would Playboy be if the centerfold was the same every month?

Areyouwell

Georgie.Girl wrote: »

Things you should know before getting married...

Just don't get married.

Pwindedd

Do it or don't do it - I've no advice on that score.

However - a few pointers.

Make sure you are both agreed on how you see your life panning out after marriage. Look past the wedding day, but don't be too rigid with your plan. Just a general like mindedness will do.

If you've already had some bad times together and have got through it - I think you'll be more successful in your marriage. This is why it's good to wait a while. Gives you more time to see all the range of emotions and reactions you partner may go through.

Keep your sense of humour - you're going to need it - if you can laugh together it'll keep you sane.

Men - ladies love the old romance and affection. Keep it going, it's hardly a chore to kiss her, hold her and tell her she's beautiful.

Ladies - men love blowjobs, don't stop sucking after the wedding day and don't let yourself go!

bb1234567

Georgie.Girl wrote: »

Poor saps are getting married before their one month dating anniversary...

Doubt they know what they are in for...

Any advice for my friend?

One month..jesus. Thats just ridiculous, no way you know somebody very well in a month. I mean you can be fond of them, but Ive only known my college friends 6 months and while I really like them I wouldn't say I know any of them well enough yet to know if Id move in with any of them.
Are they 38/39 and in the big rush to settle down and pump out 2/3 babies before menopause hits?