Wedding Abroad - Bridal party paying for own accomodation

lazygal

Tarzana2 wrote: »

As well as the fact that it's making an assumption that people were going to be taking a foreign holiday in the given year which may not be the case!

Exactly! With two kids to factor in as well we're not even sure what we're doing this year.

Uno my Uno.

MadDog76 wrote: »

Whenever I've been part of a Wedding Party I've never had to pay for anything .......... why would I?
Why would anybody think they can have their Wedding anywhere in the world they choose and expect the expense of that decision to be put onto individuals who have no say in these decisions whatsoever???

MadDog76 wrote: »

That still doesn't negate the fact that (traditionally & morally) the Wedding Party should not be asked to pay for accommodation because you want to get married abroad in a villa of your choosing ......... it's just rude and inconsiderate to put people in a position were they'll be too embarrassed to be honest with you.

Ah here get down off your high horse, people are asked to be in a wedding party, if they aren't able to accept for whatever reason fair enough, they decline. it's an honour nothing more, no groomsman does anything more than stand where he is told to and perhaps give a lift to someone so Asking someone to be in the wedding party doesn't mean you are beholding to them or have to pay for them to attend. If they weren't in the party they would just be guests and would be expected to pay their own way. And aside from all that, as I said the cost of paying for an entire wedding party could be massive, I don't know of anyone who has done that. The couple should cover the extras like hair and make up or suit hire but everything else? People complain about self entitled couples but the expectation that you shouldn't have to pay for anything just because you'll be standing at the top of the church for an hour is worse.

Tarzana2 wrote: »

That's all fine as long as they know it's going to be a foreign wedding at the time they are asked to be part of the bridal party. Invited guests can turn down the invite if they can't afford it, but the bridal party have to go.

For me personally, if I agreed to be a bridesmaid and then discovered it was to be abroad, at this point in my life I'd have to bow out as I earn very little.

Nobody has to go anywhere, bridal party or otherwise. If everyone is a grown up they should be able to have difficult conversations with their closest friends without falling out about it. It would a pretty jerk move to ask someone to be a bridesmaid and then later decide you're having the wedding in Vegas just for the craic. You'd be totally justified in bowing out at that point.

My wedding is abroad, in my fiance's hometown, it is going to be expensive and a bit awkward to get to from ireland. I wish that wasn't the case but it is. I know that because of that a lot of the people I want to be there won't make it. Everyone has been asked to come or be involved, not told. If they can't or don't want to take up the invitation that is no problem, we understand and we won't be offended. After all it's just a wedding, a little perspective goes a long way.

In fact we are really touched that people are prepared to come so far and go to such hassle for us, it makes us feel very special and really let's us know how amazing our friends are.

MadDog76

Uno my Uno. wrote: »

Ah here get down off your high horse, people are asked to be in a wedding party, if they aren't able to accept for whatever reason fair enough, they decline. it's an honour nothing more, no groomsman does anything more than stand where he is told to and perhaps give a lift to someone so Asking someone to be in the wedding party doesn't mean you are beholding to them or have to pay for them to attend. If they weren't in the party they would just be guests and would be expected to pay their own way. And aside from all that, as I said the cost of paying for an entire wedding party could be massive, I don't know of anyone who has done that. The couple should cover the extras like hair and make up or suit hire but everything else? People complain about self entitled couples but the expectation that you shouldn't have to pay for anything just because you'll be standing at the top of the church for an hour is worse.



Nobody has to go anywhere, bridal party or otherwise. If everyone is a grown up they should be able to have difficult conversations with their closest friends without falling out about it. It would a pretty jerk move to ask someone to be a bridesmaid and then later decide you're having the wedding in Vegas just for the craic. You'd be totally justified in bowing out at that point.

My wedding is abroad, in my fiance's hometown, it is going to be expensive and a bit awkward to get to from ireland. I wish that wasn't the case but it is. I know that because of that a lot of the people I want to be there won't make it. Everyone has been asked to come or be involved, not told. If they can't or don't want to take up the invitation that is no problem, we understand and we won't be offended. After all it's just a wedding, a little perspective goes a long way.

In fact we are really touched that people are prepared to come so far and go to such hassle for us, it makes us feel very special and really let's us know how amazing our friends are.

If anybody can't afford a full Wedding Party then they shouldn't have one .......... but to expect to have a full Wedding Party with the participants footing the bill and bearing the costs is about as low as you can go ......... "I can't afford to pay for the wedding I want but I still want it boohoo" ....... have some pride ffs!!

Uno my Uno.

MadDog76 wrote: »

If anybody can't afford a full Wedding Party then they shouldn't have one .......... but to expect to have a full Wedding Party with the participants footing the bill and bearing the costs is about as low as you can go ......... "I can't afford to pay for the wedding I want but I still want it boohoo" ....... have some pride ffs!!

Get real, people don't pay for an entire wedding party to attend the wedding including the travel and accommodation. If that was the case people wouldn't have wedding parties at all.

MadDog76

Uno my Uno. wrote: »

Get real, people don't pay for an entire wedding party to attend the wedding including the travel and accommodation. If that was the case people wouldn't have wedding parties at all.

Which people??? We did for our Wedding ......... I've been a part of 3 Wedding Parties and no expense was put on my shoulders ......... my wife has been part of 4 Wedding Parties and she wasn't handed a bill from the B & G's of those weddings ......... so you're wrong.
What you really mean is you expect your Wedding Party to fund part of your wedding ......... and you would like everybody here to say "that's ok" so you can justify it to yourself ......... well it's not ok.

Spanish Eyes

Just goes to show, weddings are nightmares for everyone except the B+G.

Or so it seems.

Weddings are best avoided IMV. Unless it is immediate family.

I decline regularly. No one misses me, and that is great. Do I care? No, I have moolah in the bank for a real holiday by declining many an invitation to what is regularly a cloned event.

Uno my Uno.

MadDog76 wrote: »

Which people??? We did for our Wedding ......... I've been a part of 3 Wedding Parties and no expense was put on my shoulders ......... my wife has been part of 4 Wedding Parties and she wasn't handed a bill from the B & G's of those weddings ......... so you're wrong.
What you really mean is you expect your Wedding Party to fund part of your wedding ......... and you would like everybody here to say "that's ok" so you can justify it to yourself ......... well it's not ok.

Handed a bill? Funding part of my wedding? You are way off base. We are paying for our wedding, our guests are paying their own expenses and they can do that anyway they chose. That's the norm and people are fine with it, the wedding party are guests after all.

Am I to understand that you wouldn't attend a wedding as a groomsman if you were asked to pay for your own hotel room or flights but would if you were just a regular guest? Because that makes no sense. Perhaps you would attend but just consider your friend "low".

Weddings abroad are notoriously difficult and throw up all sort of problems for guests and the couple. I think the OPs idea isn't a great one because I have seen an identical situation cause problems in the past. All my experience of weddings is that isn't expected for a couple to cover all the costs for the wedding party (although it would seem in certain proud circles failure to do so is a massive faux pas) but equally the couple should avoid putting the party or guests to unnecessary or unavoidable expense. I would think requesting or suggesting guests to stay for 5 nights is a big ask and I would try not to do it myself.

fits

Spanish Eyes wrote: »

Just goes to show, weddings are nightmares for everyone except the B+G.

Or so it seems.

So you would think from boards.ie where wedding bashing is in fashion. The reality is often different.

I decline regularly. No one misses me, and that is great. Do I care? No, I have moolah in the bank for a real holiday by declining many an invitation to what is regularly a cloned event.

And that is everybodys choice. Its an invitation not a summons. Better not go than be a grump about everything.

CaraMay

Tbh I wouldn't go to another foreign wedding. I'm my experience the b&g mainly do it to save money - they save money and the guests spend more ....

stickybookmark

MadDog76 wrote: »

Which people??? We did for our Wedding ......... I've been a part of 3 Wedding Parties and no expense was put on my shoulders ......... my wife has been part of 4 Wedding Parties and she wasn't handed a bill from the B & G's of those weddings ......... so you're wrong.
What you really mean is you expect your Wedding Party to fund part of your wedding ......... and you would like everybody here to say "that's ok" so you can justify it to yourself ......... well it's not ok.

I'm with Umo on this....when either me or my partner were bridesmaid/best man we had to pay for our own flights (if applicable) and accommodation . Paying for the wedding party's accomm is a nice gesture if you can afford it but certainly not a given

Sligo1

I have to say I couldn't expect any of our BMs or Gms to foot any bill of our doing. We paid for everything for them. Including their accommodation for them and their OHs in our venue of choice. We had 3 bm and 3 gm. If We couldn't have afforded that I would have only 1 or 2 that we could afford.

stickybookmark

fits wrote: »

Wow, thats fairly generous! Wheres the venue? by pm if you dont want to say..

Thankfully our place are only asking us to book out the place for one night. that helps a lot. I wouldnt have booked it if they wanted us for two nights.

We're paying 175 per room per night for siblings, paying the full whack for our parents and paying half the cost for the other guests (so we pay 125 per room per night & they pay 125 per room per night). Thing is it's a thankless gesture in many ways as ppl won't even realise we've done it, they will just think 'the accommodation here is quite reasonable I must tell my niece/nephew/son/daughter to get married here' !!
If we put the same amount of money behind the bar for the night we'd be heroes!!

Larbre34

If the OP can't afford to put on this overseas bash properly, i.e. pay for the people who are doing them the honour of escorting them on the day, he/she should set their sights a bit lower and have a wedding nearer home at a venue where they can afford to do right by their bridal party. It would still be a wonderful day, in fact moreso where there isnt a seething resentment at people being manipulated into both their choice of holiday and the cost of it.

I'm not saying this to be cruel, Im saying it because Ive seen precisely the same situation play out twice, once in my family and once among friends, and it can lead to long term falling out.

forgodssake

OP my sister got married abroad a few years ago, we all paid for our flights and accommodation ourselves. I wouldn't dream of putting that extra expense on them . We saw it as a holiday for us as well as a wedding. Each to their own I know. Hope it all works out for you!

pwurple

I'm generally not a fan of weddings where the entire wedding party and every guest has to fly there. It's a whole different ball game when the couple live there, or have family somewhere. That makes sense, but putting EVERYONE to inconvenience is another story.

rosboy wrote: »

We are also laying on a bus to collect people and bring them from Limerick to Dublin airport for the flight, as we know that is another expense.

I mean, aside from the cost... consider the effort involved. You've said you have 20 children going? When you go to a wedding in Killarney you don't need to organise passports for children, pack for them, transport them through airports and terminals, while they are tired/hungry/complaining. It's hard work... especially as the destination for your destination wedding cannot even be reached from your local airport. Talk about making it as awkward as possible. 800 euro is not what a family spend on two nights in Kerry. I've booked 7 nights in kerry for 300 euro for a family of 4. Get over yourself with the 800 quid guest budget.


Asking 80 people to fly to a wedding is way over the top. 10-12 people, that's a shared holiday. 80 people, not so much.



If you are dragging people through umpteen hoops so you can get a nice sunny photo on your wedding day, at bloody LEAST pay for their accommodation.

PhoenixParker

pwurple wrote: »

I mean, aside from the cost... consider the effort involved. You've said you have 20 children going? When you go to a wedding in Killarney you don't need to organise passports for children, pack for them, transport them through airports and terminals, while they are tired/hungry/complaining. It's hard work... especially as the destination for your destination wedding cannot even be reached from your local airport. Talk about making it as awkward as possible. 800 euro is not what a family spend on two nights in Kerry. I've booked 7 nights in kerry for 300 euro for a family of 4. Get over yourself with the 800 quid guest budget.

I think most people planning weddings abroad live in a bit of a fantasy land as regards to the additional costs for their guests vs the cost of attending a wedding in Ireland. Anytime I see someone commenting on it, they seem to compare the most expensive options in Ireland with the budget option abroad, excluding expenses like getting to and from the airport & assuming you're lucky and get the cheapest flights and assuming you just stay two nights for the wedding.

OP quotes E120 per night for the budget accommodation local to the wedding. That's the cost of a double room in the four star hotel we're using in Dublin for the night. Most of our guests won't even stay over because they live close enough to get a taxi home. I've been to weddings in Kerry, and yes you can spend E500 as a couple to get there and stay over, but you can usually also stay in a B&B down the road from the hotel for E50/night and find another couple to car share with on the way down.

The last wedding abroad I was at the hotel was E30 a night (single room), but the way the flights fell meant I had to stay three nights, so it ended up as E90 and the flights themselves were only E120, except they weren't they were E200 because of all the taxes and charges. I was lucky because I got the airbus the airport (E12/return) so not much extra there, but for anyone living outside Dublin the cost is the same as driving to a normal wedding. And ya know I got three nights so it was a mini-holiday. Except I flew in on the Saturday afternoon and granted had a nice evening, then it was Sunday and everything in the area was shut. Monday was the wedding so no chance to see anything and Tuesday I flew home. There was no time to actually holiday unless I'd spent even more time there and it wasn't a destination I was interested in. I also had the costs of two days food eating out because I wasn't at home.

MrWalsh

For me the big issue is time. I get a limited number of days annual leave and I want to use them for things that I want to do and not have to use up 2 of them to attend a wedding.

Tarzana2

rosboy wrote: »

I've just come home from a wedding in Killarney. Between the accommodation (two nights) and food/gift/drinks, we spent close to €700. The figure of €500-€800 seems to be the general consensus among my friends for how much it costs to go to a wedding these days. That money will go a long way to a week away for our wedding (where there will be no costs on the wedding day, an minimal the day after.

I attended my cousin's wedding last week. It included an overnight stay. It cost under €200.

Gift: €100
B&B: €50
Card €5
Petrol money to my sis: €10
Booze: €30

I got my hair cut also but that was due anyway. I wouldn't have got it cut specially.

If I'd stayed one more night, add another €70 max.

So staying two nights would have cost less than €300.

Are you counting the €500-€800 as per person or as a couple? Because per person, no way does it need to cost anywhere near that, even if transport costs were a bit higher if there was farther to travel. I don't buy a new dress for every single wedding. Every few weddings, I'll buy something, and will bargain hunt for it. I always do my own hair and make-up.

Going abroad would be way more expensive than this.

Neyite

I love my family, but no way would I share a villa with them for 5 days. Well, I would, but no way would it remotely resemble a holiday that I would pick for myself.

If your guests have children or babies, its a whole heap more for them to consider, as well as what pwurple outlines above in terms of travel, there is so much more to consider when taking children/babies or toddlers abroad:

Is the villa child friendly? Does it have handrails/safety gates on stairs? Is there a pool? Is it alarmed? Can a child let themselves out of the villa at night, or can the doors be locked? Are the grounds safe? Would other guests be mindful enough not to leave dangerous things within easy reach - scissors, nail polish remover, alcohol, glass bottles, cigarette butts.

What is the security deposit if your kid accidentally spills something on the plush carpet or sofa? Would your child be disruptive to other guests sleeping off the hangovers in early morning, would the adult guests have to be quiet and not have rousing sing-songs till all hours because there are babies sleeping. Is there things to keep a child entertained like a telly or local activities. Can a babysitter be sourced locally?

I went to three shops with my toddler on Saturday and it was hell with him playing up. And I was lucky enough that it was only an hour, and I could stick him in the car and come home. If I had to do that for 5 days in a strange location I think I'd go insane altogether! :pac:

Toots

If a user has a problem with a post, please use the PM button; don't argue with other posters in the thread (MadDog76 and Uno My Uno, I'm looking in your direction here). The OP came asking for advice, not to be vilified for having a wedding abroad.

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