what to do about having no babysitter?

hagoonabear

hello looking for advice on What to do in future about babysitter, I have actually no one to mind if me and my partner even wanted a night out apart from hus mother who is a great help and will the odd time, I also have a best friend who can too the odd time, my own family have made it clear they won't ever help out.

so any advice?

uck51js9zml2yt

You're not alone in not having a babysitter. We get a night out when we visit the inlaws once a year for a few weeks and they mind the kids.

A night in when the kids are in bed and a meal for 2.

lazygal

I babysat loads as a teenager. I put an ad in a local shop and a few families found me that way. I was a very boring and reliable teenager so it worked out great. I know lots who did the same. Could you try that route?

Eta you've two people to help. How often do you plan to.be out?

hagoonabear

lazygal wrote:

Eta you've two people to help. How often do you plan to.be out?

lazygal, I do have two people but I rather not ask them as they do enough for me, I do not want them to think I would be taking advantage of them and the most I would love to go out would be twice a month.

lazygal

hagoonabear wrote: »

lazygal, I do have two people but I rather not ask them as they do enough for me, I do not want them to think I would be taking advantage of them and the most I would love to go out would be twice a month.

Well there's the local teenager route. Or whatever loads of couples do which is alone time when kids are in bed. We don't like asking our parents too much so we'd limit asking them to once a month max.

Queenalocin

Contact some of your local secondary schools, lots of TY students looking for money, put note in a parish newsletter or find a local guide/scout/hockey club. You are bound to find someone there, and will be able to get references.

Sligo1

hagoonabear wrote: »

lazygal, I do have two people but I rather not ask them as they do enough for me, I do not want them to think I would be taking advantage of them and the most I would love to go out would be twice a month.

We only have my mum who can babysit for us. I wouldn't and have never asked anybody else. Since my 2nd was born one year ago I could count the amount of times on 1 hand OH and I have been out together for dinner or to the cinema (and we're still pretty young... OH is still a couple years away from 30. If you have friends, try and take turns to go out without your OHs. Twice a month is quite a lot tbh.... Wishful thinking I think....

Sligo1

just to add... I wish I had someone I could trust to mind the kids (apart from mum). It's really important to be able To spend the odd night out with OH. Desperately needed here I have to say!

harr

We are in the same boat,my mum helps out when she can but she is in her 70,s now so any night out later than 10.30 is a no for her which we can understand .
The issue with us getting someone we can trust we have had a number of friends who picked girls from the local school who placed add in newsletter ,they ended up having boyfriend over ,drinking ,smoking and stealing .
So for us it will have to be someone we know and trust but we are finding it very hard.

hagoonabear

Sligo1 wrote:

just to add... I wish I had someone I could trust to mind the kids (apart from mum). It's really important to be able To spend the odd night out with OH. Desperately needed here I have to say!

I know what you mean! it's so hard to come by good babysitters and parents it's too much to ask of sometimes think I might place an add in the local secondary school thanks guys,

I remember being in my teems and babysitting every week for aunts and uncles

theLuggage

For someone trustworthy try contacting the creches. Staff often babysit as well, if they are young especially. They can be trained in first aid and well used to dealing with children. A number of girls in our creche babysit, it's a bonus if you do use a creche because your children will know the babysitter.

December2012

What about a swap with a friend? You do one weekend night for them, he/she does it for you?

That way you're both guaranteed one date night a month or a fortnight?

Also, ask your crèche

arayess

December2012 wrote: »

What about a swap with a friend? You do one weekend night for them, he/she does it for you?

That way you're both guaranteed one date night a month or a fortnight?

Also, ask your crèche

before my fella became a teenager , this was my route.

Halfprice

Have any of your friends got kids old enough that could babysit for you that you vould ask first

foodaholic

The swap friends is a great idea, and it doesnt cost a penny. And its great for your child to experience sleepovers.

pwurple

Have you or your husband got siblings? All the aunties and uncles babysit or take the kids for walk to the parks etc.

Either myself or husband are away or work nights sometimes, so babysitters are a must for us, as well as for the odd night out.

We have two sets of grandparents, several sets of aunts and uncles, and a couple of their minders from creche as babysitter options. My friends offer as well, but honestly we have no need of any more.

December2012

You don't even have to do it as sleepovers - even a few hours while the kids are in bed is enough.

Get the kids in bed, friend comes over, you're still out by 9 to the cinema or fora few drinks while your mate (or you) gets somebody else's telly and couch to themselves for the night. You could still be at home in bed by 12 or 1.

MinnieMinx

We've recently moved and I'm hoping to make some mum friends at my son's school and offer babysitting swaps. He'll be six soon and we haven't had a night out together since before he was born, even when we got married.

hagoonabear

wow this is really one common problem, well I'm in limerick if any patents ever need a sleepover swap

Knine

Sligo1 wrote: »

We only have my mum who can babysit for us. I wouldn't and have never asked anybody else. Since my 2nd was born one year ago I could count the amount of times on 1 hand OH and I have been out together for dinner or to the cinema (and we're still pretty young... OH is still a couple years away from 30. If you have friends, try and take turns to go out without your OHs. Twice a month is quite a lot tbh.... Wishful thinking I think....

LOL looking to go out twice a month is hardly a lot or wishingful thinking.

OP your best option finances permitting is to pay a babysitter a couple of times a month for your much needed nights out. The local Creche might be a good starting point.

Neyite

hagoonabear wrote: »

hello looking for advice on What to do in future about babysitter, I have actually no one to mind if me and my partner even wanted a night out apart from hus mother who is a great help and will the odd time, I also have a best friend who can too the odd time, my own family have made it clear they won't ever help out.

so any advice?

We've had our child babysat exactly 5 times, and he is three. Because our family is fairly scattered or have other massive commitments or ill health, there are only a couple of people who could babysit for us, and we use them only when we are stuck, but then we don't go out much anyway. Now, most couples go out a bit more than that but the fact is that you cant impose on family too frequently - certainly not every fortnight, no matter how big your family is.

Your best bet is to get a local, responsible teen to mind them, but tbh, if the children were very young - like babies or toddlers, I'd want to know a teen is capable of handling the work involved. With older kids, a babysitter has less work to do.

Sligo1

Knine wrote: »

LOL looking to go out twice a month is hardly a lot or wishingful thinking.

It is if you don't have a babysitter....

lazygal

Sligo1 wrote: »

It is if you don't have a babysitter....

It is even if you do, if you're asking for it as a favour. We go out, just not always together. And we do 'date night' at home when the kids are in bed, and call on family if it suits them or they offer. I don't think many couples with very young children would be out every two weeks as a couple. Also, I'm often wrecked come the weekend so going out is the last thing on my mind!

seamus

Yeah, I know very few couples who do go out together more than once a month or once every two months. Grannies and Grandads are often helping out the rest of the time, and siblings usually have one or two of their own. Those without kids usually have other plans!

Failing the creche, if you have any good neighbours or family friends with teenagers, they can be a good bet too. They're less likely to take the piss and their parent is always available to them if they need help.

Chocolate fiend

You have two babysitters more than I have by having your mother and friend available to you. Is it that you want a free babysitter or are you happy to pay? I cannot leave the children with someone I don't know well, so I can't use paid babysitter services, but, friends of mine do and find them great. Unfortunately for us we have no family in the country, and no friends who are really available as they all have very busy lives of their own.

zeffabelli

I have no parents.

There is no paternal relief.

His parents are not involved either.

I have been out three times in 9 years.

The poverty trap and lack of family give me no choice but to suck it up.

Local teenagers are under the delusional rate of E10 and hour.

Dial Hard

pwurple wrote: »

Have you or your husband got siblings?

Just to give the sibling's perspective - and obviously everyone knows their own family best - but I wouldn't advise anyone to assume that siblings are only dying to mind their nieces & nephews. I've a pain in my face being asked to mind mine - I love them all to bits but my myself and one other sister are ALWAYS asked because we're the only child-free siblings. I don't mind it the odd time but the "odd time" multiplied by three other siblings adds up.

The other thing about always relying on family to mind your kids is that you're a bit goosed then when it's a big family event that everyone wants to go to, like a birthday or something. I definitely think that everyone should at least try and sort out a babysitter that isn't immediate family.

zeffabelli

Dial Hard wrote: »

Just to give the sibling's perspective - and obviously everyone knows their own family best - but I wouldn't advise anyone to assume that siblings are only dying to mind their nieces & nephews. I've a pain in my face being asked to mind mine - I love them all to bits but my myself and one other sister are ALWAYS asked because we're the only child-free siblings. I don't mind it the odd time but the "odd time" multiplied by thee other siblings adds up.

The other thing about always relying on family to mind your kids is that you're a bit goosed then when it's a big family event that everyone wants to go to, like a birthday or something. I definitely think that everyone should at least try and sort out a babysitter that isn't immediate family.

Yep. Also, as much as my family love my little one, they are really resentful of the other side for not chipping in, and that they have not had any of my full attention for eight years. None of them can take me out to dinner on my own for example without my little one, so asking them to mind him after 8 years of no assistance from the other side will create more friction within my own family who are already resentful.

I;ve missed two family weddings and some other family things, because I can't bring him, so it affect your own relationship with your own family too.

Jellybaby1

Some teenagers are great. For different reasons. On the only two times I got a teenager to babysit I left instructions as to what I required the kids to do i.e. watch a movie, then supper, brush teeth and to bed by a certain time. :rolleyes: All my instructions were disregarded and we arrived home to find teenager and kids all up playing games and having a great time! Well, the kids loved having the teenager over anyway!

Big Bag of Chips

Jellybaby1 wrote: »

Well, the kids loved having the teenager over anyway!

Sounds like a success of a night all round!

Mystery Egg

zeffabelli wrote: »

I have no parents.

There is no paternal relief.

His parents are not involved either.

I have been out three times in 9 years.

The poverty trap and lack of family give me no choice but to suck it up.

Local teenagers are under the delusional rate of E10 and hour.

I have no doubt you are in a difficult situation.

However I am a childless adult and I happily babysit for my friends who have children, for free. Do you have a friend you could ask?

If you don't ask you don't get.