is the big day worth it?

ABajaninCork

We had a DJ only wedding, and it worked out fine. E2k is a lot to pay out for a band, and I think a good DJ works just as well, if not better.

Frigga_92

missjuly wrote: »

Hi I was just wondering if people think the whole white wedding pomp and ceremony was worth it? Im engaged and I am so excited to get married to my fiancé! !
The whole actual wedding thing is stressing me out! I'm not a shy person but I am when it comes to events I have never had an 18th a 21st I just don't like the attention and "pressure". If I do have the whole white day im already afraid if people dont have fun!?Then of course there is the expense of a wedding too :O.
My fiancé and I have been goint back and forth different things we could do for our special day?! I feel I want to do something special and I do really want to wear a pretty white dress lol.

Anyone who had the whole big day was it worth it would you do it again? Or anyone planning their wedding how do you feel about your up coming big day (excited I hope).Love to hear your thoughts :-)

We had a "white wedding" but there was no "pomp" and there was a very short 20 minute civil ceremony.
When I tell people that we got married in Waterford Castle they immediately say things like "oooh fancy" or "that must have been expensive" or "you must have had loads of people there" and other things along those lines which is simply the attitude that a lot of people have that all weddings must fit into this template and if you have a wedding at a certain venue it must be x, y and z.
The reason we chose Waterford Castle was because we were able to have our ceremony there and the party. We "planned" our wedding in about 5 months and Waterford Castle fitted into the date we picked (2 other venues didn't have availability that weekend - it was the August bank holiday weekend) so that's why we decided on that venue.
It wasn't any more fancy than any other venue.
It wasn't expensive because we had the wedding we wanted and didn't do anything to please anybody else.
There wasn't loads of people there, there was 11 guests at the wedding ceremony itself, they all took part in the hand fasting, later on more guests arrived, there was about 20 people altogether.
We looked after our own music, my husband has a pretty good sound system so we brought out his amp, speakers and his laptop. As there was so few guests there and they were all our good friends, we all have similar musical tastes so everyone was happy with the playlists we prepared and guests were able to have a go at the laptop to put on other songs.

We pretty much had a quick 20 minute ceremony, photos, dinner and then a party with our friends because the party part is what we wanted, the rest was just a formality.

Have whatever wedding you want to have, there is nobody else to please but you and your husband to be. It's 2015 and alternative wedding arrangements are becoming far more commonplace. At the end of the day, once you are married anyone who had an issue with the wedding itself should just be happy for you and get over it.

I'm male. Yes.

clint_silver

On the music, I always try and suggest the following order: If you cant find or afford, move down the list.

great band ~2k upwards. 3.5-4k for the really big ones.
great dj ~5-600e
good dj ~450
good band ~1400+
a bad dj will at least have some music and take the hassle off you 250e
your own ipod and hired speakers is better than a bad band 150e to hire some speakers and a couple of lights for the night

Big day is definitely worth it. still best day of my life. talk to everyone. dance like noones watching. laugh a lot. it'll be over in a flash.

Inspector Coptoor

That list is actually spot on.

We were gonna go with a band for 2.2k.
Then they upped it to 4k as we had our wedding on NYE.

We then went with a DJ for €600 and it was the best €600 I ever spent

zoobizoo

If you're getting just a DJ then make sure that they are experienced at weddings and someone who is a bit of "craic" and will know how to get the party going.

I've been to a wedding with no DJ and no band. Was a small wedding in a swanky hotel in Dublin city centre and it would have been weird had there been. Think the venue closed at 12.30 and those who wanted to went clubbing. Was a great evening and a great post wedding party.

I've been to a wedding with no DJ and just an Ipod playing - no one was on the dancefloor as there was no DJ to "get the party started". The wedding felt dead for the last few hours.

Milly33

I think it is mad the 2K range for bands, we got one and they are gigging all over the place even munich who are doing it for less the 1,500

lazygal

I was at a wedding where the couple regretted getting a bargain 'pub' band. You could tell the atmosphere wasn't great and it really put a damper on things. We went for what I'd describe as a mid to upper range band that does mainly weddings and it was worth the money. They knew how to read the crowd and had a great mix of songs. I'd rather a brilliant DJ than a mediocre band if you're looking to save money.

daveyeh

It depends on your personality really.

Do you like being the centre of attention & enjoy spending $hit loads of money on one day?

Answer that and you'll know.

zl1whqvjs75cdy

Going to a wedding at the end of this month with 400 guests. We reckon the day is going to run to about 50 k, its going to be absolutely insane. But their money and if that's how they want to spend it more power to them.

clint_silver

Milly33 wrote: »

I think it is mad the 2K range for bands, we got one and they are gigging all over the place even munich who are doing it for less the 1,500

That's like saying I find it mad dinner in one Restaraunt cost 30e but 20e in another. You're assuming all bands are the same.

How many in the band?
Are they djing as well?
Do they hire separate engineer?
Any reception entertainment?
Have they an agent or book direct?
Did they have to travel far?
Is it a premium or high season date?
Have they years in the industry finding their price point?
Are they tax compliant?
If the floor isn't moving have they years of showman experience to get it back?
Have they pli?

All affect the price.

stickybookmark

clint_silver wrote: »

On the music, I always try and suggest the following order: If you cant find or afford, move down the list.

great band ~2k upwards. 3.5-4k for the really big ones.
great dj ~5-600ei
good dj ~450
good band ~1400+
a bad dj will at least have some music and take the hassle off you 250e
your own ipod and hired speakers is better than a bad band 150e to hire some speakers and a couple of lights for the night

Big day is definitely worth it. still best day of my life. talk to everyone. dance like noones watching. laugh a lot. it'll be over in a flash.

Uh oh....my dj is only 250 and I've never seen him before. You have me freaked out now!
My band are 1250 but I've seen them before & know they're brilliant

rainbow kirby

We're just getting a DJ - bands seemed like a bloody ripoff and we didn't fancy traipsing up and down the country trying to hear a bunch of showcases either. Paying just under €400 for it.

clint_silver

stickybookmark wrote: »

Uh oh....my dj is only 250 and I've never seen him before. You have me freaked out now!
My band are 1250 but I've seen them before & know they're brilliant

Those were full night prices. 250 is fine for after band.

1250e again is dependent on who they are, what night, what month, travel, how long they're playing, how many members, booked by word of mouth or advertising etc.
I know several bands that if you asked them to play next August bank hol Saturday Theyed ask for 3k. Ask them to do a Tuesday in February in the local hotel for 1200 and Theyed say yeah so it's all relative.

If you know they're brilliant, then don't worry about it.then you got a great band at a great price.

Milly33

I am sorry clint but I have to say I totally disagree with you.. The whole band wedding thing is just like another element of when you mention wedding they say ohhh well ill take another few hundred quid on just because you mentioned the word..

Faith

That's really not true, Milly. A wedding is a very unique event with a large spectrum of guests attending. Wedding bands need to cater to the audience, not just play whatever they like. A band that plays in a pub or gigs around will have a limited setlist, and they'll pretty much play whatever they want. The audience can choose whether or not to attend those gigs. With a wedding, it's totally different. They are there to entertain and they must suit the preferences of the crowd. It's a captive audience that can't move on to the next pub if the band is crap, so it's in the band's best interest to ensure they can please the crowd.

Wedding bands need to have a huge repertoire, so picky brides and grooms can say "Don't play any of these songs/ this genre". They also need to have the skill and flexibility to learn new songs for a bride and groom that want particular things. There's a huge amount of pressure on a wedding band that other bands don't experience, and that's why they charge more. You cannot compare gigging in a dingy pub to 20 people who can come and go, with playing at a wedding to 200 guests between the ages of 2 and 80 who are relying on you for entertainment and setting an appropriate atmosphere.

Faith

I actually hate this argument of "Oh, mention the word wedding and the price skyrockets". The reason it skyrockets is because the level of expectation and scrutiny increases exponentially with a wedding compared to a birthday party or something. I'd be perfectly happy with a cake from M&S for my 18th birthday, but on my wedding, people will be saying "Oh, I wonder what the cake is like?", it'll be on display and people will be inspecting it. I want to be sure it looks perfect. I might accept a poor icing job when the cake is in the kitchen all evening until it's brought out and immediately cut, but a wedding cake is on display. Same with flowers, music, all of that.

Most people might not notice flaws, but the last thing a supplier wants is a guest at a wedding talking to someone else and saying "Oh, the cake at Faith's wedding looked terrible. It was made by Fake Cake Company, we heard. I wouldn't recommend them!". That kind of conversation would rarely happen about another event; hence, more time and effort is put in to wedding supplies to ensure they're perfect, and the price increases.

kandr10

Faith wrote: »

I actually hate this argument of "Oh, mention the word wedding and the price skyrockets". The reason it skyrockets is because the level of expectation and scrutiny increases exponentially with a wedding compared to a birthday party or something. I'd be perfectly happy with a cake from M&S for my 18th birthday, but on my wedding, people will be saying "Oh, I wonder what the cake is like?", it'll be on display and people will be inspecting it. I want to be sure it looks perfect. I might accept a poor icing job when the cake is in the kitchen all evening until it's brought out and immediately cut, but a wedding cake is on display. Same with flowers, music, all of that.

Most people might not notice flaws, but the last thing a supplier wants is a guest at a wedding talking to someone else and saying "Oh, the cake at Faith's wedding looked terrible. It was made by Fake Cake Company, we heard. I wouldn't recommend them!". That kind of conversation would rarely happen about another event; hence, more time and effort is put in to wedding supplies to ensure they're perfect, and the price increases.

Well said faith! I'd agree wholeheartedly. looking back on our own wedding, I could have saved a bit on getting a cheaper cake, getting someone to do the flowers rather than using the florist etc but at the time it was worth it to us to pay the going rate for those things. Again looking back, if we had to save money it would've been on either the number of people or the venue we chose as they were the things that determined the budget really.

When you price around for wedding supplies, you'll see suppliers on all ends of the scale and you really have to decide if a particular element is important to you at all (like the cake for eg). If it is, you get what you pay for. If not, go with the cheaper option. It's no different to buying any other thing. Pay what you can afford. Negotiate where you can. However if you drive the price right down, don't expect too much from the supplier!

eviltwin

Faith wrote: »

I actually hate this argument of "Oh, mention the word wedding and the price skyrockets". The reason it skyrockets is because the level of expectation and scrutiny increases exponentially with a wedding compared to a birthday party or something. I'd be perfectly happy with a cake from M&S for my 18th birthday, but on my wedding, people will be saying "Oh, I wonder what the cake is like?", it'll be on display and people will be inspecting it. I want to be sure it looks perfect. I might accept a poor icing job when the cake is in the kitchen all evening until it's brought out and immediately cut, but a wedding cake is on display. Same with flowers, music, all of that.

Most people might not notice flaws, but the last thing a supplier wants is a guest at a wedding talking to someone else and saying "Oh, the cake at Faith's wedding looked terrible. It was made by Fake Cake Company, we heard. I wouldn't recommend them!". That kind of conversation would rarely happen about another event; hence, more time and effort is put in to wedding supplies to ensure they're perfect, and the price increases.

That's largely self imposed I think. My.mother in law does bridal flowers, she tweaks them to perfection long after to the untrained eye they look fabulous. She says brides go mental looking at every little thing. Guests don't care half as much as the couple think they do.

Tarzana2

eviltwin wrote: »

That's largely self imposed I think. My.mother in law does bridal flowers, she tweaks them to perfection long after to the untrained eye they look fabulous. She says brides go mental looking at every little thing. Guests don't care half as much as the couple think they do.

Totally agree, guests would scrutinise very little on the day, except maybe the food and band and even then, a lot of guests wouldn't really.

ABajaninCork

For me, the big day is something you can afford. Never get into debt just to show off!

I think the happy couple need to decide what is important to them and spend money on that. For me, the important elements would be:

Rings. After the guests have gone, food eaten and cake cut, all you'll have to remind you of the day will be the rings.
Catering. Being Barbadian and married to an Irishman, we had to have good food and plenty of it. West Indians will curse you forever if you don't feed them!!
Entertainment - Very important for the flow of the day.
Photographs/Videographer Again - this is a reminder of your special day. I think it's important to spend money on getting the right people for you. Don't skimp - you'll regret it.

IMO - anything else is fluff. Spend it if you have it, but if you can't then cut your cloth to fit. I wanted some really flash invitations with the guest names individually printed. My mate and my now husband immediately put their feet down, saying it was a waste of money, as people would only look at them and throw them either on the mantelpiece or behind the bread bin! Very cross at the time, but looking back - they were right. I had some very nice ones made with the writing in teal (our colour) at a fraction of the price I was quoted for the posh ones...

Milly33

We shall beg to differ Faith but any good decant band will have no problem learning off songs and playing then to someones spec or what they want....Don't be dissing bands that play gigs in pubs to weddings if anything it is a lot harder to pull a crowd in the pub than a wedding. At a wedding your stuck with the band crap or not so you have to listen to them, in pubs you don't the customers can decide to walk away and chat to their friends and not pay attention to the band so it takes an awful lot more work to keep them entertained..

The fluffing is so true as above spend the money on the everlasting things that are important to ye..small things on the day might make it look a little better but if ye cant afford it don't beat yerselfs up about it

stickybookmark

One thing I've learned in this process is that you might decide you're not having x,y + z to cut costs but slowly that gets eroded by family members....I started off with no wedding party now I have a fecking entourage. And each and every one was so as not to p!ss this and that person off. Everytime I've tried to cut something out someone is like 'oh you have to have that for such and such a reason'. My biggest problem actually is my OH haha.....he doesn't want to scrimp on the same areas I do, and things which I want to spend money on, he thinks are a waste! He insisted on a wedding party even though I absolutely didn't want one and he started asking his family members to be in it, forcing me to ask mine otherwise they'd see his family on the altar on the day and go 'what the heck, she told us she was having no wedding party?!'
End result - money being spent on nearly everything. All I've managed to hang onto from my original 'no frills' idea was - there's still no cake or no wedding car....but there's still 2 months to go ;o)

lazygal

I think everyone has different must haves and a scale of how negotiable they are. For us, number one was no church, no blessing, nothing like that, which made things easier for us as the choices of celebrant were limited. Another one we didn't budge on was the guest list. We had a max number, split evenly between us. We were put under pressure ask more but we didn't want a huge wedding (even though money was offered to pay for the extra people). Other things were easier to give in or negotiate on. I wasn't keen of a free bar but himself really wanted it so we had it. I couldn't be bothered with a cake, but if he had wanted one we'd have gotten one. I really wanted a DVD of the day so we compromised and got a cheap deal that was grand. I also wouldn't have minded giving in or changing other things, but we had agreed on most of the big things before we told everyone we were engaged.

If I had my time over I wouldn't have had any speeches at all and I would have spent money hiring a professional to decorate the venue, especially for the ceremony. I still don't regret not having a cake, not hiring fancy cars, keeping the guest list as tight as possible and spending money on the free bar.


As I have said, I don't think weddings are a rip off. I didn't notice a price hike for anything. I paid more for family photos at a studio shoot than we did for our entire wedding photography package and our floweres weren't overly expensive considering what we got. The venue's prices seemed reasonable to us and we haggled with a few other suppliers.

aaakev

Milly33 wrote: »

I am sorry clint but I have to say I totally disagree with you.. The whole band wedding thing is just like another element of when you mention wedding they say ohhh well ill take another few hundred quid on just because you mentioned the word..

We got a band who we know and a dj who is a mate, band and dj cost €760.

westernlass

aaakev wrote: »

We got a band who we know and a dj who is a mate, band and dj cost €760.

It's down to what you are willing to pay and quality. But also who is paying tax. The professional wedding bands are as opposed to it being a nicer. Something to consider

CaliforniaDream

We only had our immediate family at our wedding. Just a civil ceremony and then dinner and drinks.
My brother got married a year before and him and his wife have openly said they regret having the 'big' wedding and would do what we did if they had a choice again.

5 years later we've separated and I have to say, as much as I feel ashamed for not making it work, I feel better knowing we didn't put expenses on all our guests and spent a large sum on the day. I'd feel awful knowing people gave presents and shelled out for the day and now we've separated.
It's hard to go through and it's a reality for a lot of couples so at least it's one less thing for me to stress over.

Aineoil

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

Is the big day worth it?

IMHO it depends on whether your values are focused on having a wedding (big event that's all about you) or celebrating the start of a marriage.

If the former, then definitely yes.

If the latter, then probably not, you can celebrate just as well in a number of smaller ways.

I agree with Mrs O Bumble.

I got married in 1989 when the "big wedding event" was expected. I wasn't comfortable with it at the time, but I went along with it. My parents wanted the big day thing.

I would have much preferred a quiet ceremony without all the hype.

A small wedding can be very meaningful.

stickybookmark

clint_silver wrote: »

Those were full night prices. 250 is fine for after band.

1250e again is dependent on who they are, what night, what month, travel, how long they're playing, how many members, booked by word of mouth or advertising etc.
I know several bands that if you asked them to play next August bank hol Saturday Theyed ask for 3k. Ask them to do a Tuesday in February in the local hotel for 1200 and Theyed say yeah so it's all relative.

If you know they're brilliant, then don't worry about it.then you got a great band at a great price.

Cringe...I checked & I'm actually spending 1850 on the band!! That prompted me to do up a cost spreadsheet!!

Uno my Uno.

Milly33 wrote: »

I am sorry clint but I have to say I totally disagree with you.. The whole band wedding thing is just like another element of when you mention wedding they say ohhh well ill take another few hundred quid on just because you mentioned the word..

I've a good friend who plays in a couple of well known bands who do Weddings, Corporate Gigs and Colleges and their pricing is all down to demand. Want them to play on a Saturday night in July? So do a lot of couples so it is going to cost the full amount. Whereas on a Tuesday in February they probably aren't doing anything else so are open to haggling.

Sittingpretty

I think its all a very individual choice.

IF you want a big day out and you can afford it then go for it.

I'll be getting married in a registry office in Sept, it will just be my fiancé and I. Too many family issues to even consider a big day. Besides neither of us want that. We have 2 children and are together almost ten years so we just want to be married.

We won't be telling anyone until it's all done and dusted