I feel guilty

hollster2

Hello everyone, so I'm starting a course today and I'm feeling very guilty leaving my son.

Its the first Time I gone and done something for myself since I had my daughters 9 years ago.

The course is Tuesdays and Thursdays 9.30/1.30 my dad will have my son one day and playschool another, this will b his first Time in one he's 2 3 in June but I'm overcome with guilt, I feel like I'm pawning him off

LegacyUser

No doubt you will receive a hundred replies telling you not to feel guilty, that it is good for him, a happy mum is a happy baby, etc. etc.

My thoughts are if you are feeling guilty, it is for a reason. You will never get this time back with your son, and it will go in a flash.

Time with his Grandad sounds great, but a playschool would be a no for me. I couldn't bare leaving him in a room full of strangers at that young age.

But like I say, there will be hundred replies saying the opposite, many with agendas of their own.

Listen to your heart.

loubian

hollster2 wrote: »

Hello everyone, so I'm starting a course today and I'm feeling very guilty leaving my son.

Its the first Time I gone and done something for myself since I had my daughters 9 years ago.

The course is Tuesdays and Thursdays 9.30/1.30 my dad will have my son one day and playschool another, this will b his first Time in one he's 2 3 in June but I'm overcome with guilt, I feel like I'm pawning him off

I know exactly how you feel. I think most parents will too. I have my daughter in an extra half day in the creche so I can volunteer /get experience for a ccourse I'm planning on doing.
I felt horrible even considering it but iit's the only way I can progress in my career for HER. I want to give her best life possible and it means making a few sacrifices now.

Well done for starting a new course, it's daunting even without having a family to add on to it. You are doing this for you and you will be glad as you both settle in to your new routines. I think feeling guilty is a part of parenthood that we cannot escape, I suppose we just have to decide if it's going to stop us from doing things that are important to us. Good luck!

Hannibal Smith

It will pass. You're not pawning him off at all. if there's a coffee shop near the college, go have a lovely warm cup of coffee and enjoy it from start to finish without interruption! Good luck x

ariana`

It's a sad fact but being a mammy = feeling guilty

You can't win in this job i don't think.

2 mornings a week isn't a lot, 8 hours out of a 168 hour week, so that's 160 other hours that you devote to your child/children. Hopefully he will love the playschool and it will set him up for starting Pre-school the following year. And a morning with Granddad? Ah seriously, if he's anything like my kids he'll be asking you why you can't go to your course more days It's beautiful to see the bond between grandfather and grand-son, it's so special because most of our fathers were fathers at a time when it wasn't really the done thing to be very involved with the child-rearing, they love getting a 2nd chance and the kiddies love them, it's win-win.

John Mason

you are so lucky to have spent this time with him. I started back to work last Thursday. I have gone to being with my baby 24/7 to seeing him for 2 hours a day.

The guilt is horrendous but on the upside, he loves creche, goes in every morning smiling and straight into the arms of M. I keep telling myself he is happier there cos they are deciated to just him, while he at home with me, i was always telling him "just one minute" or "i am nearly finished"

i hate it

pwurple

He is 3 in June is it? He'll be absolutely fine for a few hours with another adult. All part of growing up. Sounds like he has a great mum anyway.

I'm firmly in the "it takes a village to raise a child" camp. The more influences and experience they/we have, the better.

Das Kitty

Myob wrote: »

No doubt you will receive a hundred replies telling you not to feel guilty, that it is good for him, a happy mum is a happy baby, etc. etc.

My thoughts are if you are feeling guilty, it is for a reason. You will never get this time back with your son, and it will go in a flash.

Time with his Grandad sounds great, but a playschool would be a no for me. I couldn't bare leaving him in a room full of strangers at that young age.

But like I say, there will be hundred replies saying the opposite, many with agendas of their own.

Listen to your heart.

The reason being that judgmental people try and make parents feel crap for being parted from their kids for even the smallest amount of time.

A group of strangers is a group of friends after a couple of days.

hollster2

Thanks everyone for the lovely replies course went great , there was no bother on him today and he didn't even bother with me when I came home today.

I feel kind of proud today thinking I'm doing it for them its just me they have so onward and upward.

gogreen81

hollster2 wrote: »

Hello everyone, so I'm starting a course today and I'm feeling very guilty leaving my son.

Its the first Time I gone and done something for myself since I had my daughters 9 years ago.

The course is Tuesdays and Thursdays 9.30/1.30 my dad will have my son one day and playschool another, this will b his first Time in one he's 2 3 in June but I'm overcome with guilt, I feel like I'm pawning him off

I can tell u that u will be surprised what he learns in creche each day.
The interaction with other kids and everyone will definitely bring the personality.

I can see my daughter learning new things everyday at creche.. and ofcourse my wife also feels good that she is independent and doing something for her career.
Unfortunately dont have an option of leaving her with grandparents since they are not in this country. but the creche experience is good enough I would say.

best of luck with your course.

blackbird 49

I think if you are feeling guilty you are a good Mum thinking of your child, I know of people who wouldn't think twice about leaving their child/ children and not feel guilty, enjoy your course you will be glad you did it and your son will benefit too

Oink

God knows I'm no expert, but I can tell you you're not alone. My wife felt the same thing about putting our 6-month-old in the creche. And as a dad you can imagine the things that went through my head at the idea of leaving my little munchkin with strangers. But we could tell she was ready to go out and see the world and was not challenged enough at home.

Well what do you know, she's having a ball in the creche. Of course she goes bananas when we collect her laughing and smiling etc., which is nice for us. But she gets to see other kids, listen to singsongs, go for walks etc.

So what I'm saying is, you can't help feeling guilty, but once you know your kid is having a good time, it's all good!

Neyite

Its hard to leave them in a crèche. You feel like you are abandoning them to the wolves in the wild, don't you?

But, especially at that age, they benefit greatly having more stimulation and social interaction with other children than they would at home. In a good crèche, they thrive.

Woshy

Sometimes I feel guilty that I'm at home with my baba but I'm not doing enough with him or stimulating him enough because I have stuff around the house to get done or am tired/sick/too pregnant. I do try take him out to play dates or mother and baby groups as much as possible but it plays on my mind.

I think we all feel guilty sometimes but we're all doing what we feel is best for our little ones and our families overall

hollster2

I think its because hes my last for now in my mind and I think he will be fine after listening to all the nice messages, Im glad im not the only one feeling like this.

Sligo1

Woshy wrote: »

Sometimes I feel guilty that I'm at home with my baba but I'm not doing enough with him or stimulating him enough because I have stuff around the house to get done or am tired/sick/too pregnant. I do try take him out to play dates or mother and baby groups as much as possible but it plays on my mind.

I think we all feel guilty sometimes but we're all doing what we feel is best for our little ones and our families overall

+1. I echo this. Especially at this age when they need so much stimulation! I often think I'm not doing enough with him. No matter what the situation I think there will always be something we feel guilty about.

OP you totally deserve to go out and have a day for yourself to continue your education. And fair play for having the motivation for doing so. Your guy will be totally fine and probably benefit aswell .

iguana

Guilt can be a very powerful tool in life and I never ignore it when I feel it. If I feel guilty about something as a parent I break it down and work out exactly what it is I feel guilty about and if that is something I should change, augment or adjust my feelings about. Breaking down your situation think about if your guilt is about where he is on those mornings. I'm guessing that your son loves his grandfather and that their male bonding time is extremely beneficial to your son. If that's the case there is no need for guilt about that. And I am guessing that you are happy about the standard of care in the playschool and your son seems content there. So no need to feel guilty about that.

Is some of your guilt about not spending as much time with your son as you have up to now? If so, maybe start a tradition of setting aside a morning or afternoon for a special activity for the two of you. Something like art time on the afternoons of your course. You could encourage your son to draw a picture of something from his morning. That way he can make you a part of his day and if something is bothering him children often communicate their feelings through art. (I know at your son's age his art is probably limited to scrawls but the act of expression is what matters more than the end product iykwim). That way you can stay reassured that he is happy and well connected to you.

And lastly maybe you are feeling guilty about having committed to being away from him. But you haven't. If a day comes that he really needs you, you can rearrange things and spend that day with him. If he just can't come to terms with the arrangement (which I doubt) nothing is set in stone. You can always make adjustments that assure his security and happiness. So I think the main thing you really need to do here is adjust your thinking. Just keep reminding yourself that you have created a situation that your son is very happy with, commit to keeping your communication with him open so you know if that changes and remember that if it ever stops working you always have the power to remedy it. Then put your guilt to rest. 😊

nac4bie

I felt more mammy-guilt when I was in maternity leave than when I returned to work at six months! On maternity leave, I felt he wasn't being stimulated enough, wasn't meeting enough new people, also housework needed to be done at the same time, so I never felt like I was giving him my full attention. In creche, I know the focus is on him all of the time, and he's playing with his friends and learning new things all the time. He still loves playing with his mum and dad, but I'd actually feel I was denying him if I kept him at home with us all of the time - it's good and healthy and normal for babies and toddlers to be with other people.