The biggest lies in movies...

davedanon

And despite the fact that cars are never locked in movies when people exit them, the bloody car the girl is trying to get into is locked! So then she fumbles to get the key in, drops it into the gutter (oh, and of course it's pouring rain so the gutter is a torrent) and only just gets into the car and locks all the doors before the bad guy arrives. And then the car won't start....

davedanon

And one of my favourites. When people are running in films, that is, running for pleasure/exercise rather than a chase scene, they always run too fast. This is because a typical 'real' run, lasting 40-60 mins, is far too slow to look at. It seems boring. So the director gets the actor to sprint through the scene and then stop, gasping for breath. In real life, runners don't gasp for breath on training runs. Handily though, the run and the gasping can then become a metaphor for the difficulties the character is facing.

Goya

That any time there is a car chase in a city or town, there will be a pile of empty boxes to mow down for some reason.

That any time someone goes grocery shopping there will always be a French baguette sticking out of one of the bags.

That people can chat at a normal volume in a nightclub.

That the grizzled veteran cop who's about to retire and his new sassy young partner who hate each other will become close friends/develop a father-son type bond.

That people living in medieval times were clean.

Andrewf20

- Thunder AND lightening strike at the same time.
- That bloody bleepy blop sound that computers constantly make.
- Shopping always consists of a bread roll sticking out of a bag.
- Cars are never dirty, always spotless. (Watching homeland on netflicks here and its the same deal).

Arghus

You can steal someone's wallet just by bumping into them. If you're on a train all you have to do is brush past them.

GMSA

The amount of fuel that is stored in steel 40 gallon barrels at ports airports building sites etc without being marked as flammable. It inevitably explodes during a gunfight.
There's always ingredients at hand anywhere to make a homemade explosive device.

Peregrinus

Goya wrote: »

That the grizzled veteran cop who's about to retire and his new sassy young partner who hate each other will become close friends/develop a father-son type bond.

Unless the grizzled veteran cop is black, in which case he will be dead by half-way through reel 2, and the sassy young partner will spend the rest of the movie bringing to justice the bad guys responsible.

AndyBoBandy

davedanon wrote: »

And despite the fact that cars are never locked in movies when people exit them, the bloody car the girl is trying to get into is locked!

Despite probably 99.97% of cars having remote central locking.

D0NNELLY

Married couples hide their bits when getting out of bed

CINCLANTFLT

D0NNELLY wrote: »

Married couples hide their bits when getting out of bed

I'm always trying to hid my gut from my OH... I'm sure she thinks I'm the same Adonis as when we met 20 years ago!

gramar

People can type infallibly at lightning speed.

SEPT 23 1989

The construction and size of space ships

nice_guy80

KungPao wrote: »

At the all of Braveheart when they are wearing kilts hundreds of years before they were invented/commonly worn.

They.didnt wear kilts in bravebeart

Peregrinus

nice_guy80 wrote: »

They.didnt wear kilts in bravebeart

Certainly did.

BattleCorp

Peregrinus wrote: »

Certainly did.

That's not a kilt. That's an off the shoulder dress. All the rage in Paris and Milan this year I hear.

Poor Uncle Tom

That characters can have a normal discussion in the middle of a nightclub setting with a full party and blaring music happening around them.

davedanon

Poor Uncle Tom wrote: »

That characters can have a normal discussion in the middle of a nightclub setting with a full party and blaring music happening around them.

This is a really popular one for some reason. I didn't occur to me, but I have a related gripe. If they can do this, how come a lot of films and tv shows can't produce crisp, audible dialogue in perfectly normal non-explodey situations? I constantly cranking the damn volume up, and then the fecking ads are always much louder, so you have to turn it down. Ok, the fact that our surround sound system remote is broken might have something to do with it.

finglashoop

jackwigan wrote: »

Why is a sprinter knackered after a few seconds yet a marathon runner can keep going for hours... There's your answer.

At full galllop. A marathon runner isnt sprinting

davedanon

The remote central locking thing has spawned a movie meme, though. It's when the resourceful secret agent/Jason Bourne figure needs to escape a situation, so he/she steals some car keys, then walks through the carpark pressing the button and waiting to see which car responds.

pumpkin4life

Computer programming is fast and exciting and you can type at a 100 words a minute and hack banks and governments, when in reality its slowly typing something in, running it and then ERROR in big red letters comes up and it be like, fùcks sake, off to stackoverflow so.

davedanon

TallGlass wrote: »

Insane local/regional/international knowledge when driving/walking/running, these guys very very rarely get lost anywhere in the world.

Yeah, this. I loved the Bourne films, but for some reason the scene that jarred with me the most was the bit where Jason steals a taxi outside a supermarket, after just being shot, and after the most cursory glance at a stolen map, he drives unerringly to his destination through the suburbs of Moscow.

mapaca

Goya wrote:

That people living in medieval times were clean.

And had perfect hair/teeth/nails/skin etc...

Hank Scorpio

Get 3 coffins ready.

Wibbs

mapaca wrote: »

And had perfect hair/teeth/nails/skin etc...

Funny enough generally they had good teeth, with low rates of caries and dental crowding. Certainly lower than say a century ago. Going way back "cavemen" usually had very good teeth. It was only after sugar became a popular and cheap commodity that dental decay became widespread. In the medieval only the wealthy had access to such rich foods and subsequently were more likely to suffer from bad teeth. Outside of illnesses their hair and skin was probably OK too.

Actually that can be another movie lie. Where they go the opposite direction and show medieval and ancient world folks in general as filthy dirty and dishevelled. Cosmetics, perfumes and shifting fashions have been part and parcel of humanity since the very early days. Still, crowded medieval cities would have been pungent places to walk around.

Battles are another suite of movie lies. No matter what the period. The single arrow to the body and instant fall down dead being one obvious one. Far more likely that such a wound would render the person out of the fray, only to die of blood loss or massive infection, hours, days, even weeks later. It can take a lot to kill someone, even gunshots unless to the head or heart can take time. The opposite of that of course is the film hero sustaining all sorts of debilitating injuries while staying moving, or living long enough to give a speech.

razorblunt

+ 1 on what Wibbs said, I'll add the "knife to the belly" or "shot in the stomach" does not mean instant death like the movies portray.

seamus

Turtyturd wrote: »

You can get to the boarding gate for a flight without a ticket.

This used to be possible in the states for domestic flights, and is still possible in some smaller regional airports.

The U.S. never really considered domestic terrorism to be a big deal and up until the mid-2000s (even after the WTC attacks) it was common for people to be accompanied by family or friends all the way to the gate. Even now you can still do it in the U.S. if you just ask nicely.

In the E.U. you generally can't unless the passenger needs special assistance up to the gate, but their assistant isn't travelling with them.

De Bhál

if you are being chased on foot and get to your car, the car won't start until the person chasing you reaches the car and is banging on the window. That or if you really need a car to start in a get-away scenario it'll take three turns to get it started.

farmerwifelet

That when on there own at home women always wear matching lingerie sets to bed - never granny pants and an ol bra. They always then go downstairs to check out the scary noise in said matching undies (or get attacked by mutant intelligent sharks!)

when baking women get adorable smudge of flour on there nose/cheek and guy thinks how cute she is. instead of saying eh you are a mess there love.

also men only really notice they are in love with a girl when she is marrying someone else and needs some elaborate car/horse chase to get to the church to prevent said wedding and girl is delighted and just dumps fiance there and then! instead of lamping the numpty for ruining her wedding day!

Chiorino

Every car has a spare key hidden in the sun visor.

kunst nugget

farmerwifelet wrote: »

when baking women get adorable smudge of flour on there nose/cheek and guy thinks how cute she is. instead of saying eh you are a mess there .

Yeah, their kitchens never look like a ginormous tube of brown superglue exploded in them when baking. Totally unbelievable…

monkeysnapper

davedanon wrote: »

Yeah, this. I loved the Bourne films, but for some reason the scene that jarred with me the most was the bit where Jason steals a taxi outside a supermarket, after just being shot, and after the most cursory glance at a stolen map, he drives unerringly to his destination through the suburbs of Moscow.

Hhhheeeellllooo

This is Jason Bourne . not my wife .

Jason Bourne is a trained killer , of course he's going to know where he's going after only a glance of the map.

My wife on the other hand is also a trained killer , you should taste her cooking

kunst nugget

pumpkin4life wrote: »

Computer programming is fast and exciting and you can type at a 100 words a minute and hack banks and governments, when in reality its slowly typing something in, running it and then ERROR in big red letters comes up and it be like, fùcks sake, off to stackoverflow so.

Obviously, you're not very good at your job. Hugh Jackman can do it while looking at seventy different screens. That's why he can do it so quick.

eeguy

farmerwifelet wrote: »

also men only really notice they are in love with a girl when she is marrying someone else and needs some elaborate car/horse chase to get to the church to prevent said wedding and girl is delighted and just dumps fiance there and then! instead of lamping the numpty for ruining her wedding day!

People losing mobile phone signal, or battery whenever the plot demands, leading to a convoluted race to the church, or through airport security or running alongside a train.

Penn

"Welcome to 'Henchmen Shooting Training'. Over the course of the next few weeks, you will learn how to shoot your enemy who has likely already killed 90% of your friends. Now remember, only ever shoot your enemy in the shoulder, the leg, or just wing them a bit in the side."

"Shouldn't we shoot them in the head or chest?"

"No. That is not nearly evil enough. They must be shot somewhere that is a minor annoyance at best, but that if not medically treated within a few days, may cause an infection."

"May...?"

"Yes. For the truly evil part is having them worry with uncertainty of infection, the hassle of keeping the wound clean and bandaged, as well as dealing with minor pain for a few days after they've killed us. That way, we still hurt them after our death. That is true eeeeviiilllllll...."

pumpkin4life

Also, how does one become an evil henchman? Do you apply on the internet or craigslist? Are you eligible for Irish Life insurance? What happens to the family as a result of some good guy lad going on a rampage with a machine gun?

Hector Bellend

squirting

Thephantomsmask

The good guy flicking a cigarette butt at the pool of fuel leaking out of a crashed car, to create a raging fireball and kill the unconscious bad guys as he walks away.

The butt would be extinguished by the liquid fuel before it reaches the flash point of the vapour.

Goya

Peregrinus wrote: »

Unless the grizzled veteran cop is black, in which case he will be dead by half-way through reel 2, and the sassy young partner will spend the rest of the movie bringing to justice the bad guys responsible.

MendozAAAAAAAA! :mad:

matchthis

The Neverending Story

Wibbs

People are kept captive tied to chairs, in tiny cells or whatever for days and no toilet breaks.

kunst nugget

Wibbs wrote: »

People are kept captive tied to chairs, in tiny cells or whatever for days and no toilet breaks.

They're all wearing adult nappies…

team_actimel

When you're brushing your teeth there's no evidence of any toothpaste in your mouth, foaming like a rabid dog. And if someone goes to talk to you don't have to spit it out and can go on talking normally.

Thoie

Pumpkinseeds wrote: »

Women wake up in bed with perfect hair and perfect makeup every morning, it's like magic and the bed doesn't look slept in.

Women can also emerge from a swimming pool with their makeup fully intact.

If you pick someone up in a club unexpectedly and bring them home your house is either immaculate, with a fully stocked fridge and drinks cabinet, or is like a scene out of hoarders, but you can clear it up in the time it takes them to count to 10. It's never semi-decent, needs a bit of a hoover, and we'll need to empty the dishwasher if you want a cup of coffee.

After woman has been chased by the baddie, fumbled with her keys, finally unlocked the car, got in, almost failed but then managed to get it started and thwarting the baddie by mere seconds, finally getting onto the highway with a sigh of relief - that's the exact moment the baddie she somehow didn't notice hiding in the back seat will decide to garrote her.

The only housework people in movies ever do is folding laundry.

ScumLord

Even poor people live in large apartment in new york. In reality not even rich people live in large apartments in new york.

Boom_Bap

Noboby goes to the jacks for about 30 minutes and comes out complaining about pins and needles and dead legs or a sore neck.

eeguy

ScumLord wrote: »

Even poor people live in large apartment in new york. In reality not even rich people live in large apartments in new york.

It doesn't matter what job they have, they always live alone in an immaculate, tasteful loft apartment right in the centre of the city.

maudgonner

"Just put it on my card!". Hands over the credit card with a flourish. Never, ever gives them the PIN though...

Thoie

maudgonner wrote: »

"Just put it on my card!". Hands over the credit card with a flourish. Never, ever gives them the PIN though...

Americans are only starting to use chip and pin, and it's not terribly unusual not to sign for things either. They worry that PINs will enable fraud...

ohnonotgmail

maudgonner wrote: »

"Just put it on my card!". Hands over the credit card with a flourish. Never, ever gives them the PIN though...

chip and pin still isnt in regular use in the states.