Vaginismus at 24

LegacyUser

I'm female, heterosexual and will turn 25 this year. I have had three "sexual partners" in my life. I put sexual partners in inverted commas because I have actually not been able to have penetrative intercourse with any of them. For as long as i can remember, my vagina has always felt "closed". When I was a teenager, I couldn't finger myself, or when I did it was very painful, but I presumed that it would be different with an actual penis. I presumed wrong. Every time a guy has tried to penetrate me, it's like hitting a brick wall. The best that can be achieved is with a finger, which is painful.

Despite this physical condition, I consider myself to have a normal/healthy sexual appetite. I masturbate. I get aroused, my vagina lubricates, I desire penetrative sex and all that, but I just can't have it. It's like my body just wasn't designed for it.

I believe this to be the reason the love of my life lost interest in me. He never mentioned it, but I figure he just didn't want to appear disrespectful/sex-crazed. I was able to get him off in other ways, but he was never able to penetrate me properly.

Things that may be relevant: I had a typically repressive Irish Catholic upbringing. I have OCD and for a long time especially when I was a teenager I was extremely self-conscious and suffered from low self-esteem. I developed anorexia which in later years turned into orthorexia which turned into binge-eating/EDNOS.

Is it possible that I was simply born physically abnormal? I'll answer further questions.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vaginismus

Dolbert

I'm afraid it's impossible to say if you haven't had a physical examination by a doctor. If you don't want to see your GP, you could make an appointment with a well woman clinic? It could of course be psychosomatic but either way there's no way to know without speaking to a medical professional.

skallywag

I once knew a girl who had this condition OP, in fact she could have written your post word for word. In her case she would also have been classed as coming from the typically repressive Irish Catholic upbringing. When she was younger her oldest sister fell pregnant outside of wedlock which lead to a situation where she effectively had to leave home with minimal contact from that point on with her father. I'm no expert myself but I always assumed that this fact was the root cause of the issue. This girl also had another older sister who was experiencing similar issues, which then improved significantly when she moved out herself and got married.

So based on my experiences I would think that the chances are high that it may be a mental issue rather than a physical one.

LegacyUser

Hi OP

My first advice to you is to make an appointment with a well woman centre. This is where I was diagnosed with vaginismus and what started me on the road to treatment. There is not much known about vaginismus but the coombe are great, try to get yourself there if you can, this is where there is an amazing therapist also. I am better now, and can enjoy intercourse no problems
When I couldn't I felt like a failure as a woman and a girlfriend, like I couldn't just do something that all other women did so easily, as far as I was concerned. Getting treatment isn't a bed of roses, but it is your right and you do deserve to be well and be able to enjoy a fulfilling sex life if you choose. Best of luck and I will send a mod a message here with my proper user account, and direct them to the website of that therapist, that way if you want it you can ask them. I would also be happy for you to get my details from a mod two and we can pm if you think it might help.

Das Kitty

I have a friend who's vaginal opening was mostly blocked. A quick surgery and she was grand.

Go and see someone.

LegacyUser

I suffered with vaginismus for years, in fact I still have occasions when sex is difficult, but it's mostly okay now. Definitely visit your doctor or wellwoman clinic! An ultrasound showed there was nothing physical causing my problems. I chose to deal with my problem on my own, but there are many options out there. There are surprisingly many cases of vaginismus, you're not alone, please do seek help.

MrWalsh

You need to see a doctor. Its quite a common condition, there are methods that can be used to get you past this.

LegacyUser

Thanks everyone for taking the time to reply. I know I should probably see a doctor, but I guess i just wanted to get some anecdotal perspectives in addition to that. You know, for my own process of figuring out. So if I were to see a doctor, would I have to book an appointment with my GP and ask to get referred to a specialist? Dolbert mentioned a "well woman" clinic. I've never heard of those. What might a physical examination involve? They wont be able to put any apparatus up there, that's for sure lol.

I watched a documentary about American women who have overcome vaginismus. A few of them were immigrants from the Middle East, who would have had repressive upbringings where sex was shamed and stigmatized. They say it's "very common" but I've never heard of anyone I know who has this condition. I guess it's not the sort of thing one talks about.

Another thing that might be relevant is that I've always been squeamish about anything to do with the female reproductive system. Periods, pregnancy, birth, all of that. It makes me feel faint. This despite me having a normal sex drive.

Oh, and I've never been able to insert tampons or get a pap smear.

Das Kitty, you say your friend's vaginal opening was "blocked". Blocked by what? Muscle? Tissue? Can you elaborate?

Again, I really appreciate all the input.

MrWalsh

Your GP is the first port of call.

Tell him/her exactly what you are saying here. Its nothing new to a GP. They may work with you or they may refer you on.

You can go to womens reproductive health clinics such as well woman and see a GP there either.

A physical examination will involve a gloved finger checking around the area - most likely no apparatus.

This is a really common condition, ancedotally I have 2 close friends who have suffered it - but who except a close friend is going to mention it!

Larianne

Have a look at this info pagehttp://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Vaginismus/Pages/Treatment.aspx

A doctor would be your first port of call, preferably one who has experience jn gynae related issues. So the Well Woman Clinic might be a good choice.They may refer you to a Women's Health Physiotherapist. They would have experience in dealing with these issues. And just to note, these physiotherapists would have had internal examinations performed on themselves while training, so they understand the need to be gentle and understand the vulnerability of lying there with your pants down (so to speak).

LegacyUser

OP I was your twin, this happened me, at 20 I had a small day procedure performed by a female gynecologist in The Coombe, I cannot remember how I ended up going to her, but none of the male doctors I went and asked about this were sympathetic, they first of all told me I was too young for sex and not ready and this was my body's way of telling me that (Jesus H Christ)....and they then wanted me to stretch the muscle myself using glass dick like thing, which I can't remember the name of.

It would have taken me painful months to do that, and I wasn't up for it so I found a female who was very sympathetic and straight away she just said "we'll put you to sleep and give the muscle a bit of a stretch while you're under". She told me I was normal, that some women are just very tight anatomically, and not to worry, so don't listen to anyone telling you it's in your head or anything, as it more than likely is not as you describe being a sexual person therefore you're not psychologically avoiding sex, so chances are, you're just like I was. That was 20 years ago, needless to say, I had a happy ending. Good luck finding someone who will listen. Print this out and bring it with you!

pookie82

You seem to be diagnosing yourself before ever going near a doctor.

Well Woman clinics are fantastic. Book yourself in ASAP. Guessing at the problem isn't going to get you anywhere. You may just have a extraordinarily large/thick hymen that a quick medical procedure will sort out. If there's nothing physically amiss, then they can refer you to the necessary person to help you.

If, as you say above, this was a contributing factor in losing the love of your life, I can't see why on earth you wouldn't immediately rule out something physical and potentially easily solved!

LegacyUser

I have vulvodynia for 18mths now. Initially doctors thought it was thrush and gave me several courses of diflucan tablets, which incidentally they now think made my condition worse, but they never worked. I then progressed to steroid creams of all different strengths which made things worse and eventually I had a biopsy down below which came back with everything clear. Around the same time the vulvodynia started, I was in a zumba class and I felt a snap in my arm and back, it didn't hurt though so I didn't pay much attention. After that night I developed severe sciatica in my right leg and the vulvodynia started a few days later. I then had an MRI scan which showed two slightly bulging discs in my lower back but the surgeon said this wouldn't account for the amount of pain I am in and he wouldn't operate as he said it would likely cause other problems. I've tried numbing cream and recently different types of anti-depressants as some of these can help with nerve pain. Unfortunately these didn't agree with me so I had to come off them. I still have the vulvodynia which makes sex very difficult. I would say you have to go to your doctor though and get seen by a specialist.

Day Lewin

As a first, simple, very non-intrusive step - are you able to look at the vaginal area using a mirror? Just looking.

LegacyUser

Unreg lady wrote: »

OP I was your twin, this happened me, at 20 I had a small day procedure performed by a female gynecologist in The Coombe, I cannot remember how I ended up going to her, but none of the male doctors I went and asked about this were sympathetic, they first of all told me I was too young for sex and not ready and this was my body's way of telling me that (Jesus H Christ)....and they then wanted me to stretch the muscle myself using glass dick like thing, which I can't remember the name of.

It would have taken me painful months to do that, and I wasn't up for it so I found a female who was very sympathetic and straight away she just said "we'll put you to sleep and give the muscle a bit of a stretch while you're under". She told me I was normal, that some women are just very tight anatomically, and not to worry, so don't listen to anyone telling you it's in your head or anything, as it more than likely is not as you describe being a sexual person therefore you're not psychologically avoiding sex, so chances are, you're just like I was. That was 20 years ago, needless to say, I had a happy ending. Good luck finding someone who will listen. Print this out and bring it with you!

Hi @Day Lewin thanks for this info, did you send that gynaecologist from The Coombes info anywhere?