Will it get better?

whattodo1

Hi everyone, my son is 2 and he's started his visits to playschool this week as ill be working two days a week now

This morning he was so excited about going when I got in he wouldn't let me go so the teacher picked him up and he was calling for me.

There only half hour visits but my hearts breaking here thinking of him upset the guilt is such a horrible feeling!

AlanG

They are usually fine a few minutes after the parents leave. The best thing you an do is show no worry or anxiety yourself, be positive about it and make it clear that this is part of the day, just like dinner or bedtime. Don't let him think he can get out of it by crying and never give in and let him come home with you.
It will be fine and pretty soon he will be happy most mornings to go in and see his friends.

Sligo1

I've no advice. But I'm in the exact same position and don't know what to do! Been going on for 3 weeks (1 day per week play school). First day he stayed an hour which I thought was great. Second week he was crying after an hour so again I picked him up (it's meant to be 3 hours). 3rd time he outright refused to go in the front door. Had a massive tantrum when we got out of the car and it got worse the closer we got to the door. It ended up nearly looking like he was having convulsions! The owner came out and I said I didn't think I could just leave him in like this? Kinda asking whether I should or not. And she thought i should take him home. I ended up in tears myself!

Really don't know what to do. He's meant to be starting Montessori in September (he's currently 2y4m) but i can't see it working out at all if he won't even go to play school once or twice a week. I'm in bits and just don't know what to do... I'm also accepting a job promotion soon and I don't think I'll be able to take it if he won't go into a play school or crèche a couple days per week...

LegacyUser

My minimal advice (based on experience leaving my very clingy baby with a childminder) is to keep up the visits - put a big cheery smile on your face, give him a big kiss and tell him you see him later. And leave quickly.
Sligo1 maybe the playschool might let you come a few extra times, and sit in the corner yourself for a couple of them, until he's comfortable?
I know from relatives who are teachers that the kids are just fine usually, once the parents leave. I also had to keep telling myself that one day my daughter will go to school, and (even if I could afford it) I couldn't decide to keep her at home with me now on the basis that I found it too hard, because the separation was going to come eventually. And I can't say when school comes along "well, I won't send you because it's too upsetting".
That might not make any sense, but it's part of my logic. And I figure the guilt will never leave, no matter what. But I will say the first couple of times are the hardest - it gets marginally easier after that.

zefer

It does get better. As someone else has said, they usually stop crying about 1 or 2 minutes after you are gone.
Just keep positive, don't show that its upsetting you or that you are uptight about it. Eventually, it gets part of their routine and they get used to it.

It ends up being harder to get them out of creche than get them in!!!

LegacyUser

whattodo1 wrote: »

Hi everyone, my son is 2 and he's started his visits to playschool this week as ill be working two days a week now

This morning he was so excited about going when I got in he wouldn't let me go so the teacher picked him up and he was calling for me.

There only half hour visits but my hearts breaking here thinking of him upset the guilt is such a horrible feeling!

Will u be working close to school then won't be too bad

jester77

Here we break them in gently, one of the parents stay there the first week with them, the second week the parent would go into to a different room for an hour or 2 and the time would build up until the child is used to the parent not being there. Not sure if this is similar to how it is done in Ireland, but it seems to help the child adjust.

LegacyUser

I'm a teacher and former creche worker and whereas typically most children do settle shortly after their parents leave, some do not. I had one child who cried solidly for an entire day in creche until his mother returned in the afternoon. My heart broke for him.

It is daunting and unsettling for *anyone* to walk into a room full of strangers. It is even more intimidating and scary for a small child to be expected to stay alone in a strange place with people they do not know.

Please be sensitive to your child and don't underestimate their upset. Integrate them slowly, even if that means staying in the room with them for a few days until they become accustomed to their new environment.

Be patient and please remember it's never easy being the new kid on the block

Sligo1

hfdisfndsdsfjkfhdkf wrote: »

I'm a teacher and former creche worker and whereas typically most children do settle shortly after their parents leave, some do not. I had one child who cried solidly for an entire day in creche until his mother returned in the afternoon. My heart broke for him.

It is daunting and unsettling for *anyone* to walk into a room full of strangers. It is even more intimidating and scary for a small child to be expected to stay alone in a strange place with people they do not know.

Please be sensitive to your child and don't underestimate their upset. Integrate them slowly, even if that means staying in the room with them for a few days until they become accustomed to their new environment.

Be patient and please remember it's never easy being the new kid on the block

Did that little fella settle after a few days? What happened? I'm very worried about my wee guy...

Gee_G

Stick with it, it will get better and one day when you're least expecting it, your little ones will walk in, not even bothering to say goodbye to you and you'll be left standing there thinking "what the hell, he/she doesn't give a dam" haha.

My little man started creche last year at approx 1.5, he was the same, actually made himself sick in the morning from crying after I left, but I had been advised by a lot of friends/family(parents and creche workers/owners) not too hang around too long as it tends to upset them more. I used to carry him in, then I tried walking him in and this was a little better, then I was advised to let him bring in a toy from home for him to "show" everyone! Try to be nice and positive and cheery on the journey there too, sing songs with them etc. It will get better and as I said, one day they'll just walk in and that'll be it!:)

Sligo1

Gee_G wrote: »

Stick with it, it will get better and one day when you're least expecting it, your little ones will walk in, not even bothering to say goodbye to you and you'll be left standing there thinking "what the hell, he/she doesn't give a dam" haha.

My little man started creche last year at approx 1.5, he was the same, actually made himself sick in the morning from crying after I left, but I had been advised by a lot of friends/family(parents and creche workers/owners) not too hang around too long as it tends to upset them more. I used to carry him in, then I tried walking him in and this was a little better, then I was advised to let him bring in a toy from home for him to "show" everyone! Try to be nice and positive and cheery on the journey there too, sing songs with them etc. It will get better and as I said, one day they'll just walk in and that'll be it!:)

Thanks for that. It gives me some hope. It's just that the play school will call me after the hour to come and get him when he gets starts to get upset. But by people's logic here I should just leave him there for the 3 hours regardless? But I don't know of the play school would do that as they have 14 other kids in the class to only 2 teachers. They wouldn't really be able to give him one on one... Or spend too much time trying to console him... And I don't think they are happy just leaving him to cry....

mapaca

It definitely will get easier. I remember standing outside the baby room in my daughter's creche, in tears, listening to her howling for me, awful. It's so hard the first few times. But she soon loved the place and would be skipping in the door! Tough it out and he will get used to it. As others have said, stay positive and cheerful about it. He will be fine. X

LegacyUser

There's a reason they are so upset. It is very unnatural for a young child to be away from their parent, particularly their mother.

Unless it's absolutely necessary, I would avoid placing your child in this place. Explore every other option first, the long term effects are unknown.

I fully expect this post not to be approved. To go against daycare here is akin to murder.

January

Siamsara wrote: »

There's a reason they are so upset. It is very unnatural for a young child to be away from their parent, particularly their mother.

Unless it's absolutely necessary, I would avoid placing your child in this place. Explore every other option first, the long term effects are unknown.

I fully expect this post not to be approved. To go against daycare here is akin to murder.

This is the last post I will be approving by you. Anonymous posting is reserved for asking a sensitive question or answering with a sensitive response. I do not consider day care options to be of a sensitive nature therefore there is no need for anonymous posting. Either post under your normal username or do not post at all.

Gee_G

Siamsara wrote: »

There's a reason they are so upset. It is very unnatural for a young child to be away from their parent, particularly their mother.

Unless it's absolutely necessary, I would avoid placing your child in this place. Explore every other option first, the long term effects are unknown.

I fully expect this post not to be approved. To go against daycare here is akin to murder.

A mother who feels guilty enough about putting their child into daycare and trying to get the child to settle in started this thread for some advice and support. I don't really see this as an appropriate post for this thread at all!

pwurple

Are the visits too infrequent? My playschool/creche doesn't take children at all unless it's a minimum of three mornings a week. they say they find the children don't settle well otherwise.

We had a settling in period of three weeks. I stayed for the full time first day, and gradually stepped out for ten minutes, half hour, an hour... Until we got to the 3 hours.

It was different with our eldest, she was more independent, was delighted to see new children and toys, was not bothered whether I stayed or not.

It's building a relationship with new people. It takes time for some.