passive aggression vs full on aggression

ILikeBananas

ILikeBananas wrote: »

I work with an extremely passive-aggressive guy. Some of the things he does:

Just remembered a few more:

• He'll state his opinion on a matter in a tone and manner that implies that it's the only possible correct way to look and it but then ends his statement with "well, that's just my opinion"
• Will then take it completely personally if someone puts forward an alternative opinion and turns it into a personal crusade to 'win' the argument. If his arguments are shown to make no sense his final statement will inevitably be "well, that's just your opinion"

take everything

Easter and Christmas.
And passive aggressive threads on boards.

zeffabelli

Chronic lateness.

Hiding behind "forgetting."

Sarcasm.

Denial.

Dismissiveness.

Pretending not to hear.

Pretending not to understand.

Tearin It Up

People that are nasty to you but then turn around and all smiles to everyone else. Pure fakeness.

Saralee4

I don't know which is worse. It depends on the type of aggression involved in the 'full on aggression'. Sometimes people just rant but they don't actually take their aggression out on anyone else, say like a man who missed a penalty for the local team and he throws his shirt on the ground or something. I get that, its just a release of anger and disappointment. When the anger is directed at someone and in many cases the wrong person, is where it gets messy.

Passive aggressive is kind of scary in that it just builds and builds and sometimes if you go to deal with the passive aggressive person, you get even more tangled up because they wont deal with the issue.

Neither one is good but just learning how to deal with your anger and accept that everyone gets frustrated and angry sometimes and that its a normal emotion. I find assertive people less angry because they are not holding things in. Something annoys them, they deal with it and usually realise it was a misunderstanding or bad communication, you resolve it and move on.

zeffabelli

Saralee4 wrote: »

I don't know which is worse. It depends on the type of aggression involved in the 'full on aggression'. Sometimes people just rant but they don't actually take their aggression out on anyone else, say like a man who missed a penalty for the local team and he throws his shirt on the ground or something. I get that, its just a release of anger and disappointment. When the anger is directed at someone and in many cases the wrong person, is where it gets messy.

Passive aggressive is kind of scary in that it just builds and builds and sometimes if you go to deal with the passive aggressive person, you get even more tangled up because they wont deal with the issue.

Neither one is good but just learning how to deal with your anger and accept that everyone gets frustrated and angry sometimes and that its a normal emotion. I find assertive people less angry because they are not holding things in. Something annoys them, they deal with it and usually realise it was a misunderstanding or bad communication, you resolve it and move on.

I am currently on work to rule in a family context.

Conflict avoidance does not resovle conflict. It makes it worse.

Problem is the matriarch is indifferent to when people are angry with her. SHe doesn't care. So she carries on doing what she wants.

So nothing changes.

She resents babysitting she does things like "forget" to give the child medication for a weekend. Despite a reminder and an email with instructions so that the parent was left to take the child to A & E four days later.

Late for a school pick up by 40 minutes, despite being asked ONCE to do one.

Always late. Sometimes doesn;t show and pretends that the conversation was different and hides behind early senility.

Sarcasm, not hearing....I could go on and on...

Very good at the optics so nice to me in front of the right people, but when no one is looking.

She is going to get a PHIL SPECTOR wall of silence and liguid nitrogen breezes from this direction.

Saralee4

zeffabelli wrote: »

I am currently on work to rule in a family context.

Conflict avoidance does not resovle conflict. It makes it worse.

Problem is the matriarch is indifferent to when people are angry with her. SHe doesn't care. So she carries on doing what she wants.

So nothing changes.

She resents babysitting so instead of wanting to look like the **** she is, she does things like "forget" to give the child medication for a weekend. Despite a reminder and an email with instructions so that the parent was left to take the child to A & E four days later.

Late for a school pick up by 40 minutes, despite being asked ONCE to do one.

Always late. Sometimes doesn;t show and pretends that the conversation was different and hides behind early senility.

Sarcasm, not hearing....I could go on and on...

Very good at the optics so nice to me in front of the right people, but a ****ing **** when no one is looking.

She is going to get a PHIL SPECTOR wall of silence and liguid nitrogen breezes from this direction.

yea im sure its frustrating when its a family thing. You just have to keep a distance as much as possible and not rely on them for anything. Its unfortunate but you kind of have to adapt to them in that situation and try to not to get too upset when they let you down or try your best not to give them the opportunity!