changing bed time routine.

loubian

First question, and there might not be an answer for this, but how do I get my toddler to sleep through the night? She has broken sleep and we're all exhausted. I will eventually take her into the bed with me as I am conscious of my parents being woken and my need for sleep is too strong. She has gotten into the habit now of coming in to me. Sometimes , I will try to get her to stay in the cot but I always give in.

Secondly, how do I go about changing a bed time routine? Right now, we don't have much of a routine, just pj's on and say night night and up to bed with a bottle. I want to change it that we brush our teeth and has the bottle downstairs before bed but I don't just want to dramatically change it. I also want to start leaving her to fall asleep by herself.

All advice welcome.

Idrive

I don't have any advice as such, only that we are going through the same in our house. We have ended up being accidental co-sleepers, which was fine for a while, but I breastfed also and this means multiple wake ups and I have a bad back from hanging off the bed..

Currently we are trying to night wean our sleep terrorist ( 15 months ). Using a method called Dr.Jay Gordon " gentle " technique.
After 4 nights of hell we gave up last night.. 2 hours was spent back rubbing, walking the room and generally shushing.. no joy, she back in the bed around 4am, and i almost heard her chuckle

If we arent too tired tonight, we might try again.
They are babies and they want to close to Mammy, especially at night.
I dont blame them but it would help if they at least stayed aswell.

mitresize5

cant offer much advice as to be honest its mostly a blur now. What I can say is persevere with what ever method you choose (there are waht seeme like hundreds out there).

random bits and pieces

- add a story to the bed time routine, even if the toddler is too young to understand they will eventually assocaite it with bedtime.
- invest in a blow up bed and sleep/rest longside the cot rather than bring the child to the bed with you, persevre with this as youll never get a good nights sleep as long as the child is in the bed with you

dori_dormer

I just went through a horrible 2 weeks with my 14 mth old recently. He would usually sleep until 3.30 then, because we were lazy, we'd just bring him in with us and he'd sleep til 8 no bother. But he started waking earlier and earlier (earliest was 10.30!) and started squirming and kicking and crawling around our bed in his sleep. W weren't sleeping a wink. Neither was he. W had to take turns with him in the spare bed and we were both wrecked
Then my husband left for a business trip for 2 weeks. And I was alone with him getting zero sleep and worrying he'd crawl off the bed. By day two I was in tears. I decided there was no way he could come into the bed as it just wasn't safe. So I had to persevere with the cot. It was hell but we made it through. I stayed with him while he settled by himself. There were some tears but he was never alone. I sang to him and then slowly retreated. Knowing I was nearby was enough. If he woke in the night I did the exact same thing. Some nights I was with him for 2 hours straight but after a week he was sleeping til 6.30 with no wakes! I couldn't believe it.

So basically I would say, pick a routine and stick to it. It could take a week or more to set the new routine in place. Tell your parents the plan and basically apologise in advance but it'll probably be tough with lots of wakings for a while. They would hopefully be supportive though.

Why do you want the bottle downstairs? I find it makes my fella drowsy and in a dark room helps him nod off.

Neyite

Is she old enough for a bed with railings? My toddler I suspect was rolling around into the cot sides and waking himself up. Now he has an ordinary double bed, and bed rails which fold down. It also means either of us can get in and settle him rather than bringing him in with us.

We do:
PJ& Nappy Change, then bottle, then into brush teeth, wash face. Next, its into bed and story, cuddle to sleep.

I'm planning to phase out the bottle soon. And then phase in leaving after a story to let him fall asleep on his own. We'll see how that goes!

zeffabelli

Transitional object - one with your scent on it.

BlazingSaddler

Is it Supernanny or the baby whisperer who suggest calmly lifting them back into their cots with no interaction, not even eye contact. The first night you could do it dozens of times and it would be heartbreaking for you but you have to persist and in a few weeks time when you're getting a good nights sleep it'll have all been worth it.
This link could be useful http://www.netmums.com/baby/sleep/pick-up-put-down-technique

zeffabelli

mattb74 wrote: »

Is it Supernanny or the baby whisperer who suggest calmly lifting them back into their cots with no interaction, not even eye contact. The first night you could do it dozens of times and it would be heartbreaking for you but you have to persist and in a few weeks time when you're getting a good nights sleep it'll have all been worth it.
This link could be useful http://www.netmums.com/baby/sleep/pick-up-put-down-technique

Supernanny and all those cry it out folks contradict everything we undserstand from developmental theorists such as Winnicott.

We are mammals. Young mammals need touch, contact and oxytocin.

I hate supernanny.

Neyite

mattb74 wrote: »

Is it Supernanny or the baby whisperer who suggest calmly lifting them back into their cots with no interaction, not even eye contact. The first night you could do it dozens of times and it would be heartbreaking for you but you have to persist and in a few weeks time when you're getting a good nights sleep it'll have all been worth it.
This link could be useful http://www.netmums.com/baby/sleep/pick-up-put-down-technique

I think you are mixing up the two or more?
Baby whisperer is about picking them up for a cuddle, you pat their back gently and verbally sooth the baby, then lay them down when the crying has stopped but they are still awake. You dont leave them to cry it out, or ignore them.

Supernanny did the no verbal thing - its for children who constantly getting up out of bed at bedtime but are old enough to understand that its bedtime. Even then, its not applied to babies, or little toddlers, and its only after you've done three or four rounds of gently explaining that its bedtime and lead them back to bed.

I don't think Supernanny did much with babies, at least not on her shows, her forte seemed to be kids of 2 and up, and in the main, seemed to be about pulling the parents into line rather than the kids sometimes!

jester77

A routine is important so they know what is coming. My little guy is 14 months and we have a fairly fixed routine. He will have his supper and when he's finished, depending on how tired he is, we play a bit then tidy up and put his toys into his toy box. Then up the stairs, change into his pyjamas, he runs out to the bathroom, brush the teeth, back into the bedroom, into his night sack, he turns off the main light and turns on his night light, bit of a cuddle and into bed he goes. It rarely deviates from that routine. He will usually talk away to himself for 10-15 mins before he nods off.

Cunning Stunt

Sorry don't have much advice just wanted to say that our 16 month old is he same. We get him to sleep in his cot in the evening, but at some stage in the night he will end up in our bed. I don't mind it much - have gotten used to it - but we have a new baby on the way in October and I don't know how the hell we will be able to get up for frequent nightfeeds while trying to keep a toddler asleep in same room, so something is gonna have to change before then!

Hannibal Smith

Cunning Stunt wrote: »

Sorry don't have much advice just wanted to say that our 16 month old is he same. We get him to sleep in his cot in the evening, but at some stage in the night he will end up in our bed. I don't mind it much - have gotten used to it - but we have a new baby on the way in October and I don't know how the hell we will be able to get up for frequent nightfeeds while trying to keep a toddler asleep in same room, so something is gonna have to change before then!

Congratulations on the impending arrival!

Our second lad is an awful sleeper. Always was. Nothing worked with him. We couldn't have him in with us because he moves too much. It just happened with age he got better.

Tenshot

Probably not a good solution for younger kids, but we found the Gro Clock worked wonders with our four year old.

There were a couple of initial "aarrghh!" nights when he came in at 4am to tell us it wasn't time to get up yet because the clock was still starry; within a couple of days though, he was no longer interrupting us and happy to go back to sleep himself if the clock hadn't turned into a Sun yet.

It seems expensive for what it is, but after using it for a week, we'd have happily paid double the price to get the same relief!