different surname to children..

eviltwin

zeffabelli wrote: »

Yeah that's the theory allright, but I think its an unfair choice to place on an adult child. It creates unnecessary loyalty issues in split scenarios.

Imagine having to choose that while both your parents are still alive? Really unfair.

It doesn't have to be the case. Our eldest chose one name and made that choice herself. No pressure from us or emotional fall out as a result.

zeffabelli

eviltwin wrote: »

It doesn't have to be the case. Our eldest chose one name and made that choice herself. No pressure from us or emotional fall out as a result.

You guys are together no?

hoodwinked

eviltwin wrote: »

It doesn't have to be the case. Our eldest chose one name and made that choice herself. No pressure from us or emotional fall out as a result.

but if both parents are pushy enough to push for both surnames it stands to reason not everyone will be like you and one parent will be put out, no matter what they say/show to the child,

the only thing i could imagine is worse than how i felt at being different from my family is having to have chosen between their names, thats an awful thing to do to your own child.

this to me is a prime example of parents expecting their children to parent for them so to speak, it turns the relationship upside down and leaves the parental responsibility on the childs shoulders instead of where it should be on the parents.

eviltwin

zeffabelli wrote: »

You guys are together no?

Yes but I'd like to think if we weren't we'd still be mature about it

zeffabelli

eviltwin wrote: »

Yes but I'd like to think if we weren't we'd still be mature about it

It has nothing to do with how mature you are, it has to do with different anxieties growing up in a split home. There are already inherint loyalty issues, the name thing just adds to it.

I think it's a grotesque injustice to land on a child who already has to deal with split parents.

Just not ok. Essentially we are dumping our **** on him by it. Rather than taking the pilots chair over it, which really a parents job...starting with naming them.

tuisginideach

I kept my own surname on marriage. Children have their father's surname. Coming thru Passport Control at Dublin this week, I sailed through but my husband and (teenage) children who share same name were queried!

eviltwin

zeffabelli wrote: »

It has nothing to do with how mature you are, it has to do with different anxieties growing up in a split home. There are already inherint loyalty issues, the name thing just adds to it.

I think it's a grotesque injustice to land on a child who already has to deal with split parents.

Just not ok. Essentially we are dumping our **** on him by it. Rather than taking the pilots chair over it, which really a parents job...starting with naming them.

Assuming you break up which might never happen and a person who is going to be an arse over a name will be an arse over anything if they are that way inclined. In our case it's never been an issue having double barrel names or letting them drop one if and when they want. If other people have problems with the names that's for them to deal with.

jluv

I chose to keep my married surname when I divorced as I just really wanted my child and I to have the same surname/family name..glad I did.

LegacyUser

hoodwinked wrote: »

i know different circumstances cannot be helped, and don't get me wrong i don't blame my mother for believing each relationship would work and naming us after our dads, but knowing how i felt as a child, it's something i will try to avoid at all costs for my own if i can by keeping the one surname consistent.

I don't understand the logic here. You say you don't blame your mother for believing her relationships would work and for naming you and your siblings after your dad, but now you have done exactly the same thing and given your kids their dad's name!! God forbid sometime down the line your relationship doesn't work out and you end up with a new partner and have children with him (these things do happen!), your hypothetical new children will not have the same surname as your current children. If you really wanted to ensure that all possible future children have the same family name, then giving them your surname would have made more sense.

Xdancer

hoodwinked wrote: »

and what happens when Brian Murphy O'Sullivan marries Eimear O'Donnell Lynch? and they want their child to have all their surnames???

Well everyone has 2 surnames here and as standard the father's name is first mother's second. When that child has a child of their own, that baby will then have their father's 1st surname and their mother's 1st surname.

So let's say Jose Garcia Lopez and Maria Gonzalez Ponce have a baby that child will have the surnames Garcia Gonzalez, one from each parent.

I think it's a good way of doing it anyway.

CelticRambler

skallywag wrote: »

This point comes up from time to time, with the general consensus being that while it could be a problem in theory, nobody has ever actually encountered a personal example of an issue in reality.

Sorry to upset the general consensus but I have encountered this, first and secondhand. Mostly secondhand, where I've seen four sets of parent-and-child/ren pulled aside at airport ID checks. In every case it's been a mother travelling with her own children but travelling under a different name to theirs.

In my own case, I was travelling through the Channel Tunnel with someone else's daughter (my son's girlfriend) a few days before her 18th birthday. We were pulled to one side, myself and my son were told to stay in the vehicle while she was taken outside and interrogated (in the rain) by the UK officials for about twenty minutes.

Uno my Uno.

Xdancer wrote: »

Well everyone has 2 surnames here and as standard the father's name is first mother's second. When that child has a child of their own, that baby will then have their father's 1st surname and their mother's 1st surname.

So let's say Jose Garcia Lopez and Maria Gonzalez Ponce have a baby that child will have the surnames Garcia Gonzalez, one from each parent.

I think it's a good way of doing it anyway.

Don't all Spanish people have about 16 names as a result though? :P :P :P

IvyTheTerrible

Uno my Uno. wrote: »

Don't all Spanish people have about 16 names as a result though? :P :P :P

The post you quoted says the child only takes one name from each parent.

Queenalocin

I have never changed anything and 21 years on have never had a problem with children's names being different. Whenever I'm filled out forms for schools, sports etc I always put both of our names on sheets. I reckon kids have two parents, both of whom should be able to deal with emergencies and Mammy doesn't always need to be the first port of call.
Whether you change your name or stay the same, you should be consistent!

Xdancer

Uno my Uno. wrote: »

Don't all Spanish people have about 16 names as a result though? :P :P :P

Only 2 surnames, but some seem to have about 10 christian names alright