Have to start somewhere

Tecking Fypo

Ok so it Weds am, usually at some stage today thoughts would turn to Friday evening/Friday night and the start of my weekly fix. I needed to get alcohol into my body on a Fri, not because I liked it but because I craved it.

I've known for a long time now that I needed to change my relationship with drink and have been putting it off for far too long now, partly because of fear of missing out, partly because I probably feel that I can't break that relationship.

I now know that I have no choice,i have to change my relationship with this millstone that has almost destroyed my mind, not to mention the thing/people that are so important in my life.

I'm not sure what I'm going to use this forum for, probably just to put into words how I feel because in my own mind it's not very clear. I'm not a talker, never have been and I find it difficult to put my feelings into words.

I suppose what I'm looking for is a diary, somewhere I can come to on Thurs/Fri and remind myself why I can't or won't throw away another weekend and suffer from depression for the early part of the following week.

II've made this decision plenty of times before but have never followed through so this is the first step in hopefully a successful effort I changing my life around. I'm looking forward to it but I'm also very frightening of failing.
THis forum has been the inspiration for me and I have been reading the many posts recently which have really made up my mind.

So here goes, bring on the weekend....

HcksawJimDuggan

Tecking Fypo wrote: »

Ok so it Weds am, usually at some stage today thoughts would turn to Friday evening/Friday night and the start of my weekly fix. I needed to get alcohol into my body on a Fri, not because I liked it but because I craved it.

I've known for a long time now that I needed to change my relationship with drink and have been putting it off for far too long now, partly because of fear of missing out, partly because I probably feel that I can't break that relationship.

I now know that I have no choice,i have to change my relationship with this millstone that has almost destroyed my mind, not to mention the thing/people that are so important in my life.

I'm not sure what I'm going to use this forum for, probably just to put into words how I feel because in my own mind it's not very clear. I'm not a talker, never have been and I find it difficult to put my feelings into words.

I suppose what I'm looking for is a diary, somewhere I can come to on Thurs/Fri and remind myself why I can't or won't throw away another weekend and suffer from depression for the early part of the following week.

II've made this decision plenty of times before but have never followed through so this is the first step in hopefully a successful effort I changing my life around. I'm looking forward to it but I'm also very frightening of failing.
THis forum has been the inspiration for me and I have been reading the many posts recently which have really made up my mind.

So here goes, bring on the weekend....

The very best of luck with it.

I'm in the exact frame of mind myself this morning. Unfortunately for me, my weekend didn't finish until 9 pm last night. It was just one of those weekends that kept going. Still can't put my finger on what it is exactly that drives me to such irrational & irresponsible behaviour every so often.

Tecking Fypo

I'm still feeling pretty confident this morning that this weekend will be a drink free one, however I've been here so many times before. Usually I would be having my first cigarette of the week this morning, not because I craved it but because smoking for me is associated with drinking,and Thursday would be associated with the start of the weekend.
The plan is to make myself busy tomorrow evening, around 8 pm I'll head for the gym and put in a bit of work which will hopefully occupy my mind. Saturday is going to be the big test, usually 4 o clock on Saturday would be time, to head for a "drink", a drink being at least 10 pints and around 12 cigarettes. My tolerance of alcohol is at such a stage that those 10 pints would only be enough to get me warmed up and I have often continued the drinking at home until the early hours. Wow, when I think about it it makes me sad. Weather forecast for Sat is not good so I need to find some alternative to sitting around at home thinking about drinking.
I feel confident and am looking forward to the benefits of a drink free weekend for the first time since I don't know when.

Kunkka

Ok first thing you need to do is fill in your time with something else. Be it meetings(if you're open to that, the only requirement is a desire to stop drinking), meeting with friends(not drinking buddies), exercise or some other hobby. You will have a load of time on your hands with this decision and you will need to have a busy schedule to make this easier. Alone time with your own thoughts this early is very tough so be prepared and use here as an avenue to express how you're feeling.

Tecking Fypo

Kunkka wrote:

Ok first thing you need to do is fill in your time with something else. Be it meetings(if you're open to that, the only requirement is a desire to stop drinking), meeting with friends(not drinking buddies), exercise or some other hobby. You will have a load of time on your hands with this decision and you will need to have a busy schedule to make this easier. Alone time with your own thoughts this early is very tough so be prepared and use here as an avenue to express how you're feeling.

Thanks for the advice. I reckon I need to plan ahead for idle time that I'll have on my hands. Already am planning a day trip away with the little fella on sat to keep both of us entertained. I'm actually looking forward to a bit of me time instead of rushing to the pub at every opportunity even though I know I'm tired and need to rest I always choose the pub over myself. My body needs a chance to recover from the stress of it all. Some great success stories on here that give inspiration

the_syco

Plan something for 8pm Friday. Somewhere that drink isn't available. And not something for the sake of it, but rather something you can look forward to.

Tecking Fypo

Last night I had a bit of driving to do and therefore had a couple of hours during which I allowed my mind to wander and think about where I'll be in a month, 2 months, 6 months without enduring the need to spend my weekends wasting money in a drunken stupor. All I can see is positives, financially, mentally and physically and to be honest it's a good feeling.
It's now Friday morning and all that positivity has to take a back seat. The realisation that I have a battle on my hands in a few hours and for the rest of the weekend is, pardon the pun, fairly sobering.
There's a plan in place for tonight and for tomorrow so let's hope, no let's make sure that I stick to the plan and reap the benefits that this first step brings.

Kunkka

Stick to your plan as best you can. Don't meet up with anyone that normally triggers drinking

Tecking Fypo

I've failed and failed badly. Had a weekend away coming up and knew I had no chance of staying off it. Feeling the lowest I've ever felt right now and can't show it. I've been given one more chance, so I'm going to give myself one more chance to sort this, to change things. I've been here so many times before and if it doesn't work this time I don't know what to do next.

GerB40

Tecking Fypo wrote: »

I've failed and failed badly. Had a weekend away coming up and knew I had no chance of staying off it. Feeling the lowest I've ever felt right now and can't show it. I've been given one more chance, so I'm going to give myself one more chance to sort this, to change things. I've been here so many times before and if it doesn't work this time I don't know what to do next.

There's no point in saying "I'll give myself one more chance" because life doesn't work like that. Personally I think you're setting yourself standards that are too high. You have a problem and you've admitted it, that's huge (though it mightn't feel it right now). I won't bullsh1t you, it seems you know the score. You need to set realistic goals. You said you knew you had no chance of staying off it for the weekend, with this type of mentality you've already lost. I've went years of saying "not this weekend, not this weekend, not this weekend" knowing deep down that staying sober until Sunday would be the best I could do and usually I'd make up for the two days of "missed" drinking.

Basically I'd advise speaking to a professional. It's so liberating to get it all off your chest and most of all you'll find out that your failure (as you put it) is just a part of the recovery process. Best of luck. It ain't easy but I suppose it's not meant to be...

Tecking Fypo

GerB40 wrote:

There's no point in saying "I'll give myself one more chance" because life doesn't work like that. Personally I think you're setting yourself standards that are too high. You have a problem and you've admitted it, that's huge (though it mightn't feel it right now). I won't bullsh1t you, it seems you know the score. You need to set realistic goals. You said you knew you had no chance of staying off it for the weekend, with this type of mentality you've already lost. I've went years of saying "not this weekend, not this weekend, not this weekend" knowing deep down that staying sober until Sunday would be the best I could do and usually I'd make up for the two days of "missed" drinking.

Thanks for your honesty. I hear what you are saying about seeing a professional but I feel if I can reach deep into myself and get 1 weekend down without drink I'll at least be after making a start. I've been an asshole to my family, I haven't given them the priority that is required and I want to do it for them as much as for myself. I'm probably at rock bottom right now and I know that there are huge consequences for not achieving this. Just one weekend to get me on the right road.

GerB40

Tecking Fypo wrote: »

Thanks for your honesty. I hear what you are saying about seeing a professional but I feel if I can reach deep into myself and get 1 weekend down without drink I'll at least be after making a start. I've been an asshole to my family, I haven't given them the priority that is required and I want to do it for them as much as for myself. I'm probably at rock bottom right now and I know that there are huge consequences for not achieving this. Just one weekend to get me on the right road.

Well best of luck. I started my "road to recovery" my own way too and so far it's worked for me so as long as you can find a way to get sober stick at it. If it works it works... And there's great advice to be found on this forum too so don't go through this alone..

Tecking Fypo

Sorry if this is becoming repetitive but I need to keep writing how I feel because in my own head it's not so clear at the moment.
I've realised last evening that my family have begun to move on with their lives without me and I don't blame them. The amount of time I've wasted through hangovers, depression nor to mention the money I've wasted that could have been spent on so many more things, I'm surprised that they are still even there to be honest.
I think that's what's driving this effort, it's the fear of losing them, fear of losing myself. That's what I'm going to concentrate on,im setting a goal to give my family back the man that they used to know. As I sit here typing this through the tears I know I have to do it for them as much as myself, it's the very least they deserve. I'm not sure I'll ever forgive myself for the situation I've put them in though my selfishness but hopefully I can give something back.

Mongfinder General

Tecking Fypo wrote: »

Thanks for your honesty. I hear what you are saying about seeing a professional but I feel if I can reach deep into myself and get 1 weekend down without drink I'll at least be after making a start. I've been an asshole to my family, I haven't given them the priority that is required and I want to do it for them as much as for myself. I'm probably at rock bottom right now and I know that there are huge consequences for not achieving this. Just one weekend to get me on the right road.

You remind me of a lad I used to work with. He'd start after work on a Thursday night and cruise on through until Sunday. He'd usually end up getting the head boxed off him in some pub on Wexford Street due to not being able to control himself. Bottom line is that you have to be strong enough to walk away. If you cannot develop the mental strength then you will need help to do it. Get help now before things get worse.

Kunkka

Tecking Fypo wrote: »

Sorry if this is becoming repetitive but I need to keep writing how I feel because in my own head it's not so clear at the moment.
I've realised last evening that my family have begun to move on with their lives without me and I don't blame them. The amount of time I've wasted through hangovers, depression nor to mention the money I've wasted that could have been spent on so many more things, I'm surprised that they are still even there to be honest.
I think that's what's driving this effort, it's the fear of losing them, fear of losing myself. That's what I'm going to concentrate on,im setting a goal to give my family back the man that they used to know. As I sit here typing this through the tears I know I have to do it for them as much as myself, it's the very least they deserve. I'm not sure I'll ever forgive myself for the situation I've put them in though my selfishness but hopefully I can give something back.

You need to start doing things that you haven't done before. Like anything if you do the same things you'll get the same results, thinking that you won't is insanity. The key thing to remember when giving up alcohol is this;

"The person you were will drink again, the person you were will have to drink again. "

What's the answer here? Changing who you are and how you behave is what worked for me because the person you were had to drink, for whatever reason. Start by addressing this with counselling, meetings or whatever works for you. If you're absolutely miserably why would you deny yourself a real shot at real happiness like so many others who have had the courage to address this horrible disease of the mind?

Best of luck but you need to start taking action now if you're serious about this as just typing it out and not following through is hurting you more.

Tecking Fypo

This Sat night I have something planned that I'm sure everyone here would do when trying to give up. I'm going out. The difference is we have something planned that we are doing together as a family for the first time in I don't know how long. Drink will be available but I'm driving and a lot of it surrounds activities for the small kids. I'm looking forward to it so much, looking forward to doing it together as much as anything and driving home to enjoy my own bed at the end.

GerB40

Tecking Fypo wrote: »

This Sat night I have something planned that I'm sure everyone here would do when trying to give up. I'm going out. The difference is we have something planned that we are doing together as a family for the first time in I don't know how long. Drink will be available but I'm driving and a lot of it surrounds activities for the small kids. I'm looking forward to it so much, looking forward to doing it together as much as anything and driving home to enjoy my own bed at the end.

Hope you have a good night. It's dangerous going out in the early days but the euphoric feeling of walking out of a pub as sober as you walked in is indescribable.. Best of luck

the evasion_kid

GerB40 wrote: »

Hope you have a good night. It's dangerous going out in the early days but the euphoric feeling of walking out of a pub as sober as you walked in is indescribable.. Best of luck

Yeah the old saying hang around a barbers long enough and eventually you're going to get a haircut rings true in the early days.

Tecking Fypo

I'm going to do it. This weekend will be the first step in my success to dealing with my relationship with drink, feeling very positive and so relaxed for the first time in so long. It's Friday morning and I don't care what time I get finished work today because I'm not rushing back to get in a few points after work

The Reservoir Dubs Anchorman

Good luck Op!