Made a mess of it all

BlackbirdFly

Hi. I'm writing this post because I don't know who to talk to about any of this.
I'm a 2nd year student and I have had the worst year of my life. Someone really close to me is dying and has reached the final stages of their life this last few months, it's just a matter of any day now really.

Everything has just gotten on top of me this year and I honestly don't even recognise myself any more. I stopped going to college, I cant sleep at night, I'm crying all the time. I just cant seem to get myself out of this hole. I have lost all motivation for life. I didn't tell my family about any of this because they have enough to worry about as it is and I don't want to add to that. I thought I was covering all of this up really well but the other day in a conversation my mother said 'and I'm worried about you too'. I was so shocked because I thought I seemed fine to them, I asked her what she meant and she said 'I don't know, something just isn't right with you'.

But now its exam time and I am all over the place, I am a mess. I'm not even properly registered for some modules and I have not done any coursework this year. The thoughts of having to repeat the year are miserable because I am going to feel so guilty for adding that extra financial burden to my mothers shoulders when things are already hard enough as it is. also because I know there are people out there who would kill for the opportunity to go to college and here I am throwing it away but I am just so miserable and lonely in college.

I just don't know what to do. I don't think the damage I've done can be undone but who do I talk to about this in the college? How do I sort out the massive mess I've made? If I can at all

The Lost Sheep

Contact the departments/subjects you are doing ASAP and the counselling service who can help you if you are struggling with the pressures around exams, life in general. Do it tomorrow. Don't think about the troubles and just do something positive to try improve things and the best way to do that is by talking to somebody and the counselling service is first place I would recommend and they can help with anything else if you think they should

BlackbirdFly

But I mean, who do I contact? And do I explain all of that to them? Will they care or will they just think: didn't go to lectures, didn't do work=fail, end of story! Oh God It's such a mess!

The Lost Sheep

BlackbirdFly wrote: »

But I mean, who do I contact? And do I explain all of that to them? Will they care or will they just think: didn't go to lectures, didn't do work=fail, end of story! Oh God It's such a mess!

Go to the counselling service, the departments of the subjects you studied. Explain what happened during the year. They will care/understand you have had a tough time. It may seem like a mess but the best way for you to improve/feel better about the situation is to talk to people who can help you within the university

lulu1

You dont have to keep this to yourself If you dont know where to go for help just go to the office and i am sure they will put you in touch with someone who can help you
Do it first thing in the morning

Lumi

Hi Blackbirdfly

All of this can be sorted out and it's really important that you focus on that. The first step is to contact your department or anyone you feel comfortable talking to as soon as possible tomorrow and tell them what is happening. They will help you
There are supports and procedures to help but you need to tell someone. It can all be fixed I promise you

The most important thing is to look after yourself - college will be there waiting for you when you are ready

BlackbirdFly

These posts have been really nice and supportive, thank you! But I feel like I don't deserve it! This is my fault, I've let myself get deeper and deeper into this mess and I've buried my head in the sand and done nothing about it and now I'm sure it must be too late! I'm in Arts so I'm doing two subjects and I've just found on the website who the 2nd year heads of my subjects are(I didn't even know who they were, that's how bad I am). I have their email addresses now, should I email both of them? Do I tell them all of this?

Outkast_IRE

BlackbirdFly wrote: »

These posts have been really nice and supportive, thank you! But I feel like I don't deserve it! This is my fault, I've let myself get deeper and deeper into this mess and I've buried my head in the sand and done nothing about it and now I'm sure it must be too late! I'm in Arts so I'm doing two subjects and I've just found on the website who the 2nd year heads of my subjects are(I didn't even know who they were, that's how bad I am). I have their email addresses now, should I email both of them? Do I tell them all of this?

No you tell them in person, this is not the sort of thing that should be done via email. Arranage a meeting

The Lost Sheep

BlackbirdFly wrote: »

These posts have been really nice and supportive, thank you! But I feel like I don't deserve it! This is my fault, I've let myself get deeper and deeper into this mess and I've buried my head in the sand and done nothing about it and now I'm sure it must be too late! I'm in Arts so I'm doing two subjects and I've just found on the website who the 2nd year heads of my subjects are(I didn't even know who they were, that's how bad I am). I have their email addresses now, should I email both of them? Do I tell them all of this?

Im 2nd Arts as well. 2nd time in third level. First time I was slightly like you are when I was in 2nd year.
You may have got yourself into "this mess" but you HAVE to talk to people so they can help you get out of it.
Email the heads of the subjects and talk to the counselling service, they provide a drop in service every day.

Lockstep

PM sent

lulu1

We all have buried our heads in the sand at one time or another. Now you have a chance to fix it so take that chance

Email the head of your subjects and explain your situation

Lumi

BlackbirdFly wrote: »

These posts have been really nice and supportive, thank you! But I feel like I don't deserve it! This is my fault, I've let myself get deeper and deeper into this mess and I've buried my head in the sand and done nothing about it and now I'm sure it must be too late! I'm in Arts so I'm doing two subjects and I've just found on the website who the 2nd year heads of my subjects are(I didn't even know who they were, that's how bad I am). I have their email addresses now, should I email both of them? Do I tell them all of this?

First thing tomorrow ring the arts faculty office - Deirdre Finan deals with second years but any of the administrative assistants will help you. They will sort all of this out for you

BlackbirdFly

What should I even say to the heads? Do I tell them everything?

GalwayGrrrrrl

Yes, tell them what you have just told us here. Believe me, they will have heard similar stories before and will know how to help you. You have been very brave in admitting you are struggling and I am sure your tutors will be pleased that you have asked them for help. Also, it might be worth popping in to the student health centre to speak to a GP- it sounds like your mood is low and you might feel better if you speak to a doctor about how you are feeling. Take care xx

Mr. 3

It's OK friend. You can do this. You just be honest with them and they will help you come up with a positive plan of action. People naturally respond well to sincerity and honesty. I've messed up and dropped out of college, more than once in fact. I let sh*t get on top of me and before I knew it I was where you are now. I dropped out and beat myself up about it for years. Don't be me, don't be afraid to talk. Don't drop out. Make it work.

Be positive. Take small steps.

If I knew or cared for you (which I do in a weird way, care that is - not know, of course) and knew what you were dealing with - how you are feeling - I would really want to help you in any way I could. Those that really care for you will feel the exact same.

Virtual hug or fist bump.

mademoiselle_r

I dropped out of a 2nd year course in a different college and was sick for a few years and returned to university this October, a month late.

I had no choice but to swallow my pride and tell my lecturers my story etc.

I went to the counselling services and told them about starting late and how I couldn't meet some deadlines etc. The lecturers were so supportive to me and I got a few extensions and managed to pass the semester.

As regards fees,I was due to pay over 5000 which was a crazy amount of money but I appealed it to SUSI due to illness and got them waived.

There is plenty of support out there but you have to muster up your strength and be honest with people and let them know what's going on, so that they can help you in whatever way they can.

So sorry to hear about your situation. There are always the August repeats and even if you don't pass them, APPEAL whatever you can on the basis of extenuating circumstances and you might not be charged so much if you have to repeat next year. Best of luck and sending good vibes your way.

BlackbirdFly

Thanks everyone for the advice. I'm going to try and sort this out, dreading it, but it has to be done!

lulu1

BlackbirdFly wrote: »

Thanks everyone for the advice. I'm going to try and sort this out, dreading it, but it has to be done!

Dont put it off any longer start the ball rolling first thing tomorrow

Mr. 3

BlackbirdFly wrote: »

Thanks everyone for the advice. I'm going to try and sort this out, dreading it, but it has to be done!

Yes it does! And when done - whatever the outcome, you will have absolutely done the right thing. It's a really positive step in the right direction.

---

Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength.

Arnold Schwarzenegger

BlackbirdFly

Mr. 3 wrote: »

Yes it does! And when done - whatever the outcome, you will have absolutely done the right thing. It's a really positive step in the right direction.

---

Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength.

Arnold Schwarzenegger

Thank You Mr. 3! You seem like a very sound individual & You've given some very good advice, much appreciated!

Peter Anthony

Try and keep your head up, and hang on in there. Try and not get into a negative spiral, times like this can lead you to dark places but you have to try take the hand your dealt and make the best of it and move forward. Like others I've been where you are (but not in NUIG), more than once in fact. Don't feel guilty, you have nothing to feel guilty about. Your mother will only want you to be happy.

Counselling and try to see department heads is a good starting point. Be aware both will be extremely busy this time of year, don't expect miracles from counselling, I know it took incredibly long when I needed them at one point. But certainly do see them. College is not the be all in life, but in the times we're in these days its nearly a necessity to stand a chance. I know, I've been looking for work for several years after dropping out in a similar position to you. Its a cycle of unemployment, **** depressing jobs or once in a blue moon a half decent job. In which you get treated so **** by your boss you have to pack that in aswell.

It may seem tempting to drop out and crawl up into a ball and say fcuk life. But at some point down the line you will feel better, you will get through this. Then you might regret not fighting and going down all avenues to finish your degree.

I wish you the best of luck and God bless.

GalwayGrrrrrl

How are you feeling today blackbird fly? Hope you managed to see your tutors and get a few things sorted. Let us know how you get on. Was thinking of you this morning.

ToddyDoody

I made a bager's arse out of second year myself, third year too but not as badly. The world didn't end but i was so upset that i wrote a personal essay of woe for one of my exams. It isn't real life, its college, no-one is going to be severely impacted in a harsh 'real world' kind of way for the actions of anyone in college / university so maybe take some solace in that... + a good simulation of difficult events you may have to endure at some stage in real life?