Dumb/Great Facebook Status {merge} [No Names] - Part II

fussyonion

Holy Christ: http://tinypic.com/r/6isi78/9

kitten_k

Hi all just to say dose stupid pigeons r really annoying they r destroyin my plants,balcony & all mi window edges for last few days just to say stop feedin them like flyin rats but i just came across to stop this by if u put a gud amount of hot spices powder & oxy powder all over ur balcony rail,ground,windows edges...its now stopping them to land & hangin about if dat doesnt work put strong liquids like bleach & cij if rains hav to repeat it...i done this & it works..leav it dere for few days..then clean it off..thank you

cowboyBuilder

I should add that this person has 8 kids ... *eight*

endacl

cowboyBuilder wrote: »

I should add that this person has 8 kids ... *eight*

The Octotard! *

* didn't use the 'r' word.

yerwanthere123

Anyone have a loan of black shoes, need them for a suit? Size 10 or eleven, laceless if possible

Just buy a pair yourself?

kunst nugget

kitten_k wrote: »

Hi all just to say dose stupid pigeons r really annoying they r destroyin my plants,balcony & all mi window edges for last few days just to say stop feedin them like flyin rats but i just came across to stop this by if u put a gud amount of hot spices powder & oxy powder all over ur balcony rail,ground,windows edges...its now stopping them to land & hangin about if dat doesnt work put strong liquids like bleach & cij if rains hav to repeat it...i done this & it works..leav it dere for few days..then clean it off..thank you

The pigeons aren't going to see that on facebook. They're all on Google plus.

Big Nasty

kunst nugget wrote: »

The pigeons aren't going to see that on facebook. They're all on Google plus.

Or Twitter?

Ted_YNWA

kitten_k wrote:

Hi all just to say dose stupid pigeons r really annoying they r destroyin my plants,balcony & all mi window edges for last few days just to say stop feedin them like flyin rats but i just came across to stop this by if u put a gud amount of hot spices powder & oxy powder all over ur balcony rail,ground,windows edges...its now stopping them to land & hangin about if dat doesnt work put strong liquids like bleach & cij if rains hav to repeat it...i done this & it works..leav it dere for few days..then clean it off..thank you

Coo story bro

Samaris

kitten_k wrote: »

if dat doesnt work put strong liquids like bleach & cij if rains hav to repeat it...i done this & it works..leav it dere for few days..then clean it off..thank you

If it rains, that's going to be unpleasant for anyone walking underneath. "Argh, rain, going to shelter under this balcony for a few min- OH GOD WHAT IS HAPPENING I'M MELLLLTING!!"

kunst nugget

Big Nasty wrote: »

Or Twitter?

Goddammit. Talk about missing an open goal…

stoplooklisten

Shut up and take my money, where do I send the cheque?!!




It's official. Signed at 12:20. It even passed on TV. Facebook will start charging this summer. If you copy this to your wall your icon will turn blue and your Facebook will be free for you. Please pass this message, if not your icon will be deleted.
P.S. this is serious, the icon will turn blue.
(Copy and paste to your wall)

Big Nasty

'This is a true story about a woman who lived India in the middle ages and had a pet snake, python, which she loved so much. The snake was 4 meter long and looked healthy . However, one day her pet snake just stopped eating .
This lack of appetite in the snake continued over a few weeks.. The desperate woman tried everything. Nothing worked. Finally woman took her loving pet to the vet as a last resort.
The vet listened to the woman carefully and asked,
Does your snake sleep with you at night, wrap around you closely and spread out its length?"
The woman was surprised and said yes yes he does, everyday. And it makes me so sad because I cannot help him.
Then the vet said something shocking and most unexpected "madam your snake is not sick, he is just preparing to eat you.
Every time he is creeping and hugging you, wrapping around your body , it is sizing you up. And he is preparing him self for the attack , and yes , he doesn't eat in order to have enough space to digest you easily"

This story comes with a #Moral to everyone.
You have friends that are close to you with whom you chat to 24/7 day and night; you're affectionate with, but they could have mean intentions.
You need to identify the snake around you and their true intentions.
Hugs and Kisses are not always honest
Don't fear the enemy that attacks you, but fear the Fake friend that hugs you.'

nikpmup

Status update. Thank you FB family for your well wishes. Tonight is a bath, Bake beans on toast, which I can't wait. So unlike me. & bed with clean sheets, because tomorrow is a new day.

Hugs pp xxxxx

coolhull

nikpmup wrote: »

Status update. Thank you FB family for your well wishes. Tonight is a bath, Bake beans on toast, which I can't wait. So unlike me. & bed with clean sheets, because tomorrow is a new day.

Hugs pp xxxxx

I bet that's really, really, good news. Now I if only I knew what the fcuk they're on about..... Hugs xxx

wonski

coolhull wrote: »

I bet that's really, really, good news. Now I if only I knew what the fcuk they're on about..... Hugs xxx

Well it is good news that someone is to take a bath and change bed sheets.

Even if it happens once a year only:eek:

So unlike me

marcbrophy

I read it as it was unlike her to have beans on toast, not a bath and clean sheets! :P

You never know though

wonski

marcbrophy wrote: »

I read it as it was unlike her to have beans on toast, not a bath and clean sheets! :P

You never know though

I read what I want to read

Not a dumb status when compared to other stuff posted here, but I find it funny when people post about having a bath and changing their bed sheets.

Maybe I am the weird one, who knows

marcbrophy

wonski wrote: »

I read what I want to read

Not a dumb status when compared to other stuff posted here, but I find it funny when people post about having a bath and changing their bed sheets.

Maybe I am the weird one, who knows

It was worded awfully alright :pac:

nikpmup

marcbrophy wrote: »

I read it as it was unlike her to have beans on toast, not a bath and clean sheets! :P

You never know though

Twas actually a bloke! Dunno if that makes it worse....

JustShon

Girl I knew from school, something to the tune of "Me an da lil man snugglin up in are PJs an havin a lazy day watchin movies" at least every two weeks.

Nobody cares that you and your toddler are watching movies together on the couch.

Usually gets a few "Ah enjoy urself hun, u deserv it!" in the comments.

JustShon

JustShon wrote: »

Girl I knew from school, something to the tune of "Me an da lil man snugglin up in are PJs an havin a lazy day watchin movies" at least every two weeks.

Nobody cares that you and your toddler are watching movies together on the couch.

Usually gets a few "Ah enjoy urself hun, u deserv it!" in the comments.

Without the brainless dopes replying, there probably would be no facebook or at least it would be used differently by more intelligent people.

Big Nasty

Big Nasty wrote: »

This story comes with a #Moral to everyone.
You have friends that are close to you with whom you chat to 24/7 day and night; you're affectionate with, but they could have mean intentions.
You need to identify the snake around you and their true intentions.
Hugs and Kisses are not always honest
Don't fear the enemy that attacks you, but fear the Fake friend that hugs you.'

Kind of like a Snake oil salesperson?

robarmstrong

*girl breaks up with cheating goon who publicly got caught cheating*

(right on que, the herd of hope ur ok hun's converge)

"omg hun hope ur ok he was a pr*ck anyways ye desurve bettur fck em ha x"

*days later girl gets back with cheating goon*

(same people) - "so happy for u's hun u's are jus men 2 b !! x"

We need to cull the population, start with the idiots and promote only intelligence in order to save ourselves.

mud

Cheese and rice! You're not the first person to record some songs and music. Stop fuucking posting every five seconds. The guy who made the music with you is literally the only person to like and comment on your neverending links. Do you know why that is? Because everyone else has unfollowed you because they're sick to the back teeth of your frankly boring music.

And breeeeeeathe.

kunst nugget

mud wrote: »

Cheese and rice! You're not the first person to record some songs and music. Stop fuucking posting every five seconds. The guy who made the music with you is literally the only person to like and comment on your neverending links. Do you know why that is? Because everyone else has unfollowed you because they're sick to the back teeth of your frankly boring music.

And breeeeeeathe.

Yeah, I've had to unfollow a couple of people because of relentless self promotion. It gets very tiresome having your page clogged up with the same people constantly posting about their hobby or their business on the side. A couple of posts every so often is grand but daily updates grind my gears. Your hobby is like your child - nobody really gives a shít about it so keep your posting about it to a minimum.

cowboyBuilder

:eek:



listen here u ye **** stabber have u nuthin better to be doin withurself like shinnin dat baldy nugget rather dan TRYIN to give me srick on dis caucse u no i jus wipe de floor with ye mutha ****a haha



rite hear 1 for yiz who does dis remind ye of free gargle to any1 who gets it rite haha


any1 no wen de sales for de travell aggents are on for de summer time to blow dis kip for sum sun ya hear


Im no cacktess expert but i no a prick wen i c 1 ya hear mutha ****er

Toto Wolfcastle

cowboyBuilder wrote: »

Im no cacktess expert but i no a prick wen i c 1 ya hear mutha ****er

Spelling aside, that's one of the best insults I've ever heard.

Samaris

Oh right, CACTUS.

Sheesh.

BattleCorp

Samaris wrote: »

Oh right, CACTUS.

Sheesh.

Thank fcuk you got it because I was drawing a blank.

El Weirdo

28 April at 18:29 · MapMyWalk
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I'm working out with MapMyWalk. Current distance: 4.00mi, time elapsed: 01:06:38, current pace 16:38min/mi, current speed: 3.61mi/h.

I may have missed a couple.