Dumb/Great Facebook Status {merge} [No Names] - Part II

whoopsadoodles

fermanagh_man wrote: »

Does anyone have a male cat for the weekend for my female one?

.........

whoopsadoodles wrote: »

I love when I click into this thread, and momentarily forget where I am. I read a post and I'm think WTF??? then remember it's a copy and paste jobby

x 10

893bet

drake70 wrote: »

This is has appeared today:

Respond saying....."yeah but can you p**s standing up...."

LynnGrace

In honour of Mother's Day we are trying to see how many of you are willing to change your profile picture to a picture of your mum or you and your mum, and keep it there until March 26th. If you like this idea, please repost this as your status so everyone gets the word and see how many mum's show up on Facebook. to do this just hold ur finger on the post and copy it x
I've changed mine so lets see who else will change theirs.❤

Okay then... Amen...

...And Justice

LynnGrace wrote: »

In honour of Mother's Day we are trying to see how many of you are willing to change your profile picture to a picture of your mum or you and your mum, and keep it there until March 26th. If you like this idea, please repost this as your status so everyone gets the word and see how many mum's show up on Facebook. to do this just hold ur finger on the post and copy it x
I've changed mine so lets see who else will change theirs.❤

Okay then... Amen...

My wife now cringes at mothers day, she sees it as another attempt by hallmark to part you with your money, and she's not stingy, we do go out for a few pints for it as an excuse:)

JCX BXC

I love the people who comment on news stories without reading the story just the headline, it's getting funnier as time goes on as headlines get more and more tabloid in nature.

infogiver

JCX BXC wrote: »

I love the people who comment on news stories without reading the story just the headline, it's getting funnier as time goes on as headlines get more and more tabloid in nature.

Some blogger has put up the RTÉ logo with the headline "TV license fee to double from €160 to €320".
The howls of outrage are hilarious

Lucy8080

drake70 wrote: »

This is has appeared today:

I can imagine a fathers day retort to that by some jack the lad.

1) Can you carry a baby in your stomach ( and all the rest)?

No...and neither can you! Baby's are carried in the womb ...not the stomach.

2) Can you cook,clean and talk on the phone all at the same time?

Yes..but that's just being ignorant and inattentive to the person on the other end of the phone. (the person on the other end picks up on this,but won't say it to you)

3) Can you bleed for a week and not die?

Can you live with the above ,and never let them know what it's like?

4) Can you walk in heels?

Ever been to a stag party?

5) Can you cry and look as if everything is o.k.?

Do you ever sense that the smile is fake,the tension is palpable,and someones been crying and when you ask are you o.k. ....I'M FINE! "o.k. so! (retreat, retreat..ask no more questions).

6) Can you raise children?

YES (and it's extremely important that you don't be cooking,cleaning and yapping on the phone at the same time).

7) Their nurse ?

Rule number one...protect them from someone who has been bleeding for several days on the trot. Prevention is better than cure!

8) Their teacher?

YES..rule number one... if Munster are playing at home,beware.!This too shall pass!

9) Their Counselor?

IT's O.K. son ..we all make mistakes ..you forgot to stay away from the one who has been bleeding for several days on the trot! IT happens...WE've all been there ...live and learn.

10) Their referee?

W.T.F. ...What clown told you that is how the off-side rule works? Your Mammy? Say nothing! Remember what we learned in lesson nine! this conversation never happened ...see me out in the shed for the off-side rule( wait till she is on the phone, we'll have loads of time to get it straight).

11) All the while keeping the house in order?

SEE lesson 10 son..and remember...SAY NOTHING!

The rest is something something ...blah blah ,,,,nail polish, son...that's just phone talk...nothing to worry about there.

But remember SAY NOTHING! EVER!!!!!!!!!!!

Widdershins

Lucy8080 wrote: »

I can imagine a fathers day retort to that by some jack the lad.

1) Can you carry a baby in your stomach ( and all the rest)?

No...and neither can you! Baby's are carried in the womb ...not the stomach.

2) Can you cook,clean and talk on the phone all at the same time?

Yes..but that's just being ignorant and inattentive to the person on the other end of the phone. (the person on the other end picks up on this,but won't say it to you)

3) Can you bleed for a week and not die?

Can you live with the above ,and never let them know what it's like?

4) Can you walk in heels?

Ever been to a stag party?

5) Can you cry and look as if everything is o.k.?

Do you ever sense that the smile is fake,the tension is palpable,and someones been crying and when you ask are you o.k. ....I'M FINE! "o.k. so! (retreat, retreat..ask no more questions).

6) Can you raise children?

YES (and it's extremely important that you don't be cooking,cleaning and yapping on the phone at the same time).

7) Their nurse ?

Rule number one...protect them from someone who has been bleeding for several days on the trot. Prevention is better than cure!

8) Their teacher?

YES..rule number one... if Munster are playing at home,beware.!This too shall pass!

9) Their Counselor?

IT's O.K. son ..we all make mistakes ..you forgot to stay away from the one who has been bleeding for several days on the trot! IT happens...WE've all been there ...live and learn.

10) Their referee?

W.T.F. ...What clown told you that is how the off-side rule works? Your Mammy? Say nothing! Remember what we learned in lesson nine! this conversation never happened ...see me out in the shed for the off-side rule( wait till she is on the phone, we'll have loads of time to get it straight).

11) All the while keeping the house in order?

SEE lesson 10 son..and remember...SAY NOTHING!

The rest is something something ...blah blah ,,,,nail polish, son...that's just phone talk...nothing to worry about there.

But remember SAY NOTHING! EVER!!!!!!!!!!!

This PMS carry on kind of bothers me. The average blood loss over a week or so is supposed to be about four tablespoons worth. And while I sympathise with women who have excruciating cramps, if it's that bad that you're losing a lot of blood and having psychotic episodes, it's a medical condition and needs sorting out, not something to joke about as if it's just the cross we bear and for men to joke about as if it's just one of those things. I don't think PMS is an excuse to be a thundering bi**h to everyone else every month.

Also, these ''women are superhuman warriors'' statuses are cringey. On the other hand maybe they are defensive against a ''you don't do much/you don't work, you just stay at home with children all day'' attitude.

Samsgirl

Not strictly a status but Im after getting 5 fb messages with bouquets of flowers, nominating me for mother of the year... usual crap, forward it to 10 people.and send it back to me so I know you are a true friend.

Newsflash........I'm not!!!!!

sullivlo

A few friends have shared this.

StupidLikeAFox

sullivlo wrote: »

A few friends have shared this.

That's brilliant (it's from love hate in case people didn't cop it)

Widdershins

''so nice having a nightie that is long enough to not ride up so your bum sticks to the chair.''

(By a lady who used to give regular updates about her vaginal thrush. Tells us about putting Canestan on her ''minky''. Also, updates on her bedsores (she's obese).

clairewithani

Widdershins wrote: »

''so nice having a nightie that is long enough to not ride up so your bum sticks to the chair.''

(By a lady who used to give regular updates about her vaginal thrush. Tells us about putting Canestan on her ''minky''. Also, updates on her bedsores (she's obese).

Gross!
I think you are being kind calling her a "lady"

coolhull

Widdershins wrote: »

''so nice having a nightie that is long enough to not ride up so your bum sticks to the chair.''

(By a lady who used to give regular updates about her vaginal thrush. Tells us about putting Canestan on her ''minky''. Also, updates on her bedsores (she's obese).

There's a lot of information in that post that I could happily have lived my whole life without ever knowing.

dee_mc

Here's to all the mums
The stepmums
The not mums yet
The should be mums
And those without mums

...And Justice

Widdershins wrote: »

''so nice having a nightie that is long enough to not ride up so your bum sticks to the chair.''

(By a lady who used to give regular updates about her vaginal thrush. Tells us about putting Canestan on her ''minky''. Also, updates on her bedsores (she's obese).

If she had said she was putting Canesten on her manky-fanny battered flip flop, it would sound just as bad. "minky" doesn't sound any better.

Widdershins

...And Justice wrote: »

If she had said she was putting Canesten on her manky-fanny battered flip flop, it would sound just as bad. "minky" doesn't sound any better.

Minky is one of the weirdest ones I've heard. Makes me shudder.

kunst nugget

Widdershins wrote: »

Minky is one of the weirdest ones I've heard. Makes me shudder.

If your minky's nice and pinky then you're doing fine
But if it's white and looks a sight, it's Canestan time!

I missed my calling as a copywriter...

clairewithani

Widdershins wrote: »

Minky is one of the weirdest ones I've heard. Makes me shudder.

First time I read it I thought it said MICKEY. I am either dyslexic, have a one-track-mind or both...:D

kildare lad

seen a status today amidst the outpouring of love people have for there mammy's on FB..

I'd rather tell me mother happy mothers day, than write it on Facebook which shes not on!!

sligojoek

Happy Mothers Day Mothers everywhere!
Now that I've had my lovely mothers day lie in, it's time for me to get up and visit my own wonderful mum.. I'd say she's watching the door awaiting my arrival.. Xx

They live 100 yards apart and were out together last night.

Widdershins

kunst nugget wrote: »

If your minky's nice and pinky then you're doing fine
But if it's white and looks a sight, it's Canestan time!

I missed my calling as a copywriter...

That's the kind of thing she would say. I've hidden her posts because I can't stomach them. She's got a heart of gold but a fixation with other parts of her anatomy.

This mornings update: ''(Brand name of medicine) makes you poop if you dare to have a chocolate, its a punishment''

mackeire

Ad:
Nessian Amelra 1.6 antomatic no nct just out wil fly threw very clean car

1st comment:
What's the mileage on the Nessian Amelra antomatic?

infogiver

mackeire wrote: »

Ad:
Nessian Amelra 1.6 antomatic no nct just out wil fly threw very clean car

1st comment:
What's the mileage on the Nessian Amelra antomatic?

A local girl here is on Facebook every 3 or 6 months with the same post

" lads lookin for a car no more then €400 with a bitta tax and NCT"
As far as I can make out she gets rid of the car once the tax/nct expires.

mackeire

infogiver wrote: »

A local girl here is on Facebook every 3 or 6 months with the same post

" lads lookin for a car no more then €400 with a bitta tax and NCT"
As far as I can make out she gets rid of the car once the tax/nct expires.

Maybe I'm missing something here but would it not be cheaper to maintain a decent car instead of spending 400 on a ****box every few months?

racso1975

mackeire wrote: »

Maybe I'm missing something here but would it not be cheaper to maintain a decent car instead of spending 400 on a ****box every few months?

there is a chance she might break even if she does it 3 times a year. never pays tax, nct or getting a car serviced and prob gets a couple of quid back on the old yokes

benjamin d

racso1975 wrote: »

there is a chance she might break even if she does it 3 times a year. never pays tax, nct or getting a car serviced and prob gets a couple of quid back on the old yokes

Minimum return on a car of €150 scrap value so it can be quite efficient. When I first started working and was flat broke I bought a couple of very cheap bangers with some tax and test and tbh I think it was as cheap a way to go as maintaining a newer car, without the initial outlay.

racso1975

benjamin d wrote: »

Minimum return on a car of €150 scrap value so it can be quite efficient. When I first started working and was flat broke I bought a couple of very cheap bangers with some tax and test and tbh I think it was as cheap a way to go as maintaining a newer car, without the initial outlay.

using the carculator website it would certainly seem so.

rawn

"Thanks everyone for the delicious birthday greetings,I had a delightful evening..I was so happy I cracked one off into the fire and it didn't hiss or spit back so that's a new accomplishment:) il be in the *pub* later I'm going to set fire to my weenur so if anybody wants to blow me and make a wish ,bring goggles and damp cloth ..Thanks all, yiz are all shtars "

Potential Underachiever

rawn wrote: »

"Thanks everyone for the delicious birthday greetings,I had a delightful evening..I was so happy I cracked one off into the fire and it didn't hiss or spit back so that's a new accomplishment:) il be in the *pub* later I'm going to set fire to my weenur so if anybody wants to blow me and make a wish ,bring goggles and damp cloth ..Thanks all, yiz are all shtars "

That's mildly amusing and I presume a frape?