Dumb/Great Facebook Status {merge} [No Names] - Part II

Smidge

Kovu wrote: »

It's 'weak ferret' but written with an accent. Think weeeeahk.

Ah I see.....I think I speak for every ferret in the land who are high disgusted having been compared to someone with "fishy flaps"

Ferrets are no ho's

lizzyman

wallywhittle wrote: »

Lyin around your house butt naked not even a sock on infront of a loads young fellas with ur bad burnt leg on display‬

I can't even.

lizzyman

eternal wrote: »

That's repulsive talk. Who are these people?

What amuses/terrifies me is that all over the country there are people who can read and understand that kind of pidgin English and probably don't see anything wrong with it.

We should probably consider introducing mandatory basic English and grammar lessons for all or we'll be considered to have left the Anglosphere within a few years.

Smidge

I'm more repulsed by the content tbh than the grammar.
Who talks and acts like this in real life?
Dont get me wrong, I know there are a helluva lot of people who are filthy all over the damn place but seriously???
Broadcasting your own and others gutter habits for all and sundry to see?

Gross

Not a NSA agent

Smidge wrote: »

Whats a "wake ferret"?

In some rural parts of Ireland you place a ferret in the coffin during a wake. Some places use otters instead but that's just stupid.

coolhull

Smidge wrote: »

Whats a "wake ferret"?

Wake Ferret- from the Latin phrase 'wakus ferritus', literally translated as 'Total and absolute Gob****e'

Toto Wolfcastle

It kind of reads like a weird poem in parts, with all the alliteration.

skittles8710

"Boys update their status, Real men have status"

Gotta love the cryptic cries for attention.

RainyDay

lizzyman wrote: »

What amuses/terrifies me is that all over the country there are people who can read and understand that kind of pidgin English and probably don't see anything wrong with it.

We should probably consider introducing mandatory basic English and grammar lessons for all or we'll be considered to have left the Anglosphere within a few years.

This +1000

I really worry that these people are parents, and are presumably helping kids with homework. What happens when the next generation grow up with this, and never actually see proper English.

coolhull

RainyDay wrote: »

This +1000

I really worry that these people are parents, and are presumably helping kids with homework. What happens when the next generation grow up with this, and never actually see proper English.

U worry 2 much, hon

Gerinspain

wallywhittle wrote: »

Walk on my face will ya.‬

I'm going to add this to my arsenal of sayings from Facebook along with Telpis

glued

User #1 - "wat a sad state diz cuntry is in. my fellaz bike waz stolen frm d gaf last ni. he only got it last week nd al. Diz place use t be gr8 bt kidz now dnt av any respeckt for any1"

User #2 - "Ah god what a disgarce dis place is. Noone is safe now"

User #3 - "Is da d bike him and micko took from d college?"

User #1 - "No dts gone ages ya mad thing"

User #3 - "Fair enuf so. theaven scumbags. nothin is safe nemore"

No_Comply

glued wrote: »

User #1 - "wat a sad state diz cuntry is in. my fellaz bike waz stolen frm d gaf last ni. he only got it last week nd al. Diz place use t be gr8 bt kidz now dnt av any respeckt for any1"

User #2 - "Ah god what a disgarce dis place is. Noone is safe now"

User #3 - "Is da d bike him and micko took from d college?"

User #1 - "No dts gone ages ya mad thing"

User #3 - "Fair enuf so. theaven scumbags. nothin is safe nemore"

They have a point. Nothing is safe. Not even the English language.

bur

wallywhittle wrote: »

See u [insert name] ya dirty whore. Who do u think u are atal to go round talking about me givin me scandal callin me whores up around bunclody and every other town ur feekin everyone!! Walk on my face will ya. Dirty soft girl jealous fat burnt barqueued bastard. Burning your own self and blamin it on an innocent boy lookin for money. Hungry money grabbing bastard. Taken money of a sick boy who genuine not well. d filthy whore got caught feekin a 60year old married man travelling man dat sells furniture wannabe never will be. Bringin on married men for weeks blackmailing them for money not to tell der wife's! Ya rat bastard you can do what ya like to people and the minute someone says boo to u ya runs to the gaurds. Text men who have girlfriends and children callin der girlfriends tramps your the tramp with ur big hairy swampy goul. Ur all burnt out love dat ya hvata go with insert name a 16year old child dat don't know any better cuz nobody else wud have ya. Threatnin children must think someone afraid of u ya wake ferrite. Lyin around your house butt naked not even a sock on infront of a loads young fellas with ur bad burnt leg on display dat u done to urself yock!! In the back of vans and cars just lying there letting them all have Der way with ya u dirty bitch. I know a lot more than u think now and il keep goin now if u dnt stop ya big fishy flaps cuM bucket!! Around since ur 12 Nd 13 sellin urself knows dat for a fact aswell ya smelly prostitue nobody wants ya u Lonley dirty jealous whore dnt flatter urself to think any girl or boy or man or woman likes ya ‪#‎ScabbyBabby‬ ‪#‎burntout‬ ‪#‎walkingSTI‬ ‪#‎barbequed‬

This reads like one of them traveller videos where they call each other out. "**** in a bucket" But the grammar is too good for it to be that.

Omackeral

skittles8710 wrote: »

"Boys update their status, Real men have status"

Gotta love the cryptic cries for attention.

Well he must be a boy, what with it being a status update and all. Sorry I mean 'anal'

skittles8710

Omackeral wrote: »

Well he must be a boy, what with it being a status update and all. Sorry I mean 'anal'

It's a she...I'm guessing she's tryna "burn" an ex of hers.

Chris Martin

wallywhittle wrote: »

ur big hairy swampy goul.‬

I'm still laughing... :P
It's a beautiful piece of writing.

lizzyman

coolhull wrote: »

U worry 2 much, hon

Hope ur ok hun xx pm me

coolhull

''Luk wot my lil angle prodused today, 1st tyme in big gurl's potty''

Complete with photo, in glorious Technicolour, of what her 'lil angle' managed to to 'produse'

She got lots of 'likes' and comments like ''Dats so kewt'' and ''dare'll be no stoppin her now''

Straightaway unfriended, obviously

lizzyman

coolhull wrote: »

''Luk wot my lil angle prodused today, 1st tyme in big gurl's potty''

Complete with photo, in glorious Technicolour, of what her 'lil angle' managed to to 'produse'

She got lots of 'likes' and comments like ''Dats so kewt'' and ''dare'll be no stoppin her now''

Straightaway unfriended, obviously

Collect your award first thing Monday morning at Boards HQ. You just won the internet.

No_Comply

coolhull wrote: »

tyme

Why?! Ffs why!?

Detached Retina

lizzyman wrote: »

"hav a gud 1" in general makes me shudder.

Always translates to me as "have a good poo".

Detached Retina

Rosie Rant wrote: »

Ugh. Someone shared this today.
https://m.facebook.com/home.php?refsrc=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.ie%2Fsearch&refid=8&_rdr#!/JordanJansenMusic/photos/a.10150383755079588.374852.233745389587/10152667935104588/?type=1&source=48

Cue lots of people commenting "Hello" underneath. Just waiting for the "Hiya hun, luvz ya" posts. It's not as bad as some of the stuff on here, but it is annoying. And I'm so f*cking sick of minions!!

Oh if I see that again on my news feed again I'll go postal. There's a bunch of those minion quotes. Much as I/my kids think they're cute and funny (in film) - the posts are not:mad:

Rosie Rant

Oh good Lord, the quotes! I recently had a big un-following session because these things were the scourge of my news feed. Everyone was sharing them. I "liked" a few when they first started showing up - but these would have been genuine quotes from people actually worth quoting, like Oscar Wylde and William Shakespeare. Now, we get things like I Used To Be Fat But Now I'm Flat Quotes and I'm Passive Aggressively Attacking You Cause I'm A Chickensh*t Quotes, I'm A Smug C*unt Quotes and Stupid Meaningless Shallow Advice Quotes (well, close enough anyway). After my un-following session, my news feed actually froze for weeks, nothing was happening. So I re-followed everybody except for 2 women who share an "inspirational" quote several times an hour (no exaggeration). I don't know whether I want to ignore the quote pictures everyone else is posting until the trend dies out or to just delete my Facebook account altogether.

fussyonion

Being scourged by a newly pregnant friend on FB who has taken the typical pregnant FB person's lead by posting every fking minute of her pregnancy.

"Scan Monday find out boy or girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Anyone know where I can get maternity jeans???"
"Craving crisps SOOOOO badly right now my god"
"Anyone know where I can get a decent pram?"
"Feet up, baby happy."
"Legs are killing me. Being pregnant is tiring."

I'm sorry to say these posts were all posted within a 24-hour period.
You can see why I'm annoyed.

Phil Mitchell

fussyonion wrote: »

Being scourged by a newly pregnant friend on FB who has taken the typical pregnant FB person's lead by posting every fking minute of her pregnancy.

"Scan Monday find out boy or girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Anyone know where I can get maternity jeans???"
"Craving crisps SOOOOO badly right now my god"
"Anyone know where I can get a decent pram?"
"Feet up, baby happy."
"Legs are killing me. Being pregnant is tiring."

I'm sorry to say these posts were all posted within a 24-hour period.
You can see why I'm annoyed.

Hide her now. She's going to be one of those where you will eventually start to think, "Am I friends with her or her child?"

Grayson

Phil Mitchell wrote: »

Hide her now. She's going to be one of those where you will eventually start to think, "Am I friends with her or her child?"

500 photo's a day of the child.

Grayson

Grayson wrote: »

500 photo's a day of the child.

Worse.

When the kid is awful looking. Have a friend who does it, kid looks like Ralph Wiggum.

skittles8710

A friend of mine who seems to be obsessed with child abduction shared this post.. It's from 2013 she needs to let this one go I'd say!

LynnGrace

coolhull wrote: »

''Luk wot my lil angle prodused today, 1st tyme in big gurl's potty''

Complete with photo, in glorious Technicolour, of what her 'lil angle' managed to to 'produse'

She got lots of 'likes' and comments like ''Dats so kewt'' and ''dare'll be no stoppin her now''

Straightaway unfriended, obviously

For the sake of the thread coolhull, you must remain friends with lil angle's proud parent :pac:

'Dare'll be no stoppin her now'... Poor angle :eek: