Key from bedroom door

cruizer101

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

One of the nice things about being an adult is that you do get to choose!

I would never, ever, move into a house share where I did not choose it and meet all the housemates beforehand.

As others have said very condescending post. But also fair enough you may have met and trust all others in the house (how you can trust them that quick I'm not really sure mind) but what about all their friends, whats to stop one of their mates having a quick poke around your room while they are going to the toilet or some such.

Unless you are moving into a houseshare with people you know you don't have massive choice in who you live with particularly if there is a turn over of people in the house where people moving out get the next person and usually take the first person to accept the room.

You can make a judgement on the people when you meet them but that only tells you so much and tells you nothing of what happens when you aren't there. I have a fair bit of expensive stuff in my room and I also am back in my home place or gone other places quite a lot at weekends so I would not be comfortable if I couldn't lock my room. I also got into the habit of locking my room at night after one or two incidents in a previous house share of being awoken by drunk people coming into my room.

shaymus27

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

That's something I would have sorted out before moving in personally, I wouldn't be keen on sharing a house with someone who insisted on locking their room all the time - I'd be worried about what they were hiding.

You are way out of order on this.

A lot of replies show that people can do wrong things in house shares. You may have been lucky with who you have shared with but it doesn't take a huge leap if imagination to realise that people can mistreat other people's rooms as evidenced by the replies to this thread.

If someone is used to their own space and privacy or living with people they know and trust and end up living with people they don't know, then they are entitled to peace of mind of being able to lock their doors.

You also don't get to interview or meet everyone before you move in. Sometimes people are out and if you live a distance away you can't keep coming back to interview them. There is a shortage of rooms to rent and if a potential renter started insisting on meeting everyone before they made up their mind they might be replaced by the people staying there as being too troublesome to bother with.

Also, people who seem reasonable when you first meet them aren't always reasonable, especially with drink on them.

You really are so wrong Mrs. O' Bumble and others who knock the OP for wanting something that is his entitlement to want.

OP don't take any notice of those having a go at you. Anyone with common sense supports you in your wish to have privacy.

The woman who said we all trust each other here won't compensate you if anything does go wrong so it's easy for her to say these things but won't be responsible for anything that goes missing or wrecked.

messrs

shaymus27 wrote: »

You are way out of order on this.

A lot of replies show that people can do wrong things in house shares. You may have been lucky with who you have shared with but it doesn't take a huge leap if imagination to realise that people can mistreat other people's rooms as evidenced by the replies to this thread.

If someone is used to their own space and privacy or living with people they know and trust and end up living with people they don't know, then they are entitled to peace of mind of being able to lock their doors.

You also don't get to interview or meet everyone before you move in. Sometimes people are out and if you live a distance away you can't keep coming back to interview them. There is a shortage of rooms to rent and if a potential renter started insisting on meeting everyone before they made up their mind they might be replaced by the people staying there as being too troublesome to bother with.

Also, people who seem reasonable when you first meet them aren't always reasonable, especially with drink on them.

You really are so wrong Mrs. O' Bumble and others who knock the OP for wanting something that is his entitlement to want.

OP don't take any notice of those having a go at you. Anyone with common sense supports you in your wish to have privacy.

The woman who said we all trust each other here won't compensate you if anything does go wrong so it's easy for her to say these things but won't be responsible for anything that goes missing or wrecked.

100% agree with you, most of my flatmates have been ok but i've had bad experiences as well and its always nice to have the option to lock your door if you wish to & anyway its not just your flatmates and their friends you have to watch out of, what if one of the people living there went out one night and met someone and brought them home - some random one night stand, whats to say that person wouldn't go rooting and going through your room and stuff aswell. better safe than sorry

Mrs OBumble

Mm. Maybe we'll just chalk this one up to cultural differences. I would NEVER move into a houseshare without meeting the others first, and without the housemates having veto over potential new residents.

I've met a few other foreigners who say "don't house-share with Irish" - and I always dismissed that advice as racist nonsense. But maybe they're on to something.

Roquentin

there seems to be a very hostile response to O Bumble. all she said is that she doesnt mind no lock on the door.

me personally i would always lock my door when leaving home, just feels more comfortable.

zl1whqvjs75cdy

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

Mm. Maybe we'll just chalk this one up to cultural differences. I would NEVER move into a houseshare without meeting the others first, and without the housemates having veto over potential new residents.

I've met a few other foreigners who say "don't house-share with Irish" - and I always dismissed that advice as racist nonsense. But maybe they're on to something.

Jesus christ. If I posted up "I'd never rent with foreigners" I'd be shouted down as a racist almost instantly, and yet its ok for you to make sweeping statements about all Irish like that? To be honest it reads like you are a total princess who's terrified to live with strangers.

Arthur B

right to lock

I agree with @Chemical Byrne. I think that you have a right to lock though. It is a matter of communicating that in a polite manner, delicately explaining that it is what you are used to and you really want everyone to feel comfortable and respect other views. Good luck:)

Satori Rae

donkeyoaty0099 wrote: »

Jesus christ. If I posted up "I'd never rent with foreigners" I'd be shouted down as a racist almost instantly, and yet its ok for you to make sweeping statements about all Irish like that? To be honest it reads like you are a total princess who's terrified to live with strangers.

I am rather disgusted and appalled by this racist comment as well, it has nothing to do with race it is down to people in general.

And may I add the people I shared with where not at all Irish neither (bar 4/5 of us) the chancres that tried to break in to other rooms where not Irish either.

handlemaster

Remember if you lose your key for the door its a big problem, it happened to me before and I had to break it.

Not a NSA agent

From my experience its not the housemates that are the problem, it's their friends.

I remember coming back from Christmas to find 2 of the rooms had been broken into for someone to sleep in. Luckily mine was left alone as I had my PC and bow in there. I could have been down nearly 1000 euro by not locking my door.

draiochtanois

This post has been deleted.

shaymus27

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

Mm. Maybe we'll just chalk this one up to cultural differences. I would NEVER move into a houseshare without meeting the others first, and without the housemates having veto over potential new residents.

I've met a few other foreigners who say "don't house-share with Irish" - and I always dismissed that advice as racist nonsense. But maybe they're on to something.

Mm we won't chalk this one up to cultural differences. What on earth are you talking about?

If anyone posted here "never house-share with foreigners" they would be accused of being racist.

"Maybe they're on to something". Really? Maybe all Irish are horrible people who you can't share a house with?

I think there is racist nonsense in your comment.

Do you think that in every other country in the world where complete strangers share a house that there are no problems? It's only in Ireland with Irish people that there are problems?

You say you would never move in to a house without meeting everyone first. Read my previous post for a dose of reality about how this isn't always practical.

As for house mates having veto, sometimes the owner lives there and vetos everyone and others don't get a say.

Mrs OBumble

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

Mm. Maybe we'll just chalk this one up to cultural differences. I would NEVER move into a houseshare without meeting the others first, and without the housemates having veto over potential new residents.

You would find it very difficult to find a house share in Ireland meeting this criteria unless you move with Friends. I have stayed in a number of houseshares and while sometimes you might be the one showing the room if the person leaving has already left the normal rule is the they find a new person and carry out viewings and of course they will take someone asap so they can move out fast and dont have to be telling the LL they can't find someone etc as they will just want the room filled.

In my current place for instance where I am living just under two years there has been 3 changes of housemate in that time and 2 out of the 3 were moved in before I met them as the people moving took people so fast I wasn't even there for the viewings. The most recent the person left the house and wouldn't look for a replacement so the LL asked me which I didn't mind as I could pick someone however I was told to fill the room asap also.

Another friend of mine lives in a hosueshare where the LL finds the people and the housemates have no say whatsoever.

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

I've met a few other foreigners who say "don't house-share with Irish" - and I always dismissed that advice as racist nonsense. But maybe they're on to something.

Personally I much prefer to live with Irish males and not because I'm Irish or have a problem with foreigners (or women) but there are a few very practical reasons. One of the main reasons being Irish people often go home at weekends (like I do myself) so weekends you are around you tend to have the place to yourself or the place is empty thus reducing bills also Irish people and males in particular will more than likely use less heat thus reducing costs.

I feel the house dynamic is much better when its all lads also as communal tv watching is better as sport etc will be a good common ground, again less heat use, more comfortable around the house when going to coming from the shower etc not worrying about walking around in your jocks etc.

MayoAreMagic

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

Mm. Maybe we'll just chalk this one up to cultural differences. I would NEVER move into a houseshare without meeting the others first, and without the housemates having veto over potential new residents.

In all my 15 odd years in various house-share situations, I have never came across this setup. When you find a place there is no way to guarantee you can meet everyone in your short viewings of the property, and no way you can meet any of them long enough to know they wont be snooping around your room. They are hardly going to let a stranger hang around all day so they can meet people, especially when they haven't even agreed to move in. In a situation where a landlord is in charge, they will generally just take the first half reasonable person that agrees to move in. So you looking for repeat visits over and over will result in someone else getting the house.

In a situation where someone is moving in, generally someone in the house will find a friend or it will be advertised. When it is advertised it is a complete stranger. If it is a friend of a housemate they will already have an ally in the house, so your vetoing them, unless you have a very good reason, is going to create issues. Maybe there is an extra share of rent to pay in the meantime. So quick to veto them then? The above is out of touch with the reality of house-shares.

shaymus27

Roquentin wrote: »

there seems to be a very hostile response to O Bumble. all she said is that she doesnt mind no lock on the door.

me personally i would always lock my door when leaving home, just feels more comfortable.

That's not all she said at all.

If you want an example of a hostile response look at her original post. That's a hostile response.

Her further posts have been condescending and she seems to be incapable of changing her view despite the many posts here which show how it can be a good idea to be able to lock your door if sharing a house with complete strangers.

Why would Mrs O Bumble or anyone begrudge someone simply wishing to lock their bedroom door? Why would they have a go at them for simply wanting to lock their bedroom door? Read all her posts - you are completely incorrect to say that all she said was she doesn't mind no lock on a door. Read her first post in particular.

You are out of order misrepresenting what she wrote. Don't take my word for it actually read what she wrote.

MayoAreMagic

Would have to agree shaymus27. To be honest, I get the impression Mrs. O'Bumble has in fact been in very few house share situations. Maybe moved in with friends after leaving home and then maybe a partner or alone? Thus never really being in a proper houseshare situation. Maybe that is wrong, but that is the impression I am getting from what she is saying. To expect to have such a say, and everything to go your way in that situation is pie in the sky.

Mrs OBumble

MayoAreMagic wrote: »

In all my 15 odd years in various house-share situations, I have never came across this setup. When you find a place there is no way to guarantee you can meet everyone in your short viewings of the property, and no way you can meet any of them long enough to know they wont be snooping around your room. They are hardly going to let a stranger hang around all day so they can meet people, especially when they haven't even agreed to move in. In a situation where a landlord is in charge, they will generally just take the first half reasonable person that agrees to move in. So you looking for repeat visits over and over will result in someone else getting the house.

In a situation where someone is moving in, generally someone in the house will find a friend or it will be advertised. When it is advertised it is a complete stranger. If it is a friend of a housemate they will already have an ally in the house, so your vetoing them, unless you have a very good reason, is going to create issues. Maybe there is an extra share of rent to pay in the meantime. So quick to veto them then? The above is out of touch with the reality of house-shares.

I spent about 14 years house sharing, including 7 years in a 4 4brm place which had a change every six months on average.

In *every* single case, when someone moved out, the rest of us bothered to schedule times when we could all be at home to meet prospective house-mates, advertised, took calls and arranged for them to come around at appropriate times.

In fact, if I went to look at a place and didn't meet everyone (either initially or before an offer was made), I'd be worried that they were weird and wouldn't accept no matter how good the room or location was.

I *never* had a housemate come home so drunk that they went into the wrong room. I never had a housemate's friend do so either - the worse was a housemate's sister who vomitted in the bathroom and didn't clean up after herself. (We made sure the sister did though!) If soemone bought a randomer home (and some certainly did) - they made sure that said randomer didn't misbehave.

I never locked my room (even though the 7-year house did have keys in some doors), and I can't remember anyone else doing so either.

Maybe I come from a different planet to the rest of you!

Paulw

In fairness, Mrs OBumble, my renting/sharing experince would be very similar to yours.

I shared for 6 years in one house. Any time we had a new share, everyone made time to meet the new person before they moved in. Everyone had to be happy, including the new person. We never locked our doors either.

So, you're experience is not unique, in my view.

Roquentin

people we are talking about locking a door in an apartment. not life or death. the reaction of some posters to this is bizarre.

MadDog76

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

Mm. Maybe we'll just chalk this one up to cultural differences. I would NEVER move into a houseshare without meeting the others first, and without the housemates having veto over potential new residents.

I've met a few other foreigners who say "don't house-share with Irish" - and I always dismissed that advice as racist nonsense. But maybe they're on to something.

How did you manage to turn an individuals right to privacy and peace of mind into a racist issue???

Paulw

I think it's important to be able to trust those you share with. Lack of respect and lack of trust are big issues. If those you share with have guests/friends/visitors who don't respect your privacy and your room, then your share needs to cop on.

Most standard doors have basta locks, so keys are very easy to get. But, as easy as it is to get a key and lock the door, it's just as easy for your shares to also get keys which could unlock the door. It comes back to trust and respect.

messrs

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

I spent about 14 years house sharing, including 7 years in a 4 4brm place which had a change every six months on average.

In *every* single case, when someone moved out, the rest of us bothered to schedule times when we could all be at home to meet prospective house-mates, advertised, took calls and arranged for them to come around at appropriate times.

In fact, if I went to look at a place and didn't meet everyone (either initially or before an offer was made), I'd be worried that they were weird and wouldn't accept no matter how good the room or location was.

I *never* had a housemate come home so drunk that they went into the wrong room. I never had a housemate's friend do so either - the worse was a housemate's sister who vomitted in the bathroom and didn't clean up after herself. (We made sure the sister did though!) If soemone bought a randomer home (and some certainly did) - they made sure that said randomer didn't misbehave.

I never locked my room (even though the 7-year house did have keys in some doors), and I can't remember anyone else doing so either.

Maybe I come from a different planet to the rest of you!

How would you know whether they locked their rooms or not? only way of knowing is by checking the door (not saying you did) or been outside their door every time the come home and see them going in without using their key, I have no idea if my previous flatmates ever locked their doors but we all had room keys so they option was there if the wanted to

Paulw

Mod Note: please end the race comments. There is no need at all to bring that in to this discussion and no need for gross generalisations.

seventeen sheep

A few reasons why it's a good idea to have a key for your door in shared accommodation, from the point of view of security:

If the house is broken into when there's no one home, the burglar is less likely to stick around if they keep encountering locked doors. For this reason, my parents used to lock every door in the house whenever we went away on holidays. For the same reason, in one apartment I lived in with a good friend in a high-crime area, we both got in the habit of locking our bedroom doors and leaving both our bedroom keys in the same safe hidden place in the kitchen every time we left. It wasn't a matter of not trusting each other - obviously, because the keys were hidden together - it just meant that, if someone broke in through a bedroom window, they'd find it harder to get any further ... similarly if they broke in through the main door or patio door, they'd find it harder to get into the bedrooms.

Even worse, if someone were to break home when we were home, it gave us that extra bit of peace of mind. E.g. if someone smashed through the large patio doors in the sitting room, I'd potentially have time to lock both my bedroom door and my en-suite door (because the keys were generally left in the locks in the inside when we were home), giving me that bit of extra time to contact someone for help.

Even if your housemates seem lovely, you're really dependant on first impressions. In most houseshares I lived in, I would lock the bedroom door at night for at least the first several nights, until I got to know and trust my housemates a bit better. I think it's quite naive to think you can trust someone with your safety after maybe half an hours introduction, when everyone is on "best behaviour".

When I was living in shared accommodation, I considered it my right to bring home friends/boyfriends/casual boyfriends the odd time (within reason, I was never big into that.) I was absolutely fine with my housemates doing the same thing also the odd time, but if I was in bed and heard a housemate coming home from a night out and heard the voice of an unfamiliar person with them, I'd probably lock my bedroom door, then go back to sleep. They might trust them, but if I'd never met them, I'd rather not take any chances.

shaymus27

Roquentin wrote: »

people we are talking about locking a door in an apartment. not life or death. the reaction of some posters to this is bizarre.

We are not talking about locking a door in an apartment. We are talking about locking a door in a shared house.

The reaction of posters to this is bizarre. This is the second time that I have noticed that you have got your facts wrong.

The reaction to MrsO'Bumble to someone simply wanting to have a key for their bedroom is bizarre. Not accepting that someone might want a lock for a bedroom door in a shared house with strangers is bizarre. What is so wrong with that??? Why keep making posts going against that? I find that bizarre.

Roquentin

shaymus27 wrote: »

We are not talking about locking a door in an apartment. We are talking about locking a door in a shared house.

The reaction of posters to this is bizarre. This is the second time that I have noticed that you have got your facts wrong.

The reaction to MrsO'Bumble to someone simply wanting to have a key for their bedroom is bizarre. Not accepting that someone might want a lock for a bedroom door in a shared house with strangers is bizarre. What is so wrong with that??? Why keep making posts going against that? I find that bizarre.

ok you are right.

bjork

seventeen sheep wrote: »

A few reasons why it's a good idea to have a key for your door in shared accommodation, from the point of view of security:

If the house is broken into when there's no one home, the b........
..........

Given enough time in the house, they'll kick through every internal door. Not only will you house be robbed, you'll have to replace all internal doors aswell.

Speaking from experience here, I used to think the same


Saying that, if a person in a shared house wants a key too their room, there should be no issue

Mrs OBumble

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

I spent about 14 years house sharing, including 7 years in a 4 4brm place which had a change every six months on average.

In *every* single case, when someone moved out, the rest of us bothered to schedule times when we could all be at home to meet prospective house-mates, advertised, took calls and arranged for them to come around at appropriate times.

In fact, if I went to look at a place and didn't meet everyone (either initially or before an offer was made), I'd be worried that they were weird and wouldn't accept no matter how good the room or location was.

I *never* had a housemate come home so drunk that they went into the wrong room. I never had a housemate's friend do so either - the worse was a housemate's sister who vomitted in the bathroom and didn't clean up after herself. (We made sure the sister did though!) If soemone bought a randomer home (and some certainly did) - they made sure that said randomer didn't misbehave.

I never locked my room (even though the 7-year house did have keys in some doors), and I can't remember anyone else doing so either.

Maybe I come from a different planet to the rest of you!

Paulw wrote: »

I think it's important to be able to trust those you share with. Lack of respect and lack of trust are big issues. If those you share with have guests/friends/visitors who don't respect your privacy and your room, then your share needs to cop on.

Most standard doors have basta locks, so keys are very easy to get. But, as easy as it is to get a key and lock the door, it's just as easy for your shares to also get keys which could unlock the door. It comes back to trust and respect.

I almost get the tone from these posts that you would be against sharing with someone who likes to lock their door which I find bizarre.

In a house share you are living with strangers (normally) who you really know very little about now maybe you are in different types of houses shares to me where everyone becomes great friends or whatever but in the houseshares I have been in everyone has kept to themselves, people tended to only cook when others were finished, only one housemate would use the living room at a time (particularly in my current place) and others would stay in their rooms, people never eat together etc etc. I mightn't talk to either of my housemates in a week at times and to be honest this is how I like it, the more I have the place to myself the better. I would say I would know housemates just enough to trust them but I wouldn't know their friends or other people they may bring to the house etc and not being around much at weekends means I basically don't know who might be in the house so I'd rather not come back to someone having slept in my bed or my 40inch tv knocked on the ground or something stolen etc.

To put it into context I had to get the phone number of my last housemate of the guy that moved into his room (he had it from being shown the room) in order to contact him about something.

Last housemate that moved in, ad went up in the morning and I got a heap of calls. Arranged viewings, second lad to walk in the door said he take it and that was it. Otherhouse mate didn't meet him for about a week.

Paulw

Courtney Proud Lamp wrote: »

I almost get the tone from these posts that you would be against sharing with someone who likes to lock their door which I find bizarre. In a house share you are living with strangers (normally) who you really know very little about now maybe you are in different types of houses shares to me where everyone becomes great friends or whatever but in the houseshares I have been in everyone has kept to themselves, people tended to only cook when others were finished, only one housemate would use the living room at a time (particularly in my current place) and others would stay in their rooms, people never eat together etc etc.

Nope, not against having/using locks, but when I shared we never found the need to lock.

It was a 4 bed house. Over that time sharing, we went through 10 people, over 3 years, 2 staying for the duration. Some I kept in touch with for a year or two after they left. Sometimes we cooked individually, and sometimes we cooked for each other. Seldom did we all eat together though.

I guess it all depends on the blend of people who share and how they all get along.