Social Anxiety and Public speaking phobia

Marco87

Hi, from some years i'm trying to cope with the feelings I get when I am exposed talking to groups of people (specially work-meetings) no matter if they are small or large, I experience strong emotions that don't allow me to speak for more than 15 seconds. As my work requires to speak (not for long but at least a couple of minutes per day to give updates to managers), I decided that I have to try something new (I was in therapy one year ago, but didnt help me much, and it became very expensive, I couldnt really afford it for a long period).
I dont really define myself as a person that cannot have relationships, cause I'm kind of fine when it comes to go out for a beer with friends, noisy places for me are ok, restaurant are fine when I don't have to do the talking. But when more than 3 pairs of eyes are on me in a silent room (like meetings at work, as I was saying) and I have to do the talking.... well, that is my worst nightmare.
Anyone else in the same situations?
Or anyone in a similar situation?
I think that something that could help me a lot (and I hope some of you that are reading too) is to replicate these scenarios and try together to work on some solutions. I was thinking (or should I say, hoping) to put together a group of at least 5/6 people where we can try to do some talking, recreate our fears and try to come up with solutions, in an environment that we don't have to be ashamed if words dont come out, cause we all have the same, or similar problems.
Maybe we can do all this by ourselves or also with a help of a psycotherapist (in group is much more affordable).
My hope now is to hear from some of you, if you think this 'group' idea can help you... Please get in touch with me, and we can speak about what to do and how.
I live in Dublin so ideally these meetings will have place somewhere in the city centre.
Thanks again and forgive my poor english, I moved here just 1 year ago.
Thanks.

grangegorman

Hi Marko,

I am very interested in meeting-up and helping each other if you are. I posted this below thread to another forum today so maybe you could read and let me know if you are available to meet up and help each other!!!

I am in a similar situation as yourself with a new job and new responsibilities. We have a staff meetings every two weeks in which I have to update the CEO along with 25 other work colleagues. These meetings cause me to lose sleep over the weekend knowing I have them on a Monday morning and completley absorb my mind when I should be enjoying my time off. This has put me in a very vulnerable position as I really want to quit the job because of these meetings and other reporting duties to third parties. I do really enjoy my work other than these group meetings and hope to overcome the anxiety with practice.

In college I skipped every presentation and even when I'm asked to introduce myself in groups as small as 4 people my voice starts to tremor. I have tried to skip as many staff meetings as possible due to these panic attacks and embarrassing situations. Once I had an interview with Central Bank and the feed back I got was that I had behavioural issues because I got so choked up with fear. (there were 3 people on the interview panel).

I suffer with essential tremor which affects my hands and voice with a tremor when put in uncomfortable situations. I have tried councelling, hypno therapy and beta-blocker medication which have not helped me overcome this condition. By now, I have spent thousands of euros trying to treat the condition but I really think the only solution is to practice and with time it will lessen the anxiety.

I'm not a shy person and most of my friends would never expect that I suffer from any anxiety. I have been looking into joining toastmasters or some other group that I can gradually improve speaking in front of people. I would love to find a few people that are in a similar situation and maybe help each other with improving our speaking skills and then maybe progressing to toast masters. (If this is something anyone is interested in please respond to this thread). I work at the new DIT college campus at Grangegorman D7 and could organise a room for holding small group meetings in the evening. Completley free of charge with tea/coffee/parking .

By the way, I'm a 34yrs old male working as an Engineer and in a relationship (not that that matters but just to be transparent and open). I'm purely interested in helping myself and others with a fear of public speaking or social phobia.

I am open to meet up with anyone to discuss/chat/help in anyway or at any location.

Thanks,
James

Marco87

Hi James,
I'm sorry to hear about your issue, it seems very similar to mine and I unfortunately know how you feel.
It's really overwhelming.
What you say about friends, I can understand you cause also my friends would never expect me to have some problems of anxiety of any kind, maybe they could say I'm shy in few situations, but nothing more.
I'm 27 years old and I'm in a relationship too, so this problem of mine doesn't affect all my life, but only few situations at work. Meetings, 95% of the time.
Also, outside of the meeting room I'm totally in control of myself, I can speak to colleagues, have a laugh, talking work, talking sports, I get a little anxious when work is not going good but that is perfectly normal, other people do it too, and it's fine. But as soon as I imagine myself in the meeting room with someone saying my name and expect me to talk I often get panic and, when the moment arrives, I try to say a small phrase to keep them happy hoping I don't have to speak for long.
I avoided meetings in the past when I felt that I could'nt even say a word and I'm sure it will happen again.

However, my hope was to find people similar to me and start something, trying to help each other.
In my imagination, the best scenario would have been from 5 to 8 people plus someone more "expert" about anxiety issues, either a psychotherapist or, maybe even better, someone who experienced these kind of problems and found a way to cope with all this (if these people really exists..)

Couple of weeks ago, I tried to get in touch with socialanxietyireland, they run a group in Mater hospital where they try to treat social anxiety issues. I thought it will be good, but as soon as I contacted them, they told me there is waiting list of 12/15 months, which is really unreasonable.

So I thought to start something similar, cause I understood that alone, I'm not going anywhere and I'm not finding solutions.

I've considered Toastmasters too, but at the moment is pure utopia for me. If I could do it in the future, that would be probably the end of many of my problems.

We can try to build up a group, if you are interested. I'm sure that there are many other people out there with, maybe not exactly our same problem but similar issues.

In the meantime if you want to meet and discuss which steps we can take to start something and find some solutions, I'll be happy to. Maybe just finding someone in the same situation and face ourselves , could already be an help who knows.

grangegorman

Hi Marko,

That's excellent news that you are willing to meet-up and discuss. I have also post a new new thread inviting people to come to a group session and see if this is something that can help us. (hopefully it's the start of something good for everyone)

I am happy to meet up whenever you are available to discuss....I will private message you my email address/phone number.

Previously, I applied to the Mater hospital too for the group session and was amazed at the waiting list of 12/15months. This is not acceptable for people who want to try and help themselves so hopefully between us we can start something and begin this journey!

Thanks a million for your post and hopefully see you soon.

James

red_barn

Hi Guys

I would definitely be interested in attending these sessions if they are still on going

I suffer from a very similar issue. I am 26 years old and I have suffered from a fear of public speaking as long as I can remember.

It is such a strange and annoying experience and I find it hard to explain. I have tried lots of different things and I have never fully overcome it. I have completed 2 public speaking courses, confidence books, meditation and beta blocker. I found that the beta blockers work brialliant but I do not want to depend on medication for the rest of my life. I want to overcome it naturally. The problem with the public speaking courses is that they only last for a few weeks and when they are over those feelings of confidence leave me.

The weird thing is that I have had lots of practise at it over the years and people have actually complimented me saying I seem like such a calm speaker.. But inside I am in meltdown mode. My heart would be pounding out of my chest. I start to sweat, have cold hands, feel week and worst of all I feel like I will not be able to get any words out. Like both of you have said, none of my friends/ colleagues would ever guess as I probably seem quitely confident in these situations but nothing could be further from the truth.
It is quite debilitating as I am always thinking about it and whenever I am put in one of these situations my mind starts racing and I convince myself that my voice wont work and then I work myself into a panic attack.

I think a group like this would be great where everybody is on the same page. I think the key to overcoming something like this is almost to find ways of doing it everyday. But of course that is hard to do with work etc..

Would appreciate if you could let me know about the group sessions. I live in Dublin

Thanks

nini

Hi all,

I'm wondering if you have met up? I'm a 33 year old living in Dublin and have exactly the same problem. I have started a new job and am so happy in the work but the idea of presenting and speaking in front of groups is enough to send me into overdrive and want to run for the hills. I would be really grateful if you would let me know some more about the group?

Warrior Monk

My suggestion: Join a toastmaster's club. At one of those clubs you get to ease yourself into public speaking with a very supportive audience. Google them. I think they have about 20 clubs in Dublin alone.

nini

Warrior Monk wrote: »

My suggestion: Join a toastmaster's club. At one of those clubs you get to ease yourself into public speaking with a very supportive audience. Google them. I think they have about 20 clubs in Dublin alone.

Thanks Warrior Monk. I've tried toastmasters...I'm not quite ready for it yet. I know I need to push myself but I feel that I need to practice with a small group before I stand up on front of 30 or more people!

Fathom

Toastmasters good. Also college Public Speaking. Took latter. Helped. Admittedly, didn't have phobia. Just average public speaking fear. Now address groups. Classes. Team. No problems.

irishmrd

Hi Guys did you organise a meet up for this?
If not I would like to organise a meet up group every week or 2 in central Dublin.
I have a lot of personal experience with Social anxiety in the workplace so I can relate to you all.
I have done a lot of therapy and CBT around this also.
My idea is simple but effective.
If we could get around 8-10 people each person could speak for 2 minutes on a topic and afterwards we could give feedback (if requested)
I understand how difficult this is but it is the best way to overcome public speaking anxiety.

Just Some examples could be:

Questions and Answers (about yourself, your job etc.)
Presentation on a topic
Read from a book
Try being assertive or disagree with somebody's opinion
Being criticised by the group on your opinion
Make a phone call in front of others
Eye contact
Speak about your talents and good qualities.
Tell us about a time that you have asserted yourself.
What is your opinion on Same Sex Marriage?
What is your opinion on Abortion?
What is your opinion on the Government?
What is your opinion on Immigration?
Tell us about someone you love and respect.
Speak about how you have improved your anxiety over the years.
Tell us about your job.
A sense of humour is essential
If I were an animal, I would be a…
Uniforms smother individuality
Normal is decided by society
Real learning happens outside the classroom
Talking to someone vs. talking with someone
What human quality do we need more of?
If I ruled the world
People often stereotype
If you were a salesperson, sell the audience a piece of your clothing
My best job ever would be
Discuss your favourite movie, book, etc.
Should smoking be allowed in public spaces?
Happy drugs (Prozac, Zoloft, etc.)
What are you grateful for?
If I could only eat three foods forever
Three surprising facts about me
Whom do you admire most?
Tell us how to make a new friend
When was the last time you tried something new
Do you think crying is a sign of weakness or strength
What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?
What makes you smile?
Can you think of a time when the impossible became possible?
How have you helped someone else recently?
What is the next big step you need to take?
What is your happiest memory?

red_barn

I would definitely be interested in that and think it would be very helpful

irishmrd

Thanks for the reply red_barn, we would need about 8-10 people so I have started a new thread called Social Anxiety - Public Speaking and Workplace

BerMacLovin

I manage to cope, but I have a terrible fear of being in meetings, interviews, lecture theatres, cars with other people, classrooms, any situation where I can't 'escape' without embarassment...that's what goes on in my head.
I'd be interested in any group meets, though I live in the southwest so maybe it's a bit far away.

Roveraf

Hi
I also have a fear of public speaking.
Is this meetings in Dublin still happening?

I'd be very interested in doing presentations or the likes to practice.

Can someone tell me what to do to join the group meeting in Dublin?

Many thanks

red_barn

Hi Roveraf

as far as I know no meetings have taken place, I would definitely be up for them as I need to practise, practise, practise as it is the only way I am ever going to overcome the feelings I experience.

If we could get a few people interested I think it would be very beneficial

red_barn

also, I just created a new thread called "Social anxiety and public speaking meetups" to see if people would be interested in these meetings.

Hopefully it generates some interest