I'm gay.

murria

Aw Devore! Really happy that you've come out on Boards and I hope you're delighted with the response.

I suppose all the signs were there; kind, compassionate, generous, charitable and you love dogs. Obvious really.

xxxx

secondrowgal

Well done DeVore and all the best for your future happiness!

One thing that does strike me though, is your explanation to your male friends that you didn't fancy them - I've had male and female friends let me know that they were gay, and never once have I considered asking either sex if they ever thought I fancied them or if they fancied me!! I mean, that's another one to add to the list of "you wouldn't ask your straight friend this, would you":

Male Friend: Hey, I'm getting married to <girl>
ME: Oh, you fancy girls (pause). Hey, you don't fancy ME do you!!!!??

Snaga

Ah good stuff Tom!

Its been great to see aunts and uncles and friends celebrating over the last few days. Many of whom are abroad now because openly being who they were was not possible for them here when they were younger.

I hope you are walking that bit taller this week than last!!

all the best and gg!

MrStuffins

Congrats Dev.

I'm not gonna lie though. When I saw the thread title and who it was by I thought "Wow, I don't know what the boards version of frape is, but someone just got DeVore"

orlaithmum

Hey Tom,

Great to see your move to the lone star state is being so well received, good on ya ;-)

Now, when can I buy a new hat?

Geniass

Coming out, is it a bit like Communion, Weddings or bar mitzvah ... do we have to give you money?

Aard

Geniass wrote: »

Coming out, is it a bit like Communion, Weddings or bar mitzvah ... do we have to give you money?

This really should be a thing

The_Minister

DeVore wrote: »

I've also learned that no matter HOW hetro your friend is, no matter HOW womenising and red blooded they are... the answer to the question "you don't fancy me do you?" that they are looking for is emphatically NOT "You???!! Jesus, fnck NO!".
Take it from me

Last time I had a girlfriend, she had to spend one NY abroad.
Some of my friends (mix of straight and gay) were going to a gay bar (not the George, can't remember the name) and I decided to tag along, since pulling was off the cards.

I had all my polite refusals prepared and ready to go, to ward off all the gay men coming on to me.

Not

a

One.

Penny Tration

So basicallly DeVore is saying that my plan to fcuk my way to the top of the boards hierarchy is doomed to failure?

Geniass

The_Minister wrote: »

Not

a

One.

Straightdar

DeVore

Geniass wrote: »

Coming out, is it a bit like Communion, Weddings or bar mitzvah ... do we have to give you money?

ehh Yeeeees.... yes you do. >.>


couple more positives... not one person has reacted weird. My folks have been terrific (and like, my father was training to be a priest before he met my mum and still works with the Legion of Mary).... don't underestimate love and friendship, my experience (while I was prepared for a horrible time for some reason) has been nothing but positive responses from friends and family. Even the fighters in my kick boxing gym have been great about it. I'm sure some people are unfortunately stuck in situations where maybe it might be tougher but I certainly made this much harder than it turns out it had to be.

Penny Tration

It's wonderful to hear of someone having such a positive experience coming out.

Aard

DeVore wrote: »

I'm sure some people are unfortunately stuck in situations where maybe it might be tougher but I certainly made this much harder than it turns out it had to be.

A lot of people's experiences with coming out nowadays seem to be somewhat anti-climactic. Or at least it's more of a slow-burn realisation for family and friends.

A great piece of advice that I once heard was that when you come out of the closet, your friends and particularly your family go into the closet. It will then take them some time to fully internalise the news and accept it. Depending on the person you tell, this could take days or it could take years. It will take others some time to get used to the idea and 100% comfortable with it.

Tzardine

Congrats by the way DeVore. Takes courage.

Redhairedguy

Nice one, DeVore! Delighted to hear that you're having such a good experience. I wish you all the happiness in the future days to come!

DeVore

Aard wrote: »

A lot of people's experiences with coming out nowadays seem to be somewhat anti-climactic. Or at least it's more of a slow-burn realisation for family and friends.

A great piece of advice that I once heard was that when you come out of the closet, your friends and particularly your family go into the closet. It will then take them some time to fully internalise the news and accept it. Depending on the person you tell, this could take days or it could take years. It will take others some time to get used to the idea and 100% comfortable with it.

This is very true... and that's fair enough, I've been dealing with this myself for decades, its only fair to give them some time to come to terms with it.
Also it hasn't been some "huge weight lifted" of my shoulders like I might have expected or something. I had kinda been ok with it for a few years now. I'm very glad its all done now but I've a surprising feeling of "ho hum, that's that" now...tis weird.


Btw, I'll rant about the "dumb things people say" another day, but today and this week, I'm staying positive and wishing the atmosphere this weekend in town would never end

jobbridge4life

Years ago Boards.ie was founded as a sleeper cell for the referendum just passed (in both senses!). I think our sore no side campaigners might actually try and spin something like the above if anyone wishes to alert them.

Congrats on coming out DeVore.

Sleepy

I'm probably adding to the "dumb things people say" but it finally makes sense how such a sound bloke wasn't already married with kids... I'd always thought you must be impossibly choosy

Great to see the positive impact of this weekend!

On the friends reactions bit, I've always found that "you don't fancy me do you?" question a bit funny. There'd be a small part of my ego that would be always be a little bit deflated to learn that a close friend who fancied men didn't find me attractive!

Aard

Sleepy wrote: »

There'd be a small part of my ego that would be always be a little bit deflated to learn that a close friend who fancied men didn't find me attractive!

Even if they did.... would you want them to confess their undying requited attraction to you!

dublinman1990

Congratulations Devore, well done for coming out as it's not an easy process even after Saturday's referendum result.

I hope you have a happy life in the future.

Goodshape

Congrats Dev

Funny, I had those same reservations and fears about having to 'become' a sit-com gay stereo-type, and the lack of any visible role models I'd choose to look up to. It was in no small part the community here on this website you created that helped me to get over those fears. You'll always have my thanks for that.

Here's to your future!

monkeysnapper

I've no interest in any of this referendum all week. I voted but I really couldn't see the point in any of it .

I suppose that's the point the people fighting it want to have naturally so hopefully it will help you all move on with your life .

I've spoken to a good few manly older men at work and the attitude is so small minded. I asked them all how would you feel if it was your daughter or son , and all basically buried there head in the sand .

I'm happy for people like Devore if they felt is was natural to come out this week. Just don't tie a label around your own neck .

Peace and happiness to everyone xo

amp

I'd like to think I got to the jokes stage pretty quickly. I think it was something about your hair reaching inside your brain or something

efb

Jenny Thalia wrote: »

So basicallly DeVore is saying that my plan to fcuk my way to the top of the boards hierarchy is doomed to failure?

Ha ha ha

Check mate

WoolyJumper

Did you receive the welcome pack yet, outlining the gay agenda? We have a meeting at the end of the month.

Seriously though congrats. I was the same, I didn't feel much different after I came out but over time I became more at ease with myself (I didn't even realise how uneasy I felt). I remember in the beginning my straight guy friends would ask me about guys I liked etc and I couldn't talk about it with them. Over time though I became more open and relaxed and honestly it just strengthened my relationships with my family and friends.

I think over all though you will find not much will change with you, your friends or family. That for me was the best realisation after I came out. Everything went on as normal.

floggg

Sleepy wrote: »

I'm probably adding to the "dumb things people say" but it finally makes sense how such a sound bloke wasn't already married with kids... I'd always thought you must be impossibly choosy

Great to see the positive impact of this weekend!

On the friends reactions bit, I've always found that "you don't fancy me do you?" question a bit funny. There'd be a small part of my ego that would be always be a little bit deflated to learn that a close friend who fancied men didn't find me attractive!

the most disappointing thing about my own experiences accepting my sexuality and coming out was realising just how ugly my friends were

jobbridge4life

floggg wrote: »

the nosr disappointing thing about my own experiences accepting my sexuality and coming out was realising just how ugly my friends were

You lost friends?

ixoy

Congratulations: Everyone has their own path to get there but now that you've arrived at the destination, you're going to feel a lot better. It's great that the referendum is giving people the courage to make those steps.

For what it's worth: It's through a boards beer meet that I met my partner of near 10 years. If this site hadn't existed, I likely will never have met him. So , for me, the very best thing have come from the site you founded.

swine

Well done DeVore. I'm a lurker but recognised the name from stickied threads. As a 'not out but not in' gay man I identified with a lot of what you wrote. The stereotype that people think you will suddenly morph into overnight and all that. The referendum definitely changed my attitude as to seeing a majority are OK with it and that's good. I walked through the supermarket on Saturday evening (dull anecdote alert) and felt like more of an equal. I had told 1 co-worker I was gay who has since left (not due to that!) so no-one on my team knows. If anyone asked me straight out I'd answer yes, but nothing like that has ever come up (a bit of a cop-out I know) but I genuinely don't think it should be something I have to declare. My friends and family know and I'm cool with that. I too thought of mentioning it post referendum if it came up at work to the team but a discussion between two lads who voted no changed my mind as it got 'jokingly' a bit nasty. What happened at the weekend is a great thing and the country is moving in the right direction, but there's 38% to go.

Anyway, glad to hear you've had only positive responses.

Kiwi in IE

Great! Can we feck everyone who voted no out of Boards now and silence them?





I hope nobody thinks I am serious, just saying, before I get ate

DeVore

You've no idea how hard it was for me not to go bonkers and broadcast rants on top of every forum. Genuinely I came this close to it but it wouldn't have been right to. I never want to hear another muppet talk about me "censoring" them again. >.<

Kiwi in IE

efb wrote: »

Ha ha ha

Check mate

Gold digger!

'Twas Leo Varadkar the other day!

efb

Kiwi in IE wrote: »

Gold digger!

'Twas Leo Varadkar the other day!

Leo is still Target #1

wakka12

Aw good for you I hope you're happy with yourself !

Kiwi in IE

Does this mean all infarctions earned by yes supporters in marriage threads can be reversed now? :cool:











Not serious again

Tigger

you're awesome DeVore

I met you years ago and thought you were cool then someone told me "he's the boards guy"and i had no idea what that was. then like 5 years later i signed up and played on your invention every week since

i'm happysad at this; happy that you are empowered or pushed to or just whatever but you're out cos of the yes vote.
sad; cos you are such a decent confident man and that you felt unable or unwilling to be you till now

i've thought you were gay since the pic on the mma forum with your top off when you started getting buff btw

DeVore

You mean this lil ol pic of moi? ahem..


Muay Thai kick boxing training by Tom Murphy, on Flickr

Tigger

Yeah that one

efb

DeVore wrote: »

You mean this lil ol pic of moi? ahem..


Muay Thai kick boxing training by Tom Murphy, on Flickr

Call me

Stinjy

I'm glad you found that push you needed DeVore and love the story of how well your parents are taking it! Onwards and upwards for you! Good luck.

Sleepy

Aard wrote: »

Even if they did.... would you want them to confess their undying requited attraction to you!

Probably not but a little bit of flirting never hurt anyone

jobbridge4life

I wonder how many new gays there are since this referendum? Can only be good.

efb

jobbridge4life wrote: »

I wonder how many new gays there are since this referendum? Can only be good.

Out gays you mean

jobbridge4life

efb wrote: »

Out gays you mean

Yes. Newly out gays.

harry Bailey esq

MarkR wrote: »

I know it shouldn't be a big thing, but I know it is. Guess we'll have to adjust the coke and hookers order slightly

Gay people enjoy coke and hookers just as much as the rest of us presumably,sure why wouldn't they?

Kiwi in IE

harry Bailey esq wrote: »

Gay people enjoy coke and hookers just as much as the rest of us presumably,sure why wouldn't they?

I think s/he meant that the gender of the hookers may require adjustment

blatantrereg

jobbridge4life wrote: »

Yes. Newly out gays.

I'm aware of some people who will interpret it as previously straight people turning gay. Bizarre perception of it as some form of social contagion.

For example I know one man who tells his gay son he's not gay, it's just peer pressure. Currently spouting vague but ominous statements about the future of society since the referendum.

It's great that this empowering people to come out. Would be funny how a few people will interpret it if it wasn't sad.

The Muppet

meh but hey congratulations on feeling comfortable enough to make the post.

we all knew

harry Bailey esq

Kiwi in IE wrote: »

I think s/he meant that the gender of the hookers may require adjustment

Many hookers already have 'adjustments' already.In Amsterdam they stand behind the blue lights so as to avoid embarrassment and confusion. I f@king hate being colourblind

Kiwi in IE

harry Bailey esq wrote: »

Many hookers already have 'adjustments' already.In Amsterdam they stand behind the blue lights so as to avoid embarrassment and confusion. I f@king hate being colourblind

I didn't word that post particularly well! :P