Passing Away Peacefully.

kneemos

Does anybody pass away peacefully in their sleep or is it just a case there was nobody around to see the last moments?
Surely if you're dying there's going to be some sort of fighting for breath or chest pain.

Maybe it does happen,just always took it with a pinch of salt.

Penny Tration

It happens.

My uncle had lukaemia and developed a load of complications and we were told he was going to have an agonising death.

Instead, he fell asleep while getting a foot rub, surrounded by family. No struggle for breath, no visible pain. Just drifted off to sleep and stopped breathing.

Sam Kade

kneemos wrote: »

Does anybody pass away peacefully in their sleep or is it just a case there was nobody around to see the last moments?
Surely if you're dying there's going to be some sort of fighting for breath or chest pain.

Maybe it does happen,just always took it with a pinch of salt.

You never saw a person die then.

Menas

It happens. I was with someone who just passed away quietly like that. Gasp their last breath and they are gone. They had been very sick though.

Tilly

Happens a lot with old people, they just dont wake up.

The_Valeyard

Seen it happen with grandparents. Does happen. Suppose its one of the better ways to go, no pain, gentle resting, then gone into that long good night.

Wanderer78

difficult question op. i had the unfortunate experience of watching my father die a couple of years ago from cancer. i heard his last words and seen his final breath. id like to think he passed peacefully. with the amount of morphine and other drugs in his system, i hope they made it painless for him.

Greenmachine

Always sad to see a loved one go. My grandmother passed peacefully in the end. By did suffer some in the run up. I think the morphine drip soften the final stages of the journey.

murpho999

Was also with my mother when she passed away 3 years ago.
After months of illness she passed away peacefully in her sleep.

We were all there holding her hand and it's the saddest moment I've ever experienced but comforting that we were there with her. Still get goosebumps thinking about it.

CiDeRmAn

I don't know.
I've been there on a number of occasions, to do with family.
No, it wasn't pleasant in either case.
Cancer is a b@stard, simple as.

CiDeRmAn

Most GPs prefer heart attack, massive tight pressure in the chest and you're gone.
No lingering, becoming more and more dependant and sicker, no wasting away in front of family or, worse still, alone in some antiseptic ward somewhere.

swervring

CiDeRmAn wrote: »

Most GPs prefer heart attack, massive tight pressure in the chest and you're gone.
No lingering, becoming more and more dependant and sicker, no wasting away in front of family or, worse still, alone in some antiseptic ward somewhere.

Maybe if you could schedule it instead of it being a massive shock to everyone. That's what happened to my mam - she woke up not feeling very well and then in a split second she was gone. Peaceful in that there was no time for it to be anything but, but for the rest of us, the aftermath was chaos and such an enormous shock

unclebill98

My mum passed away surrounded by her family in the Mater Hospital. Her big fear was not being able to breath and chocking as it was her lungs that caused her passing. So when she "turned" the hospital staff did there thing, brought us in and we watched her pass away and it was very peaceful if not a sur real experience. I held her hand, she never moved just lay there peacefully till she went. A moment that most people wish they got so I felt very lucky.

Banjo String

My grandad passed away peacefully in his sleep.

Not so for the 35 passengers in his bus he was diving at the time though.

looksee

My mum was sick and elderly, she knew it was time. She spent the day in bed only for the last two days of her life and passed very peacefully - there was absolutely no doubt about that when we saw her - she had had someone with her 24 hours a day for the last few days but managed to be alone - she sent my sister to 'get some rest' - for less than an hour when she passed away.

she was, as always, in charge right till the end. She did it her way!

_Brian

kneemos wrote: »

Does anybody pass away peacefully in their sleep or is it just a case there was nobody around to see the last moments?
Surely if you're dying there's going to be some sort of fighting for breath or chest pain.

Maybe it does happen,just always took it with a pinch of salt.

Can go either way.
Some pass very easy and peacefully. It can be very distressing on everybody when it's not peaceful but usually good hospital or palliative care staff can ease the passing considerably.

Menas

looksee wrote: »

My mum was sick and elderly, she knew it was time. She spent the day in bed only for the last two days of her life and passed very peacefully - there was absolutely no doubt about that when we saw her - she had had someone with her 24 hours a day for the last few days but managed to be alone - she sent my sister to 'get some rest' - for less than an hour when she passed away.

she was, as always, in charge right till the end. She did it her way!

I would love to have that control over my own death. Fair play to her.:)

Tilly

CiDeRmAn wrote: »

Most GPs prefer heart attack, massive tight pressure in the chest and you're gone.
No lingering, becoming more and more dependant and sicker, no wasting away in front of family or, worse still, alone in some antiseptic ward somewhere.

This is how my Dad died and it was the most painful for us as we never got to say goodbye. It's a catch 32. You dont want them to go but if they do, you dont want them to suffer.

Caovyn Lineah

My grandfather died last November, he was always more of a father to me than a grandfather. I was just incredibly proud to call him my grandfather.

He was told last July he had lung cancer and started treatment almost immediately, unfortunately it started to affect his mind and by the time the end came he was a shell of the hero I grew up with.

I was in work and got a phone call from a family member telling me he had taken a turn and they were on the way to the hospital, by the time they got there he was gone. The nurses said he didn't suffer, he was sitting in a chair and just "went". I'm not sure how true that is but it's reassuring to think he went like that.

I'm just happy that I was with him the night before, we had a laugh(as much as we could considering his mind wasn't what it used to be) and as I left his room he grabbed my hand and refused to let go for almost a minute. It's like he knew he was going and wanted to say goodbye like that.

Caovyn Lineah

looksee wrote: »

My mum was sick and elderly, she knew it was time. She spent the day in bed only for the last two days of her life and passed very peacefully - there was absolutely no doubt about that when we saw her - she had had someone with her 24 hours a day for the last few days but managed to be alone - she sent my sister to 'get some rest' - for less than an hour when she passed away.

she was, as always, in charge right till the end. She did it her way!

This is exactly the same as my grandfather, for the time he was in hospital he was never alone. The day he died was the one day none of my family went in to him.

Zanablue

My poor dad died of cancer and for the last few weeks he was in terrible pain even with the morphine. He eventually went into a coma before the end, I was there when he took his last breath and his face seemed peaceful enough. Cancer is an awful disease.

I've been present at the deaths of two people. Both were a peaceful 'petering out'.

Duggy747

We took in our grandmother for a few years when she had alzheimer's, she eventually became a statue as she mentally vanished and we were left with her in a vegetative state.

The last few weeks got worse for her as she could barely eat / hold down food so she went from being a regular heavy-set Irish granny to a scrawny woman by the end.

The mother knew by the state of her one night that she only had a few hours left so she was able to ring the relatives in the middle of the night to come where they were able to be by her side when she died.

A few hard gasps and that was that for her. A sad end to a life, and one way I never ever want to go out, but it was also a relief the whole thing was over.

Rubberlegs

My Dad passed away coming up on 5 years ago now, from a rare form of lung cancer. He had asked for us in the middle of the night so we all went in. He was fully conscious and knew who we were and chatted a bit, though it was hard as he was finding it hard to breathe. He became extremely agitated after a while, saying that he had to go home, and trying to get out of the bed, even though he had lost the use of his legs a few months previously. I think he possibly realised that he was going, and was panicking. At this point we were sent out, and when we came back in he was completely sedated, he never spoke or opened his eyes again. I thank God for whatever they gave him, as he passed peacefully about 15 hours later with us all around him. I shudder to think how distressing those hours would have been otherwise.

listermint

My Grandad cleaned the house went to bed and fell asleep. It was as if he knew he was heading off. He rarely cleaned the house top to bottom. But he did it that day.


And they found him the next day with a smile on his face looking very peaceful asleep in his bed.


Im glad he seemed to do it his own way, and sure hes still here in all our memories and actions.

ShowMeTheCash

I remember a story from an old boy down the road.
He was on his way out family called, his son was the same age as me.

The night he died he joked and laughed like he normally would, made fun of his son for crying like he normally did at one point you could hear him shouting through the house "You ain't getting me yet god!!" laughing like a lunatic..

He calmed down as almost to catch his breath and that was it...
Happened so quick like someone turning out a light....

I think this made is easier funnily enough on the family he was always a joker right to the very end!


My uncle died of caner a few years back, he turned to my mum and said he was scared just before he died that was very upsetting he did not seem like he was in pain just afraid and aware of what was about to happen..

I am honest I do not like the idea of going peacefully.

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Dylan Thomas

_Kaiser_

I have to admit, when the times comes I want a quick (preferably) painless death - ideally in my sleep or so sudden that I don't have to think/worry about it.

The idea of dying a slow, painful death on "treatment" that's almost as bad as the disease, fading away because of a terrible disease like Alzheimers, or worse.. becoming a burden on my loved ones and watching them try to be strong and supportive but torn up as well is not the way I want to go.

It's partly why we need the right to die in such circumstances. If I found myself in a condition where I was unable to look after myself and/or in pain for the time I had left, I'd rather just get it over with.

Chain Smoker

I dunno, my dad's was described as somewhat peaceful but it was more that he was just too tired to fight it and/or lacked a fear of death due to being such a devout Catholic? About ten seconds after everything went quiet he have these three gigantic gasps where his tongue came flying out of his mouth that absolutely horrified me too. Still haven't gotten a clear answer as to whether that is a thing that happens all the time.

It happening in your sleep sounds best anyways. Feel like morphine could be really confusing and distressing if you haven't had it before then.

Conor Bourke

_Brian wrote: »

Can go either way.
Some pass very easy and peacefully. It can be very distressing on everybody when it's not peaceful but usually good hospital or palliative care staff can ease the passing considerably.

This. Unfortunately sometimes people find it difficult to let go but by and large if palliative care services are available in a timely fashion, distressing symptoms at the end of life can be anticipated, planned for and if not eliminated then at least contained somewhat. It's always such a shame when people have the unshaken belief that by involving palliative care it must mean that the person is "on the way out". I know of people who have been receiving palliative care alongside active treatment (chemotherapy/radiotherapy) for upwards of 5 years! Palliative care isn't an interchangeable term for end of life care, though it does incorporate it. It's about helping people to manage distressing symptoms such as pain/nausea/fatigue/breathlessness so that the person can live their life to the fullest for as long as possible.

Caovyn Lineah wrote: »

This is exactly the same as my grandfather, for the time he was in hospital he was never alone. The day he died was the one day none of my family went in to him.

A complete hypothesis here, by all means feel free to discredit me but I've seen this happen so many times. My take on it is that maybe that person just needs to be alone to let themselves go.

It's also a pity that when people think of terminal illness, they think cancer. There are many other terminal illnesses such as COPD, heart failure, kidney failure, MND which don't get talked about in the same way as cancer, but can lead to very distressing deaths if support for symptom management isn't available.

If anyone's interested, there's currently a forum request for a Terminal Illness forum

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2057333271

Jan Laco

ShowMeTheCash wrote: »

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Dylan Thomas

I was only thinking of that poem a few minutes ago. I recently saw Interstellar and was trying to make sense of it.


My grandmother walked past me at home, looking at the ground deep in thought. When she was in the other room we heard a crash. The doctor said she was dead before she hit the ground.

For me, id like to know before and I'd prefer to be outside. I'd love to see the sky rather than a ceiling or some light bulb (if I'd be aware of any surroundings).

Cunning Stunt

So many people mentioning morphine. I have a horrible fear since my fathers death that the high doses of morphine might have just rendered him unable to communicate, rather than completely knocked him out. It might be an irrational fear, I dunno, but I had been talking to him for a while with no response, then I asked him a personal favor and he responded at that very second with a large groan/roar - even though before - and after - he was noisily snoring away...hence my doubts as to what the morphine actually does...

When he did go though, it looked like he went peacefully enough - everyone gathered round - just a few last gaspy breaths, like previous posters have mentioned.

Alpha_zero

Valar Morghulis

Conor Bourke

Cunning Stunt wrote: »

So many people mentioning morphine. I have a horrible fear since my fathers death that the high doses of morphine might have just rendered him unable to communicate, rather than completely knocked him out. It might be an irrational fear, I dunno, but I had been talking to him for a while with no response, then I asked him a personal favor and he responded at that very second with a large groan/roar - even though before - and after - he was noisily snoring away...hence my doubts as to what the morphine actually does...

When he did go though, it looked like he went peacefully enough - everyone gathered round - just a few last gaspy breaths, like previous posters have mentioned.

Without knowing your Dads circumstances, I can only presume that the morphine wasn't to blame. It's got such negative connotations and huge fear surrounds it's use but it and other opiates, if administered appropriately are of huge value, and not just at the end of life. It's entirely possible that simply due to being in the dying phase of his illness, your dad could no longer talk.

I hope you don't think I'm telling you that your experience or belief is wrong, just hoping to put your mind at ease.

Cee-Jay-Cee

My grandmother died in her sleep. No illness or medical history. Her heart simply stopped. I found her in the morning lying in her bed, she looked like she was simply sleeping.

Larbre34

My granda nearly died in his sleep but missed, he got out of bed, was half way through a shave when the heart gave out, fell into the bath into slapstick comedy pose.

I only jest about it because he would have too. He saw some of his own family die after long illnesses and lots of pain and always told us to never let him get like that. He was 81 and never ill in his life up to that point, the perfect innings in my opinion.

Id rather go at 75 with little or no pain than live to be 97 and be a miserable husk praying for the end.

Rubberlegs

My sister had an elderly neighbour who she was very fond of. She was a funny old woman, full of stories and chat. She was found in her chair, glass of whiskey by her side, and her newspaper in her lap. Now there's the way to go

King George VI

73Cat wrote: »

My sister had an elderly neighbour who she was very fond of. She was a funny old woman, full of stories and chat. She was found in her chair, glass of whiskey by her side, and her newspaper in her lap. Now there's the way to go

Sounds very similar to how my great aunt died. I went to her house for lunch as always and she didn't answer the door. I peeked through the letter box in the door and saw she was fast asleep on the couch, which wasn't abnormal. I figured out she was dead when I was screaming and banging he door off it's hinges shouting "HELEN ****ING LET ME IN THE STEW IS GONNA GO COLD!!!" and she budge so I called an ambulance. The ambulance men came and found her with the newspaper and a whiskey next to her. Seemed peaceful so we were all thankful for that.

Isn't it strange how most people are affected by death in some form. Whether it be a loved one or someone we know, and the vast majority of people fear it greatly, yet there's absolutely nothing we can do to stop it. We're all gonna die (Except Bruce Forsyth, he's gonna last forever).

Lollipops23

My Grandad had a massive heart attack while he was counting his money. Really. My Nana was heading out to the bank for him.
What a way to go....

CiDeRmAn

My wife's grandfather passed while in church, at prayer, heart attack AFAIK, his daughters were there at the time.
It was as perfect a way to die as any.
But in my private and professional career I've seen too many unpleasant exits, filled with fear and suffering to suggest that the good way is typical.
Once a CA metastasises it all goes a bit random, and not good.

My aunt, with lung cancer, laboured breathing until it stopped but the look of panic, fills me with sadness even now.

One thing I will say, and I'm an atheist to the bone, but those people nurses, doctors, admin and all staff working in the hospice are the closest thing to saints on this earth.
I've had the humbling experience of contact with them in both personal and professional career and was never anything but stunned by their warmth, kindness and efforts on behalf of the most vulnerable people in our community, both the young and the old.

Call Me Jimmy

God I honestly thought the dying peacefully in your sleep thing was a myth. Some people have mentioned the idea of the person almost consciously having to 'let go'. Reminds me of psychedelic drug trips where it can go bad or good. Usually it will go bad if you can't let go and are trying to hold on and maintain control. Maybe its the same for some forms of death?

I've been thinking about the whole act of dying a lot lately, at least theres a chance it can be peaceful.

Jesus Wept

Lollipops23 wrote: »

My Grandad had a massive heart attack while he was counting his money. Really. My Nana was heading out to the bank for him.
What a way to go....

Was it that there was much more than he expected or much less?

DoYouEvenLift

Everyone would have the choice to pass away peacefully if we legalised euthanasia. It's very selfish that we still prevent people with terminal illnesses from avoiding the downhill struggle and pain and don't allow their families to not have to see the person they love completely eroding away and dying gradually and painfully.

razorblunt

My grandmother passed away about 4 days after she had some sort of mini stroke (perfectly healthy before that). It left the side of her face sloped and she fell into a coma within 48 hours. About a day later we were all around her and her breathing got heavier and heavier as if she was falling into a heavy sleep. The breaths then turned shallower and stopped for a good few seconds, when there was one large exhale, her eyes opened where it seemed she was looking at us and then she was gone. Her face seemed to "reset" to how it was earlier than week pre stroke.

It was surreal but strangely comforting.

Lollipops23

My dad was telling me recently about an old colleague of his (who I would have known)- her son was calling to take her out shopping for the day. When he got there he found her sitting on her sofa, coat and hat ready to be put on and her shopping bags ready to .

goI like to think she was rearing to go and had no clue what was coming.

Lollipops23

The Rodgers wrote: »

Was it that there was much more than he expected or much less?

Haha well his "thing" was to give each of his grandkids a pound coin when we visited, so he always had tonnes of change in the house! After mass on a Sunday he would pop to the shops and break a 20 cos we'd all be down later in the day.

LynnGrace

Yes, I've known people who died peacefully, in their sleep, and as others have described, in some cases, almost as though they waited to be alone, to do so.

CiaranMcDCFC

My Grandfather died the night Ireland beat Italy in USA 94. Was at home by himself and had a few bottles of Guinness and watched the match. Went to bed and never woke up. I found him the next morning (best hangover cure ever!), his hands were crossed and not a piece of bed clothes out of place.

That is how I want to go.

sullivlo

My aunt died in January. Ovarian cancer. She lived in the UK and wanted to die at home. The district nurses were fantastic.

Anyway, we were all there and spent the last days with her. Then we went to sleep and so did she. She asked the time at 11.30 and those were her final words. She never woke up. Her husband was in the bed beside her when she passed so it must have been peaceful because he is a light sleeper.

So it does happen. It's just unfortunate when it happens to those we love and cherish the most.

Frynge

Neighbour had all her family over one Sunday evening and the house was full. She was 104. She left the table after dinner saying she was glad they had all be able to come over and that she was going for a snooze and a dream about tom (husband who died 20 year before). She always had her chair and toms chair was across from it. When she went into the sitting room one of the gran kids was asleep in her chair so she sat in toms chair and went to sleep never to wake again.

blackcard

Was privileged enough to be with my mom when she passed away, I know that is a strange thing to say, but I would
not have liked for her to be alone.Over a period of probably 2 hours, her breathing slowed down bit by bit and I knew she was about to leave so I just held her hand

corner of hells

One of my parents passed away last week after a long illness , peacefully with us all there , in our arms.

We knew the time had come after the nursing staff warned us early in the week saying that my parents breathing was becoming laboured.
It was quiet quick even though time seemed to stand still.

I'm still numb , almost as if I'm watching a film .
I spoken to so many people , drank so many cups of tea and slept so little.