Coming home? Are you thinking about it?

iusedtoknow

Wompa1 wrote: »

It looks like gay marriage will become legal in most states here, though. And it was legal in states in the US before it was legal in Ireland. Even the state I live in that's backwards as f*ck legalized same sex marriage. Also, there's strip clubs everywhere!! The really odd one to me is that you can go to a strip club that doesn't serve alcohol when you're 18 and the girls are completely nude. When you're 21 you can go to one with alcohol and they are only topless. They also use sex to sell everything. I don't think they are too controlling over those aspects...those are those few 'freedoms' that people get whilst other freedoms are stripped away

It is bizarre that in the same state as there being gay marriage, you may live in a county that is officially "dry".

The Corinthian

Wompa1 wrote: »

I don't think they are too controlling over those aspects...

Two words; wardrobe malfunction.

Wompa1

The Corinthian wrote: »

Two words; wardrobe malfunction.

On their most watched broadcast, that's meant to be a family event. I can understand the outrage over that. It did kind of snowball into a very Politcally Correct era. But at the same time you can get raw aspects of life here easily if you opt for it. They have sattelite radio that's cursing and all kinds of stuff 24 hours a day.

You get premium channels for anything your heart desires. Cable is still pretty loose too. Network television got a bit of a watering down. Netflix is an American company...seems like every new episode of Orange is the New Black starts with a sex scene. HBO's programming has a lot of that too.

It's not quite to Germay's level in which most channels switch to soft-core porn after 11pm but I wouldn't call it oppressive or restrictive.

The Corinthian

Wompa1 wrote: »

On their most watched broadcast, that's meant to be a family event. I can understand the outrage over that.

Why? What is so objectionable about a pair of boobs? In most of Europe no one cares - it's only Anglophones who have a problem with them or any kind of nudity.

iusedtoknow

The Corinthian wrote: »

Why? What is so objectionable about a pair of boobs? In most of Europe no one cares - it's only Anglophones who have a problem with them or any kind of nudity.

Puritanism crossed with Beavis and Butthead culture

I was back in Spain last summer and we all went to the beach with my in laws (and I'm talking Spanish style...there was 30 of us) and every single one of the women in our group were topless...along with 90% of the women on the beach. Kids everywhere

A couple weeks ago I was in Hawaii and in a few of the guidebooks there was 1 beach mentioned where nudity was "tolerated" if you were "into that sort of thing."

Wompa1

The Corinthian wrote: »

Why? What is so objectionable about a pair of boobs? In most of Europe no one cares - it's only Anglophones who have a problem with them or any kind of nudity.

How about Italy?

The Irish ladies get them out WHEN in other countries but not at home.

What I've found is it's a comfort thing rather than rule of law. I've seen some ladies topless at pools here but then they were probably European themselves...

Something I noticed when on holiday in Greece and Spain amongst tourists was that you'd see the same ladies topless for the first few days then as they became more familiar with the people around, they would start to cover up. Hanging out at the pool and getting talking to other families or couples. All of a sudden by day 3, the top goes back on.

That's just my theory. Maybe the Spanish and Greek ladies themselves are more comfortable. Honestly, I went to the beach a few times in Zakynthos and there were local girls on the beach but none of them were topless. Only the tourists girls were. (Back in the days of Budget travel holidays, it was all Germans, Brits and Irish..the local ladies would stand out) An Irish girlfriend told me it was due to the attitude of Irish men vs Greek and Spanish men..which I think is BS.

iusedtoknow wrote: »

Puritanism crossed with Beavis and Butthead culture

I was back in Spain last summer and we all went to the beach with my in laws (and I'm talking Spanish style...there was 30 of us) and every single one of the women in our group were topless...along with 90% of the women on the beach. Kids everywhere

A couple weeks ago I was in Hawaii and in a few of the guidebooks there was 1 beach mentioned where nudity was "tolerated" if you were "into that sort of thing."

I'm not sure which Island you went to but that's interesting because I didn't find that Hawaii was very 'American' at all...or Anglo...I also didn't see any topless ladies on the beach. It was a chilled out vibe but everybody was dressed. A really great Polynesian culture

iusedtoknow

Wompa1 wrote: »

How about Italy?

I'm not sure which Island you went to but that's interesting because I didn't find that Hawaii was very 'American' at all...or Anglo...I also didn't see any topless ladies on the beach. It was a chilled out vibe but everybody was dressed. A really great Polynesian culture

Was on the Big Island. I know what you mean about it being Polynesian but it is still definitely the US. Loved it there

The only place I've been that didn't feel American in any way was Puerto Rico. It felt like a banana republic that used USD. It was fun though

Wompa1

iusedtoknow wrote: »

The only place I've been that didn't feel American in any way was Puerto Rico. It felt like a banana republic that used USD. It was fun though

I'd love to go there! Montanna and Maine are meant to be something else. I even find the people in Minnesota to be very different to people in most of the country. It's such a big country

CelticRambler

Wompa1 wrote: »

I heard people on the radio here talking about how if they go out drinking. They make sure their kids don't see them. They might stay in a hotel that night and have the babysitter stay over or have the baby sitter stay over even though they come home.

That sounds like brushing it under the carpet to me - exactly what the Irish "not after 9pm" rule does. It's not like it stops any 12-year-old from experimenting anyway.

Here, it's great to see children tearing around the place at one in the morning knowing that they do see adults drinking and it's no big deal because they're not going to start shouting and roaring and squaring up to each other.

As for the attitude to body parts and natural functions, yeah, that's something I find strange too: looking at UK/Irish/US media getting all steamed up (or titilated) about a nip-slip or skinny dipping or naked bike-riding/rambling/whatever ... yet quite happy to give hours/pages of exposure to a naked Miley Cyrus or Kim Kardashian. For the most part in France, all body parts are considered equal (just don't cover the whole lot in a hijab cos that's offensive. Apparently. :eek: )

Then there's the cursing and swearing. It's always funny hearing Graham Norton's US guests saying "can I say that on TV?" so I think we European's are considerably more tolerant ... but it's a shock when you first hear French primary school teachers cursing in front of their pupils, or supermarket muzak pumping rap complete with all the motherf****rs.

But you get used to it all, which makes "going home" for a couple of weeks like having a foreign holiday, and getting the good buzz that comes with any holiday. That's why I started staying a bit longer; after three/four weeks (especially away from Christmas/Easter holidays and family events) you start to see things how they are and what are your priorities.

Wompa1

CelticRambler wrote: »

Then there's the cursing and swearing. It's always funny hearing Graham Norton's US guests saying "can I say that on TV?" so I think we European's are considerably more tolerant

But again, that could be anywhere. You can't assume if you go on a show on another English tv channel or show that you can curse. Over here there's panel shows or talk shows on premium channels in which they can curse. Or some shows\channels on cable that they can curse. An American coming onto the show, likely doesn't know if it's allowed on that particular channel or show. I'm sure they are not overly surprised when they are told they can curse.

South Park used the word sh!t 162 times in an episode and that show is on cable

The Corinthian

Wompa1 wrote: »

How about Italy?

Relaxed. Not unknown to see a topless woman in an ad on daytime TV - I vaguely remember one for mineral water a few years back.

Anglophone cultures are significantly more puritanical where it comes to things like alcohol and, especially, sex in general. They're also more controlling on how you live your life - there are four countries in the World that have laws surrounding cohabitation and where if you live together long enough you are de facto married or share many of the legal responsibilities, whether you chose to or not. All English speaking.

It's not for everyone. You may feel that the 'wardrobe malfunction' incident was somehow warranted and topless sunbathing may leave you feeling uncomfortable, but others don't and don't particularly feel comfortable living in such cultures.

Jim2007

The Corinthian wrote: »

It's not for everyone. You may feel that the 'wardrobe malfunction' incident was somehow warranted and topless sunbathing may leave you feeling uncomfortable, but others don't and don't particularly feel comfortable living in such cultures.

There is always the Ticino, Swiss organisation with an Italian mentality I usually spend some time there in the autumn.

Jim2007

iusedtoknow wrote: »

A couple weeks ago I was in Hawaii and in a few of the guidebooks there was 1 beach mentioned where nudity was "tolerated" if you were "into that sort of thing."

For a while I worked at a bank that had unisex toilets - the standing joke was that non of the American staff ever used the toilets!!! But they all went of site for coffee at 10:30 and 3:30

The Corinthian

Jim2007 wrote: »

There is always the Ticino, Swiss organisation with an Italian mentality I usually spend some time there in the autumn.

Bit of a non-sequitur to my last post, TBH...

Ticino is the Florida of Switzerland; it's where the Swiss Germans go to retire.

weisses

keithclancy wrote: »

Went back for 6 months to visit Ireland and didn't like it, only felt at home when I got back to NL.

Exactly the opposite here ... I only managed to enjoy it for 5 days going " home" to NL

keithclancy

weisses wrote: »

Exactly the opposite here ... I only managed to enjoy it for 5 days going " home" to NL

Well ... Brabant ... I should have been more specific

Undertow

Interesting article on those connected with the construction industry thinking about heading home!!

Hard to know if its as good as it sounds though. I somehow doubt it, but maybe someone on the ground can enlighten us?!

http://www.irishtimes.com/life-and-style/generation-emigration/building-sector-seeking-rapid-return-of-emigrants-1.2263338

Suaimhneach

Fwiw, I am still bouncing between home and here and home keeps winning, but it's so hard. Here keeps offering better and better opportunities, and I think if just stay a few more years I could save so much! But its so hard being away during weddings and pride and such huge events, and family getting sick...

iusedtoknow

Suaimhneach wrote: »

Fwiw, I am still bouncing between home and here and home keeps winning, but it's so hard. Here keeps offering better and better opportunities, and I think if just stay a few more years I could save so much! But its so hard being away during weddings and pride and such huge events, and family getting sick...

Since I've lived abroad, I've missed 4 weddings, countless birthdays and 2 funerals. However - I married abroad during the recession and 5 of my friends couldn't make it due to the costs (we only lived in Spain, but the recession made people worry more). The weddings I missed, 2 are now split up and the others are still close friends and understood completely why I couldn't make it.

It gets easier to do, and you have to weigh up the long term. We've done it and figured that the long term benefits of staying away are way better than the things we'd get being closer.

But each to their own.

Tom Dunne

I'm currently torturing myself on irishjobs.ie.

In the last few weeks, I've seen three jobs that I would describe as what I would be very interested in. One job in particular, I'm on the verge of of applying.

The wife has banned me from that website.

Undertow

Tom Dunne wrote: »

I'm currently torturing myself on irishjobs.ie.

In the last few weeks, I've seen three jobs that I would describe as what I would be very interested in. One job in particular, I'm on the verge of of applying.

The wife has banned me from that website.

Are you involved in Construction/Engineering Tom? Is it a specific field you're interested in?

Tom Dunne

Undertow wrote: »

Are you involved in Construction/Engineering Tom? Is it a specific field you're interested in?

No, I'm in education.

Suaimhneach

iusedtoknow wrote: »

It gets easier to do, and you have to weigh up the long term. We've done it and figured that the long term benefits of staying away are way better than the things we'd get being closer.

But each to their own.

Definitely each to their own, so thankful for the replies here. Thank you. I think the thing for me is it's been almost three years and it hasnt gotten one bit easier? I've said this earlier in the thread but I think different people have better/different abilities to adapt / power through (and or, little choice).

If I stick it out for five years, will it get better? Even if it doesnt, is it worth it for the $ and the lifestyle for a few more years? <- my every waking thought. Well, it's gotten better lately but sometimes I find it very all consuming!

Tom Dunne wrote: »

I'm currently torturing myself on irishjobs.ie.

In the last few weeks, I've seen three jobs that I would describe as what I would be very interested in. One job in particular, I'm on the verge of of applying.

The wife has banned me from that website.

I dont like that site (flashbacks to decades of using it to find a job), but look a lot on linkedin. Also another bad habit is looking at apartments on daft, every now and then an affordable gem comes up.

Sorry Tom, I cant remember your situation - are you hoping to come back or just homesick?

Edit - actually bothered to look back to page one!

Tom Dunne wrote: »

Yeah, myself and herself have decided we are "on the road home". Maybe not in the immediate term, but almost certainly within the next two years.

I'm living in the Middle East for the past six years and I think it comes to a point where I feel I have achieved as much as I can. Sure, the lifestyle is good, the money is good, the people are great, we have regular visitors and we get home 2-3 times a year, but there is always the longing to go back home for good, a sense that things are really only temporary.

Yeah, I echo this. I feel like my life is on pause here. Pause for good reason (experience, $) but ready to unpause.

FURET

Where are you located, Suaimhneach? Depending on where you are and how much money you're making, and your age, it might be worth it to think of your time in terms of waiting to achieve a certain financial target.

Undertow

Suaimhneach wrote: »

Definitely each to their own, so thankful for the replies here. Thank you. I think the thing for me is it's been almost three years and it hasnt gotten one bit easier? I've said this earlier in the thread but I think different people have better/different abilities to adapt / power through (and or, little choice).

If I stick it out for five years, will it get better? Even if it doesnt, is it worth it for the $ and the lifestyle for a few more years? <- my every waking thought. Well, it's gotten better lately but sometimes I find it very all consuming!

Could have written this myself!

Although I have stuck it out for 5 years! I now just feel that I have enough, certainly of being this far away from home. It's very much been a rollercoaster ride for me personally. I have some great days, particularly when the sun is shining, but I get down a lot too! I've spent most of this year thinking about my next move, and when it consumes you that much, I think you know you have to act upon it.

Suaimhneach

FURET wrote: »

Where are you located, Suaimhneach? Depending on where you are and how much money you're making, and your age, it might be worth it to think of your time in terms of waiting to achieve a certain financial target.

California, and could definitely easily* stay another few years for this to be a smart decision. I have some friends who have plans like this. I cant think of the world this way though... it just feels like if I say "just one more year" that I will literally always be saying it?

But then, even two more years could make a solid difference, the last three certainly have.

But then, I can have a great career in Ireland too. Not as fast paced, not as exciting but still rewarding.

Yeah, welcome to my back and forth!

*if I could ignore my unhappiness

Undertow wrote: »

Could have written this myself!

Although I have stuck it out for 5 years! I now just feel that I have enough, certainly of being this far away from home. It's very much been a rollercoaster ride for me personally. I have some great days, particularly when the sun is shining, but I get down a lot too! I've spent most of this year thinking about my next move, and when it consumes you that much, I think you know you have to act upon it.

Yeah, I think that's what the final straw was for me. Obsessing about it was a clear signal I should just go the fu(k home. I also have great days, which sow the seeds of doubt which also sucks. But enough consistently low days make me sure of going home.

Is your next move to go home, or onwards for a different experience?

Undertow

Suaimhneach wrote: »

Yeah, I think that's what the final straw was for me. Obsessing about it was a clear signal I should just go the fu(k home. I also have great days, which sow the seeds of doubt which also sucks. But enough consistently low days make me sure of going home.

Is your next move to go home, or onwards for a different experience?

A compromise between the 2- probably set up in the UK! The economy seems to be booming, and its close enough that I can take trips home pretty frequently. The best of both worlds eh!

I hear what you're saying about the good times sowing seeds of doubt in your head! It's a constant battle for me too. I've had more low days than good days this year though, so it came to a head back in May and I just bit the bullet and booked a one-way flight out of here for later in the year! It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, but in the couple of months that have passed by since, I can't say I've had any regrets either, so I'm pretty confident now that I've made the right call!

CelticRambler

@Suaimhneach: is there any chance that the company you work for could send you to work in another part of the States for a few months, even a couple of years? I'm working away from my adopted home at the moment and even though it's "only" 350km/4hours away, it's a completely different experience (and one that I can't wait to leave behind).

I'm doing exactly the same work, and have had the chance to practise exactly the same past-time at weekends, as I would at home or anywhere else (have even met some people that I know from events in other places) ... The people are generally friendly, but there's just something about this area that I don't like. Last week, I scooted over to where my next contract takes me and straight away I thought "this is a grand place" and I'm looking forward to Sept/October ... which of course has made it worse for me here in the short term!

The point is, just because you're in "the States" doesn't mean you're in the part of the country that suits you best, and spending a decent length of time in another one might be enough to help resolve those conflicts. Like I said in an earlier post, for me, it was the opposite - a few trial months in Ireland were enough to make me realise that the "sacrifices" weren't all that great after all, and I'm much better off (mentally and financially) where I am.

Wompa1

Suaimhneach wrote: »

California, and could definitely easily* stay another few years for this to be a smart decision. I have some friends who have plans like this. I cant think of the world this way though... it just feels like if I say "just one more year" that I will literally always be saying it?

But then, even two more years could make a solid difference, the last three certainly have.

But then, I can have a great career in Ireland too. Not as fast paced, not as exciting but still rewarding.

Yeah, welcome to my back and forth!

*if I could ignore my unhappiness



Yeah, I think that's what the final straw was for me. Obsessing about it was a clear signal I should just go the fu(k home. I also have great days, which sow the seeds of doubt which also sucks. But enough consistently low days make me sure of going home.

Is your next move to go home, or onwards for a different experience?

Lengthy post, thinking out loud...on a forum...

I'm in Arizona and feel the same as you. I also look on Daft at the price of renting an apartment or buying a house. It's so frustrating.

If I was back in Ireland, I'd probably have saved a bit but not much by now.

Over here, I have saved a lot! And like you said, opportunities keep presenting themselves to me over here. I'm now working 3 jobs. One of which is an executive position. It's crazy! I've gone further than I ever thought I could but also further than I ever intended to. The word career makes me squirm. I don't have dreams of making millions or becoming a CEO or any of that jazz. I don't even want to be in management, never did.

I take nice trips every once in a while (with the limited PTO, I get) but don't spend very much. When I first moved here, I got caught in the trap of eating out pretty much every day and spending hundreds of dollars a month on food. But stopped that over a year ago. I got rid of cable. I really have very little outgoing. So, again, like yourself. Life is on pause a little bit.

It's all with the goal to move home, though. My ideal situation is make enough money to buy a home back in Ireland and get into a position in which all I need to worry about is the cost of living e.g. bills, food and petrol. If I can get that working at McDonalds, I really don't care! I don't need to buy to fill this insatiable Irish need to own my own home. It's so I won't have to pay rent ever again and I know I can retire without the worry of rent in the future

I've had a few recruiters e-mail me about jobs in Dublin but that's not where I want to live. I don't think I could live a modest life there. I'd prefer to live somewhere like Clare...a bit more away from everything. Tranquil. By the Ocean. Beautiful.

I've got an American fiance which complicates things a little for me but she can see how unhappy I am here. I think she's willing to move to Ireland. I'm trying to convince her to go over and then she can become a citizen after 3 or 4 years and go back to college. Something which would cost a fortune here. I think I'd like to have my kids in America, though...which means waiting longer. Getting them an American Social Security and Passport may be worth it to give them opportunities in the future.

My current goal is save as much as possible. Have one or two kids. And move to Ireland in the next 5 years. At that stage. I'll have been here for almost 10 years.

I'm really scared of going home and it not being the same. That 10 years away is too much. I'm also worried that my Fiance will hate it. This causes me as much stress as my jobs do!

Anyways, you're definitely not alone!!

CelticRambler

Saving with a target in mind is a double-edged sword. On the one hand, having something to aim for is certainly a good way of coping with homesickness/lonliness/just-not-rightness; but if aiming for that something is always at the back of your mind, it'll nibble away at everything else that might lead to a long-term plan - like relationships, or just settling down in one place.

My sister is that situation, working in an "international" setting in Germany, with a finanical goal for herself and her family. But she could be anywhere on the planet, has no real life in Germany, spends as much money coming back to Ireland for every holiday as she's saving (always peak fares so as not to take her teenage children out of school) so allowing for inflation, reaching the target takes a little bit longer every year.