Going to Prison.

kneemos

Surely a few ex cons here,so any tips for a novice inmate?
Do's and dont's of the prison world . I'm assuming beating up the biggest guy on the block will get you tenderised or worse.

Digital Solitude

Don't drop the soap

Gmaximum

Don't drop the soap

Lucifer MorningStar

Don't ever smile

Digital Solitude

Gmaximum wrote: »

Don't drop the soap

Well that just shows the maturity/originality of AH

catallus

Lucifer MorningStar wrote: »

Don't ever smile

But a smile brightens up everyone's day!

scudzilla

Don't wipe your arse...at all, it'll keep others away

Lucifer MorningStar

scudzilla wrote: »

Don't wipe your arse...at all, it'll keep others away

In so many ways :pac:

SCOOP 64

Cant be that bad ,look at it as a bit of a break ,meals made for you ,cloths cleaned,
watch a bit TV followed by some exercise, bed early, ready for the same the next day.

Into The Blue

Keep yourself to yourself.
Never have more than 2 smokes on you. Don't accept favors or lends off anyone.
Try not to be last out of a room.
If you see all the prison officers leaving an area at the same time, be on the look out.

kneemos

Into The Blue wrote: »

Keep yourself to yourself.
Never have more than 2 smokes on you. Don't accept favors or lends off anyone.
Try not to be last out of a room.
If you see all the prison officers leaving an area at the same time, be on the look out.

This guy knows.

Sheep Lover

When another inmate drops the soap - it's party time.

jamesbere

Watch prison break, might give you a few idea's

godtabh

There was a thread here years ago about a boardsies experience in prison. I think he went in for assault. Probably 7 or 8 years ago

whatismyname

kneemos wrote: »

Surely a few ex cons here,so any tips for a novice inmate?
Do's and dont's of the prison world . I'm assuming beating up the biggest guy on the block will get you tenderised or worse.

Depends.

Are you meaning that you're heading here

---

> http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=335

I'd say much depends on the prison.

Mountjoy might be much tougher than say Cork prison, although there was a stabbing in Cork in recent weeks.

But no point saying otherwise, even a remand prison like Cork is still a very grim place. I suspect a lot of the "prisons are too soft" brigade have never set foot inside one.

godtabh

This is it.

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=302566

Not sure if he actual went to prison in the end.

seamus

godtabh wrote: »

This is it.

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=302566

Not sure if he actual went to prison in the end.

That's the one I was thinking of. The guy did actually come back and talk about it after spending six months inside IIRC. Great thread.

ThinkProgress

Never been a convict - smart people don't get caught.

But...

Develop a skill that's USEFUL in prison.

This might give you a chance of not being a USEFUL place for people to put their tools!

godtabh

seamus wrote: »

That's the one I was thinking of. The guy did actually come back and talk about it after spending six months inside IIRC. Great thread.

I assume the thread was in Personal Issues as it isnt coming up in search

HardenendMan

Do the wardens bookkeeping. You will get some leniency for this.

Talk to red, he can get you a wee hammer. Put up a poster of a lady that is pleasing on the eye.

Then every night, slowly chip away at the concrete behind the poster.

You will eventually reach the sewage pipes. And the smell will nearly kill you. But you will make it. And red will meet up with you and you two can ride eachother sideways on a little crappy boat.

There's a movie in that story.

Them Thar Hills

Exit the country tonight, don't tell anyone, bring your own soap.

irish coldplayer

learn how to toss salad :eek:

KTR1C

I did a stretch as a guest of the state at one stage, not something you really want to be reminded of.

AM21

godtabh wrote: »

I assume the thread was in Personal Issues as it isnt coming up in search

Anyone have a link to his update on what it was like? Original thread before he went in was very interesting.

Ruu

Watched a great documentary called the Shawshank Redemption, might have a few tips for you...and

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sHjlM5A1jME

DoYouEvenLift

At least "gay for the stay" isn't really as popular in Ireland and UK as it seems to be in USA.


Never been to prison, and I doubt many who've posted advice ITT have either, so I can't really give any advice unless you want opinions of what characters in TV shows and movies I've watched did...but good luck anyway, don't break the law next time!


Did OP say why they're going to prison also?

ThinkProgress

DoYouEvenLift wrote: »

At least "gay for the stay" isn't really as popular in Ireland and UK as it seems to be in USA.


Never been to prison, and I doubt many who've posted advice ITT have either, so I can't really give any advice unless you want opinions of what characters in TV shows and movies I've watched did...but good luck anyway, don't break the law next time!


Did OP say why they're going to prison also?

Better digs than their current place I'd say. Plus free food, gym membership etc.

It's a sweet deal, if you don't mind taking one for the team every now and then!

DoYouEvenLift

ThinkProgress wrote: »

Better digs than their current place I'd say. Plus free food, gym membership etc.

It's a sweet deal, if you don't mind taking one for the team every now and then!

I think it's Norway (definitely one of the Scandinavian countries) that has the cushiest prisons in the world. That guy who went on a killing spree a few years ago has a PS2 and TV in his cell and was recently demanding that they upgrade it to a PS3 because it had better games. Some inmates in other prisons have lovely private dorms with balconies and the whole lot. I can't imagine why anyone there would be homeless when they could easily just pretend to rob a bank and get all those perks, it's a win win either way since you either get lots of cash or free accommodation and food.

Jesus Wept

DoYouEvenLift wrote: »

I think it's Norway (definitely one of the Scandinavian countries) that has the cushiest prisons in the world. That guy who went on a killing spree a few years ago has a PS2 and TV in his cell and was recently demanding that they upgrade it to a PS3 because it had better games. Some inmates in other prisons have lovely private dorms with balconies and the whole lot. I can't imagine why anyone there would be homeless when they could easily just pretend to rob a bank and get all those perks, it's a win win either way since you either get lots of cash or free accommodation and food.

And the lowest risidism rates

DoYouEvenLift

The Rodgers wrote: »

And the lowest risidism rates

That's the best part, they genuinely seem to be able to rehabilitate inmates and make them capable of integrating into society better than they ever could've before entering prison

seamus

godtabh wrote: »

I assume the thread was in Personal Issues as it isnt coming up in search

Here we go:
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2054910611

Edgarfrndly

Everything I needed to know about prison, I learned from this scene.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=86xNR0zQkuQ

Oh, also - there's the courtesy flush.

Naos

When taking a crap, take one foot fully out of your trousers & jocks.

walkingshadow

I heard that in prison they pee in a cup and throw it on you.

OldGoat

The prison officer thread is well worth a read.
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2057333310

harry Bailey esq

DoYouEvenLift wrote: »

That's the best part, they genuinely seem to be able to rehabilitate inmates and make them capable of integrating into society better than they ever could've before entering prison

Spot on about norway,a spanish friend of mine is currently serving 9 years over there for drug traffiking.They use a trust system there.Hes three years into it now and leaves the prison 5 days a week,essentially a free man,and travels into oslo,unaccompanied on public transport where he teaches Spanish and German in a centre for recovering addicts. Proper day release is frequent,indeed he often jokes that he gets more action from the wife than he was before he was locked up!

Jesus Wept

Hope if I do a crime, I go to a jail in Norway. :P

SummerSummit

The Rodgers wrote: »

And the lowest risidism rates

That is wrong. They have the same if not higher recidivism rate then the rest of the developed world.

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=95463948&postcount=83

http://www.ssb.no/en/forskning/discussion-papers/_attachment/166596?_ts=14496f98d88

harry Bailey esq

The Rodgers wrote: »

Hope if I do a crime, I go to a jail in Norway. :P

I hope if I do a crime,I don't get caught

PandaPoo

Naos wrote: »

When taking a crap, take one foot fully out of your trousers & jocks.

I don't get it...

SummerSummit

PandaPoo wrote: »

I don't get it...

So your trousers aren't trapped around your ankles.

folamh

I think that the creators of the Wire should make a show about a former inmate who has spent 20+ years inside and now faces a world that's vastly different to the one they knew before they went to prison. They explored this with Cutty's character, but the theme has enough meat for its own show imo.

Bongalongherb

If its in mountjoy then you will still have to slop-out. You will more than likely have to share a cell with 2/3 other prisoners as well as the place is so overcrowded. The dinners are really nice though, breakfast/lunch/dinner and tea/supper. Keep to yourself and you should be fine.

Trying to sleep at night can be a pain in the arse (pun intended) as your room-mate masturbates in the bed beside you, just pretend you are asleep and it will be over fairly quickly.

corner of hells

Get a borstal spot tattooed on your face and slice yourself from ear to mouth , that type of scar impresses everyone.Maybe do it in the exercise yard or in front of the governor.

Omackeral

Bongalongherb wrote: »

If its in mountjoy then you will still have to slop-out. You will more than likely have to share a cell with 2/3 other prisoners as well as the place is so overcrowded. The dinners are really nice though, breakfast/lunch/dinner and tea/supper. Keep to yourself and you should be fine.

Trying to sleep at night can be a pain in the arse (pun intended) as your room-mate masturbates in the bed beside you, just pretend you are asleep and it will be over fairly quickly.

Untrue. It's all single cell accommodation now and every cell has its own toilet and running water.

Pac1Man

Ok I'll ask it so.

What did you do?

kneemos

Pac1Man wrote: »

Ok I'll ask it so.

What did you do?

Innocent mate.

markc2951

I knew a lad who done 2 years for assault with a baseball bat.hes a very quiet chap just a mad man with drink.

Anyhow he was in wheatfield and made a laugh of disabled prisoner little did he know the disabled guy was good friends with the 'heavys' of that cell block and word got out that he was going to be stabbed while on some landing by this gangster

He ended up apologising and a lot of sobbing and all was forgiven.

corner of hells

kneemos wrote: »

Innocent mate.

Thats what they all say , everyone inside is innocent.

ianuss

Into The Blue wrote: »

Keep yourself to yourself.
Never have more than 2 smokes on you. Don't accept favors or lends off anyone.
Try not to be last out of a room.
If you see all the prison officers leaving an area at the same time, be on the look out.

Why would you not want to be the last to leave a room?