An emotional affair...

HardenendMan

Only gay men have girl friends that they don't fantasise about during a Tom hank.

steddyeddy

Candie wrote: »

If you have a partner but fall in love with someone else and become intimate friends, share confidences, become very close and have an intense attraction, even if not acted upon. Intimacy without the athletics I suppose. It would hurt pretty bad if I had a partner who was emotionally interlocked with someone else, even if the rest of them wasn't interlocking.

This exactly. I had one myself and it was far deeper than the usual physical connection.

HardenendMan

Surely if you get that close to someone then there is something lacking in the relationship with your spouse?

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

HardenendMan wrote: »

Surely if you get that close to someone then there is something lacking in the relationship with your spouse?

Absolutely agree with this

HardenendMan

LexieOnRale wrote: »

Absolutely agree with this

I just couldn't imagine allowing something to go that far. Like I understand to some extent physical affairs. That's a sexual thing. Primal if you like.

But the one thing that I can't understand is developing a deep bond with someone that is not the wife.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

HardenendMan wrote: »

I just couldn't imagine allowing something to go that far. Like I understand to some extent physical affairs. That's a sexual thing. Primal if you like.

But the one thing that I can't understand is developing a deep bond with someone that is not the wife.

I can only talk about my experience with it but when I found myself involved in one, he's actually my oh now, he was in a long term with someone else. I was a bit younger, bit more naieve and was free as a bird, no intention of that changing and I was all about partying, going out, not coming home - typical 17 year old nonsense. He was basically the male version of me, partied a lot but wasn't as free. And was a bit older.

We were not attracted to each other AT ALL. He was too tall and not my type and his current gf was a lady and I was most definitely not. It felt good having a male friend who I knew didn't look at me like that, I felt safe with him, there was no pressure there, didn't care how he saw me because feck it, I wasn't out to impress him.

Just a few months into our friendship, my mother died and I guess that was another side to our friendship. It wasn't 100% carefree anymore, I was a little bit more vulnerable and I guess he looked out for me because I was completely unpredictable and was drinking a lot. Still, he rode the party train with me still and tried keep my spirits up (my glass and my emotions!)

Like I said in my last post, things started to change. He stopped encouraging me to meet guys, he favoured dropping the girlfriend home by 10pm so he could go home and come on msn to talk to me most of the night. This was back in the day before laptops had webcams so we bought those big ugly ones so we could have msn sessions together - ie blowing off college friends and his girlfriend so we could stay in and get smashed together even tho we were in both ends of the country. I was semi involved with a guy from college, and he wasn't overly happy like a friend should be.

So at weekends we would lie to our other halves, that we were going home that weekend, or we had something planned with home friends - and we would go on road trips and just hang out. We went so many cool secret places and we had such a great time. He would confide in me, how she wanted to get more serious, they were 6 years together and she wanted to take it to the next level.
I'd tell him secrets, stuff I could never ever say out loud to another person.

2009 - it all changed. I went to do my j1 that summer. He stayed with her. I got myself into a horrible situation, was so miserable and upset and stressed out. He was willing to leave her and come fly out to where I was to meet me and to make it better. Obviously that was a bit dramatic but we went from being tight (before I left) to being inseparable while I was away.

Just before I came home I went out and got really really drunk. I called him, left him a voice mail and apparently told him I was in love with him. I have no idea, that was a very messy night.

He text me the next day asking how my head was, I'm worried as I didn't remember what I said to him, didn't even remember talking to him, so I asked him what I said. He told me he didn't know, I was so drunk he couldn't understand me. In and around the same time he text me to tell me he was freaking out because he'd gotten so drunk the night before he didn't know if he told the gf about me (there was nothing to tell) or if he just dreamed he had told her.

I came home, and we met up to catch up. We both got drunk and he was being mean or tickling me or something I didn't like - so I told him I hated him. He got all serious and told me he knew I didn't. I ask how he's so sure and he tells me I dropped the L bomb. I'm obviously mortified - he had a gf and that was inappropriate so I told him I was so sorry. He told me not to be sorry, he was glad I said it and that he felt the same. I left and he rang me and he asked me to tell him again, so again - I said it.

That was the beginning of the end for him and her. The following day, or the next day I'm not sure he broke up with her - and straight away told me he loved me too and that it killed him not being able to say "I love you" when I said it to him because he had a girlfriend at that stage and now he didn't and it was a major relief.

So, that's basically it. 3 years of us building up a connection, getting close, closing off from other people and telling each other we loved each other before we had so much as kissed.

I do feel bad for her, I do feel guilty, 6 years of a relationship, she thinks an engagement was on the cards and then boom - dumped.

I do know though, he would never ever cheat on me but I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't be worried wbout him finding another me, another girl he wasn't initially into, and being her best friend

HardenendMan

Wow some story Lexie!

I guess it comes down to he didn't love his ex.

I had an ex who I thought I loved, I cared about her alright. But when it came to the crunch and breakup was happening I wasn't too upset!

Now the wife. My god the thought of breaking up with her is unimaginable!

Saralee4

Sierra Creek wrote: »

I love my wife but breaking up with her wouldn't bother me too much, considering it at the moment.

Huh???

joollyparo

My girl having long hour chats with her "male cousin or even uncles " sets me on edge. Not to talk of her "male friends". I trust my girl but i do not trust a man's intentions.
All this emotional affair issue is plain BS.

TheBeardedLady

joollyparo wrote: »

My girl having long hour chats with her "male cousin or even uncles " sets me on edge. Not to talk of her "male friends". I trust my girl but i do not trust a man's intentions.
All this emotional affair issue is plain BS.

I don't get this. If you trust your woman, then nothing can happen without her consent bar something awful happening to her. I don't buy it, tbh. If I don't trust my boyfriend's female friends, then I must lack trust for him on some level then there'd be nothing to worry about, surely?

steddyeddy

By not trusting you woman you're going to make it more likely for her to cheat IMHO.

Cold War Kid

joollyparo wrote: »

My girl having long hour chats with her "male cousin or even uncles " sets me on edge. Not to talk of her "male friends". I trust my girl but i do not trust a man's intentions.
All this emotional affair issue is plain BS.

But the first part of your post makes it seem as if you think it's something which isn't bullsh1t at all.

Why would you never trust a man's intentions?

TheBeardedLady

Hungry Hyena wrote: »

You can trust your partner but also be self aware enough to know that your are fallible and capable of mistrusting people.

Course. Though I do think if you have a deep mistrust of your partner's friend, there must be a mistrust for your partner on some level. Perhaps not in every case but perhaps you might wonder why your partner is friendly with a person who very obviously fancies them - if you can spot it, why can't he or she.

Edit: I'm only speculating. I've been jealous in the past of a very close female friend of an ex but in hindsight, I didn't trust him. He'd cheated on another ex before me and had cheated on the girl he went out with after me so....

ThinkProgress

joollyparo wrote: »

My girl having long hour chats with her "male cousin or even uncles " sets me on edge. Not to talk of her "male friends". I trust my girl but i do not trust a man's intentions.
All this emotional affair issue is plain BS.

I'd dump someone if they carried on like that.

People's intentions are not as complicated as some like to paint them.

Too many people in relationships are searching for someone different/better. But too selfish to cut their OH adrift. It's just selfish behaviour. Not terribly complicated.

Penny Tration

strobe wrote: »

Not as one may think, an affair that was quite emotional, but an affair of the emotions, rather than the Jenny Thalia.

I've been involved in no fcuking affairs! :mad:

Menas

Jenny Thalia wrote: »

I've been involved in no fcuking affairs! :mad:

Dont be sad, it may happen for you some day.

leakey

I don't normally post, but this one hit a nerve with me. I am in a long term relationship (decade+) long. He is vwry good looking, gets loads of female attention. Doesn't bother me in the least. He has female friends, some very close, again not bothered. He had an emotional affair though, which was absolutely nothing like a normal friendship.

They worked together, in a very small team. It started innocently enough, heard her name mentioned, etc. She broke up with her boyfriend and suddenly I was hearing about her daily. Then he landed home with her one day and they had coffee and cake, which was supposed to be for us. Minor things, which eventually fell into a bigger pattern. Then, he was going into work an hour early and leaving an hour later but going for runs "with the team". He started talking about her all the time. First thing in the morning, he was hoping that she had slept well, last thing at night it was how worried he was about her. He started inviting her to the cinema with us and on his own, to the pub with us and our friends. She hated me on sight and she made me uneasy. I felt like the third wheel. When they were together, it was all in jokes and work references. I felt so uncomfortable but I didn't say anything in case I was just being paranoid and jealous.

I eventually spoke to him and pointed out that we had one evening alone without her and he saw her every day. He got very critical of everything that I did and he was so impatient with me all the time. I was going through some stuff with my family and all he did was tell me that I was a mess and why couldn't I be more like her.

Fast forward a few weeks and they take the day off work together to spend it going site seeing and then drinking. He was so excited to spend the day alone with her. Couldn't wait. I had to call him that day because I needed him to do something. He was so angry with me for interrupting his time with her.

Then, he casually mentioned that they were going away for a three day conference abroad together. At this stage, I hit the roof. I eventually discovered that he was not working two extra hours a day, he was chatting to her. They spent every single lunch, coffee break, etc together. He was running alone with her. He was constantly in contact with her. Someone from work commented on our home. I asked how they knew that when they had never been there. She had invited them over from work one evening. To my home. I was away but he saw nothing at all wrong it. Not his friends either, hers.

I think that the easiest way to describe it was that she was the last thing that he thought of at night and the first thing in the morning. She was his main priority. I was just a hindrance to him spending time with her.

I am sure that nothing physical happened but I am equally sure that they would have fallen into each others arms at that conference. He hid an awful lot from me, clearly cos he knew it wasn't normal or right.

If you believe that emotional affairs don't exist, you are wrong. Thing of it as a slow, intense lead up to a physical affair if you would prefer.

My heart is broken, my confidence shattered. I will never be the same again. He insists that it was completely normal and he did nothing wrong. He can't understand why I would think that it was an emotional affair, because thay aren't real, just in people's heads.

steddyeddy

I know this sounds clichéd but my emotional affair happened because I discovered my soul mate. She definitely wasn't my type although she was considered very good looking. It's just we were cut from the same cloth so to speak.

leakey

leakey wrote: »

I don't normally post, but this one hit a nerve with me. I am in a long term relationship (decade+) long. He is vwry good looking, gets loads of female attention. Doesn't bother me in the least. He has female friends, some very close, again not bothered. He had an emotional affair though, which was absolutely nothing like a normal friendship.

I've been batting for men in this one so far...but afraid your partner is acting like a complete an utter arsehole and you have the patience of a saint. I'm sorry, bringing a woman around to the house with friends while you're away is just wrong wrong wrong. It's like he's flaunting how close he is with her to others. I have female friends, but he has gone way way over the line of what is appropriate.

conorh91

Deleted User wrote: »

I've been batting for men in this one so far...but afraid your partner is acting like a complete an utter arsehole and you have the patience of a saint. I'm sorry, bringing a woman around to the house with friends while you're away is just wrong wrong wrong. It's like he's flaunting how close he is with her to others. I have female friends, but he has gone way way over the line of what is appropriate.

This.

There may be 17 years between us but you surely are another sage Conor.

steddyeddy

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I've been batting for men in this one so far...but afraid your partner is acting like a complete an utter arsehole and you have the patience of a saint. I'm sorry, bringing a woman around to the house with friends while you're away is just wrong wrong wrong. It's like he's flaunting how close he is with her to others. I have female friends, but he has gone way way over the line of what is appropriate.

Yes I agree completely. It does sound like an emotional affair.

leakey

Hungry Hyena wrote: »

I think you need to make it clear to your partners what your personal boundaries are, you aren't comfortable with that behaviour and that's the end of it, if that's not on then you can both go your separate ways. There are no universal boundaries to a relationship, it is up to you and your partner to agree on what is acceptable and what is not.

I made it clear, crystal clear. In fact, I asked him how he would feel if it was the other way around. Not happy was the response I got.

steddyeddy

steddyeddy wrote: »

Yes I agree completely. It does sound like an emotional affair.

I think it sounds more like the build up to a real one.

What he's done is shocking. He was all but flaunting his relationship with that other woman to others. Surely having lunch every day with her, bringing her to the house specifically while she was away, it's almost like a "she's mine". I have friends who have had "proper" affairs but Christ they were at least discreet about it! Rubbing your partner face in it by bringing her out with them? No matter how friendly you are with another woman, you should have enough respect for your own wife or partner to know where the line is.

Penny Tration

leakey wrote: »

I made it clear, crystal clear. In fact, I asked him how he would feel if it was the other way around. Not happy was the response I got.

If he felt remorseful and tried to make things up to you, I could understand you staying with him.

But he believes he's done nothing wrong? And still works with this woman?

Why are you still with him?

leakey

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I've been batting for men in this one so far...but afraid your partner is acting like a complete an utter arsehole and you have the patience of a saint. I'm sorry, bringing a woman around to the house with friends while you're away is just wrong wrong wrong. It's like he's flaunting how close he is with her to others. I have female friends, but he has gone way way over the line of what is appropriate.

I feel like a fool. I am so ashamed and embarrassed. I was so worried about coming across as jealous and pathetic but in fact, I am just pathetic. It wasn't normal at all. We all have friends of the opposite sex. They are friends, the friendship is different to same sex friendship but it is only friendship. This was a completely different thing. I can't describe the subtleties and nuances but everything was different.

beks101

leakey wrote: »

I made it clear, crystal clear. In fact, I asked him how he would feel if it was the other way around. Not happy was the response I got.

What has happened since? Is she still in his life in the same way? Has he cut ties? Is he still prioritizing her?

All of that sounds incredibly hurtful and betraying, tbh I'd sooner get over my OH sleeping with someone else than any of that. I think what would be hardest for me would be the denial and the painting of you as some sort of hysterical, insecure, bat-sh1t crazy possessive girlfriend, just because his betrayal isn't as tangible as if he had jumped into bed with someone else.

I also don't think the other party is innocent in this either. The fact that she actively hated you on sight shows she perceives you to be a threat. You're competition. I think her motives are pretty grim tbh.

leakey

Jenny Thalia wrote: »

If he felt remorseful and tried to make things up to you, I could understand you staying with him.

But he believes he's done nothing wrong? And still works with this woman?

Why are you still with him?

He doesn't. They both moved jobs. I am still here because to be honest, it hit me like a sledge hammer. My whole world changed. I looked back and questioned everything. I have been diagnosed with depression since and I just don't have the strength to leave yet. Getting through the average day, going through the motions from habit is as much as I can manage. It seems ridiculous. I reacted to the whole thing very badly. I couldn't sleep, eat or function. I have never experienced anything like it before.

leakey

leakey wrote: »

I feel like a fool. I am so ashamed and embarrassed. I was so worried about coming across as jealous and pathetic but in fact, I am just pathetic.

No, you were neither. I can't pretend to advise you on some anonymous site, and as I said my sympathy would be with the men in most matters mentioned on this thread. I have friends who are close to women and don't tell their wives when they go out with them. They do it just to avoid rows. I have friends who have had one night stands. I have had friends who have had lengthy affairs. But not one of them has so callously rubbed their wives face in it. Even those having an affair, as strange as it sounds, they have some fundamental respect for their wives and they don't parade the other woman around the place.

steddyeddy

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I think it sounds more like the build up to a real one.

What he's done is shocking. He was all but flaunting his relationship with that other woman to others. Surely having lunch every day with her, bringing her to the house specifically while she was away, it's almost like a "she's mine". I have friends who have had "proper" affairs but Christ they were at least discreet about it! Rubbing your partner face in it by bringing her out with them? No matter how friendly you are with another woman, you should have enough respect for your own wife or partner to know where the line is.

He was a d1ck, no doubt. I'm not downplaying it saying it was an emotional affair. An emotional affair can be harder to deal with than a real one.

leakey

beks101 wrote: »

What has happened since? Is she still in his life in the same way? Has he cut ties? Is he still prioritizing her?

All of that sounds incredibly hurtful and betraying, tbh I'd sooner get over my OH sleeping with someone else than any of that. I think what would be hardest for me would be the denial and the painting of you as some sort of hysterical, insecure, bat-sh1t crazy possessive girlfriend, just because his betrayal isn't as tangible as if he had jumped into bed with someone else.

I also don't think the other party is innocent in this either. The fact that she actively hated you on sight shows she perceives you to be a threat. You're competition. I think her motives are pretty grim tbh.

There was two of them in it. Neither innocent. She is a complete and utter bitch anyway, aside from all this. She deliberately made him feel special and crossed the line again and again. He equally gave her by far too much time and attention and crossed the line again and again.

I insisted that all contact was cut. I got plenty of excuses but I insisted. I fell apart when I found out, so maybe looking at someone every evening who wasn't eating, sleeping and couldn't stop crying did it. He applied for a transfer and got it. He left the company after. It was clearly a very long and hard thing for him to do. I don't have sympathy for him. She saught him out time and again. He moved offices but she was still turning up asking him to go to lunch. He left of his own accord but will admit that she is too intense.

From her perspective, it was really going somewhere and suddenly he was cancelling his attendance at the conference and not spending extra time with her. He transferred suddenly and she probably felt that she had to make a big effort to keep him. Then she turned into the irritating and psycho person.

leakey

leakey wrote: »

There was two of them in it. Neither innocent. She is a complete and utter bitch anyway, aside from all this.

I forgot to add that.

She is obviously a complete boot. She clearly had no respect for you, and not a whole lot of respect for herself either, participating in a game like that.

Penny Tration

I don't envy you leakey, it's a heartbreaking position to be in. I understand not feeling strong enough to leave yet.

However, I think if you reach out to your family and friends, make a plan to leave, and get up and do it, you'll start to feel better. Once the misery of it ending is over, you'll be able to move on.

Right now you're stuck in a miserable existence with a man you had to force to treat you like a human being worthy of respect.

He's dragging you down. The affair might be over, but it took you breaking down in front of him to make him leave his job. You've been diagnosed with depression and he still says he's done nothing wrong!

How are you going to get better with him telling you you're wrong and he's right?

leakey

Thanks for not making me feel crazy. I sometimes can't believe that my life is actually like this. I do need to go. I didn't tell my family much because they were going through enough at the time. I will have to pull myself together and go though. Thanks again.

beks101

Deleted User wrote: »

I forgot to add that.

She is obviously a complete boot. She clearly had no respect for you, and not a whole lot of respect for herself either, participating in a game like that.

I dunno. To be honest, it's not a very PC thing to say but I genuinely believe there are just some people in this world who meet someone who is in a relationship and instead of it being a deterrent, it becomes a challenge. A game. An ego boost in the making. Get the guy/girl to ditch their OH and you've won.

They tend to have similar traits too. Emotionally manipulative. Narcissistic. Don't deal well with No. One face to the person they're interested in and another to the world.

I think you can have a wonderful relationship with someone and still feel insecure if they meet someone like this, because anyone can get sucked in by this type of person. Especially - unfortunately - if they're super hot. They'll use that as a weapon too.

TheBeardedLady

leakey wrote: »

Thanks for not making me feel crazy. I sometimes can't believe that my life is actually like this. I do need to go. I didn't tell my family much because they were going through enough at the time. I will have to pull myself together and go though. Thanks again.

You're not in the slightest bit crazy, Leakey. Any woman or man would feel as you did. I would be really hurt by what your boyfriend did - it's absolutely humiliating. That's the kind of closeness a couple should have. There's close friendships with the opposite sex and there's this.

Saralee4

beks101 wrote: »

I dunno. To be honest, it's not a very PC thing to say but I genuinely believe there are just some people in this world who meet someone who is in a relationship and instead of it being a deterrent, it becomes a challenge. A game. An ego boost in the making. Get the guy/girl to ditch their OH and you've won.

They tend to have similar traits too. Emotionally manipulative. Narcissistic. Don't deal well with No. One face to the person they're interested in and another to the world.

I think you can have a wonderful relationship with someone and still feel insecure if they meet someone like this, because anyone can get sucked in by this type of person. Especially - unfortunately - if they're super hot. They'll use that as a weapon too.

This is very true and obviously we cant really say what the this girl is because we don't know her but very often it is in fact that the man or woman is unavailable that is part of the relationship dynamic.

They went to lunch, running, and had evenings out together but you lived with this man for 10 years probably have been there for him more so than anyone in his life. People get caught up in the flattery and excitement of something new. I bet if they had have got together and lived real life, the excitement would wear off and they would get to know one another's real personalities and it would not have worked- I assume that both of them know this because otherwise he would have left you. If he really loved her he would have left you but he didn't because he knows deep down that it wouldn't work with her however he has not shown much love for you either and leaky you deserve better for yourself.

I hope you have the best of luck with whatever you do in the end.

steddyeddy

I should point out my emotional affair involved both of us being single but dating the odd other person. I just don't know another way to describe it.

TheBeardedLady

steddyeddy wrote: »

I should point out my emotional affair involved both of us being single but dating the odd other person. I just don't know another way to describe it.

Would that be an emotional affair or just a very intense friendship?

steddyeddy

TheBeardedLady wrote: »

Would that be an emotional affair or just a very intense friendship?

We shared a bed, she asked to kiss me, it got extremely close between us to the point where we were in love with each other.

December2012

Beks your boyfriend is behaving abominably. By not acknowledging what he did he is still disrespecting you.

And I would not be surprised if she (and possibly he) is just biding her time.

TheBeardedLady

steddyeddy wrote: »

We shared a bed, she asked to kiss me, it got extremely close between us to the point where we were in love with each other.

But I'm not getting the affair bit if you were both single.

cbyrd

I know that emotional affairs exist. My ex husband was getting a bit distant, started around March, I wasn't really worried, we'd been married 6 years he'd just changed job and we'd moved house. However by may I was getting worried, we went to Scotland with his family, 17 of us. He brought his work laptop and this lead to an argument that he's entitled to his holiday time.
He more or less ignored me the entire holiday, things went from bad to worse and I hadn't a clue what was wrong. Until I got a text message meant for her, while we were having a text argument!

I said nothing but started investigating. Phone records Internet use and then my 7 year old daughter told me, 'daddys girlfriend sounds like auntie K!' my American sis in law. This took me all the way to October when after reading texts he sent and pretending to be him one night I text her. Fcuking idiot gave out to me the next morning... But the thing that scared me most was I apologised :O
Anyway, we worked at it, he agreed to take her off his MySpace account and not have any contact, fast forward to the following February, he asked me if she can come and stay in our house for Patricks day, I was dumbfounded. We had a massive row and I walked out. This got his attention!
So we made up, I had always wanted another baby but he didn't so on my birthday in March we were out and he said we should go for it. Hurrah thought I.
Then my dad got sick again and we decided not to try, but I was already pregnant, end of March. When I was 10 weeks pregnant he asked if a friend from Israel could stay for a few nights, she was over for work ( sister company) I was off my head sick tired and worried about my dad. Who turned up at yhe door? Not the older lady he described.. But a youngish very attractive woman with whom he decided to show round Ireland and not come home for 2 nights..
So. I had said baby, dad died in November when the baby was 10 months, and in drunken grief I got pregnant again in January. The 1 night we slept together in ages. I kept hearing about another woman at work.. Blah
Blah blah.. Eventually I got my act together. I lost weight, and challenged him about these women. He swore blind he never had a physical relationship with any of the 3, but as I pointed out, if I was behaving like this how would he feel? I then asked him to leave.
Regardless if he did get the ride or not. He had no interest being with me. He had no respect for me. Now he's whinging that I moved across the country and the arse followed me..
He didn't want me when he had me though! Numpty

steddyeddy

TheBeardedLady wrote: »

But I'm not getting the affair bit if you were both single.

OK there was times we weren't and her mother didn't approve so we had to keep it secret.

steddyeddy

cbyrd wrote: »

I know that emotional affairs exist. My ex husband was getting a bit distant, started around March, I wasn't really worried, we'd been married 6 years he'd just changed job and we'd moved house. However by may I was getting worried, we went to Scotland with his family, 17 of us. He brought his work laptop and this lead to an argument that he's entitled to his holiday time.
He more or less ignored me the entire holiday, things went from bad to worse and I hadn't a clue what was wrong. Until I got a text message meant for her, while we were having a text argument!

I said nothing but started investigating. Phone records Internet use and then my 7 year old daughter told me, 'daddys girlfriend sounds like auntie K!' my American sis in law. This took me all the way to October when after reading texts he sent and pretending to be him one night I text her. Fcuking idiot gave out to me the next morning... But the thing that scared me most was I apologised :O
Anyway, we worked at it, he agreed to take her off his MySpace account and not have any contact, fast forward to the following February, he asked me if she can come and stay in our house for Patricks day, I was dumbfounded. We had a massive row and I walked out. This got his attention!
So we made up, I had always wanted another baby but he didn't so on my birthday in March we were out and he said we should go for it. Hurrah thought I.
Then my dad got sick again and we decided not to try, but I was already pregnant, end of March. When I was 10 weeks pregnant he asked if a friend from Israel could stay for a few nights, she was over for work ( sister company) I was off my head sick tired and worried about my dad. Who turned up at yhe door? Not the older lady he described.. But a youngish very attractive woman with whom he decided to show round Ireland and not come home for 2 nights..
So. I had said baby, dad died in November when the baby was 10 months, and in drunken grief I got pregnant again in January. The 1 night we slept together in ages. I kept hearing about another woman at work.. Blah
Blah blah.. Eventually I got my act together. I lost weight, and challenged him about these women. He swore blind he never had a physical relationship with any of the 3, but as I pointed out, if I was behaving like this how would he feel? I then asked him to leave.
Regardless if he did get the ride or not. He had no interest being with me. He had no respect for me. Now he's whinging that I moved across the country and the arse followed me..
He didn't want me when he had me though! Numpty

You went through his phone texts and internet messages.

Chris_Bradley

Not sure if this is common among women but I've been told by my missus and a few other girls that an emotional affair would hurt them more than a physical one would.

Menas

Chris_Bradley wrote: »

Not sure if this is common among women but I've been told by my missus and a few other girls that an emotional affair would hurt them more than a physical one would.

I would agree with that, and I am male.

anncoates

I can see the point people are making about an extreme scenario where it's basically falling in love with somebody else but not physically cheating but it will also be used unfairly for people to forbid their partners to have close friends of the opposite sex.

ceadaoin.

steddyeddy wrote: »

You went through his phone texts and internet messages.

Well she had probably spent months being gaslighted - told she was paranoid, crazy and imagining things. The only way to get the truth in these situations is to look for it yourself. Being driven to snoop is clearly the lesser of two evils here. It's typical of the guilty party to deflect blame by making it all about the invasion of privacy though.

Fat Christy

TheBeardedLady wrote: »

How could you distinguish and emotional affair from a good friendship via messages on a phone? What are the tell tale signs? I ask out of genuine curiosity and white wine in the system.

I'm lost too. Would an emotional affair encompass sexting or anything of the sexual kind? How often would the contact need to be if it was of a non-sexual nature.

Hannibal Smith

Fat Christy wrote: »

I'm lost too. Would an emotional affair encompass sexting or anything of the sexual kind? How often would the contact need to be if it was of a non-sexual nature.

The way I see it...its not the frequency with which you text/message. Its if you're hiding it from your partner. It doesnt have to be sexting, but if you're having a conversation with someone that you feel is crossing a line and you wouldnt want your partner to see, thats an emotional affair.