An emotional affair...

eviltwin

Greentopia wrote: »

It's not a grand where they live. And she has family who could look after him while she works.

Yes, poor suffering woman who has not shown any interest in her husband for years having to care for her own child. Oh the unfairness of it!

Equal rights to a home she has not paid a cent for...bull****. I'd like to see you say that if your partner decided they were entitled to half your house thanks very much in a divorce, that you paid the mortgage in full for every month for 10 years.

I never denied she's entitled to some value of the house having raised their child there. Half is nonsense but that's the least bad outcome for him probably.

How do you that's true though? People who cheat lie to everyone including the person they are cheating with. Maybe she is a wagon but you're planning to break up her family so you don't have the moral high ground. She is his wife, the mother of his child, she deserves better treatment than this from you both.

Penny Tration

Greentopia wrote: »

It's not a grand where they live. And she has family who could look after him while she works.

Yes, poor suffering woman who has not shown any interest in her husband for years having to care for her own child. Oh the unfairness of it!

Equal rights to a home she has not paid a cent for...bull****. I'd like to see you say that if your partner decided they were entitled to half your house thanks very much in a divorce, that you paid the mortgage in full for every month for 10 years.

I never denied she's entitled to some value of the house having raised their child there. Half is nonsense but that's the least bad outcome for him probably.

You've known him for a year. You don't know what their marriage was like 'for years.' That's just what he says and what you're foolish and gullible enough to believe.
Classy of you to assume the right thing to do would be for her to dump the kids on family to go work.

Childcare costs about the same everywhere in Ireland.

Greentopia

Saralee4 wrote: »

you said that yourself that he is waiting until the child was older. 10 or 11 I believe you said, and he is now 4 or 5.

Anyway time will tell for you Im sure, best of luck to you.

Thank you.

Glad there are some reasonable people here who are actually reading what I've written and not just rushing to harsh critical judgement writing from the sanctimonious and indignant moral high ground they think they stand on.

Maybe waiting, not sure yet. Obviously I hope not but as I mentioned-if he does decide to stay until his son is 10 or 11 that will be that and I will have to accept it. It's awful but I'll understand why he will do so if that's the decision he will make.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Greentopia wrote: »

yeah, and didn't do it at all for the reason that he might some day be caught out by his wife looking through his contacts list.

I have him under his first name only, maybe I shouldn't tell him I don't have his full name in case he would be insulted and hurt as to why I wouldn't put his full name in my phone! oh noes! :pac:

"Good reason to be jealous". Yes you just blithely post away that crap that I've refuted over and over in posts you can't be bothered to go back and read.

Hey lady. You can drop the attitude with me, it's not my marriage you're trying to ruin. I don't care whether he leaves her for you, strings you along as a mistress for the next 5 or 6 years, or has a different woman every night of the week. No skin off my nose.

You're trying to defend the impossible though. If he was truely unhappy, he would not be willing to put in the next 6 years as the unhappy husband. That's just how it is. Can you imagine being trapped in an unhappy home life for that long? Whether he leaves now or then; it's going to be messy. The child will be just about to approach the teen years, become difficult - will it be another excuse then? Probably be another child by the time that happens too.

You have no idea how he is when he isn't with you. You have no idea how happy their marriage is through stalking her on Facebook. If it comes down to his wife finding out and giving him an ultimatum, it will not be you he chooses. He's stringing you along.

I've been in a situation of sorts like this, as per my previous posts. No marriage or no kids, but he was in long term relationship (6 years) and WITHIN days of acknowledging there was feelings there, he walked away from the relationship. I'm not saying it was more special or real than what you have, I'm not saying that at all because I don't know, but he knew for us to have a future, he would have to **** or get off the pot. He saw a chance to be with someone he loved and he took it.

If this guy was as serious about you, as you are about him, he would not be stringing you along with excuses. He would be excited for your future. The one he was going to build with you. He has a child. He is always going to have a child. He is not going to find it easier to leave when the child is old enough to understand.

The way you're speaking about the wife though, dude - that's the most disgusting part. You're trying to make her sound like a bad person. She isn't the bad one in this situation. You have NO IDEA the dynamics of their relationship, or what she's like. And I think deep down you know you'll always be the other woman, because why else are you so threatened by her?

If by some miracle he does leave her, this woman is going to be a major part of both your lives for ever. She is the mother of the child of the man you love, she deserves some respect - at the very least spare the discussion of her marriage on a message board.

If you're happy being a dirty little secret, that's your business. If you're happy with the man you love getting into another woman's bed every night and spending holidays and occasions by her side, then fair play to you. If you're happy to wait for the next 10 years for an unavailable man, well I pity you. Life's too short to be dealing with that.

ceadaoin.

Greentopia wrote: »

It's not a grand where they live. And she has family who could look after him while she works.

Yes, poor suffering woman who has not shown any interest in her husband for years having to care for her own child. Oh the unfairness of it!

Equal rights to a home she has not paid a cent for...bull****. I'd like to see you say that if your partner decided they were entitled to half your house thanks very much in a divorce, that you paid the mortgage in full for every month for 10 years.

I never denied she's entitled to some value of the house having raised their child there. Half is nonsense but that's the least bad outcome for him probably.

Some people would rather be home raising their child during the early years, there's nothing wrong with that. Obviously they can manage on one wage so if she has that option then good for her. Yes, women and men who choose to put their careers on old are providing a valuable service by saving childcare costs and enabling their spouse to progress in their career unhindered by having to juggle childcare. You might not agree but the courts generally do which is why this is taken into consideration.

Usually this is a mutual decision made by the couple based on what's best for them so I'm sure this couple discussed their options and came to a mutual agreement. I think it's a bit unfair to try and portray her as some sort of sponger. She is raising their child ffs.

You are coming across as bitter now tbh.

beks101

You know who I feel most for? That poor kid. Dad hates Mum so much he’s totally emotionally detached from the relationship, is carrying on behind her back and is determined to continue to raise the child in that atmosphere of hostility and bitterness and coldness and relentless arguments. Because he’s too selfish to own up to his own failings and deal with the consequences.

That’s got to be the first chapter in an Idiot’s Guide on How To Fcuk Up Your Kid and Make Sure He Has No Idea What A Healthy Happy Relationship Looks Like. Seriously. Way to go Mr Integrity. And your respect for this amazing guy is what attracts you to him. Deadly. Fair play.

Greentopia

Deleted User wrote: »

At this stage, I will repeat, I think you are a parody.

I think you are sending up "other women" everywhere with this "sh1tty unfair pro mother" family law system diatribe.

It's far from perfect, but you must know that there are a myriad of reasons why children usually end up with the mother. I am not sure if they was answered before, but are you a mother and did you fight and obtain custody? You also must know that it happens in many countries, it's not some peculiar aspect of Ireland.

Ok. Based on your previous comments I really don't give a fcuk what you think of me. Feel free to jog on in fact.

I'm not a mother. Do I have to go through an experience to have any claims to know something about it? I think not. I know women who are divorced. Not many but I know a few. They got everything they wanted and more from it generally speaking.

I don't care what happens in other countries. In other countries women get stoned to death if they have an affair, should we compare ourselves to that?
your point is not relevant.

eviltwin

Greentopia wrote: »

Thank you.

Glad there are some reasonable people here who are actually reading what I've written and not just rushing to harsh critical judgement writing from the sanctimonious and indignant moral high ground they think they stand on.

Maybe waiting, not sure yet. Obviously I hope not but as I mentioned-if he does decide to stay until his son is 10 or 11 that will be that and I will have to accept it. It's awful but I'll understand why he will do so if that's the decision he will make.

I'm very frustrated with you. Not because of the relationship, as I said before I don't think you set out to do this and I don't think you get any pleasure from it. I'm frustrated because I'm sick of seeing beautiful, amazing women sell themselves short and throw their lot in with someone who is not prepared to make a commitment. I think you're making way too many excuses for him, the 'his wife is a bitch' comments are unjustified, are you desperate to believe she is in order to feel less guilty perhaps? I think you deserve a lot more than being some bit on the side, no matter how great he is you're always going to be the other woman and its not fair to put that burden on yourself.

Greentopia

Tilly wrote: »

It's as clear as the nose of my face that this will go tits up for you. And you've no one to blame but yourself for chasing a married man.

Thank's for that invaluable contribution.

eternal

There are more than likely posters on here who have cheated on their partners and are giving it hell with the high horse attitude.

Tilly

Greentopia wrote: »

Thank's for that invaluable contribution.

Anytime

TheBeardedLady

Comedy interlude:


Knock Knock
Who's There?
Acid!
Acid who?
Acid calm down and be quiet.


:pac:

Greentopia

Greentopia wrote: »

Ok. Based on your previous comments I really don't give a fcuk what you think of me. Feel free to jog on in fact.

The swearing betrays your unhappiness.

As do the bitter remarks you fling at his wife, his child's mother.

As does the diatribe at the legal system for caring so much for mothers.

As does the nonsense he has you spouting...what was that one about sexual intimacy with other women being fine, but emotional infidelity being cheating, when that is the conduct he is engaged in with you.

As does the constant stream of passive aggression and the sighs and roll eyes and ffs type efforts at pretty much every poster who is pointing out that you have no leg to stand on.

Either way, I'll stay and watch. You are not a mod so you can't dictate who posts. I find this long slow car crash as you unravel on an anonymous forum mildly interesting.

Tip though, if you really don't give a flying f, don't keep responding so angrily.

Penny Tration

eternal wrote: »

There are more than likely posters on here who have cheated on their partners and are giving it hell with the high horse attitude.

I haven't anyway, but I'm sure plenty of people have.

Plenty cheat, feel remorse and guilt then fess up and work on the relationship, fess up and the relationship ends, get caught and it ends or they work on it, or say nothing and never allow it to happen again.

What this man is doing is carrying on an affair behind his wife's back, badmouthing her to his mistress, and refusing to free his wife from this sham of a marriage. Quite different.

Tilly

eternal wrote: »

There are more than likely posters on here who have cheated on their partners and are giving it hell with the high horse attitude.

There are also people who have been cheated on, Eternal!

eternal

Tilly wrote: »

There are also people who have been cheated on, Eternal!

Yes, I'm seeing it from their point of view.

Greentopia

eviltwin wrote: »

I think your mad. There are so many decent guys out there who are so single and hassle free. Why are you wasting time on someone who won't commit to you? You said yourself you're an attractive woman, I'm sure you have opportunities to meet men, why put yourself through this, it sounds like a complete mind melt tbh with all the crap he's bringing to the table. Why are you selling yourself so short?

Never said he won't commit. I will know soon enough. Obviously I think he's worth the wait! I already described some of his attributes.

So many decent guys who I have lots in common with, who's character and personality appeals, who are smart and funny and who I find sexually attractive- no, there most certainly are not loads of single men like that out there for me.

Most men my age...actually I've always been in relationships (bar one) where the guy is younger than me (I look about 8 to 10 years younger than I am, so people say, I don't think so but whatever).
Anyway so say men early to late thirties-are either married, divorced with baggage, or they're still single for a good reason-usually one that makes me run a mile in the opposite direction.

Greentopia

eviltwin wrote: »

How do you that's true though? People who cheat lie to everyone including the person they are cheating with. Maybe she is a wagon but you're planning to break up her family so you don't have the moral high ground. She is his wife, the mother of his child, she deserves better treatment than this from you both.

Ok well you obviously know him better than me so. Actually if you did you'd be a lot more understanding of why I want to be with him, but whatever.

I don't pretend I have the high moral ground.

Yes maybe she does but then again she has done nothing to solve any of the problems in her marriage for years, doesn't care that her husband is clearly unhappy (no counselling ever suggested for example) and expects to get more than she should out of a divorce. She doesn't come out of this as lilly white as people like to think either. Two sides!

eviltwin

Greentopia wrote: »

Ok well you obviously know him better than me so. Actually if you did you'd be a lot more understanding of why I want to be with him, but whatever.

I don't pretend I have the high moral ground.

Yes maybe she does but then again she has done nothing to solve any of the problems in her marriage for years, doesn't care that her husband is clearly unhappy (no counselling ever suggested for example) and expects to get more than she should out of a divorce. She doesn't come out of this as lilly white as people like to think either. Two sides!

You only know what he has told you though, you said yourself you don't know her, you haven't had his story confirmed by his friends, you haven't seen them together......I really want to be wrong but I think any person who can lie to their spouse is more than capable of lying to the person they are having an affair with.

Has he met your friends and family, do they know you are in a relationship, do they have an opinion on this?

Greentopia

Jenny Thalia wrote: »

You've known him for a year. You don't know what their marriage was like 'for years.' That's just what he says and what you're foolish and gullible enough to believe.
Classy of you to assume the right thing to do would be for her to dump the kids on family to go work.

Oh you mean like thousands of women have to do who can't afford childcare.
I said it's an option, not necessarily the right thing although I don't see anything wrong with it if both parties are agreeable and needs must.

Not going over the same ground again as to what I know.

Jenny Thalia wrote: »

Childcare costs about the same everywhere in Ireland.

Yeah childcare costs the same in South County Dublin as it does in Leitrim for example. Right. Go read a book or open a newspaper and stop wasting my time with such drivel.

Greentopia

Greentopia wrote: »

..ldoesn't care that her husband is clearly unhappy (no counselling ever suggested for example)..l

What has she said to his requests for counselling?

I mean, you are hardly both blaming her for not raising something he could easily raise.

Tilly

Why are you being so aggressive?

Greentopia

Greentopia wrote: »

Go read a book or open a newspaper and stop wasting my time with such drivel.

And lo the anger doth appear again.

Are you going back to the "I want to tell everyone about my efforts to drag a father of a child away from his family but I will only tolerate nice responses" routine of last night?

Tilly

Tilly wrote: »

Why are you being so aggressive?

Because, ffs, roll eyes, she is so like obviously comfortable in her skin and with what she is doing, and if you can't fxxxing see that to read a book or play with matches or whatever (insert passive aggressive comment).

Penny Tration

Yeah, childcare does cost similar prices everywhere, with small variations. Minimum wage is the same all over Ireland, so even the cheapest option of paying someone is still gonna cost money - money the mother has prevented her husband from having to spend.

Gosh, you're coming across as an angry person. You should look into meditation.

Greentopia

LexieOnRale wrote: »

Hey lady. You can drop the attitude with me, it's not my marriage you're trying to ruin.

i'll have exactly the attitude I consider appropriate thank's.

LexieOnRale wrote: »

I don't care whether he leaves her for you, strings you along as a mistress for the next 5 or 6 years, or has a different woman every night of the week. No skin off my nose.

Oh good, that's one less thing i have to worry about so.

LexieOnRale wrote: »

You're trying to defend the impossible though. If he was truely unhappy, he would not be willing to put in the next 6 years as the unhappy husband. That's just how it is. Can you imagine being trapped in an unhappy home life for that long? Whether he leaves now or then; it's going to be messy. The child will be just about to approach the teen years, become difficult - will it be another excuse then? Probably be another child by the time that happens too.

More amazing insight. Thank you for the veritable pearls of wisdom.
She can't have more kids after she had so much difficulty conceiving the first and she's nearing an age where conceiving a baby will become impossible soon anyway (she's older than him) Oh what, never thought of that?? well you might have known if you'd asked instead didn't jump to fcuking conclusions before being so quick to judge and ranting away on your high horse. Lady.

LexieOnRale wrote: »

You have no idea how he is when he isn't with you. You have no idea how happy their marriage is through stalking her on Facebook. If it comes down to his wife finding out and giving him an ultimatum, it will not be you he chooses. He's stringing you along.

I've been in a situation of sorts like this, as per my previous posts. No marriage or no kids, but he was in long term relationship (6 years) and WITHIN days of acknowledging there was feelings there, he walked away from the relationship. I'm not saying it was more special or real than what you have, I'm not saying that at all because I don't know, but he knew for us to have a future, he would have to **** or get off the pot. He saw a chance to be with someone he loved and he took it.

If this guy was as serious about you, as you are about him, he would not be stringing you along with excuses. He would be excited for your future. The one he was going to build with you. He has a child. He is always going to have a child. He is not going to find it easier to leave when the child is old enough to understand.

The way you're speaking about the wife though, dude - that's the most disgusting part. You're trying to make her sound like a bad person. She isn't the bad one in this situation. You have NO IDEA the dynamics of their relationship, or what she's like. And I think deep down you know you'll always be the other woman, because why else are you so threatened by her?

Already addressed most relevant points in other posts.
I never once said or implied she's a bad person. In fact..fcuk you-copy and paste exactly where I said or implied that or retract that and apologise!

LexieOnRale wrote: »

If by some miracle he does leave her, this woman is going to be a major part of both your lives for ever. She is the mother of the child of the man you love, she deserves some respect - at the very least spare the discussion of her marriage on a message board.

Sigh I know all that. I will respect her if she respects me and would double over backward to do so for the sake of his child.
I'm not mentioning any names or other particulars to protect people's privacy. She has no idea I'm on here. Get some proportion and spare me the sanctimony please.

LexieOnRale wrote: »

If you're happy being a dirty little secret, that's your business. If you're happy with the man you love getting into another woman's bed every night and spending holidays and occasions by her side, then fair play to you. If you're happy to wait for the next 10 years for an unavailable man, well I pity you. Life's too short to be dealing with that.

Yes it is, fully agree. Good job I never said I'm willing to wait a year more never mind ten more years isn't it?? :rolleyes:

Baggy Trousers

Interesting as this thread was, I think it's time to close it now.

Greentopia

Greentopia wrote: »

More amazing insight. Thank you for the veritable pearls of wisdom.
She can't have more kids after she had so much difficulty conceiving the first and she's nearing an age where conceiving a baby will become impossible soon anyway (she's older than him) Oh what, never thought of that?? well you might have known if you'd asked instead didn't jump to fcuking conclusions before being so quick to judge and ranting away on your high horse. Lady.

More of that nasty anger.

Must tack that onto your rap sheet. The analysis of her ability to bear children. It makes him sound ever more charming, that he would go into that with you.

Baggy Trousers

Baggy Trousers wrote: »

Interesting as this thread was, I think it's time to close it now.

Ah no, we could squeeze another day out of this car crash.

She has just plumbed a new depth in her self justification for wrestling a married man away from his family. His loon of a jealous wife and her childbearing prospects.

Could the fact that she has a child be the source of all this evident unhappiness and bitterness, Greentopia?

eviltwin

Deleted User wrote: »

Ah no, we could squeeze another day out of this car crash.

She has just plumbed a new depth in her self justification for wrestling a married man away from his family. His loon of a jealous wife and her childbearing prospects.

Could the fact that she has a child be the source of all this evident unhappiness and bitterness, Greentopia?

Give the girl a break Conor, your hounding of her on this thread is really unnecessary.

Greentopia

ceadaoin. wrote: »

Some people would rather be home raising their child during the early years, there's nothing wrong with that. Obviously they can manage on one wage so if she has that option then good for her. Yes, women and men who choose to put their careers on old are providing a valuable service by saving childcare costs and enabling their spouse to progress in their career unhindered by having to juggle childcare. You might not agree but the courts generally do which is why this is taken into consideration.

Yes, I know that's taken into consideration.
I wouldn't consider it at all fair or equal to contribute nothing financially to the household for years while my partner goes out to work to pay all the bills. I'm too independent to expect someone else to pay my half of a mortgage or bills and would feel it grossly unfair not to even have a P/T job to be able to contribute, but that's me.
Children don't suffer from being put in childcare for at least a few hours every week.

And manage is the word, but only barely. He has nothing left over for himself when everything is paid for each month. I've seen the car he drives, the clothes he wears, he's not making that up. She could be contributing something but chooses not to because she wants the luxury not afforded to him of being a stay at home full time mother.

LexieOnRale wrote: »

You are coming across as bitter now tbh.

She's not a sponger but she is unfairly taking advantage of the situation I believe. I have nothing to be bitter about. It will either work out or it won't. It's not like I've waited years for the guy and he's been giving me empty promises he never keeps. No promises from either of us. He knows I'll jump ship if he doesn't commit soon, but I'll be there for him as a friend still if that's what he wants because he's a decent guy who deserves a friend at least to be able to open up to.

worded

This is interesting on affairs and infidelity

http://www.ted.com/talks/esther_perel_rethinking_infidelity_a_talk_for_anyone_who_has_ever_loved

eviltwin

Greentopia wrote: »

Yes, I know that's taken into consideration.
I wouldn't consider it at all fair or equal to contribute nothing financially to the household for years while my partner goes out to work to pay all the bills. I'm too independent to expect someone else to pay my half of a mortgage or bills and would feel it grossly unfair not to even have a P/T job to be able to contribute, but that's me.
Children don't suffer from being put in childcare for at least a few hours every week.

And manage is the word, but only barely. He has nothing left over for himself when everything is paid for each month. I've seen the car he drives, the clothes he wears, he's not making that up. She could be contributing something but chooses not to because she wants the luxury not afforded to him of being a stay at home full time mother.




She's not a sponger but she is unfairly taking advantage of the situation I believe. I have nothing to be bitter about. It will either work out or it won't. It's not like I've waited years for the guy and he's been giving me empty promises he never keeps. No promises from either of us. He knows I'll jump ship if he doesn't commit soon, but I'll be there for him as a friend still if that's what he wants because he's a decent guy who deserves a friend at least to be able to open up to.

I can understand why that all annoys you but its really none of your business. Whatever arrangement they have or had is nothing to do with you. Don't get all angry with her on his behalf, he's a grown up, if its really been an issue he should have been dealing with it. Its really horrible that he is bitching about her to you, even if its all true what does that say about the kind of man he is that he will turn to someone else for comfort rather than tackle the issue head on?

Greentopia

beks101 wrote: »

You know who I feel most for? That poor kid. Dad hates Mum so much he’s totally emotionally detached from the relationship, is carrying on behind her back and is determined to continue to raise the child in that atmosphere of hostility and bitterness and coldness and relentless arguments. Because he’s too selfish to own up to his own failings and deal with the consequences.

His own failings, and what would they be? being a good provider and father? being there every moment he can for his son?
There are consequences also for the child if he leaves the house. No Dad around in the evenings when he comes home from work. Access a few days a week and alternate weekends if he's lucky. I understand completely why he's unhappy about the prospect of that.

beks101 wrote: »

That’s got to be the first chapter in an Idiot’s Guide on How To Fcuk Up Your Kid and Make Sure He Has No Idea What A Healthy Happy Relationship Looks Like. Seriously. Way to go Mr Integrity. And your respect for this amazing guy is what attracts you to him. Deadly. Fair play.

Yes because coming from a broken home doesn't leave any trauma or scars or have any repercussions for a father son relationship.

Have you gone through that? unless you have I don't think you're in any position to judge the man for wanting to be with his son and protect him from the breakup of his parents marriage.

Greentopia

eviltwin wrote: »

You only know what he has told you though, you said yourself you don't know her, you haven't had his story confirmed by his friends, you haven't seen them together......I really want to be wrong but I think any person who can lie to their spouse is more than capable of lying to the person they are having an affair with.

Ok. You think I'm going to go to his friends and ask them to confirm information he's told me? who would they think I am for a start to be asking questions like that? that involve his relations with his wife. it wouldn't raise any suspicions that a woman who's not his wife is asking questions of his friends about him? yeah, think that one through a bit more.

I don't live in the same place they do, that's why I haven't seen them together.

eviltwin wrote: »

Has he met your friends and family, do they know you are in a relationship, do they have an opinion on this?

I don't have family to speak of. A few distant relatives is all. My closest friends know about him and one has met him. They like him. One friend thinks it's no-one else's business and just wants me to be happy and will support me no matter what. Another would like me to meet someone who's available but again understands my situation having explained it thoroughly to her. None of them condemn me or think badly of me.
They know I'm not trying to hurt anyone and can't help who I've fallen for (the first friend mentioned said that too actually) and just hope it will work out well for me.

Greentopia, I understand why you're defensive and I also understand peoples animus towards you, especially in the way you deride his wife, a woman you've never met and are relying on information on from a man you know is a liar. But as you say you've fallen for him, and I hope the situation is resolved with as little hurt as possible, because one thing is certain, there is going to be devastation. It might be just you, or it might be his wife and his little child, but there will be suffering.

If it was me in this situation, I would like to think that I would choose not to be the reason that it's a little child who suffers. Sometimes your own happiness isn't the most important or honourable thing to to chase.

I would ask you to take off your blinkers and think of the situation in ten years, if you and he start a life together. It will be very hard for you to feel secure in a relationship with a man who lies. If you ever have a child with him, you'll know that he's as capable of leaving that child as he is the little boy he has now. If you ever see an unknown number or initials come up when his phone rings, a part of you will always wonder. He does not sound like a good man, even as you try to portray him as such. Be very careful.

Strobe closed his account

Greentopia

eviltwin wrote: »

I'm very frustrated with you. Not because of the relationship, as I said before I don't think you set out to do this and I don't think you get any pleasure from it. I'm frustrated because I'm sick of seeing beautiful, amazing women sell themselves short and throw their lot in with someone who is not prepared to make a commitment. I think you're making way too many excuses for him, the 'his wife is a bitch' comments are unjustified, are you desperate to believe she is in order to feel less guilty perhaps? I think you deserve a lot more than being some bit on the side, no matter how great he is you're always going to be the other woman and its not fair to put that burden on yourself.

Thank you for the reasoned measured comment at least and I can tell you mean well for me.

No, I'm not desperate to think she's a bitch. Maybe she's not. But some of her behaviour (that I've mentioned) at least gives cause for concern IMO.
I wouldn't automatically think she must be a bitch because she's his wife! that would be churlish and immature. I have reasons to have reservations about the opinions I hold about her though.

I don't see myself in such demeaning terms as 'bit on the side'. If I thought for a second that was his opinion of me do you think I'd want to be with him?? don't you think me capable of seeing through men who treat women like that and seeing it for what it is? just because I'm mad about this guy doesn't mean I've lost all judgement and ability to assess his character. I'm not blinded by love to any faults I see.

I'm quite perceptive when it comes to judging the character of someone and if I have my suspicions I keep my distance or don't allow them into my life. There are no red flags with him that give me cause to think he's being anything other than decent honest and sincere.

eviltwin

Candie wrote: »

If it was me in this situation, I would like to think that I would choose not to be the reason that it's a little child who suffers. Sometimes your own happiness isn't the most important or honourable thing to to chase.

I couldn't agree more. There are many more men out there for Greentopia but this little boy only has one dad. I think the honorable thing to do would be to let him go and hopefully he will work on his marriage or at least end it in an honest way. Anything else is just selfish.

Greentopia

Deleted User wrote: »

The swearing betrays your unhappiness.

Yes, that's the only possible reason I could be swearing at you. Because I'm unhappy. Jesus wept. It couldn't be because you're being a complete and utter...no, I won't say what I really think. Don't want to get banned.

Deleted User wrote: »

Either way, I'll stay and watch. You are not a mod so you can't dictate who posts. I find this long slow car crash as you unravel on an anonymous forum mildly interesting.

No indeed I'm not a mod, or the boss of you even. My suggestion to you to jog on was just that- a suggestion. Do as you wish Conor old chap.

The rest of the diatribe is just more of the same I've heard from you.

Deleted User wrote: »

Tip though, if you really don't give a flying f, don't keep responding so angrily.

I'll respond whatever way I see fit and appropriate to the response I get.

eviltwin

Greentopia wrote: »

Thank you for the reasoned measured comment at least and I can tell you mean well for me.

No, I'm not desperate to think she's a bitch. Maybe she's not. But some of her behaviour (that I've mentioned) at least gives cause for concern IMO.
I wouldn't automatically think she must be a bitch because she's his wife! that would be churlish and immature. I have reasons to have reservations and the opinions I hold about her though.

I don't see myself in such demeaning terms as 'bit on the side'. If I thought for a second that was his opinion of me do you think I'd want to be with him?? don't you think me capable of seeing through men who treat women like that and seeing it for what it is? just because I'm mad about this guy doesn't mean I've lost all judgement and ability to assess his character. I'm not blinded by love to any faults I see.

I'm quite perceptive when it comes to judging the character of someone and if I have my suspicions I keep my distance or don't allow them into my life. There are no red flags with him that give me cause to think he's being anything other than decent honest and sincere.

I don't think your stupid but you're human and who doesn't make allowances for the ones they love? We all do. Its usually okay because its an equal relationship and they do the same for us but you don't have an equal relationship, he has all the power. He has a public life with his family and a secret one with you, he doesn't have you involved with his family or friends, you don't have the opportunity to see him as he really is and form an opinion that way. He's calling the shots here and you're letting him!! And you can say its because you want him to be able to end it the right way for the sake of his son but that's just an excuse, if things are really that terrible at home its not doing his son any favours to drag it out. It sounds like a line so you can't blame people for thinking he's taking advantage of you.

steddyeddy

LexieOnRale wrote: »

I find it hard to grasp that there is always that "spark" there in an emotional thing. I honestly don't think that's always the case, otherwise isn't that just a crush that's either not reciprocated and someone's hurt, or its taken to the next level, be that sharing a moment or actually having sex.

I can only understand from my own limited experience that it started out as just friends, no sexual attraction there on either side initally, over years it just so happened we got closer and closer and closer, both ignoring the feelings - I know towards the end I really felt it, felt maybe he did too but it was never something we discussed as an option, talked about, never took it further physically, the most would probably have just been a hug or something.

I think this can make it even deeper because it's like it's almost up on top of you before you realise it. There's someone you like hanging out with, aren't attracted to, so you don't care if they see you in bits, you don't care if you have to puke and they're there or you've no makeup on, or you call over to his house in your pjs because you couldn't be bothered getting dressed, it's only him sure. There is no pressure there at all, and they're seeing the good the bad and the ugly. And they're accepting you for the emotionally unpredictable bitch that you are because with that one person - your best friend - you don't have to filter it.

And then, by the time you realise how deep you're in, you a) don't want to be without them b) know you can't have them so keep quiet and c) are worried any change at all would ruin the best friendship you've ever had.

At least when your friends with someone that there's a spark there from the start, you're somewhat more composed, you'll make more of an effort and there'll be that little part of you that wants something more.

I think emotionally it can sneak up on you and you can ignore it far more than when it's something physical

I went through all of them Lexie. I'm not sure I couldn't have her though she did ask to marry me. It's just I didn't want to ruin the friendship but at the same time I got jealous when she was with other men.

Greentopia

Jenny Thalia wrote: »

Yeah, childcare does cost similar prices everywhere, with small variations. Minimum wage is the same all over Ireland, so even the cheapest option of paying someone is still gonna cost money - money the mother has prevented her husband from having to spend.

Yeah you're right. Oh no... wait...what does this say?:

http://www.eumom.ie/baby/how-much-does-childcare-cost-in-ireland/

"The cost of sending your child to Crèche varies throughout the country, depending on the location, facility, staff and whether they offer full and part time placements and sibling discounts. - See more at: http://www.eumom.ie/baby/how-much-does-childcare-cost-in-ireland/#sthash.7gKlmsyR.dpuf"

Jenny Thalia wrote: »

Gosh, you're coming across as an angry person. You should look into meditation.

I do meditate. Helps me to deal with idiots who don't read my posts online, who think they know correct information but are then proven wrong, and those who come across as sanctimonious dicks.

Fat Christy

Candie wrote: »

Strobe closed his account

I hate when posters do that. Especially posters you're friends with.

The Backwards Man

Threads like this make me glad I have the sex appeal of a bag of spuds.

eternal

The Backwards Man wrote: »

Threads like this make me glad I have the sex appeal of a bag of spuds.

Cute Donegal Rooster.

kfallon

Fat Christy wrote: »

I hate when posters do that. Especially posters you're friends with.

There's obviously a trend there...... :pac:

The Backwards Man

eternal wrote: »

Cute Donegal Rooster.

Maris Piper. Plant them, grow them, dig them, cook them, eat them. No complications, no handlings.

Fat Christy

kfallon wrote: »

There's obviously a trend there...... :pac:

They might leave....but they always come back. It's like taking a square of chocolate and leaving the bar. You tell yourself one square will satisfy you but you always find yourself going back to finish the bar. True story.

PARlance

The Backwards Man wrote: »

Maris Piper. Plant them, grow them, dig them, cook them, eat them. No complications, no handlings.

Have you ever had an emotional affair with a Kerr Pink?