An emotional affair...

PARlance

Fat Christy wrote: »

They might leave....but they always come back. It's like taking a square of chocolate and leaving the bar. You tell yourself one square will satisfy you but you always find yourself going back to finish the bar. True story.

That's a terrible analogy! The bar is gone, gone forever, like your friends.

Fat Christy

PARlance wrote: »

That's a terrible analogy! The bar is gone, gone forever, like your friends.

Oh shut it! :mad:

The Backwards Man

PARlance wrote: »

Have you ever had an emotional affair with a Kerr Pink?

Pinks are like childhood memories of summer holidays, you only remember the good ones.

Greentopia

eviltwin wrote: »

I can understand why that all annoys you but its really none of your business. Whatever arrangement they have or had is nothing to do with you. Don't get all angry with her on his behalf, he's a grown up, if its really been an issue he should have been dealing with it. Its really horrible that he is bitching about her to you, even if its all true what does that say about the kind of man he is that he will turn to someone else for comfort rather than tackle the issue head on?

Maybe not but I can form an opinion on it if I want. I don't tell him how wrong I think it is of her to stay at home while he works. You're right, it is his choice to allow that situation and if he felt it unfair could have done something about it perhaps.

He's not bitching about her to me. He doesn't have any malice at all in regard to her. That's not the type of person he is. He's just sad and wants out of a marriage he feels has run it's course. 20 years is a long time to be with the same person!

haveringchick

Greentopia wrote: »

That will become more apparent in time I should imagine if we continue seeing each other. Or should I contact her right now to ascertain her side of the story and have things completely blow up and she throws him out of his house taking his son with her? Yes his house that he pays the mortgage for on his own because she's not working despite being fit and well.



He doesn't and has never bad mouthed his wife to me. Telling me his marriage is over and he doesn't love his wife =/= bad mouthing her. He simply tells me factually what's been going on with her in the marriage.

I can tell you right away what's going on in his marriage right at this very moment.
Your boyfriend is at home making love to his wife. He's kissing her mouth and stroking her face and telling her how much he adores her and how happy she makes him. And their little boy sleeps.peacefully in his bed. And you will wait and hope and stew and seeth and take any crumbs he tosses in your direction.

Greentopia

Candie wrote: »

Greentopia, I understand why you're defensive and I also understand peoples animus towards you, especially in the way you deride his wife, a woman you've never met and are relying on information on from a man you know is a liar. But as you say you've fallen for him, and I hope the situation is resolved with as little hurt as possible, because one thing is certain, there is going to be devastation. It might be just you, or it might be his wife and his little child, but there will be suffering.

A man I know is a liar? he's never once lied to me, therefore no, I don't consider him a liar. He's shown honesty and openness to me at every turn in fact.

Candie wrote: »

If it was me in this situation, I would like to think that I would choose not to be the reason that it's a little child who suffers. Sometimes your own happiness isn't the most important or honourable thing to to chase.

Look, I've said this already-he intends to leave his wife regardless of being with me or not for his own reasons. The only question is when. This will not be the woman he grows old with. That I would bet my life on. Whether it's me or not is to be decided.

Candie wrote: »

I would ask you to take off your blinkers and think of the situation in ten years, if you and he start a life together. It will be very hard for you to feel secure in a relationship with a man who lies. If you ever have a child with him, you'll know that he's as capable of leaving that child as he is the little boy he has now. If you ever see an unknown number or initials come up when his phone rings, a part of you will always wonder. He does not sound like a good man, even as you try to portray him as such. Be very careful.

Again with the 'liar' comment. Given how it's such an obvious emotional wrench he's going through deciding what to do for the best for himself and his son and how to reconcile the two I would say the last thing in the world he would ever do is leave another child. Especially one by a woman he loves.

I have no fear of being cheated on if I know a guy loves me. Never happened to me. Yes ok I'll put that qualifier...that I know of

I'm far from perfect...obviously! but I am very loyal and loving and I treat a partner with respect and kindness. And I know how to keep and retain a man's interest. And that's all I'll say about that!

Greentopia

eviltwin wrote: »

I don't think your stupid but you're human and who doesn't make allowances for the ones they love? We all do. Its usually okay because its an equal relationship and they do the same for us but you don't have an equal relationship, he has all the power. He has a public life with his family and a secret one with you, he doesn't have you involved with his family or friends, you don't have the opportunity to see him as he really is and form an opinion that way. He's calling the shots here and you're letting him!! And you can say its because you want him to be able to end it the right way for the sake of his son but that's just an excuse, if things are really that terrible at home its not doing his son any favours to drag it out. It sounds like a line so you can't blame people for thinking he's taking advantage of you.

I don't see it as him having power. I think he's trapped in a very powerless situation actually. I retain the power to say enough and call it a day if I don't get the answers I need soon, I'm not some pathetic fool willing to do anything to be with 'ma man'. Do I make some allowances? yes probably, but not to the extent that I'm being a fool to myself for allowing him to pull the wool over my eyes. I have a strong sense of self-preservation.

It's not a line, I promise you that. The situation is exactly as I've describe it. I wish people here knew who he was and could judge for themselves instead of relying on me to tell them as obviously I must come across as biased. It's frustrating!

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Oh my god, I'm sad for humanity

Greentopia

The Backwards Man wrote: »

Threads like this make me glad I have the sex appeal of a bag of spuds.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Genuine question. If he hasn't left her in 20 years why do you think he will in the next year?

hatrickpatrick

I object strongly to the concept. It's only used by people who think that being in a relationship means your partners loses the right to have their own life and their own friends, particularly of the opposite sex. "Emotional cheating" means sharing intimate thoughts - fears, hopes, whatever - with someone of the opposite sex other than your partner. And it's generally only used by people who fully deserve to be "cheated on" in such a manner, because they themselves have become cynical, bitter, and hostile to such conversations.

Maybe that's just me. I've only ever heard emotional affair accusations come from people who have become such bitter nags in their relationships that their partners can't talk to them about anything without getting an unwarranted verbal assault or earful. And those who throw the term around generally know full well that they've become insufferable moans.

tl;dr, when someone is alleged to have had an emotional affair, it's usually because their partner's conversational interactions with them have become comparable to Joan Burton's performance on Vincent Browne before the last election.

EDIT: One does not simply reply to an OP without first checking where the conversation has since gone. :eek:

O_O
*backs away very slowly*

Greentopia

haveringchick wrote: »

I can tell you right away what's going on in his marriage right at this very moment.
Your boyfriend is at home making love to his wife. He's kissing her mouth and stroking her face and telling her how much he adores her and how happy she makes him. And their little boy sleeps.peacefully in his bed. And you will wait and hope and stew and seeth and take any crumbs he tosses in your direction.

Thats's cute. How do you know so much oh wise one when you don't know any of the people involved? you wouldn't be just making sh1t up to try to make me feel bad now would you?

Won't work I'm afraid. I know the actuality of the situation and it's a million miles from your scenario, and the nasty words of some stranger on the internet I've never even had a post from before is not going to cause me any concern let me assure you of that

hatrickpatrick

Greentopia wrote: »

Thats's cute. How do you know so much oh wise one when you don't know any of the people involved? you wouldn't be just making sh1t up to try to make me feel bad now would you?

Won't work I'm afraid. I know the actuality of the situation and it's a million miles from your scenario, and the nasty words of some stranger on the internet I've never even had a post from before is not going to cause me any concern let me assure you of that

Haven't read the thread, but to be fair one does not simply talk about something serious on AH and expect people not to rip the piss.

AH users (including myself) do only two things with piss: rip it, and blast things with it.

worded

worded wrote: »

This is interesting on affairs and infidelity

http://www.ted.com/talks/esther_perel_rethinking_infidelity_a_talk_for_anyone_who_has_ever_loved

Anyone listened to this?

I think its a very interesting talk

Greentopia

LexieOnRale wrote: »

Genuine question. If he hasn't left her in 20 years why do you think he will in the next year?

Genuine answer? because his marriage hasn't been in the crapper for 20 years. He must've been happy with her for some of those years at least. He married her after all.

And because he tells me he wants to now after years of not being happy. His relationship with his wife has deteriorated since after xmas so he feels it more acutely now.

Greentopia

hatrickpatrick wrote: »

Haven't read the thread, but to be fair one does not simply talk about something serious on AH and expect people not to rip the piss.

AH users (including myself) do only two things with piss: rip it, and blast things with it.

I know what ripping the piss is. I know what nasty comments designed to make me feel bad are. I can tell the difference.

Me here on AH long time

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

I don't think anyone wants to make you feel bad greentopia, but he is in someone else's bed when he's making you feel special and you are in deep with him. Would he be ok with you sleeping next to someone tonight? Probably not, eh.

hatrickpatrick

Greentopia wrote: »

I know what ripping the piss is. I know what nasty comments designed to make me feel bad are. I can tell the difference.

Me here on AH long time

But what about blasting with piss? This is an option I feel you have not considered, both in the context of the thread and indeed in the context of the situation you're talking about in here

Smidge

Have read the thread but didn't wade in..till now
Greentopia, I'm curious, how old are you?
I'm not here to take sides or moral high grounds but just a few observations...
I get you feel a bit ganged up on. Partly thats because its an emotive issue. Partly(and I have to be honest here)your posts haven't come across as that of a pleasant, reasonable person(not saying you are not that, just that your posts are coming off terribly abrasive and I can see how that would put peoples backs up).

I think with age, you know that things are not always black or white in love and life sadly.
But, if you want to be heard and understood, a bit of compassion and empathy to his wife and child may not go amiss(not saying you have to be best buds).
They, no matter what you think, are innocent in the proceedings.
And, if you and he do end up together, you would be best advised to keep your own countenance regarding the mother of his child.
She will ALWAYS be the mother of his child and will be in your lives.

You will do well to keep this in mind.

Could anyone find, in all Greentopia's posts, a sign of any real...happiness?

From a few years back...

<snip>removed trawled post</snip>

Does he know your antipathy for children and determination not to settle with one person (both completely legitimate and valid outlooks)? Could your evident dislike for his wife not simply stem from the fact that, in her determination to be a mum and fighting so hard to get there, and indeed a wife, she is simply a very different person to you? And that, fuelled by the fact that she has the man you want (even though you alarmingly called him "my guy") makes you resent her irrationally?

worded

Mate poaching is an interesting one.

I heard a taxi driver say married men tend to have less STDs as well and are better for flings as they are less needy for one night stands, ie good for career woman looking for a ride now and again. Couldn't believe my ears but it sounds plausible.

Anyway give this a read on "mate poaching" and google it for lots more info.
All the good ones are taken, so go break up a marraige with kids for one?
I think its despicable carry on, but it def goes on.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/apologies-freud/201210/why-women-want-married-men

Penny Tration

hatrickpatrick wrote: »

I object strongly to the concept. It's only used by people who think that being in a relationship means your partners loses the right to have their own life and their own friends, particularly of the opposite sex. "Emotional cheating" means sharing intimate thoughts - fears, hopes, whatever - with someone of the opposite sex other than your partner. And it's generally only used by people who fully deserve to be "cheated on" in such a manner, because they themselves have become cynical, bitter, and hostile to such conversations.

Maybe that's just me. I've only ever heard emotional affair accusations come from people who have become such bitter nags in their relationships that their partners can't talk to them about anything without getting an unwarranted verbal assault or earful. And those who throw the term around generally know full well that they've become insufferable moans.

tl;dr, when someone is alleged to have had an emotional affair, it's usually because their partner's conversational interactions with them have become comparable to Joan Burton's performance on Vincent Browne before the last election.

EDIT: One does not simply reply to an OP without first checking where the conversation has since gone. :eek:

O_O
*backs away very slowly*

I've been with someone who was having an "emotional affair," and it had precisely zero to do with me being a nag.

I was 21, so very happy, excitable, fun to be around.

His friend used to sit on his lap, suggest porn sites to him, show him pictures she'd taken of herself in only underwear to get his opinion, etc.

I said nothing precisely because I didn't want to be seen as a nag!

When he started seeing her 5 nights a week, stopped sleeping with me and I was lucky to have an hour per week of his time, I knew I was being had.

Turns out that aside from the emotional stuff with her, he was banging two women behind my back and had fcuked an acquaintance a few years previously, when we were only together 6 months.

It can happen, and it's not the hurt party's fault.

Emotional closelness is cool. I don't give a fcuk who my boyfriend shares his feelings and emotions with. It's natural to friends of either sex to talk about these things with. Emotional affairs are more than spilling your guts to a mate

haveringchick

Greentopia wrote: »

Thats's cute. How do you know so much oh wise one when you don't know any of the people involved? you wouldn't be just making sh1t up to try to make me feel bad now would you?

Won't work I'm afraid. I know the actuality of the situation and it's a million miles from your scenario, and the nasty words of some stranger on the internet I've never even had a post from before is not going to cause me any concern let me assure you of that

"I know the actuality of the situation". LOL. You know the lies that he drip feeds you.
Did he text you last night before he got into bed with his wife and slept all night snuggled up to her?
" nite babe xoxo"
While you locked up your place and went to bed alone and lay there in the dark alone.
Relationship deteriorated since Christmas. Sure.
You spent Christmas without him while he enjoyed his family his Christmas tree Christmas food and drink Christmas music relatives but most of all the magic of Santa.
You got a text. "happy xmas babe xoxo".
Instead of being your usual supportive sympathetic loving self you were jealous and lonely and hurt. So in order to keep you available for a sneaky shag he's had to up the tales of misery about his home life that uou swallow so easily.
New Year Eve where was he? Where were you?
Easter? St Patricks Day? Not with you!
End it now. Get your own family.

FindersKeepers

I'm far from perfect...obviously! but I am very loyal and loving and I treat a partner with respect and kindness. And I know how to keep and retain a man's interest. And that's all I'll say about that![/QUOTE]

Clearly not if you can't even bag yourself a single man.

I think your a bit up yourself beyond the point of even offering advice. This bloke could say mass by the sounds of it and you'll believe him.

homerjay2005

Links234 wrote: »

Huh, never heard of this before, I guess you learn something new every day.

just another thing invented by woman to beat men with.

Tilly

homerjay2005 wrote: »

just another thing invented by woman to beat men with.

No, it's actually not!

anncoates

worded wrote: »

I heard a taxi driver say married men tend to have less STDs as well and are better for flings as they are less needy for one night stands,

Was (s)he moonlighing in the taxi between working in an STD clinic?

Neyite

worded wrote: »

I heard a taxi driver say married men tend to have less STDs as well and are better for flings as they are less needy for one night stands, ie good for career woman looking for a ride now and again. Couldn't believe my ears but it sounds plausible.

Well if a taxi driver says it, it must be true. :pac:

Boom_Bap

Deleted User wrote: »

Could anyone find, in all Greentopia's posts, a sign of any real...happiness?

From a few years back...

MOD NOTE - Please dont drag posts from older threads into this one please

PandaPoo

I feel like it's an insult to kind, decent, loyal men everywhere to have this married man described as decent and honest. It's an absolute joke.

If I ever spout such embarrassing nonsense, please...Feel free to just put me down.

I'm married, stay at home mother, probably will be for another ten years or so. Glad to see I'm a sponger in the eyes of some

Lagraso

In any relationship you have to define the boundaries yourself, there are no universal boundaries. Too many people just assume their partners know what their boundaries are.

Greentopia

Smidge wrote: »

Have read the thread but didn't wade in..till now
Greentopia, I'm curious, how old are you?

Why? sorry but I don't want to give specific personal details. Early forties is sufficient I think.

Smidge wrote: »

I get you feel a bit ganged up on. Partly thats because its an emotive issue.

I can handle that. It's more frustrating that some people can't be bothered to read what I've already posted before commenting and repeat the same points over and over again when I've already addressed what they've asked or said.

Smidge wrote: »

Partly(and I have to be honest here)your posts haven't come across as that of a pleasant, reasonable person(not saying you are not that, just that your posts are coming off terribly abrasive and I can see how that would put peoples backs up).

Sorry you've got that impression. I think I've been civil and fair with those who've been civil, fair and reasonable with me-eviltwin, Candie, Saralee4, This Fat Girl Runs, for example. Even if some of those people disagree with what I'm doing they were able to put their points across in a way that wasn't nasty or insulting.
Can't say the same for haveringchick or Conor74.
Perhaps you might like to read my comments to evil twin etc. and then read some of the bitchy, provocative, baiting comments haveringchick and Conor74 made to and about me before coming to the conclusion that I'm the one that's unreasonable, unpleasant and abrasive.

Smidge wrote: »

I think with age, you know that things are not always black or white in love and life sadly.
But, if you want to be heard and understood, a bit of compassion and empathy to his wife and child may not go amiss(not saying you have to be best buds).
They, no matter what you think, are innocent in the proceedings.
And, if you and he do end up together, you would be best advised to keep your own countenance regarding the mother of his child.
She will ALWAYS be the mother of his child and will be in your lives.

You will do well to keep this in mind.

Someone else raised the point about empathy and I've replied.

I know how to handle situations like this. I was with a divorced man for 6 years (not because of me! I met him after he was legally separated) and he has two kids. I don't have kids of my own but I have plenty of experience being the 'step-Mum'. Obviously you don't bad mouth the mother to her child, or indeed to the ex-husband. I never did that with my ex or his kids and don't intend to start now.
Give me some credit for having the smarts to realise how damaging and counter productive for all that would be.

Greentopia

Greentopia wrote: »

Sorry you've got that impression. I think I've been civil and fair with those who've been civil, fair and reasonable with me-eviltwin, Candie, Saralee4, This Fat Girl Runs, for example. Even if some of those people disagree with what I'm doing they were able to put their points across in a way that wasn't nasty or insulting.
Can't say the same for haveringchick or Conor74.
Perhaps you might like to read my comments to evil twin etc. and then read some of the bitchy, provocative, baiting comments haveringchick and Conor74 made to and about me before coming to the conclusion that I'm the one that's unreasonable, unpleasant and abrasive.

Well, you are the one trying to lure a married man away from his 20 year old marriage and 4 year old son.

And you are the one who has not missed one opportunity to have a go at his poor wife, who nearly everyone here has pointed out deserves, on the face of it, sympathy for putting up with him.

I merely pondered if she was really the jealous one. Is she at home with her husband and child and house raging at you, as you are at her?

As for nasty, you were the one who laughably suggested I was motivated because my wife must be having an affair. Don't dish it out if you can't take it.

Greentopia

LexieOnRale wrote: »

I don't think anyone wants to make you feel bad greentopia, but he is in someone else's bed when he's making you feel special and you are in deep with him. Would he be ok with you sleeping next to someone tonight? Probably not, eh.

There very definitely are at least two people on this thread who absolutely do.

Being in someone's bed with somebody he doesn't love doesn't bother me. Really it doesn't. Like I mentioned previously-I have no problem with a mutually agreed scenario whereby a partner sleeps with other women if it's just sex so why would I have a problem with my present guy sleeping with his wife when all they're doing is sharing a bed? and even if they were still having sex it's me he has feelings for. That's what's important, not who he has loveless sex with.


I really don't think some people understand my feelings about this and jump to conclusions that I must be jealous (or post pitiful spiteful comments trying to induce sadness and jealousy in me at him being with his wife, sharing a bed and holidays with her etc).

Would he be ok with sleeping next to someone else tonight... I'm not sure to be honest. I know he's not the jealous type but he'd probably be concerned about why I'd sleep with someone else, yes.

Tilly

Greentopia wrote: »

I have no problem with a mutually agreed scenario whereby a partner sleeps with other women if it's just sex so why would I have a problem with my present guy sleeping with his wife when all they're doing is sharing a bed? and even if they were still having sex it's me he has feelings for. That's what's important, not who he has loveless sex with.

You're happy that the person you love has sex with someone else and not you?

Greentopia

FindersKeepers wrote: »

I'm far from perfect...obviously! but I am very loyal and loving and I treat a partner with respect and kindness. And I know how to keep and retain a man's interest. And that's all I'll say about that!

FindersKeepers wrote: »

Clearly not if you can't even bag yourself a single man.

Nothing to do with not being able to get a single man. I'm very particular is the reason why I'm not with one. But again I've addressed that.

FindersKeepers wrote: »

I think your a bit up yourself beyond the point of even offering advice. This bloke could say mass by the sounds of it and you'll believe him.

A bit up myself... I was just being honest, didn't mean to come across as big headed or something, I'm really not.

Greentopia

Deleted User wrote: »

Well, you are the one trying to lure a married man away from his 20 year old marriage and 4 year old son.

And you are the one who has not missed one opportunity to have a go at his poor wife, who nearly everyone here has pointed out deserves, on the face of it, sympathy for putting up with him.

I merely pondered if she was really the jealous one. Is she at home with her husband and child and house raging at you, as you are at her?

As for nasty, you were the one who laughably suggested I was motivated because my wife must be having an affair. Don't dish it out if you can't take it.

I have nothing further to say to you. I don't know why you keep posting comments to me when I've stopped replying to you pages back. You obviously have a bee in your bonnet about me for whatever reason-I can guess what the reason might be but I really don't care.
I will ignore any further posts from you because of the nature of your comments to me from the start.

Greentopia

Greentopia wrote: »

I have nothing further to say to you. I don't know why you keep posting comments to me when I've stopped replying to you pages back. You obviously have a bee in your bonnet about me for whatever reason-I can guess what the reason might be but I really don't care.
I will ignore any further posts from you because of the nature of your comments to me from the start.

That why you posted so much about me on this very page and got rather agitated? Post 336, as you seem to have forgotten it.

I don't know you. You are an anonymous poster revelling in her - failing- efforts to take a married man away from his wife and kid. That's no biggie, plenty of ye out there. The bit that has me sitting back, popcorn in hand, is watching the whole anger you have for his wife unfold, oblivious to the fact that not one poster here has supported you in that angle. It's very ugly.

Greentopia

Tilly wrote: »

You're happy that the person you love has sex with someone else and not you?

First of all the guy I'm seeing is not having sex with his wife. But even if he was as I said it wouldn't mean anything because it's loveless sex. I wouldn't be unhappy about it because I don't suffer from sexual jealousy. It's the truth of the matter. I know some people would have a hard time believing that, that's fair enough, but it's how I've felt for a long time.

I don't get to dictate to any man I'm with who he should and shouldn't have sex with if it's what he wants. I'm an Anarchist (Left Libertarian) and it's part of my Libertarian beliefs.
Forcing someone to be sexually monogamous for me is authoritarian and unacceptable for me and removes their right as an autonomous being with free will to do as they wish with their body. I'm not bound by and I fundamentally disagree with conventional thinking and morality on the subject.

Now do you understand? sorry for dragging politics into it but it's the only way I can explain where I'm coming from.

How he feels about me is what's important, our trust in each other trust and our emotional fidelity. If and when the time is right and things work out we'll have sex.

Hope that explains things better.

SwanV

I'd say your age there is a little white lie.

cbyrd

steddyeddy wrote:

You went through his phone texts and internet messages.

Yes, I'm afraid I was reduced to trying to find out what was going on. It doesn't make sense when one of your children tells you that ' daddys girlfriend sounds like auntie K ' my American sis in law, and yet he's telling me that it's work related. Thing is that these Skype calls were happening on Saturday mornings just after I left for work, Skype, text, phonecalls and chatrooms. For nine months. But I only discovered because he sent me a text with her name in it, during a text row while I was at work, this is why I started to investigate, the text didn't match with a work colleague!

Greentopia

Ok think I'm done and said all I want to, unfollowing thread- studying to do.

Hannibal Smith

Greentopia wrote: »

First of all the guy I'm seeing is not having sex with his wife. But even if he was as I said it wouldn't mean anything because it's loveless sex. I wouldn't be unhappy about it because I don't suffer from sexual jealousy. It's the truth of the matter. I know some people would have a hard time believing that, that's fair enough, but it's how I've felt for a long time.

I don't get to dictate to any man I'm with who he should and shouldn't have sex with if it's what he wants. I'm an Anarchist (Left Libertarian) and it's part of my Libertarian beliefs.
Forcing someone to be sexually monogamous for me is authoritarian and unacceptable for me and removes their right as an autonomous being with free will to do as they wish with their body. I'm not bound by and I fundamentally disagree with conventional thinking and morality on the subject.

Now do you understand? sorry for dragging politics into it but it's the only way I can explain where I'm coming from.

How he feels about me is what's important, our trust in each other trust and our emotional fidelity. If and when the time is right and things work out we'll have sex.

Hope that explains things better.

If that is truly your belief then why not keep the relationship as it is? You the secret woman on the side, him at home with his wife. That way the man you love so much wont be visibly upset anymore by the thoughts of leaving his kid and you get what you want. Why are you saying earlier in the thread that if he doesnt leave, you'll move on?

eviltwin

Greentopia wrote: »

Ok think I'm done and said all I want to, unfollowing thread- studying to do.

Thanks for sharing your story. I don't agree with what your doing but I think some of the treatment you've gotten here is terrible. It's always interesting to hear stories like yours, best of luck going forward x

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Maybe I'm broken but when I love someone, the thoughts of sleeping with someone else just wouldn't even cross my mind. There's been times when I've been single, and still had strong feelings for someone, and in an attempt to move on, attempted one night stands, but it's like a mental block. I personally can't get my head around sleeping with someone on a regular basis but loving someone else. I'm not saying it doesn't happen, it just seems like trying to put a square shape into a round hole

Fat Christy

eviltwin wrote: »

Thanks for sharing your story. I don't agree with what your doing but I think some of the treatment you've gotten here is terrible. It's always interesting to hear stories like yours, best of luck going forward x

I'm the same. Reading this thread I don't agree either with the whole situation but at the same time, I feel bad that this poster was ganged up on. Some of the comments were uncalled for. There is a thing called a measured and civil response without getting petty digs in.

haveringchick

Greentopia wrote: »

First of all the guy I'm seeing is not having sex with his wife. But even if he was as I said it wouldn't mean anything because it's loveless sex. I wouldn't be unhappy about it because I don't suffer from sexual jealousy. It's the truth of the matter. I know some people would have a hard time believing that, that's fair enough, but it's how I've felt for a long time.

I don't get to dictate to any man I'm with who he should and shouldn't have sex with if it's what he wants. I'm an Anarchist (Left Libertarian) and it's part of my Libertarian beliefs.
Forcing someone to be sexually monogamous for me is authoritarian and unacceptable for me and removes their right as an autonomous being with free will to do as they wish with their body. I'm not bound by and I fundamentally disagree with conventional thinking and morality on the subject.

Now do you understand? sorry for dragging politics into it but it's the only way I can explain where I'm coming from.

How he feels about me is what's important, our trust in each other trust and our emotional fidelity. If and when the time is right and things work out we'll have sex.

Hope that explains things better.

Oh boy did this guy strike lucky with you. He's now got a bit on the side who is so arrogant regarding her character judgment skills that she simply believes every bit of nonsense he spouts, whose political leaning mean that she won't object to him enjoying sex with others!
And the poor little boy and his mother are victims in this sad little scenario.
When you picture you and he, together at last, do you picture his little boy, waiting for his dad to come home?

Baggy Trousers

haveringchick wrote: »

Oh boy did this guy strike lucky with you. He's now got a bit on the side who is so arrogant regarding her character judgment skills that she simply believes every bit of nonsense he spouts, whose political leaning mean that she won't object to him enjoying sex with others!
And the poor little boy and his mother are victims in this sad little scenario.
When you picture you and he, together at last, do you picture his little boy, waiting for his dad to come home?

Bloody hell that's a very very high horse, give it a rest and stop baiting.

Baggy Trousers

My 2c.

All relationships need constant "work". All of them. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship. All relationships go through bad times. All of them. It usually happens when the couple are not working at their relationship and communication becomes poor. It will become a spiral unless the couple acknowledge the loss of connection and start working again. Resentment kills relationships. I don't know much about emotional affairs but an affair will often result if one or both partners is not getting their needs met. It happens. But an affair does not mean the relationship cant be mended. Once the couple start communicating again and working, a relationship can blossom again, even stronger than before. My advice - work on your relationships...constantly.

IrishWandering

This is a question for the 'Loose Women' or 'Midday' gang.