Struggling with college - not sure if should continue?

jj288988

Hi guys, I'm going to apologise in advance because I feel this in going to end in me going on a rant but I need help so please do read.
Ok so I'm doing Primary School Teaching in St. Pats Drumcondra, and I'm after finishing my second year and I have two more to go. I absolutely love the place (well it has its flaws, but everywhere does) and I've made great friends and really enjoy myself there, the problem is I actually don't know if I want to be a teacher. I've been on teaching practice and it went really well last year but that's because I was doing it in the school I went to at home. However this year I was placed in Dublin, and to be honest it was nothing short of hell, the teacher was lovely and very accommodating and the class were really nice, but I just couln't hack it, I was getting about one - two hours sleep every night up until three or four and then awake at five. I was just so unprepared and stressed, I didn't know what I was meant to be doing and was absolutely wrecked at the end of the day and each morning my hands would be shaking going into the school, just terrified - of having to teach in front of the class teacher and of being inspected. I had three inspections, the first one went quite well, and then for the next two I had the same inspector for both, the second was okay she just pointed out what I should improve on but the third one was a complete and utter disaster, I'm lucky I just didn't fall apart on the spot - but I didn't want to give her the satisfaction! I know for sure she would have failed me if I was being marked but its only pass/fail so hopefully...(still haven't gotten the results) I was on edge for the rest of the week even though I knew the chances of being inspected were slim to none. I was so grateful to walk out of that school on that last Friday. But the thing is the school was closed one of the days and I now have to make it up before the end of the month and I'm sick to the stomach with the thoughts of it, I'm not going back to that school - I don't know where to go but I just can't handle the thoughts of having to step into a strangers classroom for one day and teach in front of them, I'm just terrified of having to do it again. But here's where it gets really complicated - I've NO idea what I want to do with my life, I know this probably sounds selfish but the only reason I'm doing teaching is because my parents want me to, and my sister is a teacher, I've never really wanted to do it but I said it would - I thought it would be a nice job to have because of the holidays!! But I don't know if I can do any more teaching practice, the only thing that keeps me going is being in college, in class with my friends but now in third year I'm going to be on teaching practice until Christmas and I won't be in class til February and its scary, I'm already having nightmares about the teaching practice. I know I could drop out but if I said that to my parents it would end in a huge fight, especially considering I don't know what I want to actually do, I thought about just doing an arts degree after my LC but my parents wouldn't let me because they frown upon it as you don't get a proper degree or aren't guaranteed a job. I don't actually mind teaching and I thought I would be okay once I got finished and had my own class and no-one else was watching me, but now I'm even doubting that. I see the work that my sister puts into it and the stress of it all and I don't know what to do. I really don't think I can go through teaching practice from September til Christmas this year and then in fourth year from January til June, I still have two years left but only two of them semesters will be in college and I'm just dreading teaching!! What should I do??

Konata

Hi jj288988. I've read through your whole post and I think it might be better off in a forum such as Personal Issues. It would seem you need some advice on direction and career path, rather than strictly a question/advice about St. Pats. Would you like me to move this thread for you, or would you rather leave it here? I might add that PI is also a much busier forum and more likely to get some good responses.

jj288988

Konata wrote: »

Hi jj288988. I've read through your whole post and I think it might be better off in a forum such as Personal Issues. It would seem you need some advice on direction and career path, rather than strictly a question/advice about St. Pats. Would you like me to move this thread for you, or would you rather leave it here? I might add that PI is also a much busier forum and more likely to get some good responses.

Yeah that would be great if you could move it, thanks

Konata

Thread moved to Personal Issues.

Mr. Incognito

1. Paragraphs are your friend. That is VERY hard to read

2. Issues over teaching. You are new. You will be crap. You will learn, or you will continue to be crap. Nothing ever comes naturally. We all have to learn everything.

3. What you want to do with your life, you are like what -20? No-one knows. Plough through, teaching is a good starting point to a lot of other careers.

gline

Your parents shouldnt be dictating what you do with YOUR life. Because at the end of the day you have to live with your decisions. Doing a degree for someone else never really works out, most people cant do that and get any enjoyment from it.
What are your interests? If you could do anything in your life what would you gravitate towards?
Do you have the option to take a year out of college to get see what your options are maybe?
If you are dreading doing the teaching semesters that much, you will not do your health any favours, be careful that you dont end up a nervous wreck, it will effect everything in your life

Toto Wolfcastle

If the problem is that you don't want to be a teacher, then the best thing would be to drop out and take some time to figure out what you want to do. There's no shame in dropping out and your parents will understand. I always thought my parents would go mental if one of us dropped out but when my brother decided his course wasn't for him they were fine with it. The thing about teaching is that it's quite a demanding job that you really shouldn't do unless you love it. The holidays don't make up for the amount of work you have to put in inside and outside school. It can be very stressful.

If you think you might like to continue and might actually enjoy teaching, and your problem is that you don't know what you're supposed to be doing, that can be solved. You're a student. If you are in the classroom with no idea what to do, and you have genuinely made an effort to learn all you can in college, then someone is not doing their job properly. Do you have a mentor you can talk to or a teaching practice coordinator? Has the class teacher given you his/her plans for the year so that you know what you're supposed to be teaching? Have you actually been taught how to teach? It sounds strange, but when I finished my teaching course I felt that they hadn't really taught me much about how to actually teach. There was a lot of learning on the job. Talk to someone. Tell them that you don't know what you're supposed to be doing. Better to do it now than to end up with your own class without a clue.

Don't underestimate the effect a bad inspection can have on you and your confidence. That is something that can stay with your for years if you let it. It's one inspection. These things happen. It's how you deal with it afterwards that matters. Figure out what went wrong and how you can prevent it happening again.

But again, if you genuinely don't want to teach, there really is no point in continuing. It's not like other courses where you're in college the whole time and you come out with a degree that you may or may not use. You'll have to go through the very thing that you don't want to do if you continue. There is no avoiding the teaching practice, and if your heart is not in it and you're stressed about it you're not going to perform well. That's unfair to the children and to yourself. No point in finishing the degree just to have one but not doing well because you got a bad teaching practice grade.

Best of luck with it.

castaway_lady

It sounds like its much deeper than inspection anxiety for you OP. There's nothing in your post that says this job is for you. I have several friends who are primary teachers and all found college intensive but they knew the job was for them so that got them through the long hours.

At no point have you made a logical decision about this career. You let your parents dictate your cao choice and went along with it. And yea you're right, longer holidays just dont compensate for not enjoying the day to day in the job. In two years time are you really going to have magic'd up a love of educating? Is there any chance of that happening? It would be a big leap from where you are now.
Staying in the course because of the sociable aspect isn't a good enough reason at all. If you were facing into year 4 id say see it our and them do a postgrad conversion into something else but with half of it to go you need more than that.
You need to first allow yourself to look into other possibilities starting now. Why not go into the guidance counselor in the college and go through it all with them and look at other options. Bring it up with your parents and sister that you're having major doubts and looking at alternatives. You have 3months of summer to do research, including active research as in get some other ideas and go talk to people doing those jobs etc.

Teaching is too hard to be if you're heart and soul are not in it. It's all give, give, give and leaves you feeling exhausted moreso than satisfied when the heart isn't 100% there.

MrWalsh

jj288988 wrote: »

......I thought about just doing an arts degree after my LC but my parents wouldn't let me because they frown upon it as you don't get a proper degree or aren't guaranteed a job.

This bit stuck out for me for (a) being horribly insulting - an arts degree is certainly a "proper" degree and (b) there is no such thing as a guaranteed job and all I seem to read about in the papers these days is the difficulty of getting into teaching so Im not sure what you think is guaranteed about it!

Now, rant over, dont stay doing the teaching if you dont like it. Many people do the dreaded arts degrees just to figure out what they want to do - an arts degree is a great platform to take off into further education or to find a path into something that you enjoy doing.

Definitely dont do the teaching just because your parents expect you to!!

I remember a guy I was in college with (science degree), he hated it because he wanted to be a teacher but his parents thought that being a teacher was a "soft" job and his sister had an honours degree in a science subject so they wanted him to do the same. Anyway after 2 years he dropped out, was ostracised by his family and went away to work on building sites for years. What a complete waste!! Eventually he came back, got into teaching and finally in his early 30s got to be a teacher which was what he wanted all along.

So do what you want to do because you cant live your life to please other people.

jj288988

gline wrote: »

Your parents shouldnt be dictating what you do with YOUR life. Because at the end of the day you have to live with your decisions. Doing a degree for someone else never really works out, most people cant do that and get any enjoyment from it.
What are your interests? If you could do anything in your life what would you gravitate towards?
Do you have the option to take a year out of college to get see what your options are maybe?

I know I shouldn't be doing just because my parents wanted me to do it but I honestly had no other idea as to what to do.
I was 16yrs old when I did my LC and had no clue, so I took a year out and as I wasn't allowed do nothing for a year I did a FETAC Level 5 in Accounting and Finance for the year because I remember saying as a child I wanted to be an Accountant but I didn't do the subject for the LC. I got on really well and ended up getting student of the year for my results but to be honest I couldn't see myself being an accountant, with three years in college followed by three years of working and doing exams, and all the long hours (I know it probably sounds like I'm a lazy git!)
I have practically no interests which is why I struggled so much making my decision, even after my year out I still had no idea what to do, so I just went with teaching, and I don't really have the choice now to take another year out.

I love college and the whole education side of everything, my parents actually said that I should just get my teaching degree and then I can do a Post Grad or something else afterwards if I want. Its just I am physically unable to imagine myself in any career, making everything so much more difficult for me.

jj288988

MrWalsh wrote: »

This bit stuck out for me for (a) being horribly insulting - an arts degree is certainly a "proper" degree and (b) there is no such thing as a guaranteed job and all I seem to read about in the papers these days is the difficulty of getting into teaching so Im not sure what you think is guaranteed about it!

I know I totally agree with you but I can see where my parents are coming from as an arts degree is not specific to any career area, but I don't fully agree with their ideas.

Trust me I know having a degree in teaching doesn't guarantee anything I watched my sister send out hundreds upon hundreds of CVs looking for a teaching job, and for a long time all she ever got was maternity or subbing, its a very tough field to get into

pookie82

jj288988 wrote: »

I know I totally agree with you but I can see where my parents are coming from as an arts degree is not specific to any career area, but I don't fully agree with their ideas.

Trust me I know having a degree in teaching doesn't guarantee anything I watched my sister send out hundreds upon hundreds of CVs looking for a teaching job, and for a long time all she ever got was maternity or subbing, its a very tough field to get into

FYI I have an Arts degree and a couple of even more obscure post grads and I've been in full time, gainful employment in my ideal sector for 8 years now, remaining employed and without pay cuts all through the recession when those who moaned "but what will that course get you?" when I was doing it were being laid off from their sectors.

As for a guaranteed job out of teaching ... are you kidding me? Everyone and their mother is going back to do teaching at the moment, the market is absolutely flooded, the days of it being a guaranteed state job for life are long gone.

Take from that what you will.

Sounds to me like you bought into a now outdated notion of a "stable job" that your parents enforced on you and are reaping the disadvantage of that. I would finish your degree since you are so far through and like the course and college, then when you have that under your belt consider all the career changes you want. Dropping out now would set you back at zero.

gline

jj288988 wrote: »

I have practically no interests which is why I struggled so much making my decision

To be honest, if this is genuinely the case, then if it was me, I would stick out the teaching degree (if you think you will get through it without doing too much to your health), and go the postgrad route and convert it to something different, because if you still dont know what you want to do you may just need more time to find out what interests you.

But you dont have to have anything figured out at your age, im in my 30's now and I am in university for the 1st time in my life, after working in IT for a lot of my 20's. I though I knew what I wanted to do when I left school, now I have much more of an idea where I want to end up and what I want to work in. If you like the education side of things, what about research in some area?

Est28

So what happens when you move to a different type of course/job and that's difficult also? You give up?

Oh wait, that's life... work at it my friend. Like the rest of us who want to achieve something.

jj288988

pookie82 wrote: »

As for a guaranteed job out of teaching ... are you kidding me? Everyone and their mother is going back to do teaching at the moment, the market is absolutely flooded, the days of it being a guaranteed state job for life are long gone

I knew that mentioning that about the arts degree would strike a chord with a lot of people and annoy them, but if you had read my post that you quoted you would know that I know theres nothing guaranteed out of having a teaching degree ... but what is there anything guaranteed out of??

maggiepip

Your post comes across to me that the only real problem here is your anxiety. I think you've become so anxious about the teaching practice/inspection that you've got yourself into a big spin and cant think straight. If you weren't so anxious about being inspected you would be able to think more clearly about your career and not make rash decisions. Would you consider talking to a professional/counsellor? Your in danger of making huge decisions you may regret and getting help with whats almost becoming a phobia for you could help you see things in a much more optimistic light.

Emmser

Teaching practice and inspections and subbing are the worst areas of teaching. Actually having your own class is a doddle in comparison.

I want to give an honest opinion: You seemed to like your first teaching practice because you were in your comfort zone. When we move out of our comfort zone we are faced with anxiety. This can bring about feelings of panic. By any chance have you or do you suffer from worry and anxiety in any other parts of your life? There's nothing wrong with feeling anxious or panicked but what is wrong is avoiding something because of it. Sometimes we even convince ourselves we 'don't like' something in order to avoid those horrible feelings of panic, anxiety, worry and irrational thoughts. The good news is, it's easily fixed, the bad news is if you use avoidance and leave something because of those feelings your anxiety will crop up again.

I want you to think rationally about this. Is it the teaching practice and inspections that make you feel you can't go on with this course? Or is it having your own class of young boys and girls and doing the various learning activities with them minus any inspections?

I'd agree with your parents because I think you might be trying to avoid the feelings as opposed to the career. If you start this, it manifests and becomes a problem in later life. There's plenty of therapists that are practical and help you combat those feelings. I'd recommend a fully accredited CBT therapist.

If on the other hand I'm completely wrong, ignore this and continue your thinking.

I wish you the very best of luck, and remember there's no such thing as a catastrophic mistake, just a lesson we grow and mature from.

Rubberchikken

hi op
there are no guarantees in life. but i've reached a stage where i realise a person has to do what they actually want to do, what they actually like doing.

if you're not enjoying the course, if you're not interested in being a teacher, then have a rethink.

the anxiety about having to do things in a class for an inspection can be helped and would probably eventually recede with time but if it's being caused by the fact that you don;t actually want to be doing it, then it's time to reconsider.

good luck

ShowMeTheCash

Here is the thing, nothing you do right now is probably that important albeit you seem to have gotten yourself into a bit of a state.

A friend of mine finished her teaching degree, got a job as a teacher hated it, went back too uni and is now a nurse in OZ.

You really do not need to know what you want to do with your life right now.

The way you talk about not sleeping and stomach turning though seems very extreme. People watching you and judging you would rule out doing any kind of presentation in front of peers!

Maybe talk to your GP they might be able to do something about your anxiety maybe give you a beta blocker or something....

Your post is a bit of a mixed bag, you seem to suggest you like teaching and this whole thing is over another teacher watching you? But also say you never really wanted to do it etc etc.... I think only you can figure out what you want to do, I am 35 finished my degree over 13 years ago, worked in a number of companies before setting up my own business and I am still trying to work out "what i wana be!"

It's almost like you got rattled and are now letting the fear take over!
If this is just fear you might find running from it will not help, you could jump to something else and develop a similar issue.

LadyFenghuang

jj288988 wrote: »

I know I totally agree with you but I can see where my parents are coming from as an arts degree is not specific to any career area, but I don't fully agree with their ideas.

Trust me I know having a degree in teaching doesn't guarantee anything I watched my sister send out hundreds upon hundreds of CVs looking for a teaching job, and for a long time all she ever got was maternity or subbing, its a very tough field to get into

There is a one year teaching education course you can do after. I know a friend of mine did it after doing an arts degree. It's for secondary education.

I think you need to make your OWN mind up. Don't let your parents choose. You are your own person.

I do think education is important.

Talk to a guidance counselor they can give you realistic options from a non judgmental point of view.

I think finishing education is important. But I think you need to want it too. Have a think about other courses. Get some expert advice from an objective source .

captainfrost

Their is no 2 way around things like this, if you happen to even find way to hack it, it will be a forced one, thus you wouldn't really be fufiled at it.
Though we all have read the meme "never give up", but trust me there time you just have to. Or else you kill your soul and sacrifice your spark.

LynnGrace

I'd suggest, first of all, if you can, give yourself a break, for a week, and just say to yourself, everything can wait. Get a bit of rest, have a bit of fun, and promise yourself to make no big decisions about your future yet.
From my reading of your post, your anxiety is clouding everything else, and it's difficult to think straight when you are anxious. So, first port of call, I'd suggest would be your GP. He/ she may well refer you to a counsellor, or whatever they feel would help.

Next have a think about what help/ support there may be available in college. You won't be the first to have hit this issue, you won't be the last, and I am sure they will be glad to support you through it, even just to help you clarify your thinking. Maybe there is an option to take a year out. It might be worth thinking about doing that.

Your parents might be far more understanding than you think. Obviously, you are the one in the best position to know that. But having chatted with others, and explored options should make it easier to talk to them, when you feel ready. They want what is best for you, and want you to be happy, whatever path you take, I am sure.

Longterm, maybe it is the course and the career for you, and maybe it is not. I think if you can separate the anxiety away from everything else, you will be better fixed to decide.

All the best with whatever you decide to do.

siobhanosaur

I had the same issue when I was studying teaching in St. Pats. I found that teaching was not for me and really struggled with teaching practice and absolutely panicked going in every day. They actually gave me the option of transferring into the arts course with the subjects I had picked so that may be an option for you if you want to do arts. I had to repeat second year but didn't have to start from the beginning.