Why such a stigma towards non drinkers?

jacksie66

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the_syco

Ah, the usual crap such as "you don't make friends with salad" or "no great story starts off with eating a salad". Kill their little charade with "how many stories of people started off with one drink?". You may lose a few friends, but I doubt they were really that much of a friend if they can't support a mate giving up the booze.

Can I ask your age group? I drink, but found most 16-25 year olds think it's "manly" to drink to the point of falling on the ground.

Perhaps start a "manly" physical sport, and use it as an excuse for not drinking?

Or perhaps move to where there isn't such a drink fueled social scene?

jacksie66

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dangerus06

welcome to my life i dont drink never really have ,,i get sick after one drink the amount of people when i out because i dont drink that give me weird looks sometimes i feel i have to apoligise for not drinking ,,does my head in ,,having said that they love me when there looking for a lift home

Mightydrumming

I'm 18 and been in different bands since I was 15, long story short...

Over those short years I've noticed what alcohol can do and it completely turned me off drinking, it's a drug. Since I was 16/17 all my mates would go out and get absolutely hammered to the point of not being able to stand and there really is peer pressure to drink at a young age. Thankfully, I didn't 'give in' and never took a sip.. to be honest, I'd be afraid to!

Now I'm going to stop ranting and I apologise for my shpeal, I've had to much caffeine (another drug)

iusedtoknow

Do you hang around a lot of Irish/English people? If so...then it's cultural.

I stopped drinking in Spain, and my spanish friends were fine about it, it was the irish ones that would constantly give out to me about it. I saw them less and less.

Once I moved to the US it was a non-issue. There is a pretty big drinking culture here in San Francisco, but there are plenty of people that don't drink. We go to a lot of restaurants in my company, and I've never once had to justify myself not drinking - they just have more wine for themselves. The only person that asked me was an Irish guy that I met through pick up soccer. He couldn't believe it when we to a bar afterwards that I didn't drink - he spent the entire time trying to get me to drink than chatting to people. What he didn't realize was that he was the minority. Out of the 12 of us that went there (to watch the champions league final, after we had played a game) only 5 were drinking.

jacksie66

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Rathminesgirl

I stopped drinking 8 years ago, didn't like the hangovers etc. and lost a few "so called friends" over it. I think they were uncomfortable drinking around me. It bothered me but it was a case of taking care of myself and moving on. They weren't exactly real friends after all. I'm Irish, live outside San Fran and Americans like to drink too! After a while it gets easier and people won't bother asking you. You'll make new friends as well. Hanging out in pubs constantly drinking coke gets old. Good luck and stick to your plan.

iusedtoknow

Rathminesgirl wrote: »

I stopped drinking 8 years ago, didn't like the hangovers etc. and lost a few "so called friends" over it. I think they were uncomfortable drinking around me. It bothered me but it was a case of taking care of myself and moving on. They weren't exactly real friends after all. I'm Irish, live outside San Fran and Americans like to drink too! After a while it gets easier and people won't bother asking you. You'll make new friends as well. Hanging out in pubs constantly drinking coke gets old. Good luck and stick to your plan.

Hello outside SF - I'm in the Outer Sunset!

There is less of a stigma here to not drinking. A lot of my friends are really into hiking and kayaking - both things hard to do (and dangerous!) when you're hungover.

If you do want to get caught up in that life however, it's pretty easy.

Rathminesgirl

iusedtoknow wrote: »

Hello outside SF - I'm in the Outer Sunset!

There is less of a stigma here to not drinking. A lot of my friends are really into hiking and kayaking - both things hard to do (and dangerous!) when you're hungover.

If you do want to get caught up in that life however, it's pretty easy.

I'm in Walnut Creek! Yep there is less of a stigma here, though when I'm home I notice more people not drinking (but that could be me just seeing that now). It doesn't seem as acceptable to be hammered as it was a few years ago (a bit like drinking and driving).

DMcL1971

I stopped drinking years ago. It just seemed like a waste of time, an expensive waste of time at that. I am perfectly capable of having a laugh with the lads witout having to get drunk. So, now I can drive to the pub, have a laugh and leave any time I like. No waiting for taxi's, no getting stuck in rounds, no hangovers, no late night take-aways and I go home with considerably more money in my pocket. In fact I have found that because I am willing to give people lifts they often offer to pay for my drinks. So quite often I end up deciding where we are going, when we are going, have some of my drinks paid for and then I can leave when the lads transition from funny entertaining drunk banter to messy angry embarrasing idiots.

When you are younger and single there is a macho drinking culture with lads gong out after work or at the weekend with the sole goal of getting wasted. When you get older and have a wife, girlfriend, kids, a mortgage, then the focus shifts away from drink as your time and money becomes more precious to you.

I believe that many people when they are drinking are secretly jealous of the non-drinkers. They know that we are actually being smart by saving our money and not wasting our time getting sloshed. They also have a certain mistrust of us. If we are sober then we can see them making a fool of themselves or heaar them make inappropriate statements and remember it. Often they try to force us to get drunk so that we will all be equally as guilty of any bad behaviour that can come out amongst drunk groups.

Real friends will respect your decision not to drink and won't hassle you about it. But some people just won't let it go. People who are trying to make you drink will often use loud bullying tactics. They make it seem like you are weak, boring, no fun, not one of the crowd, stuck up, a sissy, a skinflint. They expect you to respond in a weak apologetic way as if you are letting the side down and finally give in to their peer pressure and have a drink.

What I did was respond exactly the opposite. Whenever someone wouldn't let it go and kept trying to pressure me I would loudly and confidently come back at them with statements like 'You asked me if I wanted a drink and I said no. Do you think I'm going to give in and drink just because you want me to?' or 'Look, I said I want a 7-Up and that's what I want to drink. You drink what you want and I'll drink what I want.' or 'I'm happy drinking soft drinks, if you don't like what I'm drinking, then that's your problem not mine.' When non-Irish people start making comments about how all Irish people are supposed to be great drinkers, come back with 'Are we all supposed to look like Leprechauns and sing for your amusement, or just be drunken red haired farmers. There is more to Irish people than what you see in the movies' Obviously temper your answer and volume so as not to start a fight, but a solid show of self confidence usually makes people back off and they have respect for you for not giving in to peer pressure.

Would genuinely never, ever care about such comments. I'm staying off alcohol because it's in my best interests. What people may or may not say about that is entirely irrelevant.

This culture is very immature when it comes to alcohol. No point in encouraging it.

KingBrian2

Never drank in my life, that lifestyle is not one I could possible be involved in, health reason and all but even the general atmosphere, rather read a book at home although it might sound lame to so many people.

failinis

Can't drink due to medication I am on for life - started the meds when I was 16 but before that I never drunk either, just not my thing. It is pretty isolating when you don't drink and you are a teen, you get invited to things less and less. To be fair I am also a shy person so I would prob need to be locked to even talk to a stranger so it maybe feels worse for me. I am heading to Uni this year and dreading the drinking culture but I hope I won't be the only non drinker there.

iusedtoknow

failinis wrote: »

Can't drink due to medication I am on for life - started the meds when I was 16 but before that I never drunk either, just not my thing. It is pretty isolating when you don't drink and you are a teen, you get invited to things less and less. To be fair I am also a shy person so I would prob need to be locked to even talk to a stranger so it maybe feels worse for me. I am heading to Uni this year and dreading the drinking culture but I hope I won't be the only non drinker there.

You'd be surprised, there is also another culture at most universities of people that sit and drink tea/coffee etc. You just have to find it.

magicgal

I have not drink in over two years - wasn't really much of a drinker but used to have a few every now and then more as a social crutch.Now I feel so much more confident not relying on drink to be social - it's a bit scary at first but got used to it.I don't care if some one drinks or not but what I really hate especially in Ireland people constantly asking why I don't drink - I just say that am driving to shut them up,I know lots of people in same boat as me but do find it's hard to meet new people especially getting older and going some where else than the pub

Faith+1

jacksie66 wrote: »

Hi all. I gave up the drink for 7 weeks to lose a bit of weight. (lost over 2 stone). During that time I didn't touch a drop. I felt amazing. People would question me as to why I wasn't drinking. I just said it was for health reasons. It's strange how people perceive you differently when you don't drink. I even had a guy tell me he doesn't trust a man who doesn't drink.

I had a girl tell me that and she walked away from me. Before she realised I didn't drink she was all over me and I thought to myself "I'm doing well here" then she asked what was in my orange and I said nothing....she then said you don't drink? I said no and she walked off. The fuq!?

iusedtoknow

Faith+1 wrote: »

I had a girl tell me that and she walked away from me. Before she realised I didn't drink she was all over me and I thought to myself "I'm doing well here" then she asked what was in my orange and I said nothing....she then said you don't drink? I said no and she walked off. The fuq!?

Such an English speaking thing. I remember at one point counting up my friends that actually drank - the majority of them were Irish. My spanish friends either would nurse 1 or 2 drinks over the evening or would drink NA beer. There would be other times they'd just sit on a Friday night drinking a coffee rather than anything else.

Faith+1

iusedtoknow wrote: »

Such an English speaking thing. I remember at one point counting up my friends that actually drank - the majority of them were Irish. My spanish friends either would nurse 1 or 2 drinks over the evening or would drink NA beer. There would be other times they'd just sit on a Friday night drinking a coffee rather than anything else.

True. Not drinking has never been an issue for me with foreign girls but if they're Irish/English they instinctively go on the defensive " Why are you not drinking, Go on have one, What's the harm with a having a few, Don't ruin our night" I have heard it all at this stage.

Ashbx

I don't really drink (due to alcohol just not agreeing with me - I feel sick after one or two drinks!). And I am forever being asked why I don't. The only reason I don't drink is because I don't like it, simple as!

It annoys me but I think people soon realise that I can have just as much phone being sober as those who drink! Only difference is, im fresh as a daisy the next morning and they all feel like crap. If you don't have fun while being sober, I think that's when it really becomes an issue with other people because they do see you as dull or a buzz kill or whatever! Have fun with the rest of them and who cares what they think!

messrs

I don't drink anymore either, used to take a drink but haven't had one in about 4 years, was never a big drinker or anything like that but just have no interest it it, get a lot of stick of people in work over it, asking why I don't drink and what's wrong with me ect - even had my boyfriend tell me "you used to be fun!" hate the way people seem to take issue with it! really annoys me!