How to approach these things with housemate?

MissMotivated

@tradhead @runawaybishop
Agree with you both totally.

@Lux23
No I definitely have no intentions of paying her cash and to be honest I'm not going to the hassle of setting up another current account and paying monthly charges just to hide the payments to her either. She should have made it clear from the start how she wanted them paid and I would not have taken the room.
I'm just going to start looking for somewhere else to live to be honest, I don't need the stress of worrying about all of these things!!!

Thanks for all the replies guys

tradhead

MissMotivated wrote: »

@tradhead @runawaybishop
Agree with you both totally.

@Lux23
No I definitely have no intentions of paying her cash and to be honest I'm not going to the hassle of setting up another current account and paying monthly charges just to hide the payments to her either. She should have made it clear from the start how she wanted them paid and I would not have taken the room.
I'm just going to start looking for somewhere else to live to be honest, I don't need the stress of worrying about all of these things!!!

Thanks for all the replies guys

I know it sucks but that does seem like the best thing to do. It's not worth the hassle! Best of look with the house hunt

tradhead

tradhead wrote: »

I get that you don't want to be the cause of any trouble...but that's exactly what should happen imho, she's lying to get money that she effectively doesn't deserve if she has another considerable source of income.

But its her parents house not hers so can this be considered a source of income for her?

runawaybishop

Darren Swift Levee wrote: »

But its her parents house not hers so can this be considered a source of income for her?

If it's being paid to her, its her income.

runawaybishop

runawaybishop wrote: »

If it's being paid to her, its her income.

Unless she then passes it on to her parents, which she likely isn't doing but it is possible.

Victor

MissMotivated wrote: »

Also so far we paid one bill since I moved in, she told me the figure I owed rather than leaving out the bill, she has told me since I moved in also that the gas bill has now been standardized to 50 euro a month so I need to pay 25 a month to her for that, but there have been no bills so I don't know do we actually owe more or less than we pay.

She's ripping you off.

With arrangements like this, the bill payer pays a fixed amount every month, regardless of usage. This is then adjusted at the end of the year. this suits some people, as it means that high winter usage is paid over the whole year. However, I suspect you are using very little gas during the summer, so you are subsidising her winter usage.

It's one thing to cut someone a bit of slack. Another for you to be subsidising her.

lolo62

Gas thing sounds dodgy to me. Bills should be there for you to see. You are house sharing not lodging.
I shared a small cottage with another woman once. Lease was in her name and I sublet a room from her.
There were constant problems because she kept moving the goal posts/changing the rules to suit her needs and I was always pissed off. The house was gorgeous and loved the area, my room etc but had to move on because living with someone you don't trust who treats you like a cash cow isn't good for your well being!

Peterx

Victor wrote: »

She's ripping you off.

With arrangements like this, the bill payer pays a fixed amount every month, regardless of usage. This is then adjusted at the end of the year. this suits some people, as it means that high winter usage is paid over the whole year. However, I suspect you are using very little gas during the summer, so you are subsidising her winter usage.

It's one thing to cut someone a bit of slack. Another for you to be subsidising her.

I think it's spreadsheet time.
Write down the actual cost of living there.
Write down the estimated cost of living somewhere else with a higher monthly rent.

Before hopping up on high horses and getting wound up about bills it might be an idea to work out how much this current rental is actually costing you in total per month and then per year.
If the rent is cheap and the bills are high you might still be ahead on another place where the rent is high.

You are saving for a mortgage. If this place is still less expensive then another place (and you say you get on with her and like the house) why move?
If you are not getting on with her and are stressed then yes move.

MissMotivated

@tradhead
thanks

@Nora Green Crowd
She definitely doesn't pay it to her parents because when we were trying to come up with a solution for the transfers she said "I suppose I could say to the SW that I am passing it onto my parents but that would be fraud and wouldn't be fair on them".

@Victor
Exactly what I am thinking, I have no problem paying my share of bills at all, but I don't particularly want to be paying out money which is not actually owed, I don't have money to throw away!!

@lolo62
That's the thing, I love the house, love the area, and do feel really at home there, but if these things keep getting to me I will just move because it's not worth the stress!!!

@Peterx
I know it's saving me money for the warmer months anyway, not sure about winter yet, but it's not all about the cost, obviously yeah it's great to be paying cheaper rent, I paid 700 + bills for a one bed kip when I moved here, then 550 including bills for another place which I loved but it was only a 6 month lease. This rent is very cheap but once I saw the place and met her and she seemed lovely I had decided I was going to take it and had a higher price in my head, she suggested less so that was even better. I will pay my share of the bills no matter what they are I would never argue with her about them being high even if they are crazy in the winter, I'm not mean in the slightest, but I am entitled to see the bills and know exactly what I am paying for and I'm not going to pay the rent under the table for her because she wants to hide it from the SW, also I am entitled to buy food without her eating it, but these are the things I don't know how to approach with her without causing offense, it's a small house and if there's tension there would be no hiding from it.

Her ears must have been burning because the last 2 days she washed up before I got home, well washed anything apart from the pots which needed scrubbing but it's something!!
Floors are still manky though but I would nearly overlook her lack of cleaning if the rest was OK and just do it myself.
I am on the lookout for something else now anyway and if things improve in the meantime then great.

the_syco

MissMotivated wrote: »

@Nora Green Crowd
She definitely doesn't pay it to her parents because when we were trying to come up with a solution for the transfers she said "I suppose I could say to the SW that I am passing it onto my parents but that would be fraud and wouldn't be fair on them".

Yet it's okay if she gets you to do the fruad?

MissMotivated wrote: »

@lolo62
That's the thing, I love the house, love the area, and do feel really at home there, but if these things keep getting to me I will just move because it's not worth the stress!!!

Is there anywhere else nearby?

MissMotivated

the_syco wrote: »

Yet it's okay if she gets you to do the fruad?


Is there anywhere else nearby?

She has absolutely no problem with me doing it :rolleyes: !!!
I had a quick look online yesterday and saw a few places around, I'm going to stick it out for a few more weeks because I'm away a bit and just will be stressed to the eyeballs trying to house hunt aswell. I won't leave her high and dry with only a few days notice but I don't have a lease with her so I can move quick enough when I find something which is good.

Diamond Doll

I would advise you to suggest that she sets up a second current account for herself (why would you take on the extra hassle and charges?) You send the rent/bills to this account, clearly labelled for your own bank statements. When claiming social welfare, she will be asked to confirm that whatever bank statements she's provided are all of the bank accounts that she owns. If she chooses to lie and to put her signature to it, she's the only one liable for fraud. From an ethical point of view, it's up to you if you want to facilitate this, but legally you wouldn't be liable in any way if she's found guilty of fraud. (Obviously any communication with her should be verbal - don't leave any e-mail trails etc that would make it clear you're aware of the fraud!)

The bill situation - I know that quite a few owner-occupiers fix a price for the rent that is actually inclusive of bills. Would that be worth discussing with her, to pay increased rent and avoid any nasty surprises with outstanding bills down the line? You mentioned the rent is relatively cheap as it is, so if you could come to an all-inclusive figure that you're both happy with, it could be one solution seeing as she's refusing you access to the bills.

While it's a good idea to start looking around for a suitable property in the area, I wouldn't act too hastily at the same time. You mention that it does feel like a home to you and you get on quite well with her most of the time - you mightn't find that so easily elsewhere. One important thing to consider is, how likely is it that she'll be back in employment any time soon? And is she actually making genuine efforts to find employment?

For the issues around cleaning - I don't think you'd be in any way out of line to either suggest a rota for sharing the bigger jobs (e.g. mopping floors etc), or else set aside one evening/morning each week for both of you to do a "big" clean of whatever needs to be done. Both options would be quite common in house shares, whether owner-occupied or not.

My own feeling is that none of the issues you've mentioned are worth moving out of a place where you seem to be quite happy overall. Minor conflicts of this nature are likely to recur in any other house share you move into, so if I were you I'd do my best to address them rather than making your mind up straight away about moving out.

Atlantic Dawn

If she has been working for 2 years she will get the dole for 9 months fully with no means test, she could be getting €20,000 a month from 20 houses she rents out and would still get the full €188 a week.

MissMotivated

This little piggy wrote: »

I would advise you to suggest that she sets up a second current account for herself (why would you take on the extra hassle and charges?) You send the rent/bills to this account, clearly labelled for your own bank statements. When claiming social welfare, she will be asked to confirm that whatever bank statements she's provided are all of the bank accounts that she owns. If she chooses to lie and to put her signature to it, she's the only one liable for fraud. From an ethical point of view, it's up to you if you want to facilitate this, but legally you wouldn't be liable in any way if she's found guilty of fraud. (Obviously any communication with her should be verbal - don't leave any e-mail trails etc that would make it clear you're aware of the fraud!)

The bill situation - I know that quite a few owner-occupiers fix a price for the rent that is actually inclusive of bills. Would that be worth discussing with her, to pay increased rent and avoid any nasty surprises with outstanding bills down the line? You mentioned the rent is relatively cheap as it is, so if you could come to an all-inclusive figure that you're both happy with, it could be one solution seeing as she's refusing you access to the bills.

While it's a good idea to start looking around for a suitable property in the area, I wouldn't act too hastily at the same time. You mention that it does feel like a home to you and you get on quite well with her most of the time - you mightn't find that so easily elsewhere. One important thing to consider is, how likely is it that she'll be back in employment any time soon? And is she actually making genuine efforts to find employment?

For the issues around cleaning - I don't think you'd be in any way out of line to either suggest a rota for sharing the bigger jobs (e.g. mopping floors etc), or else set aside one evening/morning each week for both of you to do a "big" clean of whatever needs to be done. Both options would be quite common in house shares, whether owner-occupied or not.

My own feeling is that none of the issues you've mentioned are worth moving out of a place where you seem to be quite happy overall. Minor conflicts of this nature are likely to recur in any other house share you move into, so if I were you I'd do my best to address them rather than making your mind up straight away about moving out.

That's actually a great idea suggesting she could setup an account, whether she will do it or not is another thing but it's worth a try

With regards to her looking for a job, she has had about 30 interviews since she lost her job, I'm not exaggerating, but has had no callbacks. She then told me Monday she got offered a job but doesn't think she will take it because it's not really what she wants and the money is **** and according to her she wouldn't be much better off than she is now. I know alot of her CV is fabricated and she got let go from her last 2 jobs, one at the end of her 6 month probation and the 2nd after about 5/6 weeks. So realistically I don't see her getting back to work anytime soon.

I was thinking that last night, the issues with cleaning etc.. most likely crop up in alot of shared houses so I would not leave because of that alone. Wrt using my stuff, she does usually replace it, a few bits she uses constantly but again I think once it's not big stuff I would overlook it.
She can be a bit moody but so can anyone and when she's not we do get on well and chat away and like the same stuff on TV, and I do love the area, it's close to my friends, sister and work.

I may suggest that about including the bills if she refuses to show me them next month.
I keep telling myself it's not an unreasonable request to ask to see the bills or to expect someone to buy their own shopping or do their fair share of cleaning, but then it is her house so maybe she thinks she can do it her way and I don't have a say.
I need to try get the courage to chat this weekend with her and see what comes about!!!

the_syco

MissMotivated wrote: »

I won't leave her high and dry with only a few days notice

Consider how unlikely you'll get your deposit back if she needs to borrow money may cause you to re-evaluate this position.

MissMotivated wrote: »

She then told me Monday she got offered a job but doesn't think she will take it because it's not really what she wants and the money is **** and according to her she wouldn't be much better off than she is now. I know alot of her CV is fabricated and she got let go from her last 2 jobs, one at the end of her 6 month probation and the 2nd after about 5/6 weeks. So realistically I don't see her getting back to work anytime soon.

Sounds like she's getting sacked when they find out that she has lied. Can't see you getting your deposit back. Why did you pay the deposit to?

MissMotivated

the_syco wrote: »

Consider how unlikely you'll get your deposit back if she needs to borrow money may cause you to re-evaluate this position.


Sounds like she's getting sacked when they find out that she has lied. Can't see you getting your deposit back. Why did you pay the deposit to?

I didn't pay a deposit, I gave her 2 weeks rent to hold the room but she used that as part of the rent from the day I moved in if you know what I mean. So it's all very informal which in ways suits me but then I suppose in ways doesn't. I don't need to give her notice but at the same time I wouldn't just move out a couple of days before the rent is due again because I'd just feel bad

Dr_Bill

It sounds as if her professional life is a little flaky to be honest. Anyhow that's a side issue. I think if you would like to remain in the property you must deal with your concerns head on, face to face no point tip toeing around to avoid standing on eggshells, get the issues resolved otherwise your well-being will suffer as a result of her mistakes.

Keep it on a professional level you are renting a room, business is business. Some really good suggestions to merge bills & rent payments into a single cost. You pay a fixed amount every month so this is also easier for you to manage your finances, if that is not a runner it is only fair that you have visibility on the bills to pay your fair share, however goes without saying don't have any bills in joint names.

If your landlady decides to open a separate account which you pay your rent into that's her business not yours. Mind you I think it would be naive of her to think that revenue won't find out. You can continue to show regular payments using a rent reference on your statements which you can later use as part of the mortgate application process.

If she is not prepared to compromise then you will need to take the hard decision and review your accommodation arrangements.

MissMotivated

Dr_Bill wrote: »

It sounds as if her professional life is a little flaky to be honest. Anyhow that's a side issue. I think if you would like to remain in the property you must deal with your concerns head on, face to face no point tip toeing around to avoid standing on eggshells, get the issues resolved otherwise your well-being will suffer as a result of her mistakes.

Keep it on a professional level you are renting a room, business is business. Some really good suggestions to merge bills & rent payments into a single cost. You pay a fixed amount every month so this is also easier for you to manage your finances, if that is not a runner it is only fair that you have visibility on the bills to pay your fair share, however goes without saying don't have any bills in joint names.

If your landlady decides to open a separate account which you pay your rent into that's her business not yours. Mind you I think it would be naive of her to think that revenue won't find out. You can continue to show regular payments using a rent reference on your statements which you can later use as part of the mortgate application process.

If she is not prepared to compromise then you will need to take the hard decision and review your accommodation arrangements.

Yes I have decided before the rent is due again I will speak to her about her setting up a new account and when she tells me what I owe for bills I will ask to see them, I am hoping because we do get on and I'm not asking for anything unreasonable that she will also be reasonable about these things but if she's not I'll move out. As much as I like living here it's not worth the stress of worrying about these things if she won't agree.

Arbiter of Good Taste

Hold on a minute. If she's not the owner - her father is, regardless of how she wants to spin it - then this is not under the rent a room scheme. So someone should be paying tax on that rental income.

How many ways can one person defraud the State?