Making a move with guy I like

LegacyUser

Would appreciate any advice please on this :-)

I met a guy through work recently. We hang out together sometimes after work. Always have so much fun.

Once we are finished hanging out, it was just "see you later". Recently we graduated to a hug/peck on the cheek. But recently, Ive started to fancy the pants off him.

We were out the other night, had such a laugh, and there was some friendly flirting. At the end of the night, he asked if I wanted to stay at his. And I said yes. We were just chatting. And eventually fell asleep in the same bed. When we woke, there was flirty touching/tickling, where I was laying on my side, he was right up in my face. Like he was going to do something (I think), but then we'd just laugh it off. I dont know about him, but I was certainly awkward to make a move. Got all shy. I suppose I didnt want to do something in case the reaction was "woah what the heck are you doing!" (am terrible reading signs). I had to go anyways, and we ended in our usual hug thing. Talk about leaving frustrated. I mean, if he like me, would he have just gone for it?

I guess I would like advice if a) the signs above are good (maybe from a guys perspective)? and should I go for it/say something? We get on so well, Id hate to ruin a friendship also.

maroon

Why sleep on a first available occasion? Would you not take your time getting to know each other? Looks like he likes you. Nice and gentlemanly of him not to take advantage of this situation.
Just take your time and savour the friendship before letting it develop into anything else.
Unless it's only sex that you fancy...
Best of luck OP

Matteroffact

In my opinion the signs are very good. I would just say "better luck next time", as I feel it is definitely on the cards.

Roselm

Id say he can't make much more of a move until you give him a sign cuz otherwise he'll feel like he's forcing things!
Now obviously whether he wants a relationship is another thing but I'd say he definitely wants to sleep with you

You ended up in bed messing around with him of course you should say something!
I think it was clear enough

Mr. Incognito

He asked you home to stay at his. Do you want esoteric lighting and a billboard?

Make a move. He obviously is too shy or smitten to do so.

beks101

^^^ Yeah what he said.

Jesus woman, he's hanging out with you outside work, flirting, inviting you back to his, sleeping in the same bed as you, play tickling you, about to make a move until you start giggling....

Hurry up already, before he convinces himself you're not into him and backs away! Invite him out yourself next time and lob the gob. Job done.

LegacyUser

Thanks very much for the replies. Some of them made me laugh (a lot).

To be clear, I wasnt going to sleep (sex) with him.

I havent liked someone in about 1.5 years. And not really sure what am doing. I have a lot of guy friends/find it easy to talk to guys and get along well. But I feel am bad at the flirting part. The things girls do to let guys know they are interested. If anything, this might be a learing curve on how to do that (is it something you can learn?).

I know some people said "lob the gob" but the thought of it panics me! The last time I liked a guy, I told him I liked him more than a friend, and he literally launched at me (it was pretty cool), it didnt work out in the end, but for some reason, the thoughts of doing it again scares the bejebus out of me.

Roselm

whattothink wrote: »

I havent liked someone in about 1.5 years. And not really sure what am doing. I have a lot of guy friends/find it easy to talk to guys and get along well. But I feel am bad at the flirting part. The things girls do to let guys know they are interested.

Lots of eye contact is a good start...
Look for opportunities to touch him-put your hand on his shoulder/ sit touching him/ hug him. Basically more physical contact than you'd normally have with a friend.

LegacyUser

Well, Ive really gone and got myself into a pickle.

I am the epitome of awkward and, I dont want to call myself this, but stupid.

We are still hanging out. Great chats. Feel fine about this.

He invited me to his friends wedding. Its in another country. Oh I thought it would be a great idea! I love travelling and initially saw it as an adventure. I thought to myself "ok you like him, but relax, take it as it is now (friends) and see what happens-I can handle this!!!".

Thursday night I was out with him and a few more people. And a (pretty hot) girl literally threw herself at him (how I wish I could do this! I was envious). As this was happening, I was saying goodbyes. And I would have gone over to him to say "bye" but I was like Christ! So, I kindof snuck off, trying to be undeterred. He followed me out. And said "I feel hurt you didnt come over to say bye". I couldnt say anything, distracted by thoughts. I muttered "bye" followed by another hug.

Guys, Ive no idea what to do. The trip is in less than 3 weeks. The tickets are bought (I pay my flight, he wants to look after his flight/the hotel).

What in the name of God am I going to do?

LLMMML

All this stepping around each other is going nowhere. You're going away together and neither of you can be upfront that you're interested in each other? Him chasing after you because he's "hurt" you didn't say goodbye? Drama. You not responding. Further drama.

The only advice here is clear: talk to him about what's going on. If neither of you are capable of this (and it doesn't sound like he will anytime soon) then you should cancel this trip away together.

tailgunner

You just need to take the bull by the horns here. From everything you've posted, I think he really likes you.

LegacyUser

Thanks again for the replies. Just to be clear on something (its not an excuse but people seem to be getting a bit annoyed in replies so I think it merits an explanation). I have in my life struggled with autism-type (behavioral) issues. I have never been formally diagnosed (I was recommended to), but there are signs there (people/teachers/colleagues have noticed/asked). I am very aware. And I try to learn quickly. How to behave, whats appropriate (or not), and read things in social situations.

But some things that are very easy for some people (especially reading "dating" signals) are very very hard. I would struggle more so than an everyday person. I like to improve myself. Be the best I can be at things and learn. But this really has me flummoxed.

OneOfThem

maroon wrote: »

Why sleep on a first available occasion? Would you not take your time getting to know each other? Looks like he likes you. Nice and gentlemanly of him not to take advantage of this situation.
Just take your time and savour the friendship before letting it develop into anything else.
Unless it's only sex that you fancy...
Best of luck OP

Ok OP. See this post? Do the exact opposite of everything in it. Use it as a template of what not to do and how not to think. Not sleeping with someone and savouring a friendship gets you friendship. Meanwhile the pretty hot girls throw themselves at him on a Thursday night while you look on, and one of them will stick.

LLMMML

Sorry if my earlier post was a bit blunt. If you can't read dating behaviour take it from everyone here: You are both interested. But the way things have gone so far you are unlikely to get a blunt declaration of interest from him. Are you prepared to be the one to move things along?

Blackgrass

Op, he likes you, everything he's done so has indicated he likes you and from what you've written so far it doesn't seem like he wants it to be a one night fling. If he did he wouldn't have followed you outside seemingly hurt, but for some reason he won't just say what he wants. If you like him and want to try a date or 2 to see if there's chemistry, pick up your phone txt him you need to talk over a coffee but preferably dinner .

Jotunheim

Blackgrass wrote: »

but for some reason he won't just say what he wants.

Are you joking? He brought her home, he asked her to a wedding and he appears to have ignored another woman's advance, he's been clearly saying what he wants!
OP, most people would be able to see what he's saying, but in light of how you think, it might be no harm to tell him you're not good at picking up signals, it'll allow him to verbalise his intentions and clear things up for both of you.

Katgurl

Ok If I was in your shoes I'd flirt heavily to move things along but it sounds like you find this hard.

So be straight. Ask him "would you like me to go to the wedding with you as your date or as your friend?" When he asks what you want say you'd like to be more than friends.

Good luck. It all looks very promising!

Faith

Honestly, if you struggle with reading signals, I think you should tell him directly how you feel. All you will lose is being stuck in this horrible limbo. Say something like "I have to be honest, I struggle to read the signals between us. I'm not sure if I'm reading too much into things or not, so let me just be clear and say: I like you as more than a friend. Would you like to go on a date some time?". Then you'll know either way!

LegacyUser

Hi guys,

Well, I took the proverbial bull by the horns, and told him today (rather awkwardly-but still I did it!) and i wont go into details, but it was not reciprocated.

So, I now have a choice if to go or not. He does not want to go to it alone. Me, I now have a choice either to deal rather quickly with some feelings, or consider it an economical write off.

Jotunheim

Something is not adding up here OP. His signals were loud and clear, so if he is is now saying he wasn't sending them, he's a liar, or you're not giving us the full picture or he's a total messer. You also seem to be saying he has still left it open for you to go to the wedding, which sounds odd if he has just knocked you back.

LegacyUser

Jotunheim wrote: »

Something is not adding up here OP. His signals were loud and clear, so if he is is now saying he wasn't sending them, he's a liar, or you're not giving us the full picture or he's a total messer. You also seem to be saying he has still left it open for you to go to the wedding, which sounds odd if he has just knocked you back.

I honestly dont know how to reply to this...I wish I did, but I dont. Everything Ive said is true. He seemed surprised. I was surprised he was surprised.

At least I know where I stand now. But I am still faced with that dilemma. He still wants me to go, but I strongly suspect its because he doesnt want to go on his own. Not because he actually wanted me to go. He said he asked me to the wedding because its going to be loads of fun, and he knows I like fun.

Do I go. Try forget this/try frame him differently. See a new place. And try enjoy myself. Or do I economically write it off.

berrygood

I'm sorry to hear it wasn't reciprocated. All signs seemed to point to yes! I think whether you go to the wedding depends on how you feel now. Do you think you'll be okay if he's flirting with other women? Can you see him as just a friend? If the answer to both those questions is a no, I'd say write it off. Your emotional well-being is worth more than the price of a plane ticket.