Paying a grandparent

robbie1

Just wondering how much do people pay if they have a child being minded by a grandparent

heldel00

My mam will be minding my little one when I return to work after maternity leave but won't take anything for it. (Baby not due til Oct but we've talked about it.)
My plan is to buy her something extra nice at Christmas&birthday, give her a few bob when she going on holidays, if I see a clock/mirror etc that I think she would like I'll get it for her. That's my plan anyway.
She is retired and has a pension so money not a concern TG and my granny minded all of us years ago so she could work and go for promotions etc that she just wouldn't have been able to otherwise.

nikpmup

I pay my Mam, she has him 9am - 1pm two or three days a week. I give her €100. Some weeks she might have him for longer or shorter, so I adjust accordingly. She refuses to take any more, but I'd give her extra if she babysat in the evening. I think that works out at about €8 ish per hour on a three day week, €12.50 per hour on a two day week. Not sure how that compares to the going rate for a childminder

TheMilkyPirate

Nothing and she wouldn't dream of taking or asking for any either

Moonbeam

That is extremely generous .
4 to 5 euro an hour is the norm for a full time minder .

ncmc

My MIL has always minded kids and she minds my little one either one or two days a week. Sh has her from 8-5 and only charges €20. It's ridiculously cheap, but she does it to help out. I know some grandparents do it for nothing, but I wouldn't dream of not paying her. I wouldn't pay her if it's just an hour or two, but when it's every week and for a full day, I'm more than happy to pay her and am grateful she does it for so little.

pwurple

My mum looks after mine for a couple of afternoons a week. We pay her about 8 euro an hour. She's not retirement age, so could easily work in a job if we weren't paying her.

Sligo1

My mum minds our 2, one day per week. I wouldn't mind paying Her but she gets a bit offended when I suggest it and refuses. She get offended at the notion of being paid to mind her grandkids. Which to be honest doesn't sit right with me as I would feel better thinking I was contributing so In turn I then feel a bit guilty. I usually buy her an extra nice Xmas bday pressie or something.

closifer

My mam looked after my lo when I returned to work. he was 10 months and she did it for about 7 months. it was a huge amount of work as she had him from about 7-4 and she works herself from home and in the evenings. she completely refused to take payment. she said it was her chance to bond with him. I did buy her a number of presents and will be taking her to the states in a few weeks as a thank you. for me it wasn't about the money saving it was the piece of mind while he was so small that he was with someone who cared

TheBeach

I pay €100 for two days 9-5. One child gets minded all day and the other 12.30-5. We pay a different child minder €60 for a third day.

Gael23

This comes up quite a bit and once someone said they paid the grandparents ESB bill, so something similar to that could be an idea.

stryker mcqueen

first month doing this , our little man is getting looked after for 3 days and were paying €300 a month

The Corinthian

Maybe it's the Italian in me, but paying a grandparent to look after their grandchildren is just wrong.

Or does this mean I can charge them for my time too when they need help in their old age?

Jjiipp79

If you have respect for your parents you will give them something. They all say "oh, I don't want anything for it. If you give it to me I'll give it back". But at the end of the day everyone likes to be given something as a little thank you. This does not have to be that much.

Every little helps! Plus they are less likely to get P'ed off with it.



Ps.. I think is down right wrong not to pay your parents for looking after your child. If you can't pay for someone to look after the child don't have one.

Bannasidhe

The Corinthian wrote: »

Maybe it's the Italian in me, but paying a grandparent to look after their grandchildren is just wrong.

Or does this mean I can charge them for my time too when they need help in their old age?

You can deduct the cost of their elderly care from how much you owe them for raising you.

Seriously, they raised you for 'free' and now you want them to help raise your children for free too?

I think if you can afford it, pay something. Childminding is a job. Not everyone can afford it and not every grand parent will accept it but make the offer.

The Corinthian

Jjiipp79 wrote: »

If you have respect for your parents you will give them something.

I do think that one should repay them in kind, but putting a financial value on these things turns my stomach. Should we repay them for raising us? Should we charge for our passing on their genetic material in ourselves or our children? If they need help in old age should we charge for our time? Charge interest for loans if a family member is in need?

I'm not suggesting that they should not be recompensed, but to treat them the same way as some hired help leaves an unpleasant taste in my mouth.

Bannasidhe wrote: »

You can deduct the cost of their elderly care from how much you owe them for raising you.

With the cost of elderly care nowadays, they'll be arrears before long, TBH.

As I said, I've no objection to a form of quid pro quo, but this kind of bookkeeping mentality is a northern European concept that doesn't work for me. And TBH, looking at how northern Europeans treat their parents in old age, compared to southern Europeans, the bookkeeping mentality doesn't seem to be a healthy one.

sillysocks

My mother in law wouldn't take money to mind our little girl so instead we used to put away money every week and at her birthday and Christmas use that to get her really nice presents or hotel vouchers etc.

pwurple

The Corinthian wrote: »

I do think that one should repay them in kind, but putting a financial value on these things turns my stomach. Should we repay them for raising us? Should we charge for our passing on their genetic material in ourselves or our children? If they need help in old age should we charge for our time? Charge interest for loans if a family member is in need?

I'm not suggesting that they should not be recompensed, but to treat them the same way as some hired help leaves an unpleasant taste in my mouth.

Is "hired help" how you treat anyone who does something for you?

My mum gave up paid employment to look after my children. She has an income loss, of course I'm going to even that out for her. I think people could similarly have an "unpleasant taste" in their mouths if they were treating their parents like an unpaid slave.

But I think either way is fine. Whatever works for each family.


Totally OT, but we always do loan agreements and a nominal interest rate for family loans. Otherwise it's a gift and you get frikken taxed on the damn thing.

The Corinthian

pwurple wrote: »

Is "hired help" how you treat anyone who does something for you?

Hired help is how I treat anyone I pay money.

I think people could similarly have an "unpleasant taste" in their mouths if they were treating their parents like an unpaid slave.

Did I say there is no recompense? No quid pro quo? That one presumes assistance and gives nothing in return?

No I didn't and my post was not so long that you could have missed that. So respond to what I posted or don't pretend that you are responding to what I posted.

pwurple

The Corinthian wrote: »

Did I say there is no recompense? No quid pro quo? That one presumes assistance and gives nothing in return?

You may think buying a bunch of flowers of cutting the grass does it for an invaluable assistance, but my parents are hale and hearty in their 50's. They don't need that kind of assistance from me or anyone else. What she is missing by providing this for me, is an income. So I compensate for that.

No I didn't and my post was not so long that you could have missed that. So respond to what I posted or don't pretend that you are responding to what I posted.

LOL, get down off the high horse there. You have said, and I quote...

"just wrong."
"turns my stomach"
"treat them the same way as some hired help"
"leaves an unpleasant taste in my mouth."

You're insulting a whole lot of people there, so you can expect to be called out on it.

The Corinthian

pwurple wrote: »

You may think buying a bunch of flowers of cutting the grass does it for an invaluable assistance, but my parents are hale and hearty in their 50's.

Where did I suggest a bunch of flowers? Putting more words in my mouth?

You're insulting a whole lot of people there, so you can expect to be called out on it.

Call me out on what I've posted, not what you keep on inventing, is my response to you.

Diamond Doll

Our son is in creche, and his grandparents are all working themselves or else too far away for this to be an option for us.

I think it depends really on the circumstances. In pwurple's case, where her mother would probably be working otherwise, I think it's completely understandable that she be compensated financially.

I know - if it were practical for my son to be minded by his grandparents - I'd feel quite strongly about paying them at least a nominal weekly fee. I wouldn't expect to pay them as much as I'd pay a childminder outside of the family, but it wouldn't sit right with me that I'm limiting the use of their time, and asking them to be available every single day when I'm at work, without compensating them in some way.

Then again I know (if this were an option) my own parents would be very reluctant to accept payment from us, when they know that we struggle financially, whereas they have savings and income and no mortgage/rent to worry about. If anything, if they did accept payment from us, I imagine they'd only end up putting the money into a credit union for him when he's older, or something like that!

It really is such an individual decision, there are so many factors that'll vary from family to family. OP are you the parent or the grandparent in this case?

Orion

OK folks - calm down a bit. It was a simple question in the OP - no need for slagging matches

anncoates

My mother isn't retired yet but she'll loves minding our kids whenever we need it and she's very close to them.

If it became a formal, daily situation, I doubt she'd accept money (although I don't know for sure) but I'd personally be a little aghast at the thought that just as she reaches retirement - after raising three children and working - that she's suddenly expected to become an unpaid childminder in her late 60s/early 70s.

Each to their own obviously and I'm sure there's very warranted situations such a financial difficulty for the parents and so on.

elly123

My mam and MIL look after my son, MIL takes him every Sunday night for a sleep over and minds him on a Monday, he is also in creche 3 mornings a week so at most my mam would only ever have him for one full day 8am to 5pm and then 3 half days 2-5pm. some weeks she doesn't have him at all as my husband works shift. Both sets of parents don't take payment but like other posters have said we buy them really nice gifts at Xmas and birthdays. Every so often we would give them money to get their hair done etc, we pay for my mams flights to go away once a year also. or at least offer to pay if she is planning on going away. We are both in full time employment with decent salaries but would struggle financially if we hadn't got our parents help. Neither parents would take payment but we wish we could afford to give them more than we do.

mordeith

This whole thread is getting on my tits. Anyone who can have their children's grandparents look after them (paid or not) should be grateful. You don't have to worry about about handing your child over to a non relative who you can only hope will look after your child with love and responsibility.

Jjiipp79

This is my last post on this thread, and I want to say... Anyone who does not pay their parents are just free loading on them and really has zero respect.

Out!

Diamond Doll

Jjiipp79 wrote: »

This is my last post on this thread, and I want to say... Anyone who does not pay their parents are just free loading on them and really has zero respect.

Out!

Bit pointless and cowardly to make a controversial statement like that and then refuse to stay around to defend it.

Everyone's circumstances are different.

FactCheck

The Corinthian wrote: »

And TBH, looking at how northern Europeans treat their parents in old age, compared to southern Europeans, the bookkeeping mentality doesn't seem to be a healthy one.

Wait, what? I'm afraid you have reality back to front here. Northern Europe is the best place in the world to be elderly.

The full UN project referred to in that article can be found here. We find Italy languishing in 39th place, behind all of northern Europe, save a couple of ex-Communist states, and, er, Mauritius. Non è un paese per vecchi?

Southern Europeans stay in fairly decent health (generally put down to a superior diet, not greater attention from offspring) but by every other metric they are much, much worse off than their northern cousins.

Orion

Jjiipp79 wrote: »

This is my last post on this thread, and I want to say... Anyone who does not pay their parents are just free loading on them and really has zero respect.

Out!

It'll be your last post on this forum if you make any uncivil and judgemental remarks like that again.

Please don't respond to this post folks - it's just not worth it.

Riverireland

Just out of curiosity to the posters who buy a really nice present in lieu of payment for the grandparents at Christmas, how much does this present generally cost you?

Another question is it generally the grandmother rather than the grandfather that does the minding?

Not making any judgements just see a lot of grandmothers around pushing buggies these days who seem to be struggling.