Paying a grandparent

Riverireland

This little piggy wrote: »

Bit pointless and cowardly to make a controversial statement like that and then refuse to stay around to defend it.

Everyone's circumstances are different.

I disagree. Sometimes a poster wants to make a point without entering into a prolonged discussion about it. Fair enough IMO once it's not abusive.

Sligo1

Riverireland wrote: »

Just out of curiosity to the posters who buy a really nice present in lieu of payment for the grandparents at Christmas, how much does this present generally cost you?

Another question is it generally the grandmother rather than the grandfather that does the minding?

Not making any judgements just see a lot of grandmothers around pushing buggies these days who seem to be struggling.

A Chanel handbag or something similar for Xmas ... Will also get vouchers for manicures and pedicures etc (€120 for a mani and pedi voucher). Numerous things throughout the year. She won't take payment. And I prefer her looking after our kids than a stranger. Going to go daycare route soon 2 days per week. But mum will still be minding one day per week.

Sligo1

mordeith wrote: »

This whole thread is getting on my tits. Anyone who can have their children's grandparents look after them (paid or not) should be grateful. You don't have to worry about about handing your child over to a non relative who you can only hope will look after your child with love and responsibility.

I agree with this. However... Has anyone said they are not grateful?

lazygal

Sligo1 wrote: »

A Chanel handbag or something similar for Xmas ... Will also get vouchers for manicures and pedicures etc (€120 for a mani and pedi voucher). Numerous things throughout the year. She won't take payment. And I prefer her looking after our kids than a stranger. Going to go daycare route soon 2 days per week. But mum will still be minding one day per week.

Chanel handbag is a very nice present at about €3.5k for a 2.55!

We have a slightly different arrangement where my parents don't mind them but they will attend my mother's Montessori which she doesn't charge us for. The ECCE scheme covers one year and when we don't pay we gift her dinners out and vouchers as I know she wouldn't take cash. Occassional babysitting for a few hours once a month I'd see as part of helping out family rather than something that needs to be 'paid' for.

Riverireland

Sligo1 wrote: »

A Chanel handbag or something similar for Xmas ... Will also get vouchers for manicures and pedicures etc (€120 for a mani and pedi voucher). Numerous things throughout the year. She won't take payment. And I prefer her looking after our kids than a stranger. Going to go daycare route soon 2 days per week. But mum will still be minding one day per week.

Of course you prefer her looking after your kids, who wouldn't. I also agree that many grandmothers (haven't seen many grandfathers pushing buggy a) enjoy the experience. My thoughts would be if child care would cost 12k per child per year then the gift value to the grand parent should be at least 6k. That is just my opinion though.

Sligo1

Riverireland wrote: »

Of course you prefer her looking after your kids, who wouldn't. I also agree that many grandmothers (haven't seen many grandfathers pushing buggy a) enjoy the experience. My thoughts would be if child care would cost 12k per child per year then the gift value to the grand parent should be at least 6k. That is just my opinion though.

well that would also depend on the frequency and duration of the childcare arrangement however. I very much doubt there are many grandparents looking after their grandchildren full time 5 days per week. most here seem to be 1 or 2 days per week, some perhaps 3. that is definitely no where near 12k. And that 12k is not really a great estimate either. It would depend on the ages of the child/children and also where in Ireland they were living. A creche for exapmple in Sligo would be whistling if they thought they would get 12K a year for minding a child full time i think....

Sligo1

lazygal wrote: »

Chanel handbag is a very nice present at about €3.5k for a 2.55!

lol... What can i say... I love my mum . Never bought her one for 3.5K tho... usually about 1k. :pac:

Riverireland

Sligo1 wrote: »

well that would also depend on the frequency and duration of the childcare arrangement however. I very much doubt there are many grandparents looking after their grandchildren full time 5 days per week. most here seem to be 1 or 2 days per week, some perhaps 3. that is definitely no where near 12k. And that 12k is not really a great estimate either. It would depend on the ages of the child/children and also where in Ireland they were living. A creche for exapmple in Sligo would be whistling if they thought they would get 12K a year for minding a child full time i think....

In North Kildare/Dublin there seem to be quite a lot doing it full time. A good crèche here costs approx 12-14 hundred per month.

This discussion came up among a group of our friends a few weeks ago. All but one of us were adamant we would babysit grandchildren when the came along but on an occasional basis rather than a full time regular thing. We're all looking forward to spending our older years in the sun, maybe optimistically:)

Sligo1

€1400 for a full time position in a creche in Kildare for one child???!!! Jesus!!

Diamond Doll

Sligo1 wrote: »

€1400 for a full time position in a creche in Kildare for one child???!!! Jesus!!

I find it hard to believe. €1,100 is about the max I've ever heard of even in Dublin.

lazygal

I have heard of €1,200 a month in Dublin, but that was for quite a long day, 7.30 am to 6.30 pm, all meals and nappies etc included. When I looked into creches, it was between €850-€1100 a month full time for one child, and siblings usually got some sort of discount.

Riverireland

This little piggy wrote: »

I find it hard to believe. €1,100 is about the max I've ever heard of even in Dublin.

Well that's what we paid in 2004. Top class crèche though and height of the boom. Maybe prices have dropped since.

Sligo1

Riverireland wrote: »

Well that's what we paid in 2004. Top class crèche though and height of the boom. Maybe prices have dropped since.

That may have been Celtic tiger prices I think...

Riverireland

Sligo1 wrote: »

That may have been Celtic tiger prices I think...

Quite possibly, have heard some crèches are struggling now as so much unemployment.

Would like to know though do those of you whose parents mind your kids now plan on doing the same for your grandchildren in the future? No judgement here just curious as it's a road we are not planning on going down.

lazygal

Prices have definitely dropped since 2004 and a good few places have dropped them to fill spaces left vacant when people lost jobs or had pay cuts. I know a lot of people drop out of creche use when they have their second child and go the au pair or minder route. We're probably paying a little less to have our children minded in their home than we would to a creche.


Anecdotally a lot of creches that offer Montessori or preschool programmes don't have the best set up for them and I was shocked by what passed for 'Montessori' rooms in some of them. If I had used a creche I'd have finished up before the ECCE year and looked into getting a minder to collect them from school instead.

lazygal

Riverireland wrote: »

Quite possibly, have heard some crèches are struggling now as so much unemployment.

Would like to know though do those of you whose parents mind your kids now plan on doing the same for your grandchildren in the future? No judgement here just curious as it's a road we are not planning on going down.

I'd do what my parents do, which is occasional babysitting for a night out or a dig out when we need an hour or two during the week. I won't be full time minding when I'm a grandparent, hopefully me and himself will be too busy enjoying retirement! Not only that, but children are tiring. I can't imagine having the energy for smallies when I'm a grandparent. My parents are young enough but they're the first to say the children, while lovely to be around, wear them out.

Riverireland

lazygal wrote: »

Prices have definitely dropped since 2004 and a good few places have dropped them to fill spaces left vacant when people lost jobs or had pay cuts. I know a lot of people drop out of creche use when they have their second child and go the au pair or minder route. We're probably paying a little less to have our children minded in their home than we would to a creche.


Anecdotally a lot of creches that offer Montessori or preschool programmes don't have the best set up for them and I was shocked by what passed for 'Montessori' rooms in some of them. If I had used a creche I'd have finished up before the ECCE year and looked into getting a minder to collect them from school instead.

Huge variation in crèches back then, and much better to have a family member looking after your children of that is an option.

Knowing a few sets of grandparents who child mind and others who don't the ones who don't look sooo much happier and younger and seem to have a great life. The ones who do look wrecked. Again just my observation.

Riverireland

lazygal wrote: »

I'd do what my parents do, which is occasional babysitting for a night out or a dig out when we need an hour or two during the week. I won't be full time minding when I'm a grandparent, hopefully me and himself will be too busy enjoying retirement! Not only that, but children are tiring. I can't imagine having the energy for smallies when I'm a grandparent. My parents are young enough but they're the first to say the children, while lovely to be around, wear them out.

Yeah, that is the way we see it too. Will be nice to have small ones around again, as visitors 😊

lazygal

Riverireland wrote: »

Huge variation in crèches back then, and much better to have a family member looking after your children of that is an option.

Knowing a few sets of grandparents who child mind and others who don't the ones who don't look sooo much happier and younger and seem to have a great life. The ones who do look wrecked. Again just my observation.

I don't think its always better to have a family member looking after children. There's good and bad in every setup. I know I wouldn't be much good looking after my own children full time if I didn't have any other choice. I agree that some grandparents look wrecked from looking after grandchildren full time. My mum would say the same about some of her friends. And from what they say, they seem to have been guilted into it by their adult children rather than it being a freely chosen option. I know someone who left three children, one of which was a six month old baby, with grandparents for a week while they and their partner went on holiday. No way will I ever do that for my children, and I wouldn't expect it from my parents. We were sent to creches as babies, then preschool and a child minder. Family care wasn't an option.

Riverireland

lazygal wrote: »

I don't think its always better to have a family member looking after children. There's good and bad in every setup. I know I wouldn't be much good looking after my own children full time if I didn't have any other choice. I agree that some grandparents look wrecked from looking after grandchildren full time. My mum would say the same about some of her friends. And from what they say, they seem to have been guilted into it by their adult children rather than it being a freely chosen option. I know someone who left three children, one of which was a six month old baby, with grandparents for a week while they and their partner went on holiday. No way will I ever do that for my children, and I wouldn't expect it from my parents. We were sent to creches as babies, then preschool and a child minder. Family care wasn't an option.

You're right I should have said often rather than always!

Orion

Riverireland wrote: »

I disagree. Sometimes a poster wants to make a point without entering into a prolonged discussion about it. Fair enough IMO once it's not abusive.

If you want to make a point you should be able to defend it and not just go home with your footbal. And it was abusive. That said - the poster in question has now been sitebanned for persistent trolling so cannot reply to this so let's drop the conversation about that post please.

pwurple

Riverireland wrote: »

Would like to know though do those of you whose parents mind your kids now plan on doing the same for your grandchildren in the future? No judgement here just curious as it's a road we are not planning on going down.

Really depends on the situation.

Whether I'm still working or not, my age, what condition I'm in etc. I've no desire to stop working at the moment. Maybe when I'm 70? Dunno. Might even be great-grandkids at that stage!

My children may not settle in this country... None of my siblings with children do.

I'd give a hand if I was able and available, and they were nearby. It's certainly great to have that relationship, and to make sure children have loads of exposure to multiple generations. Full-time childminder though, no way jose. I don't think that would be any good for either me, or the children in question. Part time max.

Sligo1

+1 pwurple.

I wouldn't let my mum look after my child/children if she looked exhausted. Noway to that.

However, I've just come home from my days work to find my mum who was looking after the kids today putting a pair of pants on my son to ask me if he could go to hers for an hour to see his new train set. This is after Her looking after them today! She insisted so I said ok. No sign of a tired nana here at all. We are very lucky. I love my mum .

Diamond Doll

Sligo1 wrote: »

+1 pwurple.

I wouldn't let my mum look after my child/children if she looked exhausted. Noway to that.

However, I've just come home from my days work to find my mum who was looking after the kids today putting a pair of pants on my son to ask me if he could go to hers for an hour to see his new train set. This is after Her looking after them today! She insisted so I said ok. No sign of a tired nana here at all. We are very lucky. I love my mum .

May I borrow her please?

angeldelight

Finding this very interesting - my dad has just retired and I'm hoping he might mind our little girl. It'll only be one day a week most weeks with some overtime on some weeks. I don't know how to ask though because I don't want him to feel obliged! If he doesn't want to be paid I think I'll put aside what I would have paid him each week and use it for something big for him

anncoates

Being honest here. If I'm lucky enough to ever have grandchildren I can't wait to play a part in their lives: babysitting, quality time together etc.

Unless, obviously, there's some mitigating factor like financial difficulties on the part of my kids, I'm not sure that translates to looking after them full time when I'm retired though.

Sligo1

anncoates wrote: »

Being honest here. If I'm lucky enough to ever have grandchildren I can't wait to play a part in their lives: babysitting, quality time together etc.

Unless, obviously, there's some mitigating factor like financial difficulties on the part of my kids, I'm not sure that translates to looking after them full time when I'm retired though.

Not a hope I would look after my grandchildren full time when I'm retired. I find it tiring enough with my own children. I'd like to think I'd be avaliable to mind 1-2 days per week tho... Unless I'm off doing a world cruise (which I must talk my husband into!!!).

mordeith

Sligo1 wrote: »

Not a hope I would look after my grandchildren full time when I'm retired. I find it tiring enough with my own children. I'd like to think I'd be avaliable to mind 1-2 days per week tho... Unless I'm off doing a world cruise (which I must talk my husband into!!!).

I'm with Sligo on this one (especially the cruise bit!)

zeffabelli

Sligo1 wrote: »

Not a hope I would look after my grandchildren full time when I'm retired. I find it tiring enough with my own children. I'd like to think I'd be avaliable to mind 1-2 days per week tho... Unless I'm off doing a world cruise (which I must talk my husband into!!!).

I think for me it would depend on the circumstances, like if the child had only one parent, then yes I would do what I could to give the child a standing chance of getting out of poverty, as long I was not an elderly cripple or something like that.

It would be hard for me to stand by, watch the struggle and do nothing.

elly123

I would definitely take care of my grandchildren, should i be lucky enough to have them. I suppose it all depends on the circumstances. We are very lucky with the help of our parents and i would definitely do the same for my child. In our situation, its mainly my mam that minds my son as my dad works. Both my MIL & FIL look after him when they are minding him as they only usually have him on a Monday & my FIL doesn't work Mondays.

We are talking about having a second baby, at the minute the cost of childcare is the main reason we are delaying a second as its tough financially with one going to creche only 3 mornings a week, we couldn't afford to pay for two. So baby no.2 is on hold until we are in a position that we do not have to rely on our parents as much as we do now.