TTC after misacrriage

Penny Dreadful

73trix wrote: »

How are you getting on Penny? I'm CD17 now and have all the signs of ovulating today or tomorrow. Bang on my average so don't see any change to my cycle. Will be glad to hop into the 2WW as it's been hard getting into the mood this cycle but we are getting stuck in and determined to do our best to conceive again asap.

I'm in the horrors to be honest. It would seem that my body is all over the place in terms of hormones and the like.
As I said previously I thought I got my period on July 15th and did all of the ovulation testing at the correct time, etc etc. The ovulation kit said I was in high fertility from July 22nd until August 7th but never hit a peak. Clearly that can't be right. Then to add further confusion I aslo got (what I think is) my period again on August 6th.

I was very emotional so it could have been PMS and so this is a genuine period. At this stage who hell knows.

The miscarriage is weighing heavily on my mind these last few days too.

brokensoul

Penny Dreadful wrote: »

I'm in the horrors to be honest. It would seem that my body is all over the place in terms of hormones and the like.
As I said previously I thought I got my period on July 15th and did all of the ovulation testing at the correct time, etc etc. The ovulation kit said I was in high fertility from July 22nd until August 7th but never hit a peak. Clearly that can't be right. Then to add further confusion I aslo got (what I think is) my period again on August 6th.

I was very emotional so it could have been PMS and so this is a genuine period. At this stage who hell knows.

The miscarriage is weighing heavily on my mind these last few days too.

Ah, I am so sorry to hear that pet.

Haven't even begun to think about ttc post miscarriage yet but I know it will be tough to face.

All I can offer is a virtual *hug*

dreamstar

brokensoul wrote:

All I can offer is a virtual *hug*

Me too penny. Hope you're OK. Your body has been through a lot. Be patient.

Penny Dreadful

brokensoul wrote: »

Ah, I am so sorry to hear that pet.

Haven't even begun to think about ttc post miscarriage yet but I know it will be tough to face.

All I can offer is a virtual *hug*

dreamstar wrote: »

Me too penny. Hope you're OK. Your body has been through a lot. Be patient.

Thanks guys. I guess I am being impatient (true to form) with myself and my body. It has been through a lot since giving birth.
I had issues with the placenta immediately after giving birth that were awful, worse than labour, and that got dragged on for months. It culminated with me refusing to leave the hospital until it was sorted out and so that required a D&C before Christmas.
Then I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis which is less than ideal.
Then I was pregnant and delighted to be but we know how that turned out.
Another D&C later and I have a flare up of the RA at the minute which is draining to say the least.
Throw in the emotional upheaval and a side order of back to work in September and you bake yourself a cake of "arrggghhh".

It will pass, the bad days still only get to have 24 hours in them, no extra allowed.
My little girl is fabulous and as always a little kiss or hug from her works wonders.

dreamstar

Penny Dreadful wrote:

Thanks guys. I guess I am being impatient (true to form) with myself and my body. It has been through a lot since giving birth. I had issues with the placenta immediately after giving birth that were awful, worse than labour, and that got dragged on for months. It culminated with me refusing to leave the hospital until it was sorted out and so that required a D&C before Christmas. Then I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis which is less than ideal. Then I was pregnant and delighted to be but we know how that turned out. Another D&C later and I have a flare up of the RA at the minute which is draining to say the least. Throw in the emotional upheaval and a side order of back to work in September and you bake yourself a cake of "arrggghhh".

Wow - that is a LOT to go through. You're going through enough without the RA flaring up. I like what you said though. Just get through each day as it comes!

Penny Dreadful

As everyone here has been so lovely and kind I thought I should post that I seem to have hit my wall (last week) and reached the worst point. Now I seem to be feeling better.
I suppose you have to hit that wall, recognise it for what it is, allow that to happen and then pick yourself up again and put the pieces back together again.

I think I'll go for the not trying but not preventing method of ttc for the next little while. It should be less head melting than using the OPKs (for conception, I'm still going to track my cycle though), watching bodily changes and temping and all that jazz.
If I get pregnant then that will be fantastic. If it takes longer then hopefully the time out from focused ttc will allow some space for an emotional time out.

On a positive note, I was back in work yesterday to meet with my boss and discuss my return to work after my maternity leave. He was very understanding when I told him about what's happened since my daughter was born and is happy to facilitate a more flexible working week for me until I get my RA under control.
I hadn't expected that as when I left things were very adversarial so it was a pleasent surprise to get.

73trix

Penny Dreadful wrote: »

As everyone here has been so lovely and kind I thought I should post that I seem to have hit my wall (last week) and reached the worst point. Now I seem to be feeling better.
I suppose you have to hit that wall, recognise it for what it is, allow that to happen and then pick yourself up again and put the pieces back together again.

I think I'll go for the not trying but not preventing method of ttc for the next little while. It should be less head melting than using the OPKs (for conception, I'm still going to track my cycle though), watching bodily changes and temping and all that jazz.
If I get pregnant then that will be fantastic. If it takes longer then hopefully the time out from focused ttc will allow some space for an emotional time out.

On a positive note, I was back in work yesterday to meet with my boss and discuss my return to work after my maternity leave. He was very understanding when I told him about what's happened since my daughter was born and is happy to facilitate a more flexible working week for me until I get my RA under control.
I hadn't expected that as when I left things were very adversarial so it was a pleasent surprise to get.

Good for you Penny. Great attitude. Best wishes down the ttc tracks.

Penny Dreadful

73trix wrote: »

Good for you Penny. Great attitude. Best wishes down the ttc tracks.

Thanks. I had a really emotional week / ten days and I was astonished at how much I felt everything, how simply fed up I was with all the stuff that has happened since giving birth and decided to be honest with myself and my family and friends about it.
I'm a deamon for being "grand" even though I'm feeling awful. So I thought, you know what, it's ok to be sad, it's a legitimate emotion, especially now and rather than be "grand" I wad honest and said, I'm having a hard time. It will pass but right now I'm finding it tough.

Everyone was lovely (if a little shocked) and it helped massively. The worst of it is over now I think and I just thought it was ok to be nice to myself, hopefully the ttc will be easier and less stressful than previous times (wouldn't be hard would it!).

All going well this time next year we'll be chatting in another thread about how our very little ones are keeping us up all night and their siblings are being the best big brother/ sister ever.

Hannibal Smith

Hey Penny, just checked in here wondering how you were doing. The ups and downs are really tough. Im glad this thread is here so you can post about it and talk about it. I think because its one of those life events that no one talks about you think you shouldnt feel sad because you think no one else did.

Its probably the saddest thing that Ive ever experienced, not on a par with some of the experiences you hear about, but your heart breaks nonetheless.

Hope the brightness stays around you for a while and glad to hear your boss took at least one of your stresses away.

Penny Dreadful

Got a BFP (x2) this morning. So happy but also scared to get my hopes up this time again.

goldenhoarde

Penny Dreadful wrote: »

Got a BFP (x2) this morning. So happy but also scared to get my hopes up this time again.

be happy you deserve it

brokensoul

Penny Dreadful wrote: »

Got a BFP (x2) this morning. So happy but also scared to get my hopes up this time again.

Brilliant news Penny - delighted for you.

73trix

brokensoul wrote: »

Brilliant news Penny - delighted for you.

Huge congrats Penny! Xx

brokensoul

Had my baseline scan this morning, no cysts or other nasty surprises so once my period arrives I will be starting a FET cycle.

Excited and terrified!

Penny Dreadful

brokensoul wrote: »

Had my baseline scan this morning, no cysts or other nasty surprises so once my period arrives I will be starting a FET cycle.

Excited and terrified!

It's wonderfully exciting, will keep everything crossed for you.

brokensoul

A friend of mine posted a thing on facebook for world miscarriage and infant loss day

"There is no set of footprints so small that they cannot leave their imprint upon the world"

I think it is beautiful and sad in equal measures.