Losing virginity

LegacyUser

I'm 17 and have just kissed one person. I've started talking to someone and he wants to meet up to have sex. It started out as just texting, then flirting and suddenly we were talking about actually having sex. He is also a virgin and knows that I have only ever kissed a boy. He keeps asking me if I'm sure and says we will take it slow.

I'm just not sure what to do. I'm shy and don't really talk to any lads, so I think that maybe my first time would be in college and I wouldn't be in a relationship anyway, so it's the same as me doing it now as either way it's a once off thing.

But would I regret not waiting until I'm going out with someone I actually like? Especially because I haven't any experience with the opposite sex at all, maybe I would regret throwing all that away.

We don't live that close to each other so he would come down someday. I know I would feel guilty telling him that I wasn't ready after him travelling to do it. We probably won't talk to each other after it either.

I'm not in any rush. Sometimes I think I want to but other times I'm not sure, but that's probably because I'm nervous. Maybe if I went through with it, it would be easier later with someone I like.

Any advice or experience?

PirateShampoo

You're only 17, you've got all the time in the world, I didn't lose mine until I was 19.

Don't sleep with this guy, he sounds like a prat anyways, plus you don't even like him and you will regret it all your life.

Wait till you meet someone you actually like and the whole experience will be 100% more enjoyable for you.

retro:electro

If you have to ask then you're not ready. There's no rush, it's not a race. Don't do anything you're not comfortable with.

bp

Wait a little longer. I was 19 and dated the guy for six months first. Go out dancing, have fun and kiss on the dance floor but I would hold off sleeping with that bloke.

He says he's a virgin but I could be a 70 year old man, 12 year old girl etc (I am neither but you get my point). You don't know who people are online...trust me I learned that one the hard way

CaraMay

I would definitely wait until you meet someone you adore. Just because the guy wants to have sex doesbt mean you have to comply. The best advice you will ever get is to be very choosy about your sexual partners. If you start, at 17, letting guys like this use you then it's setting up a negative pattern. Value yourself and be very very choosy about who you sleep with.

Flippyfloppy

I think you'll really regret it if you lose your virginity in some sort of booty call situation. Getting naked and doing something so intimate with someone should be more special than that, you should definitely like them. It's not what sex should be about.

mapaca

Why the big hurry? You are 17, heading to college, you will soon have any number of fellas to pick and choose from. This guy is not the last man left on earth :-)
In any case, if you haven't actually met him in person, you don't know if you actually like him or fancy him.
Bottom line - don't be pressured into doing anything you're not sure about or not comfortable with.

LLMMML

I personally am not a fan of the idea that you must be choosy, or if you have sex with a guy that just wants sex then you've been "used". You obviously have thought about this and any decision is your decision.

So while I don't think virginity is something special that MUST be saved for the "right guy", I also don't think its a burden that must be gotten rid of just for the sake of it. Which is what it sounds like you'd be doing. You don't seem to want to have sex, you want to lose your virginity.

I'd wait until you meet someone you actually want to have sex with.

Also get on the pill and make sure whoever you eventually sleep with uses a condom.

Neyite

Have you met him in real life? Are you attracted to him?

At the very least, you need to at least fancy him. If not, sex will be awful, even if he does all the right things. Virginity shouldn't be a burden, but I don't think it's some massive gift to bestow either. It's a milestone in your life. Just like any other 'first time' it will always be something you look back on, so you should ensure that its with someone that YOU want to have sex with, whether it's in the context of a relationship , a fling or a one night stand. But it should be because you want it, not because some lad is desperate to lose his cherry and you are a means to an end for him to do that.

Here's a little secret: your first time isn't going to be that great. The first few times won't be either. In every conversation I've ever had or heard, that's the general consensus.

If you don't feel ready, then don't do it. One of the most important things you're going to need to learn in life is that you need to stand your ground regardless of how anyone else would feel. If he's a decent person, he'll respect that. But I'm assuming he's around your age?

Also I don't think that it's fair to call him a prat, because, unless I'm missing something, there was nothing to suggest that in the OP. Again, I could be missing something, so I'm open to correction.

Personally - my first time was a drunken fumble with someone I didn't know. But it doesn't matter, because the first time shouldn't be this momentous occasion that people tend to make it out to be; feels like this puts far too much pressure and, 9 times out of 10, just leads to disappointment.