Poll for adopted people...

trixychic

Hi all,

The reason I am posting here today is because my oh was told a few yrs back that he has an older sister out there. He is 26 and she would be around 30 I think.

His mum never went further then finding out her name and where she was adopted to, for reasons only known to her. I have spoken to him a few times about it and one thing he has said to me is "what if she was really angry with us?"

Now it was a case of his mum didn't have a choice, with the times and the family. But I am just curious. If you were adopted and know it, and your bio family reached out... would you be angry??

afkasurfjunkie

I was contacted by my bio sister a year or two ago. She was adopted also. She tried to contact our bio mum but things never progressed. She then found out about me and made contact. I was delighted. I always wanted a sister!! I had often hoped my bio mum had settled down and had a family of her own. I'd never hold it against her. I've found out since that doesn't appear to be the case and I find that a bit sad.

trixychic

I'd always imagine that would be the case. I think the thing the scares him is maybe she doesn't know she was adopted, or maybe his mum doesn't want him to find her? But in case family is solo important. I was adopted by my dad but always stayed in touch with my bio dad. To me knowing that there are family out there is fantastic and I'd love to find her. Especially seeing as we have kids,... they could have cousins. Their 1st cousins. (We are both the eldest).

The_Conductor

My birthmum got married and had several children after me.
I contacted my birthmum.
They (the other children- my brothers and sisters) were angry.
I've not met them- after over 10 years- and am resigned to never meeting them.
I can see them on Facebook (they don't seem to know what privacy settings are)- so I can see pictures of them- and all my little nieces and nephews- and can see how they are and the various milestones in their lives. I can just never be part of it.

trixychic

The_Conductor wrote: »

My birthmum got married and had several children after me.
I contacted my birthmum.
They (the other children- my brothers and sisters) were angry.
I've not met them- after over 10 years- and am resigned to never meeting them.
I can see them on Facebook (they don't seem to know what privacy settings are)- so I can see pictures of them- and all my little nieces and nephews- and can see how they are and the various milestones in their lives. I can just never be part of it.

God I am so sorry. That is appalling to think they would be the angry ones. Beyond belief. I hope you find happiness in your own little family. Although I can imagine there is always a sense of longing.

This definitely wouldn't be the case here. If she is found I'd see her becoming very much part of the family... if it was what she wanted.

trixychic

Just a quick question actually. Can a sibling go in search of her instead of the mum or dad?? I don't know if it was a closed or open adoption but I know they found out where she went and what her name was. I've no further knowledge of the systems.

The_Conductor

Sure they can- if you have a look at the Adoption Ireland Traceguides which we host here, follow the steps outlined and it'll tell you how a sibling would proceed.